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jasonholborn
Reviews
You Might as Well Live (2009)
You Might As Well See It... hehehe
Too many Napoleon Dynamite references might get tired talking about this movie, but if you can picture a sequel written & directed by John Waters in which Napoleon is now 32, suicidally depressed, and falsely accused of pedophilia (but, in a funny way) before being chased full-frontal naked through town by an angry mob, that's how awesome-tastic this movie is. And that's just the first 10 minutes!
It's not a perfect 10; it achieves high on spectacle and average on truth. But wow... finally, a bunch of filmmakers who think life in Canada is cool and awful and funny and sucks just the same as it does everywhere else in the world, and who think Canadians are just as horrible and kind and despicable and silly as everybody else in the world.
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Speaking critically, it swaps tones cavalierly, and the easier jokes cut down the bite and sting of the much darker and fantastically awesomer comedy about Robert, a depressed loner groping blindly without any aid or support to overcome his confusion regarding his childhood sexual abuse at the hands (and mouth, probably) of his Cub Scout troop leader and next door neighbor, the odious, resolute, and sexually compelled Mr. Steinke.
The topic is never explicitly addressed (or maybe "implicitly expressed"?), but that's my read on it, and I think the screenplay has more than enough moments of proof to point out.
My interpretation: Robert is a gentleman and gentle man who's (whose?) life has been ruined because he had the great misfortune to be born next-door to Mr. Steinke. How could innocent little Robert have ever known that running through the lawn sprinkler would entice and seduce this trusted adult? Answer: HE COULDN'T HAVE! He's innocent and has done nothing wrong to deserve this bogeyman in his subconscious! Too gentle to be angry about the situation, Robert wrestles over and over to straighten out his life, but is constantly unsuccessful until the stronger, tougher, and more experienced Dixie, having been enchanted by Robert's innocence, kindness, and gallantry towards others, rushes in to save the day and pistol-whip the cuss out of the barbarian monster ravaging Robert's metaphorical countryside.
I wanted to title this post "The Funniest Movie About Childhood Sexual Abuse Ever Made", but I don't want to spoil people's pleasure in making up their own interpretation of this dark and sweet story and character. Check it out!
Ciao,
Jason Holborn
Two Front Teeth (2006)
The Santa Claws
On the Elf Daze of Christmas... cinematic true love gave to us - Two! Front! Teeth! Four tanks of fake blood, Three lethal nuns, Two karate Santas, and a black comedy about Christmasphobia!
Two Front Teeth is not for everyone, it's a low-budget labor of love with no recognizable names in it - but if you like horror movies, horror-comedy, and if you have an appreciation of Christmas (and Christmas specials) and movies made for love, it's worth checking out.
It's about an intrepid but neurotic tabloid reporter with a childhood-ingrained phobia of Christmas (picture Phoebe Cates in Gremlins as portrayed by Christopher Reeve or Bruce Campbell) whose worst fears come true when evil monsters start showing up one picturesque December. Jamie Nash is a pun-tastic writer and they're all over this movie (the conspiracy theory-laced holiday paper is called "The X-Mas Files", deadly-but-silent holiday warriors bill themselves as the Silent Knights, and just check out the title itself... it's about a vampire Santa Claus). Investigative reporting takes him and his girlfriend deeper and deeper into danger.
On a pretty modest budget, this flick pulls off martial arts stunts, terrific latex make-up, nifty little props (the Gingerbread Man-shaped GPS transmitter was a favorite but the newspaper was probably tops), buckets of blood, and animated "classic Christmas cartoon from childhood"-style flashbacks. If you dig a movie with a lot of love from every department in each scene, and if you like a b-movie homage to horror-comedy now and then, you might like this one.