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6/10
Enter The Moron (this is a good review)
11 October 2002
It's hard for me to review this movie without prejudice because to me, Chris Farley is the funniest person I have ever seen. Even though my adoration of the late comedian precludes me from giving a impartial rating of this movie, I can at least admit that this isn't one of his best efforts (I still loved this movie, it's just not my favourite Farley flick). Nevertheless, I'm going to take the easy way out and say: Come on, take it for what it is, a Chris Farley movie.

Farley plays Haru, an orphan adopted at birth by a clan of ninjas. He is raised under the pretenses that he is the Great White Ninja. Needless to say, his development is much anticipated by his teachers . Unfortunately, to the dismay of everyone, he grows up to be overweight and klutzy. While the ninja graduates are out celebrating, Haru finds himself alone at the retreat when a mysterious woman (Nicollette Sheridan) enters looking for help. Believing Haru to be a ninja, she hires him to spy on her boyfriend, an assignment he accepts with great enthusiasm. Hot on the boyfriend's trail, Haru witnesses a murder and eventually ends up in Beverly Hills. Surviving on dumb luck and a designated guardian ninja, Haru never gives up on his task.

Like I said before, this isn't Farley's greatest contribution to his comedic resume. But make no mistake, this is a funny movie. Farley's bread and butter is his propensity to bumble and stumble in any given situation - walking into poles, falling down stairs, crushing coffee tables, etc. Since his character is expected to be agile and sleek, the comedy in "Beverly Hills Ninja" is that much funnier. The exact same formula worked for Farley's SNL character Barney, the Chippendale's hopeful.

Many critics felt that, by this time, Farley was a one-trick-pony whose act had nothing more to offer than jokes involving head and groin injuries. Perhaps his choice in films were poor but to don't deny him the recognition of his talent is unfair. Watch the movie and you'll see Farley display all the qualities of a great comedian: intelligence, timing, pathos. He was a tremendous talent and I will miss him very much.
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5/10
Do a little dance, blah blah blah
9 October 2002
In this predictable romantic-comedy, Cameron Diaz plays the girl whose too afraid to get close to men. As many of her former dates will attest in a montage at the beginning of the movie, she's as beautiful and sexy as she is distant and vague. Because of her emotional shortcomings she has been unable to find her Mr.Right. Then one night at the bar she and the gals all frequent, Diaz bumps into the guy who could be the one. She's so convinced about his potential that she embarks on a road trip with her equally sassy buddy-ol'-pal Christina Applegate to go hunt him down.

A quick summary here about "The Sweetest Thing": a)the gags are lame b)the dialogue is whiny and c)Applegate has spectacular breasts. The writer(s) for this flick have gone the way of the gross-out humour, but unfortunately they just can't put it together the right way. Dumb stuff like the girls getting soaked in a public bathroom after a pipe bursts or Selma Blair getting her mouth caught on a certain part of her boyfriend's anatomy while performing a sex act. It just doesn't fly. They should have contacted the Herlihy Brothers for pointers.

My biggest problem with this movie - and excuse me if it sounds lame - is there's too much of Cameron Diaz dancing in it. I'm not kidding. She did the same crap in Charlie's Angels (even though that scene worked well for that particular movie). I don't want to see her dance unless she's extremely bad at it and enhances the comedy. Apparently, she's got it into her head that she's light on her feet and that she must incorporate 'bustin' a move' into all her movies. For those unfamiliar, this is commonly known as "Tony Danza Syndrome". (Remember when Danza got it into his head that the dancing world had missed the boat on him and the next thing you know is we have to see him shuffle every week on "Who's The Boss". Give it up people, no one cares about your hidden talents. And I do stress the word "hidden". Sorry, end of rant.)

Diaz is irritating, Applegate is alright and Blair is...whatever. And I don't get Thomas Jane, who plays Diaz's love interest. He starts off as an appealing character and then heads for a downward spiral. At first he's witty and confident and then he regresses into a, well, boring loser. That didn't make sense to me. The funniest person in this movie, surprisingly enough, is the usually annoying Jason Bateman. His version of The Bangles "Eternal Flame" in the wedding scene was the funniest thing about the movie.

I hate to say it folks but the sweetest thing about this movie is that you didn't pay full price for it at the theatres.
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In-Laws (2002–2003)
Not bad, but can the joke last?
28 September 2002
I caught the series premiere of this show and I have to admit it wasn't too bad. I'm just wondering if the over-used Mike Stivic-Archie Bunker dynamic can survive. In any event, it's worth a shot to give this show a chance, especially when Dennis Farina is on-board.
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8 Simple Rules (2002–2005)
Spectacularly unfunny
28 September 2002
The first episode of this show was so bad I turned it off within five minutes. All I saw was this arrogant, cocky kid coming to pick up Ritter's daughter for a date only to have John give him a Robo-dad warning that was so threatening that it made the kid bolt. First of all, it wasn't funny and second, even if it was it wouldn't be believable because John Ritter is about as intimidating as a girl guide. You're better off watching a Simpson's rerun because this show sucks.
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Yes, Dear (2000–2006)
Good time-slot, that's about it
28 September 2002
If this show wasn't sandwiched between the hilarious King of Queens and the time-tested Raymond, it would be so dead in the water. There is nothing redeeming about any of these characters. Anthony Clark's character is annoying, Jean Louisa Kelly is totally unfunny, their in-laws that live with them have no self-respect and the kids are completely irritating. The best way to describe this show is as a poseur-comedy. It hangs around with the big boys but it's obvious that it has no right to.
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Zoolander (2001)
Stiller and Wilson are great together
28 September 2002
A hilarious, ridiculous comedy that does a great job of poking fun at celebrity. Ben Stiller seems to think that fame is rather silly and he shows his contempt for it in the form of male super-model Derek Zoolander. The intellect-challenged, self-absorbed Zoolander pouts, struts and mispronounces wonderfully throughout this comedy that's aimed at being stupid.

The "plot-line" begins when Derek is targeted by a clandestine fashion alliance in need of a dim-witted, male super-model. Fitting the bill to a tee, Derek is brainwashed via a Clockwork-Orange-esque treatment that orders him to kill the visiting Prime Minister of Malaysia, whose progressive take on child-labour laws and sweatshops has become a serious thorn in the side of the fashion cartel. Whenever Derek hears "Relax" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, that's his trigger to kill the Prime Minister.

Some movies try so hard at being ridiculous that it actually kills its comedic value (see "Scary Movie" and "Scary Movie 2"). It's quite a feat to maintain a balance, which Zoolander accomplishes.

You'll either love or hate this movie. If you like silly, you'll like Zoolander. Also, I found that this movie gets better with age, so don't be so quick to cast it aside.
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Notting Hill (1999)
8/10
Sweet story with some really good laughs
21 September 2002
Guys, before you start pouting that this looks like your typical chick-flick, check your testosterone at the door and sit down and watch a pretty good little movie. Yes, this is a romance but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate it. There are a lot of laughs and a very plausible story-line, which steers clear of the saccharine. Grant and Roberts have a good chemistry that translates well onto the screen. Watch for Grant's roommate, who steals the movie.
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In the Custody of Strangers (1982 TV Movie)
8/10
Effective cautionary tale
20 September 2002
I could see this movie being shown to high school kids as a warning about the evils of juvenile delinquency. The downward spiral of Estevez's character Danny begins when he is arrested for drunk driving. Rather than going down to the station to release his son, Danny's father (real-life dad Martin Sheen) tells the police to let him spend the night in jail so to teach him a lesson. While Danny is sitting in his cell, a neighbor prisoner attempts to assault him but is thwarted and severely beaten by the teenager. This incident begins a domino effect as Danny's night in jail turns into years of incarceration.
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10/10
Fantastic story; Incredible action
5 September 2002
I wasn't really looking forward to watching Luc Besson's "The Professional" the first time I put it on. I thought his hit "La Femme Nikita" was over-rated. But after watching the opening scene of "The Professional", I gained a new respect for Besson.

The movie's central character is Leon (played brilliantly by Jean Reno), a hit-man who runs his professional and personal life with little - if any - emotion. He lives a paranoid existence - he shuffles desperately through crowds in an attempt to remain unnoticed and has his gun nearby when he sleeps, which he does while sitting down.

Leon's world changes when he decides to help Mathilda, the 12-year-old girl (Natalie Portman, in her film debut) who lives in the apartment next to him. While out picking up groceries, Mathilda's family is murdered by corrupt DEA agents paying retribution to her drug-dealing father. When she returns, a lookout man is watching the door to her family's apartment but she still manages to see the dead bodies inside. Pretending to be the neighbour, she walks by the carnage and proceeds to knock on Leon's door and, in one of the most suspenseful scenes in the movie, he decides to let her in.

Initially, Leon provides little support to the orphan Mathilda but she informs him that since he saved her, she is now his responsibility. When she discovers that he is a "cleaner", she takes this as a sign that she must become his student and will use her newly taught skills to kill Norman Stansfield (Gary Oldman), the man behind her family's murder. It turns out to be a mutual apprenticeship - he teaches her how to kill and how to be a lady and she teaches him how to read and how to have fun - and they develop a father-daughter-like bond.

"The Professional" combines a fantastic story-line with incredible action scenes, no mean feat for this particular genre. Jean Reno and Natalie Portman are so natural together they make the premise of a hit-man training a twelve year-old believable. My one problem with the movie is Gary Oldman, who chews the scenery so much with his villain role that he almost turns it into a cartoon character. However, the film is strong enough to overcome Oldman's antics.

It's apparent that Besson somewhere other than Hollywood because he doesn't sell out with a perfect ending. It's gutsy, yet touching. Rent it and you'll see.
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2/10
Terrible
27 August 2002
Further proof that Freddie Prinze has no right to put down 'Actor' on his resume. This movie has a half-decent cast that are unable to do anything with this awful script. Sometimes you can watch a comedy with a predictable story but still enjoy it because its funny. This one is predictable and incredibly unfunny. Prinze, of course is a write-off but Claire Forlani, Jason Biggs and Amanda Detmer are usually solid actors. Forlani looks embarrassed to be there, Biggs can't pull off the lovable loser he aced in the American Pie series and Detmer comes off whiny and pathetic.

I don't know why Prinze gets any roles but he definitely deserved this one. If you see this movie in the video store, walk on by.
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1/10
Freddie is craptacular
27 August 2002
I think video stores are going to have to reserve a spot for "Freddie Prinze" movies. A Freddie Prinze genre movie would consist of terrible jokes, bad acting and an awkward/predictable plot-line. Being par for the course, "Head Over Heels" has all these in spades.

Jim (Prinze) is the object of affection of Amanda (Monica Potter) who meets her Prince Charming after his Great Dane he's walking assaults her at the park. She falls in love with him, so much so she feels it necessary to spy on him in his apartment across the way with her telescope. There, she sees him murder a woman with a baseball bat and then cover-up the body. But does she call the police like a normal human being? Of course not. Why? Because he's Freddie Prinze, the boy with an infectious smile that can transcend even murder. From there, the misunderstandings and "hilarity" ensue. "Head Over Heels" tries to cash in on the toilet-humour, which can be funny (see "Dumb and Dumber"). But the writers can't even get the cheap laughs right. For example, there's a scene where Amanda and her model friends (don't even get me started on them) sneak into Jim's apartment while he's out to see if they can find anything that might explain the horrific scene she witnessed. Surprise!! Jim comes home unexpectedly and the girls find themselves trapped in his shower while he takes a number two - a disgustingly smelly and loud number two. There's just something that doesn't sit about a romantic lead taking a dump, even if it is supposed to be a comedy. Mind you, it was a pretty good metaphor for this movie.
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The Wrong Guy (1997)
8/10
A pleasant surprise
23 August 2002
Don't be fooled by the B-movie production value of this film. This is one of the funnier movies I have seen in a long time. Dave Foley plays his dorky persona to a tee, while Jennifer Tilly is sweet and sexy as his love interest. I couldn't believe I was laughing so hard but this plot had so much to offer with its ridiculous main character under the misconception that he is the subject of a nationwide manhunt. A worthy rental.
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