9jbb Reviews

Queer Eye (2003–2007)

Hey, Whatever...

[22 September 2003]

Okay...

Here's the deal. I'm a hetero guy, but I gotta admit, I love this show. Yeah, stereotypes are flying around everywhere, but that's the premise of the show. And yeah, they blow a lot of cash, but why not? I mean, the object is to get the girl, and if you blow some money at first you'll reap the rewards later. Personally, I wish they did a Canadian special so I could apply for them to make me over. If they did, I'd get so much tail after that I'd go insane... Keep it up guys....

Far from Heaven (2002)

Three words: Waste of Time

[4/10 · 28 May 2003]

Okay, I know this is supposed to be a homage to the melodramas of the '50s. However, just because they were dead on in replicating the feel of the genre doesn't make this a good movie. I mean, God! Nothing happens! I sat through this sappy drivel for over an hour and a half before I just couldn't take it anymore.

I don't mind romance movies, or overly dramatic movies, or so-called "chick flicks". But this was beyond my ability to stomach. The dialogue and plot contrivances were so banal that I swear I lost 20 IQ points after having watched it.

Avoid this at all costs. TOTALLY OVERRATED.

The Lair of the White Worm (1988)

I've gotta find a copy....

[12 April 2003]

Wow, I can't believe this movie is actually in here....I first saw it when I was 15, drunk at a buddy's house, and afterwards I thought I hallucinated the whole affair. A lot has been said about the horrendous production values (that huge snake in the pit??? WTF?) and the overobvious sexual imagery (I have the image of that dildo scarred on my mind forever), so all I'll say is this: even though this movie ranks in the lowest of my faves, the sheer entertainment value in watching it can't be beat. Definately a high camp classic....

Panic Room (2002)

You people are stupe...

[10/10 · 10 April 2003]

I've read a lot of the negative comments on "Panic Room", and I can't believe my eyes. In this day and age, it's refreshing to see a movie that doesn't rely on flashy action sequences and contrived "climaxes" to generate tension. This movie was one of the smartest I've seen in recent memory. Sure, it was a bit predictable (I never thought the two main heroines wouldn't come out alive), but the tension generated by the cinematography, directing, and performances of the actors (which were outstanding) was much higher and more satisfying than most "thrillers" filmed lately. For those of you who were confused/upset/bored by "Panic Room", I suggest you stick to watching movies more in your intellectual range...like "Pearl Harbor" or any other dreck produced by Michael Bay... "Panic Room" = 9/10....easily....

Midnight Cowboy (1969)

The Black and White Scenes

[10 April 2003]

I was a bit confused about the black and white scenes with the girl saying "you're the only one", too, until I read the book. Basically, those scenes show the motivation Joe (Voight) has for becoming a prostitute. In the book, Joe has an encounter with this girl, and she proclaims him to be the best she has ever had in bed. He then realizes that sex is the only thing he was ever good at, and that is when he decides to go to New York.

Jaws (1975)

Detractors be damned, this movie rocks...

[10/10 · 3 February 2003]

I first saw "Jaws" when I was only 6 years old, and not one other movie has taken its place as my all time favorite. What's not to love? Since everyone else has given the pros (and there are tons) I won't go into it....but for those people who liked Deep Blue Sea better, get your heads out of your asses. Deep Blue Sea and every other modern action crapfest from Jerry Bruckheimer should look at Jaws and learn what a real action movie is all about. Effects only work if there's strong characterisation to back it up, and on that, Jaws delivers in spades. Jaws broke the mold for its day, and nothing in recent memory tops it. A+++