paq5528 Reviews

Dead Boy Detectives (2024– )

Started off well then....

[4/10 · 14 May 2024]

Interesting concept with interesting characters that quickly turned into TV slop of sub-par Hallmark quality.

Fake, toxic teenage drama and angst. Storylines that could be resolved with 2 seconds of communication but instead we get lectured by teenage arrogance and narcissism.

If the target audience were 13 year old girls, this would get a higher rating. But as an adult wanting to watch a whimsical story about 2 ghost detectives, instead we get a show better placed as a cheesy, low-budget TV series.

I understand this is a spin off of another series. But I really have no desire to watch Hallmark teenage angst TV series. Give me something original with good characters and story line. This started off being that but devolved into unoriginal tripe.

The Beekeeper (2024)

Turn Mind off for the Sweet Taste of Honey

[6/10 · 25 February 2024]

When you see a Jason Statham movie, you know it's not going to be a brain teaser. But that doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable with the right mindset. And that mindset needs to be to not look for a great plot, logical sequences, believable storyline.

What we have here is a modern problem, call center scams, and a talented vigilante. We have a reason for the vigilante to be angry. We have a great villainous target -- the general concept of these scam call centers and the creeps who run them -- and we have a series of action scenes that the Statham franchise is known for and well-liked for.

If you want to pick apart all of the logical problems of the movie, you won't have a good time. Your chart will be filled with "That would never happen..." statements. But if you can just enjoy the cut and paste storyline of specialized action hero vs corrupt villainous enterprise, then you can sit back and enjoy.

The Family Plan (2023)

Mediocre but watchable

[6/10 · 28 December 2023]

This movie is to action movies what Hallmark Xmas movies are to romantic movies. A ton of ludicrous and implausible scenes stitched together in a contrived feel good way.

I'm happy with the acting skills, it's the plot that is the let down. For most of the movie, viewers are wondering where the cops are. Violence in casinos and on the roads are left unanswered by police or security. Why?

The extremely unlikely case of the family revolting against dear ol' dad just because he killed a few people is extremely unrealistic as well. There are bad people in the world, and there are assassins. And it is not wrong to take bad people out. Would you cry if someone were to take out Putin today? This manufactured outrage is tiring exhausting and unbelievable.

All in all, certainly a watchable movie. Somewhat enjoyable. But with a few tweaks, it could have been more than Hallmark vomit.

It's a Sin (2021)

Heart Wrenching Roller Coaster

[9/10 · 5 October 2023]

A concise version of events between the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and the beginning of awareness as told through the lens of some promiscuous but about right for the times 80's gays.

A group of gays show their love and comeraderie for one another as they share a flat in London and experience all the fun that pre-AIDS awareness had to offer for the gay community. Sex, drink, and laughter is to be had by all but each, one at a time, cut down by a virus that infects and kills those who love one another -- whether that be in a long term relationship or a one-night stand.

It's true to say that if this were perceived initially as a primarily heterosexual disease, the world would be clamoring for more research and treatment earlier. But short-sightedness and discrimination led people to believe in a gay disease as opposed to a disease that kills all without regard to sexuality.

We live in a privileged world where most STDs can be treated, and those that can't be cured can be suppressed, whether that is herpes or HIV. With treatment, people infected now live non'infectious full lives at the cost of one pill a day. I look forward to a time when a cure is one pill away and I cry for those lost and portrayed in this series.

Smiley: Cuando Álex encontró a Bruno (2022) Season 1, Episode 1

An Entertaining Romp about Gay Barcelona

[8/10 · 17 December 2022]

Are the stereotypes about gays true? Do hunks desire intellectuals? Can intellectuals provide what hunks want?

What about a car crash of a lesbian relationship where commitment levels differ and secrets can sink the relationship?

All of these questions and more are intertwined into an amusing series that has in its recipe part drama, part comedy, a huge chunk of stereotypes, sex, and even straight couples! It is a dish that is served like a Spanish Hallmark movie with a bit more substance to it, but does not take itself so seriously that you'll get depressed or overly emotional. I admit that I laughed out loud a few times. And I felt the frustration of 2 guys wanting to send a simple text to one another but something stops them -- like just hit the "Send" button and this all could be over in 2 episodes, but no, we need the drama to extend the shelf life to 8 episodes... A cute series I'd recommend to waste some time and give fodder for some fun discussions with friends.

Firebird (I) (2021)

Nothing new here

[4/10 · 15 March 2022]

Well acted, handsome men, but the story has been told 100 times elsewhere, often better. Gays will know the plot of forbidden love, of living under strict, authoritarian rules, only for love to blossom one moment, then be crushed by reality after that brief escape.

In this case, the rules are enforced by the Russian military. Really no difference from the many films that enforce forbidden love rules because of religion, social castes, or financial expectations.

Of course the fearful one lashes out, stating still that there is love but they must be careful. Of course there is hope that the relationship can suddenly be respected or even acknowledged against the odds. We all know the ending, we've seen this trajectory dozens of times before.

There simply isn't enough here for it to be recommended. There isn't enough spark between the two lovers, there's never enough of a sense of danger, there's just nothing that will make viewers connect and care with this couple.

It's nothing new.

The White Lotus (2021–2025)

I don't care about the people

[2/10 · 1 January 2022]

They wrote a script of absolutely uninteresting people, and on top of it made these uninteresting people unlikable. Really. No exaggeration. People who seem to be at one of the most beautiful places in the world but who only think of themselves...I was thinking please let me watch the palm trees grow, it'd be more interesting. Unfortunately they kept focusing on the people.

Then there's the hugely unsatisfying ending.

I highly recommend avoiding this train wreck.

Mare of Easttown (2021)

An American version of Happy Valley

[6/10 · 13 December 2021]

This mini-series has many parallels with the British series like focusing on a tough small-town female detective and also including live-in relative, custody battle over grandchild, death of a child, kidnapping, and more.

Does that make this a bad version of the other? Nope, this is a good copy and well-acted version of the original British series.

At times stressful, at times energetic the series stays with a fairly dark plot. Kate Winslet can never seem to calm down, smile, have a laugh. Even her sex scene is more just burning off stress and energy and shows zero passion and little enjoyment. I felt the weight of her responsibilities as a mother, grandmother, police detective, ex-wife, and unsuccessful crime solver throughout the series. It's omnipresent, like someone pressing on your chest the whole time while watching.

The crime drama portion is good, with some plot twists to keep viewers guessing. The acting is good. It's worth a watch at only 7 episodes. But in my mind, it's still just a copy of the British original.

Stillwater (2021)

Well-acted but pointless movie

[4/10 · 11 September 2021]

First let's state that the acting was absolutely fine. The main characters did a fine job in their roles. However, the imprisoned daughter was absolutely unlikeable. After a couple scenes I would have just let her stay in jail -- she already had completed over half her sentence... As for the plot, what was the point? Obviously based on the Amanda Knox story, there is nothing really interesting here. The father's "simpleness" was not used to great effect at all, French people simply helping for no reason and letting a stranger into their homes, the situations he may have gotten into, the language difficulties, the travel documents and administration...Do people think you just walk off the airplane and sympathetic French people open their homes and semi-fall in love with them, and no trouble finding a job, money, etc?

Looking at the idea of "semi", the plot only half introduced several topics before completely losing them... Their was the good father (Matt Damon with Maya) sub-plot that ultimately went nowhere, the love interest plot that went nowhere, the mending of a relationship with an ungrateful daughter that went nowhere, the kidnapping of a potential murderer that went nowhere... With all of this travel but no destination, the entire film was rendered pointless to me.

Lansky (2021)

There is literally no reason to watch this film

[2/10 · 11 August 2021]

Nothing happens, the acting is mediocre, the plot is boring, by the end of the movie a story is never told. Man meets man in diner to talk about his life. Is it true? Not likely. Are you being asked to feel sympathy for a murdering gangster? Yes.

Perhaps at the start of the film there could be a story. By the middle of the movie, you are thinking, there must be more to this. By the end of the movie, you are thinking, "Why did I just waste 2 hours of my life watching this?" Spare yourself, don't watch it. Find another film.

Black Widow (2021)

Absolutely horrible

[2/10 · 12 July 2021]

Although the production value is high, the overall quality of plot and story is extremely low.

I am a Marvel fan. I am happy to suspend most logic because it is a comic strip. But this movie was absolute crap. Instead of making me interested in Natasha's back story, I actually cringed, I was bored, there was no inspiration, nothing.

There are MANY logical plot problems. Simple, fixable, plot issues. But perhaps they think you are too stupid to noticed. Also, maybe they think you will have forgotten the copying they did from other films, that was years ago, right?

So mediocre acting, with cut and paste script filled with logical plot holes.

I do NOT recommend. But since I know if you are reading this, you are an optimistic fan, then take some espresso with you to stay awake. Any part you sleep through will be the best part of the movie.

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)

Absolute waste of time

[2/10 · 2 April 2021]

Yes, the human actors are fine, but no one came to see Shakespeare. This is a story about larger than life characters. And the movie fails completely on that plot line.

A new world found within the Earth that somehow has its own sun/light source, a fictional rivalry, and godzilla more as backdrop than real character. A city destroyed with a death tally that in all likelihood would be in the hundreds of thousands if not millions, I have no idea what stranger things girl and her dad plot was...aside from absolutely unbelievable and superfluous. And you made that 3 character 1.5 hour build-up into a spill liquid on a computer stalls the mecha? The writing of a uncreative teenager... Seriously, I would pass on this movie. Knowing that many won't, hoping for high production value, at least keep your expectations very low.

30 Coins (2020–2023)

A religious X-files

[6/10 · 31 January 2021]

I haven't finished the season yet but this finds very much of the X- files without sci-fi but with religion, with exorcisms and demons instead of aliens. Well acted, interesting, compelling.... just a slight predictability lowers my rating but really worth a look. Decide for yourself, especially if younger and you have no idea who Mulder and Scully were!

The Undoing (2020)

Strong Start, Very Weak Finish

[4/10 · 2 January 2021]

After hearing so many good things about the series, I thought the 1st episode was quite slow. But then one after another, the episodes filled with intrigue and possibilities. Cliffhangers kept you anticipating the next episode. Well acted by all parties, you knew there would be some dazzling twist right around the corner. Then came the last episode where so much potential simply faded away into the most obvious and witless ending, destroying the complete story arc. There were hints of something tantalizing us throughout the series, only for this last episode to give us bland oatmeal.

I cannot recommend this for the plot or the ending, but it was well-acted.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Imagine an after school special written by a 12yo

[2/10 · 27 December 2020]

The first 5 minutes shows a movie that is completely ridiculous. It goes from some after school special to a mall scene better suited as a Spiderman copy. Very unoriginal. The next step is a Brady Bunch family vacation to Hawaii hex. After the great job the first one put forth, this one comes off as completely amateurish and juvenile. Seriously, a 12yo could have written the script. This is not only a waste of acting talent, it's a waste of my life to watch it. Learn from my mistake and simply leave this one off your list.

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019)

High Production Value didn't translate to Great Story

[5/10 · 3 January 2020]

Is this a beautiful movie with a great cast? Definitely. And Jolie and Pfieffer are at their best in their respective roles.

We start off with true fun and fear in equal measure from Maleficent, and we equally see through the treachery that is the Queen. The dinner sequence really punches you in the gut and lays out both sides brilliantly. And that is about where the good writing ends.

Basing a Disney movie on a genocide and having people betray each other faster than light is simply not good writing. It's cliche, it's boring. The "Queen" of the forest, raised by Maleficent, betrays her mother in about 2 seconds. The King and Prince are useless.

We are also meant to believe that after the forest is degraded into a muddy swamp mess that the entire population of the forest simply walks into a closed container, where some evil androgynous -- disagreeable character -- lobs poisonous gas over the "prisoners"? Is this Auschwitz? And then being Disney, only a few die, despite showing the explosive death strength of the poison used.

Maleficent's "cousins" all scale up the one wall expected, where all armies and ranged weapons are trained, but they can't seem to attack from the sides or behind? Honestly, what is flying good for? Reminds me of GOT and the 2nd dragon death sequence, if you know what I mean.

And finally after hundreds if not thousands of living beings on both sides die, we are meant to believe that everything is OK because there was a wedding? So sorry for your loss, but at least the Prince will be having sex tonight!

Given the sequences of betrayal, genocide, war, and the fact that Maleficent isn't as evil as a dandelion, this title is wrong and I would not call it a children's movie. Certainly fiction works... The story is extremely unbelieveable! Sadly for Disney, and mostly for the viewers, it also lacks quality writing and creativity. My rating of a 5 is mostly based on production value and acting performances, NOT the story.

Cold Pursuit (2019)

White Trash

[4/10 · 8 May 2019]

The movie is a ridiculous blend of "Taken" and Guy Ritchie violent pseudo-comedies. Liam N. wants revenge for the death of his son by a drug dealing gang, but no reason was ever given for the death of his son. Then Liam goes on a killing string where person A leads to person B leads to person C, fairly linear and boring, honestly. And who knew there was so much hard-drug use in such a small town?!

The story goes from Taken format to Guy Ritchie format with black humour comedic attempts and no plot logic. The last death was insanely idiotic and pointless. Liam said this was his last action film and it was obvious he did it for the money or a contractual obligation and not with the high hopes of respecting his performance or an oscar-worthy performance. A shame really. By the end, I just wanted the whole thing to be over.

Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018)

Downhill from the first

[4/10 · 9 March 2019]

It would be difficult to recreate the novelty and nostalgic comedy of the first film. And this film doesn't even try. It looks firmly to the future of WiFi and social internet, the death knell of arcades everywhere. There is no optimism and comeraderie in this film. The entire premise is negative emotions like jealousy and insecurity. And it also throws on a great big dollop of men are bad, women are always good revisionism. While Ralph is loyal and caring, he is the anchor. I somply can't recommend this movie on several levels. There is really little entertainment, there is not much of a happy ending, and the movie is completely rife with product placements, making it look like a hi-tech commercial more than a movie at times. Can you guess 3 of the major retail and e-commerce brands that showed up? Sure you can, completely obvious. The film also seems to encourage poor and stupid online behavior as a way to make money. A lot of money.....simply by doing and posting stupidity. I absolutely hated that aspect. In short, it lost the charm of the first, it has a bad plot, it is biased, and it encourages stupid behaviors for unrealistic financial gain. It had some moments of amusement and it has a high production value, but I'd rather rewatch the first than ever watch this one again.

Escape Room (II) (2017)

I'd escape the theatre and not watch this film and call it a success

[2/10 · 10 February 2019]

The acting is fine, nothing exciting. Even the premise could work... until the film ends and you realize that there was absolutely no point to the whole film. No point to it, and in fact you are not even curious enough to want to know. And that really is the most frustrating thing about the film. With certain movies you might be able to "play along" with the escape games. You might care about the characters. The characters migght even be overly singled out for special knowledge or abilities they have, like one being a history buff and another a math whiz. Nothing of the sort in this movie. Just some people thrown together who happen to understand various aspects of the escape room. But not the ultimate one which brings me back to my original observation, the film was pointless with no explanation and no real ending. Nothing was explained. The reason for the escape room never presents itself. I think the best thing to do is if you want to escape a room, go from your kitchen to your living room and watch another movie.

The Girl in the Spider's Web (2018)

I did NOT read the Books, but I have an opinion on the movie

[6/10 · 9 February 2019]

Perhaps I am the last person on the planet who did not watch the first movie or read the books, not even on Wikipedia so I knew what they were about. Nope, I approach this movie as a complete virgin, a blank slate ready to be entertained. My review does not compare the last movie or the books to this movie, it simply critiques this movie as a standalone feature film.

Honestly, the movie is erratic. We start with the girl showing chess genius, seemingly to emphasize her intelligence. And yet the entire rest of the film there was no real display of genius on her part. In fact the loser of that initial chess battle is the one who seems to be able to make all the right moves. Lisbeth somehow survives a fall and then somehow attains good fighting and hacking abilities, I honestly don't know how, but don't need a huge explanation. Let's take it at face value. So this girl who can hack into the most secure facility in the US cannot stop being traced, cannot stop a boy from being traced on his phone, cannot think of a better way to monitor a captive than literally place a camera on a fence. Inconsistent. This wild girl who can survive a major explosion by jumping into a bathtub of water, escape cops by driving a motorcycle on ice, make elevators stop on cue, struggle against drugs by snorting amphetamines, and is expert a pickpocket enough to perform one of the most obvious steals / plants in movie history, also can't help but give every clue to the authorities and her sister throughout the movie. We see no genius, but only luck, time and time again. No masterful planning. Just inconsistency. The plot itself was inconsistent -- somehow you have a piece of software that can hack into every country's most secure military assets, and the author of that software decides to endanger his only child as being the key. And somehow everyone knows the child is the key... Then there's the US agent and hacker who arrives on Swedish soil to be told by Swedish authorities that he will be deported if he is not a tourist, and yet his first stop is the girl's apartment, left unsecured, with valuable information left strewn about -- you know, after the explosion that wiped out everything except all the important bits that weren't picked up by the police so that any random stranger or intelligence officer could randomly walk in and miraculously find these essential bits of info... all without any sign of the Swedish authorities caring at all if he is not a tourist... The frustration is that most of the plot holes could have been easily fixed. This could have been a 9 or 10, to hell with relying on any book history. The elements were there for a great film. But it was let down by lazy script writing and inconsistencies. Such a shame... My rating of 6 is in support of the quality of acting and high production value of the film, but not for the writers or director.

Train to Busan (2016)

Fair acting and plot degenerate faster than the Zombies

[3/10 · 27 November 2018]

What starts off as something interesting quickly descends into just another zombie movie, where the zombies move fast and the plague turns people into zombies faster. So one chomp and evidently the zombies aren't hungry for you any more as you are one of them. Makes you wonder what all the fuss is about since all you seem to have to do is tape their mouths shut or stuff a sock into it.

Virus outbreak zombie movies seem to fall into 2 camps, those with slow moving zombies and those with olympic sprinters. These are the latter. Despite epic levels of speed, they are blind in the "just dark enough" passages. Again, makes you think all you have to do is wait for dark, I mean dusk, and duct tape them all, threat neutralized.

I was willing to look over all of these shortcomings because you do find yourself caring about most of the characters presented. But then came the last 20 minutes where it was just so overdone and stupid that I had to write a review saying so. The ending is overly dramatic and totally predictable and immensely underwhelming. It really makes the previous time spent watching the film feel as totally wasted. Despite the high praise of many reviewers, I cannot echo those sentiments and think there are much better zombie movie alternatives out there.

Ocean's Eight (2018)

An Awful Split Personality of a Movie

[2/10 · 14 July 2018]

Overall, one of the worst big budget films I've ever seen.

On one hand, it's exactly like Ocean's 11, just with a female cast. The plot is exceedingly similar, the characters are simply female versions of the original male characters and stereotypes, the set-up is similar; pretty much everything is boringly the same from one aspect.

From another point of view, it's completely different.....It had absolutely none of the chemistry of the original group, none of the suspense, none of the interesting and witty dialogue, the fun to watch nature of the original is completely absent from this poor mirror's reflection of a film.

The film might have been OK if it tried to start its own chapter in the genre of high-stakes cons. It could have walked on its own 2 legs and become a medium for women to shine. Instead, it is a poor attempt at a copy of a film where men are simply replaced with "empowered women" who copy men. This film is an absolute tragedy that I'd recommend avoiding at all costs.

Tomb Raider (2018)

None of the Style of the Original

[2/10 · 19 April 2018]

I watched this garbage and then had to go re-watch the original to make sure that they fouled this character so badly. I can't imagine what went through the producers' minds when they were thinking this one up. Let's replace a stylish, charismatic, graceful woman with a street punk teenage crybaby. Let's replace a script that was fun and replace it with one that annoys you.

There really is no joy in this movie. Once you get passed the spoiled princess intro, you pass into an unbelievable and predictable plot that will leave you drained with its banality and unimaginative nature. I only hope that there will be no sequel. Watch the first movie again rather than this one. You'll thank me!

Kill Order (2017)

A waste of time

[1/10 · 2 February 2018]

The acting is worse than wet cardboard and the plot is written on toilet paper. It's simply a kid getting the shite beat out of him before he hallucinates and his eyes glow and he wins every fight. It's boring. By the 4th fight, I was like, ok, when will his eyes glow? There they are. Now he'll win. And that's the entire plot of the movie. Eyes glow, boy wins. And I say boy.... the hero actor would be fine in other roles, but we're expected to look at the fittest, muscular blokes beat the shite out of this twig of a kid who could unleash a fury of thumb in fist beatings on anyone in a gym for more than 2 months without feeling anything, and we are expected to believe he's a lethal weapon. It's quite unbelievable.

Save yourself the time, don't watch this. Use the hour to take a walk with your dog, pet your cat, play a video game, or drill your own teeth with an awl, they would all be more pleasurable than having to watch this film.

Free Fall (I) (2013)

I'd like to Free Fall with these Guys!

[7/10 · 13 January 2017]

The movie follows a typical gay story arc -- one guy is completely comfortable being his gay self, the other is in the closet and uncomfortable with it. Yet somehow, they form a relationship, setting up the confrontation of uncomfortable guy having to choose between love and the societal comforts upon which he's built his life.

The story itself was quite mechanical -- perhaps not so surprising when thinking about the Germans. There are no campy gay scenes, only love and gorgeous lustfully-writhing German blond bodies. There is no gay drama scene, there is simply an efficient confrontation where one professes love and the other can't break the shackles of his straight life until too late.

Although the story is somewhat formulaic, you honestly cannot help but understand the smoldering attraction these 2 actors are able to project on screen. I'm told they are both heterosexual. You honestly wouldn't know it from their portrayals. I found myself understanding why the "in the closet" guy couldn't come out; and I sympathized with the more outgoing "comfortable being gay" guy. I sincerely and highly recommend this movie for the "sturm und drang" it is able to portray, that the actors convey, the importance of the choices each character makes, and the respect used with respect to each character.

After a jog in the woods, treat yourself to a German beer or two and this movie, you won't regret it!