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gynyzyss
I've got sandy-blonde hair.
Reviews
Mr. Stern, Can I Have Your Autograph? (2002)
Celebrity Stalking at it's Most-Heartwarming!
"Mr. Stern, Can I Have Your Autograph?", is a whimsical take on the world of paparazzi and the lower, more 'underground', obsessive fans. MS,CIHYA? tells a particular story of this nature, in which a college drop-out undertakes the ultimate task: Getting the 'John Holmes' of Hollywood's elusive Daniel Stern. The film begins in Manturtle, Nova Scotia, where our 'protagonist', Guffy, attends college and is doing very well...so it seems. His grades are outstanding, but he is starting to sink further from syncopation as his Daniel Stern Homage nears completion. His giant closet is filled of various "Stern-ifacts", such as a Jersey from the hit cop-drama "Celtic Pride", to Joe Pesci's lower mandible, obtained while filming the flop "Home Alone". Guffy soon realizes all he lacks is a simple autograph from THE MAN, himself. Shot entirely on 8MM, the film has a disturbingly gritty feel at first, such as when we see other students mock Guffy (and even call him a 'nerd-psycho fag' in one groundbreaking scene). Soon, our man Guff heard that Daniel Stern will soon be in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, promoting his new film:"Where's All the Jobs?". The film soon becomes a fun amusement park ride as Guffy teams with his life-partners Arby and Steve Youngblood (together they're known as "The Hong Kong Danger Duo") in a road trip to destiny. This film takes many twists and turns, and the viewer has no choice but to allow his emotions to go on a spree of their own. There's the anxiety of the giant task at hand, where I kept asking myself: An autograph...from DANIEL FRIKKIN' STERN!?!?!?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I MEAN, THIS GUY IS THE GREATEST AMERICAN ACTOR ALIVE! (well, second only to Steven Baldwin). There's the great chase scene when the Mounties realize the hijinks in tow. I won't ruin anything, but the scene when the Lady of the Lake gives Arby Excalibur, oh buddy, thats f***ing cinema, right there.
I have nothing else to say, for fear of ruining the experience. BUY IT NOW!!!! MY RATING: 8,972,486,358,746,597,356,544 out of 8,972,486,358,746,597,356,545
Shirt Tales (1982)
Animals don't wear clothes!!!!
Sweet Jesus! I cannot believe that no one has already commented on this spectacle of modern entertainment; a cartoon about the crazy adventures of a troupe of zany animals that wear "magical" shirts. The details of the show are still really sketchy, since I haven't seen this epic masterpiece since I was about twelve. I remember that the supposed "leader" of the gang is a stupid tiger, who always gets sidelined by the REAL stars of the show: Digger the Mole and the Bogey the Monkey, who was a simian representation of Humphrey Bogart (complete with cigar!!!! Not really; it was a banana...). For the sake of animal rights, I will also mention Rick the Raccoon. The stupid tiger had a female counterpart, Pammy Panda. Again, I can't remember certain things, like the rest of the animals, but I do remember that they were really into "S&M"........I can't back that up. The premise of the show was simple: they live in a tree in the middle of a park and a laugh riot would always ensue! When trouble, usually in the form of velociraptors appeared, the group would "activate" their shirts, a la "Care Bear stare". This act would call the legions of Jedi, namely Luke "I Gotta' Robot Hand" Skywalker. His entrance always involved the Millenium Falcon swooping down with Luke hanging on to the giant bird's tail-feathers. Then he got totally wicked on the army of Decepticons with his trusty Sword of Omens. I know what you're thinkin': "Why did they cancel this show!?", right? Well, we live in a very cruel world, my friend. Oh, I almost forgot about the totally boss intro where Ponch and John are riding their motorbikes side-by-side down the Los Angeles freeway!
A cruel world indeed.