crankyerma1984 Reviews

Argylle (2024)

Almost but then...

[4/10 · 4 February 2024]

The film was pretty damned silly but still entertaining for the first two-thirds but it all went to crap in the third act. Sam was great in his role. He's always good and did not disappoint here. His performance was the clear bright spot in the film. A few things: too many POV eye-shutting bits when the lead goes to sleep. Too many twists. It got deeply tiresome. And for the love of God, the dance nonsense (especially involving nerve gas). The fight sequences in the third act, starting with the gas stuff, just ruined it. After that, the film was over. They should have shelved it. The third act should have kept it from being produced.

Vindicta (2023)

"Slapstick of Another Kind"

[3/10 · 20 October 2023]

Wow. Full disclosure, I couldn't make it through this. It honestly felt like a bad attempt at a parody of "Seven" but directed by someone whose background is in Nickelodeon sitcoms and has never seen the film. If you want to piss off Jeremy Piven in a bar, ask him about this project. Fairly early on (but not too long before I shut it off) there is a scene where they show a defunct theater marquee advertising Jerry Lewis' "A Slapstick of Another Kind," one of the worst wide theatrical release films ever produced. I assume it was a tip of the cap or a thumb of the nose to someone on the production related to that steaming present. In retrospect, it may be the best thing in the film because it makes me laugh that such a horrible picture would intentionally reference one of the few films it keeps company on the very lowest of celluloid rungs with. The best I can say about this picture is the camera is always in focus though the lighting is all wrong, along with its direction, script and existence.

The Warrant: Breaker's Law (2023)

Really a lot better than expected

[7/10 · 29 May 2023]

I'll just say it, while the script and direction were okay or maybe even above par for a modern, B picture western, the performances of McDonough and the whole cast elevated it to something far better than it had any right to be. In particular, Gregory Cruz really stood out. I've seen him in a lot of projects but he became the kind of guy who can carry a movie to me with this. He's a hell of an actor and clearly has some understated comedic chops. I don't mean that to slight the performances of anyone else in the picture though. Everyone seemed to bring their best game on this. McDonough is always solid and somehow sympathetic even when playing a heavy. Amy Hargeaves was someone I'm not sure I've seen before but she was so good that I'll definitely keep an eye out for. Would've been good to see Lou Beatty get more lines. And God it was great to see Bruce Boxleitner again.

The Last of the Finest (1990)

This Film & Its Cast Were Screwed By the Studio

[9/10 · 23 January 2023]

The fact that this film even touched upon the Iran-Contra scandal in the 1980's (It was meant for release in 89) and it actually saw time in the theaters is a minor miracle in itself. However, the script didn't lean nearly hard enough into the substance. That was most likely a studio requirement. The cast, especially Dennehy and Paxton showed star power before they had it. Early on, Paxton is so full of life and likeable that you kind of know he's go to go in order to drive his compadres' motivation to go after the bad guys. It works exactly as it should have thanks to hi performance. The film's meager budget and the fact an true action veteran was not helming the picture hurt it from that angle but it carries the day as a truly solid watch. Fahey and Joey Pants were excellent and about as sympathetic as they are ever permitted to be onscreen. I can't say that this is among the all time greats among the good cops versus a corrupt system genre and the post-"Lethal Weapon" blues guitar score really dates it at times but I would highly recommend action fans checking it out. It is a helluva lot better than the appearing on free streaming services status it's been relegated to these days.

The Curse (2022– )

Stupid, unsympathetic characters being unfunny

[3/10 · 9 January 2023]

I literally couldn't make it halfway through the first episode. I did not like or care about the characters. It's like a crime comedy written by people who liked "The Office" but don't have the talent. "Awkward pause" humor is boring and cringe inducing enough it's done well but that is not "The Curse." Beyond that, for this style of comedy to work at all, there has to be a level of reality in the actions and words of the characters. The humor comes from the relatability of the characters. You cannot lose the suspension of disbelief. These characters are so stupid and unlikeable I was taken out of the story very early on.

Dark Light (2021)

Hilarious

[2/10 · 30 June 2022]

I only made it about two minutes in. This was easily the worst acting and direction I've seen in ages. I was chuckling the whole time but life is too short to waste more than a couple of minutes on this.

Batman: The Audio Adventures (2021 Podcast Series)

Missing Plots or Structure

[3/10 · 25 April 2022]

It's as though the people who came up with this are completely unfamiliar with old time radio. It's fun to have little comedic bits and to hear familiar actors do beloved characters but how about having actual stories? I listened to two episodes and there didn't seem to really be any plot or anything driving us from one minute to the next. The humor isn't very clever or funny. There is no action. This is a complete misfire. Also, not much Batman in this Batman. Not sure what the point of this exercise was. If you want to bring back radio drama, learn what made that medium work.

Valley Girl (2020)

A Hate Crime Against The 80's.

[1/10 · 17 March 2022]

This film is proof that COVID was not the worst thing that happened to the world in 2020. Sitting through this ill conceived musical remake was like helplessly watching a Hollywood studio perform a botched pop culture abortion.

Breaking Points with Krystal and Saagar (2021– )

Easily the most informative political media news source

[10/10 · 20 December 2021]

BP is a Godsend for anyone tired of corporate media bias and bull. Whether you are on the right or the left, if you feel left behind by our leaders and a corporate media that fails to actually commit journalism, this show is worth 10 bucks a month for a subscription. It's the best news program going.

No Time to Die (2021)

Convoluted, self indulgent, actory mess that should probably be the final nail

[2/10 · 3 October 2021]

From beginning to end, this felt like a written by committee, franken-script where endless notes were addressed from wildly self important idiots, actors and executives... errr, scratch the "actors and executives." From my experience, "idiots" makes the other two seem redundant. This film really seems to be a massive vanity project for Craig, who admittedly made a fresh turn on Bond for a while. He appears to be bent on running the same "look, Bond is emotionally vulnerable, has baggage and can age" thing into the ground. We've covered that territory, Daniel. Let it go. Yes, we know you're an actor and want to explore your characters. But you're still hitting the same themes you did in your first go round and much of that was already covered by Lazenby. Nothing new was brought to the table here. The villain was weak, his motivations vague and jumbled. Honestly, does anyone over a hundred pounds, soaking wet, holding a brick, buy Rami "Overbite" Malek as 'menacing" to anything other than maybe an apple? Let's forget that James once again found the "love of his life" (I think that's 3 now) and has a child with her. That self indulgent poop feels like a demand from an actor. Can we focus on the self sacrificial ending that Bond has? They killed James Bond and gave Craig a "blaze of glory" coup de gras. Pretty sure that was also a demand from the actor. He has said in interviews he wanted Bond to die. Well, this movie killed James Bond in more ways than one. I'll just look forward to Anthony Horovitz's next Fleming style novel and ignore the films from now on. This film only rated a 3 because Zimmer's score was truly excellent as always. I would say it was "inspired" but let's be honest, no one could be inspired by this mess.

Professionals (2020–2022)

Beautifully shot, high production value, good cast... worst writing in history.

[2/10 · 22 December 2020]

Whoever greenlit this show either hates TV as a medium or has something personally against Brendan Fraser. I mean, they had to have read the pilot script right? What were they thinking? Fraser is a hell of an underrated actor but he can't save mindless, hopelessly convoluted, piffle like this. And that's a shame. Several of the supporting actors were very good. It would have been nice to see anyone in that cast at least be given some decent dialogue to read if they were going to be held captive in these gawdawful plotlines. It's just a damn shame all around that anyone found themselves in a place of such abject desperation that they would agree to help make "Professionals" happen.

Agatha and the Curse of Ishtar (2019 TV Movie)

Miserable

[3/10 · 23 November 2020]

I began to watch this after having thoroughly enjoyed "Agatha and the Midnight Murders" as it was similarly framed. However, the historical framing of this joyless, dour and decidedly postmodernist bunch of sadness is where the similarities end. One hopes that when producers use a famous author as the central character in a film billed as being similar in style to her works that the film would in fact have similar tone and personality. The producers of this film chose to betray the author's legacy by using it to pander to current cultural trends rather than give us an Agatha Christie style mystery. A great opportunity was lost. Thankfully, these great wrongs were corrected in the far superior "Midnight Murders" which I recommend viewing instead.

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll (2015–2016)

Comedy writers need to stick to subjects they know

[3/10 · 16 July 2015]

Comedies about imaginary rock musicians always come off as feeling inauthentic and hacky. They invariably have crap songs that in no way, shape or form reflect the style and alleged talent of the imaginary band we've been hearing about throughout the script. They always misjudge time frames and cultural trends in terms of the backstory. And they choose pop cultural references that show the writer's ignorance about the subject matter. The biggest problem with these comedies is that they at once want to use the cool factor of the rock world but deflate that by making the characters pathetic dorks. Sadly, the uber talented Mr. Leary's attempt is no exception. There are constantly references and bits of dialogue that remind us how out of touch the writers here were with reality. Swing and a miss.

If you want to see a project that authentically depicts the rock world, see "Almost Famous." It is no sitcom but the laughs that are there are genuine as well as the story and characters. That film is worth your time. This show is not.

Cattle Call (2006)

Calling this film 'crap' would be high praise.

[1/10 · 22 June 2008]

I believe that there is SOME good in everyone. In the case of the guys who are producing films for NL these days, you'd need a scalpel to find it.

Bad script, bad editing, bad directing, but when all is said and done not good at all. I would say this film was poorly acted but it's hard to tell with a director this bad.

NL would have been better off just putting the camera on a tripod in front of Jonathan Winters, hitting record and saying 'go.' Since Nicole Eggert doesn't get naked in this, Winters is the only thing worthwhile about the whole production. He's only in it for about five minutes or less.