ohoholiver Reviews

Cyber-C.H.I.C. (1990)

Far better than expected!

[6/10 · 15 February 2024]

Was having a bad movie night with some folks when I got to see this little gem. Don't get me wrong, this is not a great movie, but it is a rare creature onto itself: a bad movie that's made with a sense of self-awareness of what it is and makes it work. Cyber-C. H. I. C. never takes itself seriously and, if you do, you're not watching it right.

It's silly, the dialog is ridiculous, the characters are over the top, and the acting is the perfect amount of stilted. Even the terrible "action" scenes (in which RoboCHIC casually shoves baddies) fits right in with the vibe of the movie. If you enjoy schlock like *Auntie Lee's Meat Pies* or *Attack of the 60ft. Centerfold*, you'll likely find Cyber-C. H. I. C. an entertaining couple of hours.

The Fourth Kind (2009)

The dying gasp of the "found footage" trend.

[3/10 · 20 October 2023]

Ten years after The Blair Witch became a surprise hit and sparked the whole "found footage = realism" trend, we get this absolute dud of a movie. It tries real hard, way too real hard, to sell the story as "inspired by true events" with an over-busy mix of scenes filmed twice with different actors. The opening scene, with Mila (as herself) explaining this gimmick of the movie should've been enough of a red flag.

Do you ever get so bored with the main characters of a story that you start rooting for the bad guy? That was me about halfway thru this movie. And every time someone insisted "these are facts!", I rooted a little more.

You could watch this movie, or do something more entertaining like pairing up your socks.

33 1/3 Revolutions Per Monkee (1969 TV Movie)

Disjointed, dated, and an absolute must-see.

[6/10 · 12 August 2023]

I've only just discovered that this TV special exists-- and it was everything I could've possibly hoped for. Bizzarely structured, nonsensical attempts at a plot, and the Monkees trying (and failing) to be both the Beatles and the Partridge Family at once.

But, somehow only adding to the strangeness, are some real gems: Peter Tork's organ solo is great, as is Mike Nesmith's country duet with himself. Julie Discoll's solo performance made me take note. Fats Domino was a consummate professional and his contribution would steal the show if Jerry Lee Lewis wasn't also there, reminding everyone who's the real king of rock'n'roll.

I wouldn't suggest watching this if you're just a Monkees fan-- best to go with the movie Head or just stick with the TV show-- but I would suggest it to everyone who's interested in the history of pop music. It's a glorious time capsule of what can go wrong when societal trends are badly co-opted to try and make a band look cool.

But maybe have a stiff drink and a good smoke before you do.

Twisted Pair (2018)

Even bad for Breen.

[2/10 · 17 January 2023]

Terrible, like all Breen movies, but lacking that certain something that makes it an enjoyable kind of terrible. I can only hope Breen has the worlds greatest therapist as the recurring themes of his movies certainly suggest a very paranoid worldview from a megalomaniac.

If you're in the mood for this kind of "movie", go watch Breen's 2013 endeavor, Fateful Findings, instead. There's nothing about Twisted Pair you can't get there, except for an excess of greenscreen and the most obviously-fake explosions ever. Breen still plays an uberman, saving the world from the evil bankers and governments, and makes out with just as many younger women.

Tiptoes (2002)

It's not just a trainwreck.

[1/10 · 7 January 2023]

It's a trainwreck that you stood too close to, and all the passengers are steadily flying out of the crash and slapping you across the face before they hit the ground. You try to get out of the way of Tiptoes spewing corpses in your direction but to no avail, you started watching before the train exploded and you're not getting away easily.

I learned about this movie when someone asked for "bad movie" suggestions, so going in I had a certain expectation of self-aware terribleness. I was right, except for the "self-aware" part. I can only assume this was an attempt to portray little people in a humane light, but instead it makes all involved into a joke with no punchline. When Tiptoes isn't busy being predictable, it's busy being uncomfortable.

Great films change you and leave you with a sense of wonder. Tiptoes does this as well, for all the wrong reasons. This movie will make you ask the most profound of questions: How? Why? Who? How was this made? Why was this made? Who was this made?

Yes, watching this movie will reduce you to the point of asking "Who was this made?" because Tiptoes only has one lesson to teach: things don't need to make sense in order to exist.