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Pinocchio (2022)
definitely the worst live-action remake
Oh, dear. The only thing I enjoyed in this movie was Fabiana, but the movie doesn't seem to care too much about her. Otherwise, this movie is exactly what you think of when you think of your least favorite ways Disney changes their live-action adaptations of their animated properties.
1. Weird, contemporary humor that's bound to age poorly
2. Hastily written songs that will not become classics
3. An inability to pay attention
4. A lack of understanding of the source material
5. Needlessly added "clutter."
Smoke monsters on Pleasure Island? The SEAGULL? Everyone's lines being spoken one right after another with no time to breathe in the middle? Bizarre choices like Pinocchio being able to basically act as a boat propeller and have SUPER SPEED? The line delivery was just atrocious - almost like they wanted it to become a meme. The message is confuse, (Pinocchio never does anything wrong -- literally nothing -- so why does the movie act like he needs a hero's journey?) Another bizarre detail I noticed is that lines of dialogue tend to repeat ad-nauseum, such as when the Blue Fairy comes and brings Pinocchio to life. That scene was so surreal, especially when she started floating around and looking at literally NOTHING.
My favorite part was that they gave Geppetto a thing about wooden clocks for seemingly no reason, and then on Pleasure Island they make a big deal out of Pinocchio not wanting to smash clocks in the "smashing wooden clocks" building. It's so oddly specific!
Now You See It... (2005)
rewatching this movie after 17 years, and it's not like I remember it
I was pretty obsessed with this movie as a seven-year-old, and could remember a lot of the more obscure details. I had only seen it once, but I LOVED certain aspects of it. Those are the same aspects that I loved upon the rewatch. The character of Danny, more than anything, is pretty horrible and annoying. He doesn't act logically -- and I know, he's not supposed to -- but he's just very... insufferable.
I guess that's a pretty petty critique, but it's very unbearable for me, and it ruins some of the tensions. He's such a jerk I don't really care what happens to him, unfortunately. :(
Mac and Me (1988)
Much, much better than I thought it would be - the main issue is the puppet
For years, one of my comfort videos on Youtube was a Fanboy Flicks review of this film. I was so excited to finally watch it on Tubi with my dad. Turns out -- we both actually really liked it! I really like the mom and two brothers, and thought the acting was pretty okay all around.
I mean: It's not a GOOD movie. But I don't think it's as bad as I had hoped it was.
In my opinion, the main problem is the PUPPETS. The puppets are just awful looking. But I was still endeared by the puppets, and I still laughed at them. I got a lot of joy out of the puppets, and they did no harm to me.
Cherries Wild (2021)
strange, pathetic, rigged
Very, very strange. I think cable is worth cancelling now. I agree with Drew Gooden's "it feels like an episode of Black Mirror" summation. "The game that admits to being a farce" is also a pretty accurate review.
Smelliville (2021)
Much better than it seems like it should be
Me and my parents sat down and watched this movie voluntarily as adults. I was delighted by the fact that I could predict the main three plot points about fifteen minutes before they each took place. It might very well be an excellent script, but I can't really explain why... The voice acting is good and I like the animation. But we has just come off watching "John Carter," so that kind of tells you the mindset that we were in. :D
I -- of sound body and mind -- honestly, really enjoyed it.