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justasmallbear
Reviews
Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
Poor writing, poor acting (from the former Eastenders and Hollyoaks stars... oh, and everyone else in this, too), poor direction, poor CGI, poor sound design, poor cinematography...
It's just poor, and that's me being kind.
Clearly no-one involved in this project gave a damn about it, or about the previous movies in the series (by previous movies, I mean 1 & 2, but not 3 ... why should they care about 3, when most of us are trying to forget it?), and it really shows.
This was a quick, phoned-in payday for all concerned, which is a real shame, but to be expected.
If you enjoyed the first two movies in the series, avoid this.
Hell, even if you enjoyed the 3rd movie, avoid this.
Did I mention that I advise people to avoid this?
The Suicide of Rachel Foster (2020)
A very good game, far from what I was told it would be.
I, like a lot of others, had seen the clickbait on YouTube portraying this as a game with a story much darker than it turned out to be.
That's the problem with internet reviews... they are often far too sensationalised.
A lot of that clickbait was driven by American moral norms, which fall flat in many other countries, as we do things differently, and at different ages.
The plot was decent, and the writign was serviceable, though a little hamfisted in places.
The unseen irving was the most realised character in the game, and was delivered with the strongest performance, in my opinion.
It was incredibly atmospheric, and you could never tell if what was going on would turn out to be supernatural, oddly science-fictional, or the product of the chaarcter's imagination... or a mixture of all three.
Breadcrumbs were there to suggest many different possibilities, and honestly, the finaly mystery was not one that I predicted, though I did predict many of the other events of the game.
To be honest, I think the final solution was slightly Poirot'd in that we didn't have the information needed to solve the mystery earlier than it was presented to us, and it was presented, ratehr than revealed.
I knocked a couple of stars off for both the lack of vital clues, and the miserably slow speed the protagonist moved through the game.
Andor (2022)
I'm enjoying this because it could be re-skinned to any setting
You know something is good, when you could change the setting and it would still work.
This could be set in an occupied country in World War 2, it could be put in a fantasy setting, it could be set in the modern world, it could be set in another sci-fi franchise, or even just be in its own universe.
The acting is good, the casting is good, the storyline is good, the writing is good.
Yes, there are a few hiccups here and there, but they are very minor, and nothing that upsets the apple cart.
I'm also glad it's been given a strictly limited number of episodes, as I feel tight constraints can help keep it on its rails, and minimise filler as much as be hoped for in modern television.
Inside Man (2022)
Shawshank Holmes & A Study in The Same Old Guff
Same old same old from Moffat and McGuigan.
It's not as clever as it thinks it is, and the characters aren't "ordinary people making bad choices in bad situations".
If Tucci's character was so smart and slick, he wouldn't be in jail.
If Wells' character was just an ordinary spinster who tutored for a living, she'd have never done what she did at the end of Episode 1. That wouldn't have occurred to a normal, rational, sane person, who was caught up in that situation. That would only have occurred to a very bad person, who had done very bad things, and instead of using that deductive thinking to clean/cover up their misdeeds, they were coming in from the other direction, to thwart someone else.
West's character was unlikeable, from beginning to end. A typically cliched "modern strong woman".
It's just lazy writing now, to have every male be evil, or at least bad, in some way, and every women to be virtuous, even the ones who are villains. Women can't be villains anymore... they are either misunderstood, or have been tricked or forced by men into doing bad thing.
Estimond's character, Watson to Tucci's Holmes, was just there. A smiling monster. A camp, jovial, comedy sidekick, whose evil was constantly talked about, but either glossed over, or made light of. While Tucci's single crime was treated as a dark and terrible thing, Estimond's multiple serious and heinous crimes were all but used for comedic purposes, when they weren't being dismissed as rtivial. He was a serial killing cannibal, but hey, he's a camp jolly fat Black man, so he's not all that bad, right?
The show is a mess.
I Came By (2022)
Unoriginal, unimaginative, uninspired
No heroes or villains, just a list of unlikeable cookie-cutter cliches.
This modern trend of how every character in a show or movie is just plain unlikeable, unsympathetic, and cardboard, needs to stop.
If you found this original or clever, you need to watch more movies, preferably older ones.
If you liked any of the characters, you made need to seek professional help.
Film 4 used to be a shining beacon of British cinema 20 years ago, but now they pump out stuff that would have been straight-to-sell-through video not that long ago.
Netflix needs to stop buying everything pre-made that is submitted to them.
1UP (2022)
DUN DUN!
Sorry, I thought I was watching an SVU follow-up episode for a moment.
Ruby Rose wasn't the worst character... for a change... which shocked me.
It never ceases to amaze me that film after film after film, and show after show after show, these days, are just packed to the brim with unlikeable, unsympathetic characters.
That used to be a horror trope, but now, it's just the norm in most things.
Just a junky film, full of awful characters, and Ruby Rose.
They/Them (2022)
Bad film is bad
A message isn't a story
Maybe, just maybe, if this had been better written by someone who knew how to write a solid slasher flick, and directed by someone with some real horror chops, and starring some genuine talent besides Kevin Bacon and Anna Chlumsky, it might have been okay.
Might.
The supporting cast in a horror flick is critical. Why do you think that so many big stars started out as bit players in horror flicks?
These muppets could have been replaced with planks of wood with faces drawn on in crayon, and voiced by mynha birds.
The cinematography was terrible.
The script was terrible.
The sound was probably the best thing about the movie, and only by the fact that it was competent, whereas everything else was botched.
Oh, and the movie was also lit using an old IndiGlo watch.
Just avoid this. Please. For your sake. Really.
Keep Breathing (2022)
Only worth watching if you're struggling to get to sleep
This is so completely bland, so utterly dull, so totally pointless. Don't do it to yourself. Just don't. Really. Just don't.
The acting? Well, there isn't any. It's just people saying lines.
The trees have more personality than the cast.
I'm sure they're perfectly fine actors and everything, but no-one could save this snoozefest.
The director should be sent back to film school, and the writer be sent back to do a few introductory writing classes.
American Horror Stories: Dollhouse (2022)
Another self-referential derivative yawnfest
Watch more 1950s Roger Corman movies, if you think this was original by any stretch.
Everything they do has to keeping looping back on stuff they've done before. Everything's a callback.
YAWN.
Murderville (2022)
The original UK version, "Murder in Successville", was 10 times better
Cringeworthy, half-baked remake of a far superior show.
I never understood remaking something that was already good, and already in the same language.
Stay Close (2021)
Is this called 'Stay Close' because...
... the stripper on the run decided to move about 2 miles away from where she started, and that no-one else in the show has left the area in 17 years either?
It's hokey, has too many cast members, is badly paced, and is just like everything else Harlan Coben has been churning out for years.
He's got a 14 series deal with Netflix, and has only put out 5 series so far (three of the series aren't English language), so expect more of this jank in the years to come... probably starring Richard Armitage.