vnmjdcv Reviews

Mammoth (2021– )

Good premise, badly executed

[3/10 · 20 April 2024]

As a retired PE teacher I was able to relate to a lot of the material in this new offering from the BBC. I've actually worked with people like this in UK schools. Sporting dinosaurs straight out of the "Kes" playbook.

This comedy series has potential but it tries too hard to be nostalgic, sarcastic and obnoxious all at the same time. Tony Mammoth is a mix of David Brent and Mike Bassett, with outdated views on everything (women, cars, education, fashion etc). He's arrogant , rude and belittling to everyone else in the cast and this is where the comedy fails.

He's just not very likeable. It's all too cruel and silly at times, and the main character just carries on regardless, trampling over the cast whether they be family, old friends or work colleagues.

And let's not forget, to engage with this show, you have to blithely accept the "frozen in ice for 45 years" concept. I'm all for time travel and the supernatural but this is a bit daft.

I've watched 3 episodes and that's it for me. Mildly funny in places but by and large, a messy, toe curling cringefest.

The Trouble with Jessica (2023)

A black comedy with a nice twist

[9/10 · 10 April 2024]

Saw this at the Curzon in Knutsford and found the first 15 minutes rather dull and pointless. Lots of swearing and flirting at a middle class dinner party in a London suburb. Yawn.

But then BOOM!! Huge twist suddenly comes out of nowhere and the film takes on a completely different feeling.

Now we see the four main characters dealing with a desperate situation that can only be resolved one way. This is when the giggles come thick and first. I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud so often in a cinema. This film really tickled my funny bone. Not just through good old slapstick but by backing each character into a corner to see what lengths they will go to.

Layers are peeled off to reveal the vulnerabilities and hidden truths with an outstanding script. A nosy neighbour and some bumbling cops are also thrown in to further increase the comedic tension.

The only reason I couldn't give it a ten was the odd soundtrack that was a bit distracting and the rather wooden performance of Alan Tudyk.

Other than that, the best comedy I've seen in years.

Perfect Pub Walks with Bill Bailey (2024– )

Forced laughter and mediocre rambling meet mental health?

[3/10 · 23 February 2024]

This could have been so much better. I am a massive Bill Bailey fan. His stand up routines are up there with Billy Connolly and Robin Williams.

But these TV vehicles are well below the standard I would expect from him. The slow motion shots, the drone footage, the corny background music and the inane conversation with Alan Davies are so contrived that it's embarrassing.

Davies has clearly been asked to play some kind of city dwelling urban character who "doesn't do countryside ". So it's up to our plucky Bill to convert him to the wonders of the Peak District.

And when Davies isn't complaining about the weather or the wildlife or the inclines, we are suddenly given a heartfelt story about the abuse he suffered as a child. Ok I get it. All very sad (even the music goes all sloppy) but I'd rather hear about this in a completely different programme.

This show tries to straddle two themes; the beauty of the Peaks and men's mental health. They are simply not compatible. Do one or the other, not both.

But by far the most annoying part is Alan Davies's wheezy laugh whenever there is the slightest hint of a punchline. It's all so forced. And to be fair, Bill didn't do much better. The anecdotes along the way were just not funny. Because walking in the Peaks is not a foundation for comedy.

Just talk about what you see. Give us more history. Or geology. Or nature. Anything, but stop dressing a travelogue up as side splitting entertainment!

Play for Today: Clay, Smeddum and Greenden (1976) Season 6, Episode 18

Good ol' "Play For Today"

[7/10 · 7 February 2024]

Just caught this on BBC4. If you like Scottish scenery blended with Scottish poetry, then this is for you. Yes, it's dated and somewhat grainy at times, but it feels like a play rather than a movie. The actors know their lines and the cinematography allows you to really enjoy the locations.

"Clay, Smeddum and Greenden" is a careful study of simply rural folk in the 1930s. Well scripted and full of character actors that you would find in the likes of Fawlty Towers, Ripping Yarns and Porridge.

The three stories revolve around farming, marriage and parenthood and capture the repressed nature of Scottish country folk at that time.

The accents are heavy and many of the words are difficult to understand. Thank goodness for the subtitles!!

The Thirty Nine Steps (1978)

Oh dear! What a turkey...

[1/10 · 22 January 2024]

Watched this on Talking Pictures this afternoon hoping for a good little spy/adventure romp. I love 70s movies, there are some classics out there.

This sadly was not one of them.

From the opening scenes, that were so dark I could hardly make out anything, it looked cheap, cheesy and disjointed. Incoherent dialogue, two dimensional characters and a vague plot that had something to do with the beginning of WW1 and the steps inside Big Ben.

The legendary John Mills played some kind of Sleuth/Spy/ politician character and was killed off within 15 minutes. What a waste.

David Warner was an aristocrat /assassin/Prussian with two bumbling henchmen who kill ruthlessly one minute then give up the chase the next and evade capture from quite possibly the stupidest police force ever put on film.

And as for Robert Powell... words fail me. A camp, lightweight hero with a terrible perm who spends most of the film running across the moors, falling off trains and bicycles and wearing other people's clothes. Which incidentally always seemed to fit him perfectly. Suit, smoking jacket, jungle jacket, tuxedo, tramp, vicar...what's going on? Was there a costume sale at Rank films corporation?

And what's with all the capes and deerstalkers? Did the cast go to a Sherlock Holmes lookalike party every night?

Ok, the big finale on the clock face was sort of iconic but completely unnecessary. If the police had any kind of backbone they would have just broken the door down, killed the bad guys and defused the bomb.

But hey, let's have our hero dangle from Big Ben for 10 minutes whilst the cast from My Fair Lady in the street below look up and gasp in wonderment.

"Winifred my dear, try not to faint! Somebody fetch some brandy..."

A toe curling cringe fest. Avoid at all cost.

Tweedy & Fluff (2023– )

Beautiful stop motion animation, good storytelling

[9/10 · 19 January 2024]

I caught this on My5 catch up and was immediately impressed with the quality of the production.

The sets are full of everyday, interesting objects and work in a "Borrowers" kind of way with our two main characters. Humans often enter the room but never see Tweedy or Fluff.

Tweedy is the lead character with good ideas and a vivid imagination. Fluff is the clumsy but loveable sidekick who gets into trouble most of the time.

This of course creates the conflict/resolution narrative that all good stories rely on, particularly children's stories.

As a primary school teacher myself I really like the use of language in the series. 3 to 5 year olds need to learn new words to add to their vocabulary and it's even better if they can then apply them afterwards.

All in all an excellent children's show with strong values and fun to watch.

The Twitchers (2012)

Quirky but fun

[8/10 · 13 September 2023]

The Twitchers aka The Great Bird Race is a Danish drama/comedy about the obsessions and competitiveness of bird watchers.

Set on the beautiful Danish coastline, 10 year old Victor is desperately trying to win first prize by photographing the rarest bird in the area whilst his neurotic father is trying to come to terms with his broken marriage.

They come up against Daniel, a rather smug boy who has won the prize three years on the bounce and his philandering father who is having an affair with Victor's mum.

The plot then twists and turns, revealing the hidden personalities of the various protagonists.

There are a few laughs here and there and the film gently bumbles along, concluding in a fairly satisfying ending.

The performances of the cast are generally good, although the young actor playing Victor is not particularly convincing.

An easy watch but don't expect too much.

The Woman in the Wall (2023–2024)

Messy, incoherent and dull...

[3/10 · 30 August 2023]

We thought we'd give this "gripping" new bbc drama a go, but like so many of today's offerings, The Woman in the Wall was disappointing.

Wobbly cameras, mumbled dialogue and a narrative that bounces around like a daddy long legs on speed.

Very hard to follow, unconvincing acting and ultimately a group of characters that is hard to care about. Lorna just stares into space most of the time and is abusive to just about everyone else in the story. The bumbling cops and local women are little more than stereotypes

If you want a story about abuse in the Catholic Church try "Spotlight" or "Philomena". Vastly superior in every sense.

Just Jim (2015)

A pathetic attempt at blending Fight Club, Gregory's Girl and Ripping Yarns

[1/10 · 30 April 2023]

What a mess. This film tries so hard to become a cult classic that it makes the cardinal error of forgetting to tell a story.

It's all over the place and is completely implausible. The birthday party that no one comes to. The dog that runs away. The potty mouthed American who inexplicably moves in next door and spends every scene lighting a cigarette. The underwater scenes. The parents who just sit on the couch. The alcoholic PE teacher. The BMW that Jim is allowed to drive round in. The hatred from all of his school peers. The bedroom with no wallpaper. The cinema with rats and a creepy usherette.

Cult movies acquire their reputation from people who watch them. You cannot make a disjointed, meaningless mess like this and expect the public to simply embrace it. You have to earn it with a cognitive narrative or at least a smidgen of believability.

A pity, because I had high hopes at the beginning. By the end I was glad it was over.

Midsommar (2019)

Weak, rambling and too long

[2/10 · 24 February 2023]

This film tries to recapture the isolation and tension of The Wickerman, but fails miserably from the very beginning.

The young Americans are so wet throughout the film, calling each other "dude" and rambling on about a thesis they're supposed to be writing. And the main character just sleepwalks through her performance with no explanation as to why her sister and parents killed themselves.

Then there are endless scenes of eating, chanting and dancing that felt flabby and pointless. The long sex scene was just weird throughout.

And of course, countless plot holes. Why didn't they just leave? This wasn't an island. Get the car and drive to the next town!

Overall a poor effort at recapturing a classic film in which Edward Woodward conveys the terror of a community such as this.

The Gold (2023–2024)

Fragmented, messy and incoherent

[3/10 · 12 February 2023]

The first three minutes of this new BBC drama were excellent. The 6 men burst into the unsuspecting depot and begin to carry out the famous robbery of gold worth £26 million.

Ah, I thought, we'll see the robbery in all its detail: their surprise at them stumbling across 3 tons gold, their method for getting it out of the depot and their subsequent escape.

But no.... It quite simply nosedives into a series of unconnected scenes featuring an array of unidentified characters, all mumbling their way through a script that I couldn't make any sense of. A straight cop, a bent cop, a tired cop, a bent solicitor, a rolls Royce driving landowner, a fence, a witness and so on and so on. The bent solicitor was even using poetry and metaphors to communicate. Eh?

Eventually it got so bogged down I completely lost interest.

I found myself asking: What happened to the 6 robbers? We only seem to focus on one.

Why didn't we see the planning stage of the robbery so we could at least know who was who?

Why aren't the coppers writing or recording their interviews?

How did they know that Mickey was one of the robbers? If Mickey knew he would probably be a suspect, why was he just lying in bed at home?

This could have been a really interesting drama, but like so many of these "gripping crime series" that dominate today tv listings, it descended into a jumbled, incoherent narrative with wobbly cameras and pretentious acting.

Disappointing.

I Am...: I Am Ruth (2022) Season 3, Episode 1

The helplessness of parents trying to understand social media...

[8/10 · 11 December 2022]

After seeing Kate Winslet interviewed about this punchy drama, I have been looking forward to watching it.

And it didn't disappoint. Both female leads are outstanding. So natural on camera and allowed to use their improvisation skills to the full.

The subject matter is SO relevant in today's society. Smart phones do incredible things but they are time thieves and their negative, damaging impact on our personal development and social behaviour cannot be understated.

There are tens of thousands of Freyas in every society who are trapped in social media validation loops, unable to have a normal day or a good night's sleep.

"I am Ruth" deals with this devastating problem really well. And I am sure many parents watching this will be nodding their heads as particular scenes are played out and wondering, just as Kate Winslet's character was, what on earth they can do.

A powerful, unsettling film with a strong message. I would have given it 10 if it wasn't for the annoyingly frequent commercial breaks. Six of them altogether. 10 minutes of drama then 3 minutes of adverts is really, really irritating. It reminded me why I usually never watch channel 4.

Perfect Nanny (2019)

So much promise, but then a dreadful ending...

[4/10 · 7 December 2022]

I was really enjoying "Lullaby"(or "Chanson Douce" if you prefer the French title) right up until the final couple of minutes.

An excellent examination of character and class in contemporary France.

Solid performances by all the cast and an intriguing psychological story about love, trust and betrayal.

The ending was going to be difficult however you look at it: will she abduct the children and disappear? Will she push the grandmother down the stairs? Will there be a Play Misty for Me/ The Hand That Rocks The Cradle/Fatal Attraction bloodbath?

Any one of these would have at least given the film some kind of closure.

But no. It just ends ambiguously with blood everywhere and the husband casually staring up at the balcony. Eh? What? So did the kids survive? Was Louise dead?

And of course, WHY? We can only speculate as to the reasons behind her violent outburst.

It's almost as if the director ran out of steam and couldn't be bothered turning up for the last day of the shoot.

Sooooooo disappointing!!!!

Way Upstream (1987 TV Movie)

Abigail's Party on a boat...

[7/10 · 30 October 2022]

Just stumbled across this on Netflix. Saw it years ago on the BBC. A little gem from the "Play for Today" archives.

Yes, it's a little bit dated now, but it's a delightful study of different characters with some lovely black comedy thrown it.

It plays out as a sort of Mike Leigh kitchen sink drama for the first 35 minutes or so, then gradually turns into a "Lord of the Flies" tragedy when Stuart Wilson (Vince) gets on board. He is superb as the hilarious, but menacing Alpha male who completely takes over control of the boat and the others.

Worth a look if you like quirky movies about the English class system, repressed individuals and wacky endings!

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)

Wonderful beginning, followed by incredulity and disappointment...

[3/10 · 25 October 2022]

I was really looking forward to this film. I am massive fan of Martin McDonagh's movies.

But TBOI left me feeling confused. Was it meant to be a metaphor for the Irish Civil War? Was it trying to demonstrate the effects of life on an island? Or was it all about the complications of long term friendship?

Whatever Martin McDonagh was trying to say was very muddled.

It started so well. Beautiful music, stunning cinematography, some lovely comedy and an intriguing story about companionship on a tiny island in 1923. Thirty minutes in, I was well and truly hooked. This was shaping up to be a classic.

And then....boom! It all gets rather silly. Fiddle-playing Gleason makes a big speech about how important his music is to him, then starts cutting his fingers off to try and stop Colin Farrell from talking to him. Eh? Who would do that? This barbaric self -mutilation would be unbelievably painful and probably lead to a massive infection. But no, he carries on stoically as if he'd over-trimmed his fingernails.

Continuing the madness, Colin Farrell still doesn't "get it" and decides to burn Gleason's house down regardless of whether he's inside or not. Gleason miraculously escapes the flames and the two of them mumble some incoherent nonsense to each other the following morning. THE END.

What a shame. I looked around the Showroom in Sheffield and there was a lot of head shaking and cheeks being puffed out.

Yes, make a dark comedy. Throw in some plot twists. Get the audience thinking. But please, make it credible. The finger chopping rubbish ruined what could have been a really good movie.

All Quiet on the Western Front (2022)

Visceral, disturbing and brilliant...

[9/10 · 16 October 2022]

Just watched AQOTWF at the Showroom, Sheffield. This film pulls no punches whatsoever.

It's depiction of trench warfare is staggering. The terrible living conditions the soldiers were forced to endure, the randomness of death and the unimaginable fear of going "over the top."

I never thought the beach scene from Private Ryan could be matched, but the battle scenes in this film certainly come close. Superb action sequences.

I liked the linear narrative of the story too. So many directors use flashbacks, but this film "eases" you into the lives of the main characters really well. We first meet the young soldiers at the recruitment station and journey with them all the way the Western Front, the tension increasing as their initial, patriotic enthusiasm ebbs away, only to be replaced with terror and confusion.

The whole movie is in German and French. An excellent decision. This is not about the British Army at all, so to have hired English speaking actors would have been entirely inappropriate.

This is an outstanding film and deserves to be recognised accordingly. It is not, however, any easy watch. The violence takes some stomaching and the ultimate fate of all the main characters is upsetting. Nobody wins and there are no heroes.

The only reason I didn't give this masterpiece a 10 is because of the annoying "rock chords" that were played randomly throughout the film.

Go and see All Quiet on the Western Front. You won't be disappointed.

Hit the Road (2021)

Disappointing, disjointed and dull

[2/10 · 29 July 2022]

I was full of hope when I read it was a take on "Little Miss Sunshine" but set in Iran. I love road movies, two of my favourites being Five Easy Pieces and Thelma and Louise, but Hit The Road left me confused, frustrated and ultimately disappointed.

The script is awful. An endless rambling of insults and an incoherent narrative of vague references.

The characters are extremely unlikeable; the father just mumbles, lights endless cigarettes and stares off into space. The mother yo-yo's between tenderness and rage. The eldest son drives the car and says nothing of importance and the 8 year old is just precocious and annoying.

As for the story...we are supposed to work this out for ourselves. It appears that the eldest son has done something terrible and they are fleeing across Iran in a borrowed car so they can smuggle him over the border. But what has he done? Why are they all travelling? What's with the father's leg in a cast and why is the dog ill? None of this is explained.

And then there are scenes that are just bonkers: They knock a cyclist off his bike and then they give him a lift for about 10 minutes, after which he gets back on his bike and disappears.

The father lies on his back in some kind of spacesuit rambling on about Batman.

The mother randomly runs off only to be found by the dog which is dragging a chair behind.

The mother flicks through a photo album of her favourite bed wetting pictures. Weird!

Yes, the cinematography of Iranian landscapes is good, the music isn't bad and I understand how hard it is to make this kind of movie with all the reprisals of Iranian censorship. But film makers still have a responsibility to the public when they go out for an evening and buy a ticket.

This film is a mess. It fails to engage the audience and comes over as, well, very dull.

Wild Men (2021)

Quirky Danish black comedy

[8/10 · 4 July 2022]

If you enjoyed "Seven Psychopaths", "Fargo" or "Flickering Lights" then this movie is for you.

Beautiful cinematography with a cast of inept policemen and bumbling crooks.

Ok, there are a few "Eh?" moments but by and large it's a study of human behaviour and the challenges of life set against a bleak Scandinavian landscape.

Worth a look.

Sherwood (II) (2022– )

Style over content. Dreadful.

[1/10 · 27 June 2022]

After 5 episodes of this BBC crime drama, we're going to bail out.

What started as a reasonable premise has now developed into an absolute mess of subplots, flashbacks, red herrings and implausibility.

So many plot holes:

1. The two killers randomly come across each other and yet the flat footed police can't find either or them even with helicopters and heat sensors?

2. The two hikers head off, leaving some breakfast in the pan, their phones in the tent, then suddenly turn back for no apparent reason to catch Andy red handed? The crossbow nutter then protects Andy by scaring the wimpy hikers off, only to knock him out and drag him off! Why?

3. How did Andy know the password for the phone he stole?

4. The ageing "spy" who is happy to die of some illness in a couple of weeks suddenly remembers that one of his unit didn't come back? So? Is that reason enough to blow his head off? And how come he's got a loaded weapon in a retirement home?

5. Helen rings Kevin to say that they "need to talk" suggesting to us poor viewers that she's the spy. They meet in some strangely abandoned pub only for her to say that it's not her? Eh? So why did she meet this detective if she's just an ordinary citizen? And why does she have a "restricted " file that her brilliant detective of a husband cannot access but Kevin can?

6. The twenty something crossbow killer: how come he knows all about some spy from 40 years ago yet nobody else does? Why shoot golfers and peacocks? And why not kill Andy rather than just conveniently knock him out? He tried to kill him before with that ridiculous shot at the train's cabin. Why spare him now? And what's he been living on in the forest? Does he never get hungry?

7. The Keats character...so she's a London cop who randomly turns up in a pit village and before you can shout "scab" she's got a job, loads of friends and is speaking with a Northern accent. And nobody seems to question this?

8. How many famous British actors does one series need? There seems to be an endless supply of reputable actors like Claire Rushbrook, Lesley Manville, Alun Armstrong, Mark Addy who making fleeting appearances and are not seen again. It feels like the producers wanted to stuff as many famous actors as they could into this drama, hoping that would improve the story. It doesn't.

And so on and so on...

This could have been a good little movie or a two parter. Spinning it out to 6 hours is just so typical of the current spate of "gripping" dramas that are served up to us in such vast quantities.

The Bodyguard, The Night Manager, Killing Eve... all terrible and all follow the same predictable pattern of turning drama into soaps.

Bring back Play For Today!!

Ali & Ava (2021)

An opportunity missed...

[5/10 · 14 March 2022]

This film could have been so much more. The lead characters are both superb actors, the gritty backdrop of Bradford is ideal and the challenge of inter racial relationships is extremely relevant in today's world.

I was hoping for something along the lines of "Secrets and Lies" (which incidentally featured an outstanding performance by Claire Rushbrook) but Ali and Ava was let down by poor cinematography, inaudible dialogue and implausible story telling.

Let's deal with the cinematography first. The camera was far too invasive. Lots of ultra close ups of eyes, cheeks, noses. And the camera is constantly moving. Haven't they got any tripods on the set?

Next, sound. I watched it with subtitles and it was invaluable if the dialogue was to be understood. So much mumbling and slurred speech. Really frustrating.

Finally, plot. Here just some of the questions I was left with... 1: why would the kids randomly stone a passing car? Was it because Ali was driving it?

2: why would Ali pile all these kids into his car and take them for a ride? Very dodgy behaviour in today's world.

3. Why was Ali waiting outside Ava's house with his headphones on?

4: why did fireworks feature on three separate occasions? Was it Bonfire Night over and over again?

5: where did they go on the train? We got one brief shot on a hill and another in some random bedroom.

6: why did Ali take Ava under a bridge at a station when they could have just gone home?

7: why did Ali's wife feel attracted to him then leave then next morning?

So, in summary, very disappointing. I've always loved kitchen sink dramas over the years and directors like Ken Loach and Mike Leigh really know to put them on screen.

Ali and Ava could have been a landmark film, but it simply did not deliver. Pity.

The Girl Before (2021)

Style over substance

[3/10 · 20 December 2021]

Another bland, Sunday night offering from BBC and another disappointing effort at "edgy, psychological drama." There is so little on offer. The acting is weak, the plot is muddled and we are forced to watch endless shots of unrealistic locations, aerial footage of London and actors either staring off into space or looking at their phones.

Ok, a "slow burner" but c'mon, let's have some action. Endless dialogue about feelings and memories but nothing to make me actually care about any of the characters.

Yes, it looks stylish, everyone is gorgeous and the clothes are stunning, but this is not an advert for well known department store! It's meant to have conflict or a realistic narrative at the very least.