I went into this neutral, excited that Disney plus had finally put something new on, but oh was I disappointed. The pacing was all over the place and too fast, the main characters were bland and un-likeable, the camera angles were odd, the colour scheme was washed out and depressing... so in conclusion, it's unwatchable and boring, save yourself time and don't watch it. The only pro is that they finally made a Peter Pan film with a Native American Tiger Lily, otherwise there's nothing to like about this film. Stick to Hook, the only real live action Peter Pan worth watching. Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman will always be Peter Pan and Captain Hook.
Reviews
13 Reviews
Poor poor Wanda
29 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The biggest issue I have with this film is the treatment of Wanda (scarlet witch). Wandavision was superb, the best LIVE ACTION superhero show I've seen, but this film felt like such a disservice to her character. It felt as though they'd gotten bored of this version of her and wanted to get rid, which is a huge mistake, as she's so unique and interesting. What didn't make sense in this film was that wandavision was all about her trying to have a life with vision, including kids. In this, it's like she forgot Vision entirely and just moved on and focused on the kids... which makes no sense to me. Surely in one of the universes where her kids exist, Vision would too? She was just as obsessed with Vision as she was about her kids, so she'd surely want both? It just felt like someone behind the scenes had gone, "well, we're part of Disney now. Let's go with the evil mother trope and leave it at that." Also, the film felt incredibly sexist. In Wanda's own words- "You break the rules and you become the hero. I do it and I become the enemy. That doesn't seem fair." Yeah, it's not fair Wanda, why is it that when you get the super powered evil book, everyone's after you and thinks you're a monster, but when strange gets it, he somehow ends up being ok? Yeah, we saw in one or two universes the book corrupting him, but in our universe, he has somehow mastered its effects, whereas Wanda couldn't. Was Wanda too emotional to handle the book? Massive eye roll. I just hate how they built scarlet witch up to be this crazy powerful unstoppable force that was going somewhere and then they just got rid of her, like, move over scarlet witch, dr strange is the real boss, we're bored of your love sick girly whining. Wanda didn't deserve this treatment.
Lightyear
(2022)
Could have been so much more...
29 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Firstly, like hell was this the film that Andy (from toy story) got toy Buzz from and loved. It's not really a kids film, it's loaded with adult themes and for the most part is pretty boring. Plus, it kinda gives the middle finger to the toy story fan base... Zerg is established as being Buzzes dad in toy story 2, but in this, it's just a future version of himself. Like we haven't seen that before... yawn. The two most interesting unique elements of this film were the robot cat and Buzz travelling in time as his friend ages and eventually dies on the planet. As soon as that bits over, the rest is terrible. His new "team" are forgettable and lacking development, Zerg was a HUGE missed opportunity and generic as hell. It just missed the mark in so many ways and there were tons of stupid coincidences, like future Buzz just happening upon a bunch of robots floating in space who don't have a leader/creator and are just seemingly waiting for him to take over... wth. The film felt Hollywood soulless and ugly to be honest, very forgettable.
Love, Death & Robots
(2019– )
The creation of horny teenage boys with money
1 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
It's shocking that this was made by grown men, it feels like the perverse creepy day dreams of a teenage boy. 90% of the episodes are uninspired, weird, creepy, boring, overly sexual and overly violent. The over use of uncanny valley animation is annoying and the dialogue is terrible, here's an example- "He's not the first guy to get into trouble for eating a little pussy." ... cringe, massive cringe. It's just lazy crude writing! I love sci-fi, fantasy teamed with animation, but this just feels like it was made by men with more money than sense, given the green light to do whatever... Don't know why people love it so much. Think people are just desperate.
I'd give it 0 stars but there were a few episodes of merit- three robots and zima blue.
I'd give it 0 stars but there were a few episodes of merit- three robots and zima blue.
The Legend of Vox Machina
(2022– )
If lord of the rings was written by a 14 year old boy
15 February 2022
First 10 mins of this show mostly consists of the f bomb, burping, throwing up, gore and sex jokes... feels like I've stared into the mind of an infantile 14 year old boy with an unhealthy obsession with D&D. Not remotely enjoyable, funny or clever.
The only people who seem to like this show are those who are well acquainted with the d&d campaign (die hard fans) or are into immature, crude adult humour. If you don't sit in either category, avoid and save yourself time.
The only people who seem to like this show are those who are well acquainted with the d&d campaign (die hard fans) or are into immature, crude adult humour. If you don't sit in either category, avoid and save yourself time.
Raya and the Last Dragon
(2021)
Boring
11 January 2022
One of the worst recent Disney films I've seen. It felt really uninspired and surprisingly unmagical. Yes it has a dragon but the dragon is just modelled off Elsa from Frozen with a sassy personality, the story is crazy forgettable and the main character is as boring as a tree stump. I wanted to turn it off. Action I don't care about and characters as bland as bread.
Encanto
(2021)
Stunning, relatable, meaningful and fun
16 December 2021
Warning: Spoilers
It's so rare to see a magical adventure take place at home, rather than on some giant quest with annoying sidekicks. The story was fresh, unique and oh so relatable to an adult audience. The message- "you're more than your skillset and you shouldn't be valued based on what you can bring to the table. Instead your family/friends should love you for you." This message can be applied to business/family- a lot of bosses/parents only value you if you're a team player, can be controlled and fit neatly into what they expect of you and anything outside of perfection is seen as a threat (to their happiness, productivity and security). This film teaches of the toxicity of excessively controlling leaders and the fundamental need for acceptance and respect in any org/family. Without it, everything crumbles... quite literally in this case.
The only negative I have is the music, it's not memorable and for the most part it was sing talking and was way way too fast.
The only negative I have is the music, it's not memorable and for the most part it was sing talking and was way way too fast.
Big Trouble in Little China
(1986)
Racist, sexist, confusing and just bizarre
27 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
What's wrong with this film? What's right with this film? You've got the theme of female trafficking but with this odd mysticism thrown in. So many racial stereotypes it's ridiculous and at the centre a white male (kurt Russel) saving the day.
What I don't get is why a rich godlike super powered villain (on par with Voldemort and the emperor from Star Wars) has a side huddle of female trafficking? I get that he's searching for the green eyed woman to break his curse but the trafficking is just unnecessary and odd lol. Like we get you're evil but you don't need to tick every evil villain box. It's not enough to rule the world or be immortal, I have to sell women on the side too lol.
What I don't get is why a rich godlike super powered villain (on par with Voldemort and the emperor from Star Wars) has a side huddle of female trafficking? I get that he's searching for the green eyed woman to break his curse but the trafficking is just unnecessary and odd lol. Like we get you're evil but you don't need to tick every evil villain box. It's not enough to rule the world or be immortal, I have to sell women on the side too lol.
How the tree stump saved christmas
27 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
So, it's the nutcracker story, what can go wrong? Well, apparently everything because it's not the story of the nutcracker, it's the story of tree stump (Clara).
Negatives:
The film is called the nutcracker and yet it actually has nothing to do with him. In the original story he's the reason Clara enters the magical world because she loves him. It then turns out that he's the prince and with her help the spell (that turned him into a nutcracker) is broken... in this he's just a tag along sidekick who has no importance to the story. WHY THEN CALL IN THE NUTCRACKER??
It's a sequel advertised as being the original story... but it's not.
The acting is abysmal. Especially from the main character (hence the name tree stump, because she has the personality of one). Also Kira Knightly is laughable in this, her acting is like panto, so cringe worthy.
This version of the story isn't clever, in fact it's almost identical to the Santa Claus 2 movie (tin warriors forced to do their masters bidding in a magical Christmas world. Sound familiar? Lol).
The CGI is already looking dated and unimpressive.
All in all it's boring, unoriginal and failed in the one area that fantasy has to succeed in... immersion. It wasn't immersive at all because of the bad acting, crappy story and unrealistic CGI that doesn't fool anyone.
Negatives:
The film is called the nutcracker and yet it actually has nothing to do with him. In the original story he's the reason Clara enters the magical world because she loves him. It then turns out that he's the prince and with her help the spell (that turned him into a nutcracker) is broken... in this he's just a tag along sidekick who has no importance to the story. WHY THEN CALL IN THE NUTCRACKER??
It's a sequel advertised as being the original story... but it's not.
The acting is abysmal. Especially from the main character (hence the name tree stump, because she has the personality of one). Also Kira Knightly is laughable in this, her acting is like panto, so cringe worthy.
This version of the story isn't clever, in fact it's almost identical to the Santa Claus 2 movie (tin warriors forced to do their masters bidding in a magical Christmas world. Sound familiar? Lol).
The CGI is already looking dated and unimpressive.
All in all it's boring, unoriginal and failed in the one area that fantasy has to succeed in... immersion. It wasn't immersive at all because of the bad acting, crappy story and unrealistic CGI that doesn't fool anyone.
On Christmas Eve
(1992 TV Movie)
A Charming and beautiful classic
13 November 2021
The title song on 'Christmas Eve' (played in full at the end with lyrics) perfectly sums up the magical mysterious wonder surrounding Christmas Eve and Father Christmas. It's such a sweet, innocent, simplistic film that I will always love.
Calamity Jane
(1953)
Doris day as the first likeable feminist lol
12 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Easily the best western musical in existence. The songs are great and catchy, the female lead is funny and unique, the friendship between the two women is relatable and hilarious, plus the romance is on point. Everything about this film is perfection.
Labyrinth
(1986)
Goblin king... take me away
12 November 2021
David Bowie dressed to look like a living anime character trying to seduce a teen girl in an 80's dark fairyland... I'll bite.
The visuals are exceptional, the puppets are whimsical and fun, the story is interesting and the music is just AMAZING! Particularly the ballroom scene song. If you're a lover of dark fantasy and unconventional villain romances then this is for you.
David Bowie as Jareth is hot as hell. Nobody should be allowed to be that fine.
The visuals are exceptional, the puppets are whimsical and fun, the story is interesting and the music is just AMAZING! Particularly the ballroom scene song. If you're a lover of dark fantasy and unconventional villain romances then this is for you.
David Bowie as Jareth is hot as hell. Nobody should be allowed to be that fine.
Jungle Cruise
(2021)
Incredibly boring
12 November 2021
It's funny how a film can be brand new and yet feel so old already. It's like oz the great and powerful and the Tim burton Alice in wonderland film... boring, CGI packed with little substance. It has a generic female who just throws around cliche feminist statements, "yes I'm a woman who wears trousers." The rock makes no sense in this and feels so out of place. Jack Whitehall's acting is awkward and very forgettable. There's just nothing good about this.
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