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Reviews
Hobgoblins (1988)
As they say in Quake II, "kill me, now"
I really don't have anything new to add but I just felt like I had to comment on this sack. So here goes:
Atrocious. I'm running through my MST3K DVD collection again and I just watched Hobgoblins for about the 10th time. It's really, really painful but it was next on the list... You can see that there is a tiny kernel of an actual movie buried under all the crap that is "Hobgoblins" but it just couldn't get out. Everything about this movie is 4th rate. The story, the acting, the effects, the women, the "action scenes", the... ahhhh forget it. I can watch a piece of crap like "The Bloodwaters of Dr. Z" (aka "Zaat") over and over and over with hardly any ill effects (I like it in fact- btw, it will be on TCM later this month- October, 2009) but "Hobgoblins" is a whole 'nother ballgame.
The worst part of it all may be that it's now about 12 hours after the movie ended, I had a good night's sleep, some coffee and some dry toast, my medications, and yet the ersatz "New Wave" dance music that Amy, Red Shorts, and Laraine Newman were frolicking to in the living room is STILL RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD. This torment will last for days.
Good luck, won't you?
Perry Mason: The Case of the Twice-Told Twist (1966)
Horror of Perry Mason Beach?
Just saw this episode for the first time. I'm an MST3K'er so of course I spotted "Village of the Giants" vet Kevin O'Neal as Lennie Beale. The murder victim, "Bill Sikes" looked really familiar to me but I couldn't place him... Then I thought- hey that's "Hank" from "Horror of Party Beach". But according to the IMDb that was "John Scott". I didn't record the PM episode so I can't go back and check anytime soon. Usually I'm pretty good at this stuff so I'm surprised that I am apparently wrong. It seems a tad suspicious to me though that the one guy is named "Scott" Graham and the other is John "Scott". And now for a 10th line- BINGO. BINGO THE CLOWNO.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
wow BOB wow
What a great film. As was mentioned by others- it gets in your head and stays there. I watched the DVD 3 times in one night about 6 days ago (1st at normal speed, then fast forward, then normal speed again). Then I read everything I could find on the internet about it. I didn't have a clue before I saw it what to expect. I only knew that I generally liked David Lynch films. But man oh Manischevitz I'm still thinking constantly about this film... To get the full experience you should really know nothing about the story going in.
Naomi Watts... I didn't even know who the heck she was. I thought she was the dark haired chick all through the movie. But what a performance she gave. Spectacular. And the other lead actress wasn't too shabby either.
This is in my top ten all time list. FYI, other films in that list would probably include (not a complete list) "Dr. Strangelove", "Two Lane Blacktop", "The Wild Bunch", "The Bride of Frankenstein", "Carnival of Souls", and "2001".
Reading the other IMDb comments it's obvious that many people don't agree with the take that this is great, or even good. Well, to each his own. But if you like a flick to make you think and feel vs. hear a bunch of explosions and fart jokes this film is for you.
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Felt like I was back in boot
I found the first half of this film to be a very realistic portrayal of bootcamp. I was in the Corps from '77-'81 and this is the real deal folks. This is how it was (still is?)- like it or not. One thing that was different in my time though- the physical abuse was pretty well hidden- due to some recent scandals, I think. So I never got punched or saw anybody else get whacked but the verbal abuse was awesome. As some guy once wrote, "it was the worst of times, it was the best of times.". I'm 46 years old and I still have nightmares that I'm back in bootcamp! Anyway, I found the 2nd half of the film to be pretty much a snooze- maybe I'll try watching it again someday. It really is two separate movies. Show this to your son who wants to be a Marine and then see what he says! :-) Hell, show it to your daughter- they have it none too easy either... (I was stationed at Parris Island for most of my enlistment.) Oh yeah- we had our own "Gomer Pyle" (actually a couple of them now that I think of it). Ours was "Dawson". Man, did they give that guy hell. And then there was "DeWolf" an overweight, 30ish guy who had NO BUSINESS being in Marine bootcamp. I remember him doing the barb wire crawl down the middle of the squadbay during the night. Right before they kicked him out. We started with about 80 guys in the platoon and ended up with maybe 50-55 I think.
Watch this movie and see how the other half lives. This is scarier than any made up crap like "House on the Haunted Hill" or "Natural Born Killers".
Team America: World Police (2004)
An Iconoclast's Delight
If you're iconoclastic (look it up), you will probably like this movie. It rips pretty much everything and anything and, in my humble opinion, makes some nice hits on Amercian culture, movies, puppet sex, and actors who think they know better than everybody else. The songs are funny and catchy. The movie looks great- the art direction and set design are top notch.
I don't think you can say this is a "liberal" or "conservative" movie- it just tears up both sides of the aisle. Both the "USA is great" and the "USA sucks" crowd get it in the ying yang. Which is as it should be, because extremes are too... extreme.
As others have already said, this is not a first date movie or a movie that kids should see. It is not a movie for prudes or people that "care" about anything. All I can say is that this movie made me laugh more than any Hollywood "comedy" has done in years and years.
p.s.
I don't like South Park all that much and BASEketball sucked.
Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)
love it
Now here's a movie that, by the sound of it, I never ever thought I would like. Tom Hanks? Meg Ryan?! Puh-leeze! I've never seen any of their "romantic" films, nor am I fans of theirs. I did like Hanks in Private Ryan though... Anyhoo, I digress-
This movie is special. I can't say it better than has already been said in the other comments that "get it", but whenever this movie is on I can't help but watching it. Meg Ryan is great in her three roles. "I have no response to that". I use that line in real life quite frequently since seeing this movie...
Yeah it's kind of goofy, but there is so much to like. The beginning section at the factory is just superb. Might be the best part. "I know he can GET the job, but can he DO the job?". Just great.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I think you either get this movie or you don't. I would definitely put this on the list of may favorite films. Maybe in the top 25. Certainly in the top 50 I think. Good day. EOM.
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963)
stupendously awful
Am I on the same planet as all the posters who say this is "hilarious", "funniest ever", etc.? This is a horrible, horrible movie. NOT FUNNY! The only good things about this overlong, bombastic, tedious, obvious, cartoonish, loud, annoying movie are the photography and desert scenery. Land O' Goshen I hate this movie. For the record, here are some movies I think are FUNNY: Animal House, Dr. Strangelove, Caddyshack, Young Frankenstein, and any Mystery Science Theater episode. This is like 1920's funny. This is like Uncle Miltie funny- i.e., not funny past 1952. I just watched 45 minutes of it on TCM while on my Nordic Track. I was admiring the desert scenery at the beginning of the movie and trying (yet again) to find one simple glimmer of humor in this trainwreck. One giggle, one "huh- that's mildly amusing", one friggin' ANYTHING that resembled humor. I'm 45 years old, btw. Good Day. EOM.
Mulholland Falls (1996)
crater, schmater
Poster "jackjack-2" says that his/her father was the head of the Nevada Test Site and yet this poster insists that there was never such a crater as was shown in the movie. Well there is at least one crater at the NTS- a BIG crater and it was created by the "Sedan" underground test in, I believe, 1962. So maybe the poster meant that there wasn't such a crater during the time period of the movie? I've been to the Sedan crater a couple of times- it looks to me like they may even have shot the scene at that actual site. But I doubt it- to this day they're pretty picky about the security and taking of pictures at the Test Site.
Oh yeah- the movie pretty much "blows". Get it? I thought you would.
The Brotherhood of the Bell (1970)
Very Cool
I was in an Austin hotel room one Saturday night flipping through the channels and came across this movie on (I think) some public access station. The quality of the picture wasn't that great and there was some kind of permanent paranoid message on the screen during the whole movie, but this was a totally engrossing flick. I'm 44 years old and had never even heard of this film. And then the damn movie cut off with about 30 minutes to go! I guess whomever was footing the bill only had so much air time. Wish I could have seen the end, but I bet it was kind of a downer- I doubt Glenn Ford toppled the Brotherhood!
To me, a confirmed skeptic, this was a totally believable and disturbing story. I try not to think too much about this kind of stuff because it drives me nuts. I mean, presidential elections can't be fixed, can they? Presidents can't be assassinated simply because they're "in the way", can they? Of course not. This is America dadgummit! "Pleasant dreams", as Elvira would say.
Actually, now that I think of it, it's highly suspicious that the movie just cut off with no warning. Where's my Reynolds Wrap?
We Dive at Dawn (1943)
Good dub dub 2 submarine movie
I am a fan of submarine books and movies. Most of the movies are crap. I happened to stumble on this movie on UCSD-TV (San Diego) last night and was instantly enthralled. So much more realistic (IMHO) than the typical (American) submarine movie. Compare to "Destination Tokyo" (which I like), for instance. In that movie everything is bright and shiny and relatively uncramped. In WDaD I was thinking "whoa, Das Boot but British". Yeah, it's not perfect but I (like a previous reviewer) was impressed by the portrayal of the difficult submerged attack on the "Brandenburg".
So is this where the old "shoot a bunch of junk out of a torpedo tube so they'll think we're sunk" ploy actually originated?
Anyhoo, on my (short) list of good WWII submarine movies, I would have to put this in the top 5.
Damnation Alley (1977)
Cheesy, but watchable.
I first saw this in 1977 or 1978 while stationed at Parris Island. I just watched it again this morning on, what- MoviePlex? I must have missed the beginning of the movie every other time I've seen it because the first 20 minutes or so depicting the nuclear war starting and finishing just had my jaw dropping. So freaking believable that something like that could (still?) happen. The rest of the movie is kind of cheesy. I liked the sky effect.
I'm suprised nobody's mentioned the use of the "Land Rover" or whatever the hell it was called in an episode of Chris Elliot's "Get a Life" TV series that was on FOX for a couple of years in the early 90's. The episode was called "Paperboy 2000" and in it Chris (a 30-year old paperboy) had to battle against the robotic paper-delivery machine (the Land Rover) sort of like John Henry against the steam powered rail driving machine. Great episode of a great series. I've got the feeling the old Rover is still probably sitting in somebody's garage up in L.A. somewhere just waiting to be used in "Damnation Paper Boy Alley 3000" or something stupid like that.
I like this film.
The Tempest (1983)
A Cavalcade of Stars
I found this to be a fairly enjoyable presentation. I noted some familiar faces:
Prospero: Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. (The FBI- Inspector Lewis Erskine)
Trinculo: Ron Palillo (Welcome Back Kotter- Horshack)
Antonio: Ted Sorel (From Beyond- Dr. Pretorious)
Ron Palillo played Trinculo just like he played Horshack. Maybe that's the only type of character he can do?
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
Hoo-hah did that bite!
First, let me say that I am a huge fan of William Castle and, in particular, of the original "13 Ghosts". In fact I have two VHS copies of it & will buy it on DVD someday. Yes, it's not a very good film, but it's got... I don't know... a certain quality which I find charming. It's a movie I remember first watching late night on TV probably in the late 60's on Big Chuck and Hoolihan.
OK, that being said, I was just hoping that this remake wouldn't be too bad- maybe something along the lines of "The House on Haunted Hill" which, while not great, kept my interest until its goofy ending.
ANYHOO, I looked at my wife about 60 minutes into the remake of "13" and said "this is horrible". She just nodded mutely. I figured there was no more than 30 minutes left so I stuck it out till the end. Hoping, just hoping, for one redeeming reference or homage or ANYTHING that wasn't freaking STUPID.
Loud, moronic, and uninteresting is my three word description for this atrocity. I had real bad misgivings right from the get-go with that loud, moronic, uninteresting scene in the junkyard.
Why did they change the last name of the family from "Zorba"? Why did they remove the mother and add the housekeeper (and as someone else already commented- how could they afford her)? Why was there not at least a nod to the original film? Why am I spending this time and effort on a piece of crap film?
So very disappointing. I doubt "Dark Castle" films is going to fool me into seeing one of their "remakes" again.
BTW, I think Tony Shaloub's best work is in "Barton Fink". I thought he was excellent in his (too short) role as a harried producer.