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Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
inflated fan-service
Due to the seriously inflated fan-service rating, I'm rating this slightly lower than I usually would.
Like most folks, I'm here for Tobey Maguire. My hopes that he would put in an appearance is my sole reason for watching this movie, and he did not disappoint. I loved seeing him, and I loved watching my sister panic when she thought he died, and just, yeah, all the feels going on there.
But that fan-service and my nostalgia does not make this an amazing movie. Just like the 2nd film in Tom Holland's Spider-Man franchise, I could predict practically everything that happened. And I think it's beyond absurd that Dr. Strange would agree to Baby Holland Peter's desperate little plea and make such a mess of things. I just can't even with the craziness.
Another reviewer mentioned this being a movie about first-world problems, and yeah, it pretty much is. I went to a university that cost me $10k out of pocket and I love and use my degree. Not getting into MIT wouldn't be the end of the world, and he should have thought to talk to the university first before trying to have Strange wipe memories. It was ridiculous and I was disappointed.
I love Holland as Spider-Man, but all of the movies since Homecoming have been steadily going downhill. No Way Home had literally no plot apart from the nostalgia and wiping memories bit, so at the end of the day, Disney didn't give us anything. I could watch Thor Ragnarok on repeat, but the only reason I would watch No Way Home again is if I want to re-experience the warm fuzzies I will always have for Tobey Maguire.
On the flip-side, I did love the healing that went on for Tobey's "villains." Because let's be honest, pretty much none of them were actual villains. Bad stuff happened to each of them to change them biologically, so I love that sort of rebirth thing they did. Oh yeah, and Garfield's here too along with his villains. I was never a fan of his so his presence made no never-mind to me.
Overall, No Way Home is a trip down memory lane but little else. Some official critic called it "feel good family fun" and that couldn't be further from the truth. It's violent and scary, so yeah, don't fall for that line from the critics. Is it worth seeing? Yes, I enjoyed it enough that I'm glad I went to the theater. But 8.9 stars worth it is not.
Jungle Cruise (2021)
a true DNF
A true DNF. My sister and I watched 40 minutes until she finally looked at me and asked if we'd watched enough to determine if we liked it or not. I said yes, and I that it's a dreadful movie, she agreed, and we turned it off.
It's campy to the max, and I say that while having gone on the Jungle Cruise at Disney countless times and loving it. But the absurd humor from the ride has no place in a movie, imo.
The casting was fine. I like Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt, but they both felt a bit out of their depth here, probably because of the INSANE amounts of bad CGI. I just watched Dune. I know bad CGI vs. Good CGI and The Jungle Cruise has BAD CGI. The movie was desperately trying to be "The Mummy" movie with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz and just bombed in that department.
Maybe families will enjoy it, but I can just pluck "The Mummy" off my shelf and have a wonderful, crazy, riotous time with Rick and Evie instead of trying to whoop up enthusiasm for "The Jungle Cruise."
Hideaway (1995)
time for a remake with Timothee Chalamet
This amazing book needs a new adaptation now, before Timothee Chalamet gets any older, meaning we've got about 10 years before he starts to look like he's even in his twenties. Would I cast Timothee in the role of a psychopathic serial killer, yes, yes I would, because he would own the role of Vassago. That character both repels and attracts me in the book and Timothee would be so utterly sexy and terrifying while playing him. If I could get a copy of this book into his hands, I would so do it.
With that off my chest, this poor, sad, unfaithful 1995 adaptation of Koontz's brilliant novel is a pure disgrace. And I say all of that while adoring Jeff Goldblum as an actor. He doesn't fit the description of Hatch in the slightest, but it's Goldblum and I could have lived with that if that had been the only change.
It's just that Goldblum fangirling aside this movie DID NOT WORK. It could have and would have if the screenplay writers had tried to follow Koontz's book. I'm really looking at the character of Regina if I'm going to be honest. Where is my precocious 10-year-old disabled child that I love so much?! The change to sexpot teenager was completely disrespectful to the author's original intent. Regina is the heart of the novel and they ruined her in this movie.
Another issue I have is the complete lack of Catholicism in this movie when it is all over the book. Koontz is a Catholic for goodness' sake so he believes in God! As does Regina, the way Koontz wrote her. She's a little Catholic orphan that Hatch and Lindsay adopt, but that's kinda hard to do if you've made Regina their biological daughter and they're not Catholic! I would have been fine with the tarot card reader spiritualist lady if she'd been in the book, but nope, she wasn't, so why the heck was she in the movie?
Finally, Vassago. Yes, you heard me, Vassago, the antagonist of the story. I have absolutely nothing against Jeremy Sisto, in fact, I think he did an acceptable job in the role with what he was given, but the director needed to take a different approach. In the book, we have entire portions of chapters dedicated to his point of view. The novel is literally told from 4 main points of view overall: Hatch, Lindsay, Regina, and VASSAGO. And, just between us, Vassago's POV is the most intriguing part of the novel followed closely by Regina's POV. He is subtle and polite (which scares the hell out of me in the book) and does everything with a cold and calculating attitude. He has no emotions apart from the sexual high he gets from hunting and killing. And where are his scenes in the movie? He should have been appearing waaaaaaay sooner in the movie and he needed to have far more scenes separate from Hatch's nightmares, not just the ending. The audience needed to follow Vassago down his story. He also needed to always wear those sunglasses. They're not a statement of coolness, he wears them because his eyes are seriously messed up and uber light-sensitive. He can't NOT wear them and he certainly wouldn't take them off in a rave and he wouldn't start smashing lights in a weird freak-out because he doesn't have them on. Because he ALWAYS has them on. So, we're left with a fairly muddled mess without really honing in on Vassago's motivations with any sort of accuracy. He's crucial to the story, and in this film, it's almost like he took a backseat. I'm sure they were trying to make him more mysterious, but Vassago is mysterious and scary as hell anyway the way Koontz originally designed him so give the murdering psycho more of his own scenes!
Now, for those of you who have NOT read the novel, that's fine. Watch the movie, enjoy it, because that's what I did before reading the book. Then I read the book and my mind was completely blown and I was thoroughly disgusted with this film and its director. Is it a horrible movie on its own, no, probably not. It's a bit campy, and the special effects are VERY dated at this point, but it's got its own pizzazz, sort of. If you haven't read the book. I know I'm repeating myself, but truth is truth, and yeah, fans of the book are pretty much guaranteed to hate this movie. I say that while still admitting that I've re-watched it a couple of times in hopes that my opinion will improve and it never does. Such sadness.
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004)
pure yum
I'll lay odds that every straight girl and gay guy out there dreams of a guy like Javier. We watch this movie because, on a very primal level, we want to be Katey having this experience with Javier. If that's not why you're watching this movie, then I'm not sure why you bothered, quite frankly. We want to feel what she feels as he wakes her up. Javier's fresh and exciting and different, contrasting a sensual magnetism and uninhibited nature that is purely Diego Luna with a respect for Katey in the little movements like putting her dress strap back on her shoulder and offering to carry her bookbag. If anyone is uninhibited, it's Diego. If you don't believe me, watch Y tu mamá también. Steam comes off that movie of the hetero and homo-erotic variety.
Is Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights the best thing ever, no, but it doesn't matter. Diego and Romola's attraction and chemistry blaze so intensely that nobody actually cares about a plot at the end of the day. The entire film could have been about them dancing and making out, oh wait, it kinda was. But I love it. I love the Latin American influence. I love that Diego Luna can make me fall in love with him with one smile and hip wiggle. And I even love that it makes me cry. It's the exotic nature of the film that makes it exciting and sensual and they cast the perfect exotic leading man.
Rurôni Kenshin: Meiji kenkaku roman tan (2012)
a terrific introductory film
Most Japanese movies never seem to hit popularity in the western world, so it's nice to see a franchise that people genuinely seem to love. And rightly so.
This film is brilliant. It's a fabulous introduction to the character, giving Sato Takeru a lot to begin building on as he continues to play the character in the franchise. It captures the comedy of the original manga and the seriousness of it, allowing Kenshin to be both a nice, silly guy and a man with a violent past. He's scary and he's funny and he's lovable, all neatly compartmentalized. It's intriguing when each one of those compartments unlocks itself to let the audience in.
Violence, yes, quite a bit, with lots of blood flying. What else would you expect? It's a samurai movie with lots of swords. In keeping with tradition, women are demeaned by men in power (not by Kenshin), but still manage to be strong role models. Japan usually balances a strong female character while allowing her to still be feminine, and that's what we have here.
Can't praise Sato Takeru enough. He's the ideal choice for Kenshin because he does balance all of those facets of Kenshin's personality so well, and fits the manga design. Kenshin is a rather androgynous looking man, and Sato Takeru is definitely that.
Overall, a terrific introductory film to Rurouni Kenshin.
Odd Thomas (2013)
a decent and respectful adaptation
7 stars is a reasonable rating for a film adaptation of one of my favorite novels by one of my favorite authors. It's probably 80% accurate to the book, which is huge. Loved most of the casting choices, especially Addison Timlin as Stormy and Anton Yelchin as Odd Thomas. There's a specific vibe and personality that people expect from Odd Thomas and Anton (may he rest in peace) filled the bill almost to perfection. Not a fan of Willem Dafoe so he didn't work for me, but meh, it's not that crucial that I like him. It's a nice way of honoring a really terrific book franchise. Now I'm just waiting with my fingers' crossed for a miniseries of Odd Thomas. I could almost see Timothée Chalamet as our Odd One so he's my casting choice. If you're a fan of Koontz's book series, give this movie a try. It's worth it, and actually honors the original work, which is unfortunately rare with Koontz book to film adaptations. *cough, Hideaway, cough*
The Count of Monte-Cristo (1975)
it tries, but that's about it
Nothing personal, but this film is far too abridged. And while I admire Richard Chamberlain, I'm still not sure he was the right casting choice for Dantes. Is it worth a watch? Yes. But it's not really an accurate rendering of the novel. Too many things were changed, and I'm sorry, but what in the world is Tony Curtis doing in this movie? I had an issue with Donald Pleasance showing up, but Tony Curtis?! It just doesn't quite work. I would almost rather watch a version with an entirely unknown cast because at least then the film would be allowed to tell the story without having to highlight their celebrity stars.
The Slipper and the Rose: The Story of Cinderella (1976)
in desperate need of a wider audience
This one really needs a wider audience. You have high quality cast from Richard Chamberlain to Michael Hordern, and of course, the introduction of Gemma Craven as Cinderella. It's lovely, the songs are snappy and snarky from the brilliant Sherman brothers, and it's just a delightful film. It's made even more delightful because it's unusually told from the prince's perspective instead of Cinderella's. We spend most of our time with him, and since it's Richard Chamberlain, that just makes the story more interesting. The setting is gorgeous, the costuming is gorgeous, and it's now been released on bluray which is equally as gorgeous. Hands' down one of my top favorite versions of Cinderella. I could pretty much watch it on repeat.
Beauty and the Beast (2017)
too much Emma, not enough Belle
I love Dan Stevens, but can't stand Emma Watson anymore. I feel like she had far too much input into the portrayal and wardrobe of Belle, which is why the character ceases to be a bright, vivacious, lovely young woman and becomes a dowdy, frowny, unpleasant girl with a chip on her shoulder. Sort of like the actress.
The CGI was fine, nothing super original. At the end of the day, Dan Stevens is the only thing I remember with any fondness, and I say that while also really loving Kevin Kline. But poor Kevin is completely forgettable here. This is the worst animated to live action remake that I've seen from Disney, which is probably why I've kinda stopped watching those remakes now. Cinderella and Aladdin were the only ones of interest to me and I should have gone with my gut instinct and just skipped Beauty and the Beast altogether. Alas I didn't skip it, hence this review.
Cinderella (2021)
a disappointing remake
A truly disappointing remake of a classic fairytale. I feel like Ella Enchanted already did this, only better, and if we were going to go with yet another Cinderella story, maybe it should have gone darker instead of sillier. To say nothing of the progressive activism. That's gotten old at this point. I have nothing against the performers other than saying that maybe they should read scripts a little more carefully in the future before agreeing to something. A movie like this can ruin an actor's career. I doubt ruination will be the case here, but I'm surprised these performers were willing to take such a risk.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
watching for Johnny Depp, ending up liking it for itself
At the end of the day, modern audiences are going to watch "A Nightmare on Elm Street" for a twenty-something Johnny Depp in a crop top. I mean, come on folks, that's the motivation. And I get it, he was my motivation for watching it too.
BUT, I do think the story is better than I was expecting. Is it perfect, no, like the impossibility of Freddy manifesting in the real world when the characters are all awake at the end of the movie. Wes Craven would agree with me, as I already know, and I wish they'd kept his original ending instead of allowing things to be set up for endless sequels and remakes. Oh well. But a lot of people have an internal fear of their nightmares manifesting so it's clever to make a movie with that as the premise. Especially considering this was 1984. The 80s had a lot of neat and crazy ideas, and this film is one of them.
I enjoyed it enough to have re-watched it twice already, and I guess that's saying something since my first time watching it was only in 2020. I guess it has some sort of staying power.
Screen Two: Northanger Abbey (1987)
painful beyond words
I'm not sure if it's Peter Firth or the abominable musical score that makes this version a complete fail, BUT SOMETHING DOES. This is even more painful than the Felicity Jones version, and I didn't think that was possible. I keep waiting for an accurate adaptation of my favorite Austen novel, but I'm losing hope that one will ever come my way.
BBC Play of the Month: On Approval (1982)
a pure delight
I happen to have a recorded copy from television and it's a wonder I haven't worn it out. Jeremy Brett is most known for Sherlock Holmes, but he is an absolute treasure in this role of such a pretentious, overstuffed peacock of a man. If only Jeremy's filmed plays would be released someday in a collection, I would absolutely buy them. As it stands, the only ones I can watch are On Approval and The Picture of Dorian Gray, both magnificent, but sadly giving an incomplete view of Jeremy's acting chops. Unless one was lucky enough to be an adult in the 70s in England, of which I, alas was not.
If you can get your hands on a recorded copy of "On Approval," do it. Maybe it's on YouTube. Do whatever you must to watch it. This one's an absolute keeper.
Into the Woods (2014)
not for me
I just can't stand the story. I've seen the stage play, watched the movie, and I still hate the story. No offense to the production or the actors. But no amount of pretty cinematography or decent performances can make me like Into the Woods.
Dune (2021)
it's about time
While knowing absolutely nothing about this franchise other than the unpleasant experience of once watching the 1984 film, I can honestly say I didn't know what to expect with the 2021 film. Other than being insanely hopeful that this might just be the first sci fi film in years that meets my expectations.
It turns out that Dune 2021 exceeded my expectations in every respect. The special affects feel organic without detracting from the story. The performances left me in awe, particularly Oscar Isaac and Timothee Chalamet, a young actor who I'd never encountered before. And of course, the awesomenss that is Jason Momoa, an actor I've loved since his Stargate Atlantis days. Kudos to Rebecca Ferguson, and it will be interesting to see what goes on with Zendaya's character. She didn't have much to do in Part One, but what she did have, I liked.
I came out of the theatre positively delighted with this film. Despite being 2 1/2 hours long, I wanted more. That's the sign of a good movie. And the fact that not once did I roll my eyes or find my thoughts wandering is equally the sign of an excellent science fiction movie. No offense to Star Wars, but it wasn't as good as it could have been, and the same goes for the never-ending stream of Marvel movies. I have been desperate for something new in the genre, but with classic sci-fi appeal. Dune 2021 hit that mark for me and the last movie to manage it was Mad Max Fury Road.
I am supremely impressed, can hardly wait to get back into the theatre to watch it a second time, and am now in eager anticipation for the announced sequel. Thank goodness we won't be left hanging. Now to read the book.
Rebecca (1979)
An Absolute Gem
While I've never yet gotten through the book, I have now watched 3 film adaptations of Rebecca and even listened to the Orson Welles' radio play.
The 1979 version with the sublime Jeremy Brett remains my favorite. He plays Maxim in a way that makes me like the character. There is a softness to him, reminding the audience that before he became so bitter and cold, he was probably a lovely man and can be one again.
Joanna David plays an excellent Mrs. De Winter, the only woman so far who feels genuine in the role. And I say that deeply liking Joan Fontaine's performance. But Joanna David just knocked it out of the park.
I would give anything for this 1979 version to be officially released on DVD. It deserves a much wider audience. The ultimate dream.
Strange Magic (2015)
upbeat and nostalgic
I am so confused by the hate this movie gets.
Strange Magic is a gorgeous animated picture, and as a couple of other viewers have mentioned, it has a Beauty and the Beast flair where the Beast doesn't actually have to change. Can we just talk about the awesomeness that is Alan Cumming? I mean, seriously, the man makes me fall in love with Bog King every time I watch this movie and I have watched it many, many times.
The music is fun and upbeat, the story is cute and nostalgic (maybe that's what bugs people?), and it has a happily ever after ending that is atypical. It's not really for kids, but that's fine with me because I love animated films and I am definitely not a kid.
Many thanks to George Lucas for creating one of my favorite animated movies with one of my top favorite romantic couples of all time.
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
all the things
I both like and hate this film.
Kirk is horrific. And I say that while usually liking Chris Pine. But this is not James T. Kirk and I'm sick of this false version of him. He's nothing but a rebellious brat who never learns his lesson. Spare me.
John Cho. I'm going to say something unfavorable here. Hikaru Sulu is not Korean. He is of Japanese heritage. Which is why the original actor, George Takei, was Japanese American. Not Korean. Cho gave a decent enough performance, but he should not have been cast as a Japanese character. Asians should not be considered interchangeable anymore, people. There are loads of brilliant actors of Japanese descent, even if you have to go to Japan to find them. And guess what? Most of them even speak English. Wow, who knew. *rolls eyes*
I won't bother going too deep into my intense dislike of Zachary Quinto as Spock. He just doesn't work in that role, never has, never will. And while I like Zoe Saldana overall, she is not Nichelle Nichols, the woman who set the bar for Nyota Uhura that no one else will ever be able to touch.
BUT, we do have Benedict Cumberbatch, and while I believe it would have been a smart choice to actually cast someone like Dev Patel for the role of Khan, Benedict saved this movie for me. Because he outperformed almost everyone. Except for Karl Urban and Simon Pegg who were solely used for comedic relief and did their jobs well, however pitiful their character development. I am not a Cumberbitch and never will be, but I appreciate a charismatic performance as much as the next person and Benedict sure delivered on that. You know it's bad when you're rooting for Khan all the way through the film because the crew of the Enterprise are so annoying.
Except for Anton Yelchin as Chekov. You gave a good performance with the minuscule bit of screen-time tossed your way. RIP.
At the end of the day, it's actors like Bruce Greenwood, Anton Yelchin, and Benedict Cumberbatch who made this film remotely palatable to me. Otherwise, this isn't Star Trek. And I say that from a long and loyal history of being a Trekkie.
It (1990)
a fairly complete and mostly accurate adaptation
This miniseries utilizes the best parts of an incredibly long and somewhat laborious novel and dumps the rest, including the somewhat grotesque and questionable bits involving the kids.
What the audience is left with is a miniseries devoid of gore and foul language (thank you, because I hate foul language). There is so much to be said for the "less is more" approach and it really works here. The mind thinks it's seen something when it really hasn't, that takes some skill to accomplish onscreen.
The cast is outstanding, particularly the children, but I'm a loyal Jonathan Brandis fan from way back (RIP). He was a remarkable child performer, a fact made so clear through his outstanding performance as young Bill. Richard Thomas doesn't fit the book description of the grown-up Bill, but I can mostly forgive that change since it's Richard Thomas. Annette O'Toole is a doll, as always. What I didn't appreciate, though, was the change to Ben Hanscom's character as an adult. He is not a drunken lech in the novel, and I cannot fathom why they made that change for the miniseries. Brandon Crane, on the other hand, was excellent as young Ben and the writers got his character almost spot-on.
And of course, we have Tim Curry as Pennywise. No one will ever top his performance, ever.
A fairly complete, mostly accurate attempt at bringing Stephen King's story to life, the 1990 miniseries stands the test of time and does honor to the story's original author.
Secret Window (2004)
tightly woven psychological thriller
Johnny Depp gets a bit of a bum rap these days, but his performance in Secret Window continues to amaze and impress me. I've never read Stephen King's short story, but have read many of his other books/novellas and I have to say, this feels like King. It's a fast-paced, tightly woven screenplay with a topnotch performer in the leading role. I wouldn't change a thing and for folks who love psychological thrillers, Secret Window shouldn't be missed.