kanankoipi-56197 Reviews

Mimesis Nosferatu (2018)

A role to die for... or undie?

[7/10 · 16 April 2024]

I find no reason for the low ratings other than the respective viewers didn't like the flick.

Taking in account the low budget this is a true gem!

Sure, the minimalistic surroundings and makeup make much more sense after having seen the original 1922 Nosferatu.

Also, bear in mind, this is a movie about a theater play, so the setup is theatrical.

You just don't get shapeshifting CGI miscreants and moldy castle walls in a half a million budget.

Instead you have an amateur theater troupe making a school play, and they make do with what they have with flying colors.

Julie Kline really claims her fame here in the Scream Queens' Hall of Fame.

There is a decent amount of blood here, but die hard fans of the slasher genre may still expect more.

This is what you get for your buck and a half.

Explaining the deeper meaning of the gory deaths would just kill your imagination, just like in the original century old Nosferatu.

Dracula is evil and the evil here is Dracula, and you connect the dots.

An Acrid Yarn (2010)

No rest for the ungodly

[7/10 · 30 December 2023]

A wicked preacher never runs short of sermon material, as they say.

This must take place in a very small backwater town without any kind of law or clerical enforcement

enabling the Preacher as well as the

townfolks to solve their conflicts in a most medieval manner just by snuffing their adversaries

and burying them in the back yard.

A true story or not, the antagonist, our intrepid preacher is a morbid example of a self appointed

Holy Man entiled to any sexual or otherwise degenerate liberties.

The protagonist is no Knight in Shining Armour either, with his rude behaviour towards all and anyone.

The Damsels in Distress here are just helpless victims, pillaged ruthlessly by both rival parties.

Points for describing what small town religious tyranny is at its worst

and the straightforward methods how it is encountered.

Yup, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Absolute power received from Above, well, You decide...

Spirit Quest (2021)

Just what is this?

[1/10 · 29 December 2023]

Two dopeheads in the desert in a stream of consciousness Odyssey in search of I sure don't know what.

There is not much plot or story whatsoever.

Someone has defined this as a comedy. It might as well be a buddy road movie or just plain meaningless practice shooting with film equipment.

Or then maybe Yours Truly is just too stupid to understand the artistic finesse about this movie.

Sorry, but I just fail to see the point of this.

The movie isn't actually bad. It is just meaningless.

Maybe it could be interpreted as a mere hallucinogenic journey into hallucinogens?

In that case, better depictions of the subject do exist.

Brain Freeze (I) (2021)

Green revolution eats the rich

[3/10 · 19 October 2023]

So, if you are one the entitled rich you have three necessary things you need to survive a zombie apocalypse:

1. Never drink tap water.

2. Always carry a smartphone.

3. Have blue collar friends to help you.

If you want to rejoice at the schadenfreude of the misfortune of the upper classes in the form of mother Nature claiming her own, then you are dead right with this movie.

Otherwise, don't bother.

There is a definite symbolism in a green revolution eating the rich, as it were.

Also the fact the filming was interrupted by COVID, somehow adds to the setting.

The closed minded radio DJ narrator is just obnoxious with his preaching the revolt against the rich while making racist remarks in the stride about immigrants while personally he is dead worried about the virus spreading. Nuke them all but not me, seems to be his train of thought.

Maybe some more explanatory notes maybe in the form of a conspiracy would have saved the plot.

Still, politics aside, a decent small budget effort at a zombie flick.

Screwdriver (2020)

Tennesseesploitation?

[7/10 · 20 June 2023]

Never heard of such genre, but this is what Tennesseesploitation is all about.

No way to write anything politically correct here.

I absolutely refuse to believe everyone down south is an overweight inbred violent redneck moron, however you certainly might get that idea watching this.

Cheap is written all over this movie. Add another Franklin bill to the budget and it would be ruined beyond repair.

Not a B-movie, not even a C-movie, can't imagine how far down the alphabet this has to go.

But irrefutably FUN! I bet the crew had the laughs of their lives making it. Maybe a sequel 'Making of Screwdriver'?

Consensus Reality (2018)

This movie makes no sense...

[2/10 · 15 May 2023]

...but it brings forth the flaw of urban design in presenting how spaced out an architectural visionary possibly can be.

Names of a variety of eschatological entities are freely dropped around with no actual relevance to the story, but they help to construct a mythical atmosphere.

Ancient Greek tragedies come to mind with the Odyssey deep into the madness.

Not a very clinically accurate dissection of a deranged person's inner workings, the hero is more like an obsessive compulsive than a schizoid.

Somehow, the story in itself is captivating, you expect a raving demiurge to pop out any time.

However, no such luck, it is all in the mind...

The Reluctant Traveler: Finland (2023) Season 1, Episode 1

Mr. Levenstein's arctic escapade

[3/10 · 15 March 2023]

Mr. Levenstein trying to delve to the root of Finland as the happiest nation in the world?

Well, if soaking up vodka and plunging about in a freezing lake meets the definition of happy, perhaps the three people of Lapland per square mile are just that.

Actually, trying to convince Finns of their mythical happiness count with their annual 14/100000 suicide rate, this is like trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip.

It looks more like a travel ad for Business Finland LLC's Visit Finland project.

For some reason this show has not as of yet been broadcast in Finland.

The truth of Lapland is, it is all for visitors, the average Finn gets a weekend in Lapland at the same price as a two weeker in Gran Canaria.

On the sunny side, there is mr. Levy's good natured dry wit combined with exotic landscapes.

Even a skeptical Finn turns a dry smile while watching this.

Dead Or? (2021)

Here be fæcces, vardögers and etiäinens...

[3/10 · 24 February 2023]

Deals with the anquish of not being able to perform the last rites to endeared ones passed away in times of trouble.

Dark things may set about to manifest, whether from the murks of your own mind or on a spiritual level, if not an actual Lazarus syndrome.

Probably that is why the coins are left for Kharon, so he would take the deceased to the other side not to find back, along with other customary things to do before the funeral.

A quaint little piece in a Covid backdrop, with some educationally fostering elements on how important it is to wear masks.

Not much in the way of true horror, but the feisty Bettina Santillanas really brings about this movie. Some might even consider this a dark comedy.

The Last Thanksgiving (2020)

Nobody would believe an honest 10

[9/10 · 20 February 2023]

An low budget masterpiece cannibal slasher in its own right.

Good camera work on wide 1:2.35 screen ratio and fresh new faces, with exception of the ever so radiant Linnea Quiqley.

Gore department relies more on fast changing camera angles than prosthethics, but still pretty bloody.

The story carries well through the hour and 13 minutes, there is really no need for more, wish there'd be more compact movies like this.

A novel idea to have Thanksgiving as the backdrop of a horror flick, maybe Halloween and Christmas are getting to be something of a cliche.

Looking for more to come of this crew in the future.

I'd give a 10/10, but nobody would believe I'm not affiliated with the production in any way, shape or form.

The 12th Victim (2023)

To each generation its own

[4/10 · 20 February 2023]

The fable of young outlaw lovers lives on - at least in Lincoln, Nebraska.

As the story is passed on, each new generation has to put its imprint on the chronicle.

From pulp fiction to celluloid and VHS, the folktale develops from murks of desperate, illicit underage sex filled rampage to the essence of digital #metoo era.

The law is as it is interpreted. Charles was lucky enough not to be made a political exhibit of and fried fairly promptly, while luckless Caril was discerned too young and innocent to get the chair and too wicked to let go free, interpretations varying from a fire breathing termagant to a scared little orphan Annie.

Somehow, I can't make connection between Charles and James Dean, he has more like the air of James Cagney in 1937 "Angels with Dirty Faces".

Oh yeah, the Establishment has got its pound of flesh, alright.

A Murder in the Family: Cheryl Hooper (2023) Season 1, Episode 1

Extended suicide botched

[3/10 · 13 February 2023]

A narcissistic husband shooting his saintly hardworking wife in a fit of jealous rage.

Or this is the picture ITV wants to paint before our eyes.

The plentiful police body cam footage serves only as social pornography, American murder documents present these as re-enactments with good picture quality instead of the original narrow screen pixel jumble here. How do they ever solve crimes based on such poor picture quality in the UK?

All 46 minutes are from the victim's perspective, the vile excuse of a husband and his mindset are arbitrarily brushed aside.

For argument's sake, maybe nothing is as it seems.

Let's just look at the picture of Jack and Cheryl, it is obvious from the start Cheryl is way out of Jack's league.

A peat pushing farmer and a city wise exuberant divorcee. Storm on the horizon.

Jack buys Cheryl a brand new Range Rover. Any woman with the moral fiber short of a gold digger should realize such lavish gifts are over the top. No free lunch here.

For the first half an hour the viewer is presented with details of a murder most foul.

First in the last ten minutes or so it is revealed that after shooting Cheryl, Jack tried to take also his own life, only managing to shoot his face to a bloody messy pulp.

Is there a way you can miss your own head at point blank range? An Act of God or self preservation kicking in?

Also before his killing rampage, Jack hastily drafted his last will and testament.

This spells more like extended suicide, to Jack's misfortune only half accomplished.

Jack will never go free. I'm not a big fan of capital punishment, but what kind of half life will he ever have serving time for the rest of his days with half of his face blown away in his botched suicide attempt?

Law must take its course, for sure. But in this particular case, wouldn't assisted suicide,with the option of organ donation as a short compensation for the damage done, be the only humane course of action?

Maybe a swift and resolute behind the barn execution, without the American endless appeals and tedium of death row theatrics?

I suppose this just isn't done in a civilized society.

But walking a mile in Jack's shoes, he must feel like a quadruple loser: Losing his wife, losing guns, i.e. His phallic implements, losing his face, both physically and socially, and losing his freedom left with just a miserable dreg of a life locked up under constant care of nurses and prison staff?

Isn't the finale mercy killing of "The Fly" (1986) just like a Solomon's verdict compared with this case?

A thought, British justice seems to have lost its teeth with the retirement of Mr. Pierrepoint and the hangman's noose, arises.

A detailed 5-hour dissertation of the mindset of a gun crazy farmer going berzerk is in the director's cut Finnish 1972 film "Eight Fatal Bullets". This is Jack all over again, God forbid.

Temps (2016)

Not really convincing, but has its moments

[6/10 · 5 February 2023]

20 somethings in search of the meaning for their very existence.

Get a job and do as little productive work as you possibly can, seems to be their credo.

This romantic comedy has its highlights in spite of the mostly hollow characters.

Jeff and Curtis are so phony, no straight guys go out dressed in almost the same colors to drink the same beer sitting at the bar side by side.

And their den, while with a broken screen door and a few unfinished bottles on the table, does not a convincing man cave make. How about a dart board, movie posters or a few stolen traffic signs on the wall? Maybe a pinball machine?

There are a few free spirits, though, like Jeff's father having left the rat race to live in a sailboat to grow weed and get high, or the dildo shop salesgirl "I'll kill you laughing" Lorelei.

20 minutes or more of her laughter would certainly exceed the human LD50 threshold.

But actually the only character making this movie worth seeing is Stephanie by the übercute Lindsey Shaw.

A 6/10 with 2 points for Lindsey, one for Jeff´s father and Lorelei and the rest is worth 3.

Kaikki pelissä (1994)

Cheesy as a Swiss cheese...

[5/10 · 25 January 2023]

Director Matti Kassila's final crime drama of 1994.

Seen almost 30 years later, it serves as a cavalcade of some of the top Finnish actors of that day, but falls way flat of Kassila's renowned Inspector Palmu movies.

The underhand political back story, however up to date with its embezzlement and money laundering theme it may have seemed back in the day, remains only as a footnote in the story.

The investigative methods of inspector Nummensyrjä are all too simple, he would never solve anything more complex than a smash and grab playing with open cards like he does.

A long way from the creative and intricate deduction by Inspector Palmu.

Plot is full of holes like a Swiss cheese.

Sorry to say, but the movie's FIM 9-million budget should have brought forward a little more.

The camera work is decent, though. A 5/10 for the colorful summer story.

Never Die Young (2013)

Expect no mercy

[21 January 2023]

A compelling tale of deadly scythe dance with the Grim Reaper packed in just over one hour.

A powerful study of a young man's asocial personality disorder developing into a full blown revenge, and going down in flames along it, against the Establishment and the faceless authorities representing it.

If the reality of life is too harsh why not simply change it?

This movie keeps the viewer hoping against hope for an outcome of the death spiral, while the protagonist just dispassionately embraces the ultimate outcome as inevitable.

Anyone considering a life of drugs should see this first. The choice is yours.

Temporary Suspicion (2022)

The wind...

[8/10 · 21 January 2023]

...blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

A marketing executive finds himself in a kafkaesque situation where he has practically ceased to exist.

Locked out of anything resembling his former life, he declines to just curl up and be no more, trying to make sense of the situation, and mostly getting into deeper trouble doing so.

Your first impression is another family friendly up the corporate ladder movie, but if you stay focused past the first fifteen minutes, things start to get interesting.

A true low budget gem, a captivating thriller with dark comedy undertones.

Kohtalo tekee siirron (1959)

Decent noir

[7/10 · 15 January 2023]

A quaint Finnish film noir whodunnit from late 1950's.

All characters are presented a little humanly flawed, though no one really has thoroughly rotten morals, if not counting the constant smoking and drinking. Maybe they had a bonus case of whisky to get this movie wrapped? Even the detectives arriving to the murder scene start the proceedings with lit cigarettes.

The numerous musical numbers seem unnecessary towards the plot. They are probably just added to receive a lower tax classification than a straightforward crime movie.

But these, rather classy numbers in their own right, along with Helsinki street views, aptly deliver the contemporary black and white atmosphere.

All of Them Witches (2022 TV Movie)

Modern sexually biased bonfire

[2/10 · 7 January 2023]

Not a single white heterosexual male gets to say a word in this awfully biased documentary.

Witchcraft is here credited for suffragettes, women's right to vote, end of Vietnam war and what not.

All witches here are portrayed positive and beautiful.

Where are the toothless crooked nosed bitter old hag witches? I'm sure they exist as well.

As to the witch hunts of the Middle Ages, the judges and priests were those days naturally men sworn to office, but I can imagine the fiercest witch accusers and witnesses as begrudging fellow women.

2/10 points for fairly well visualization, but lacking in drama, tiny tidbits of information and the right stuff.

Lady Moonflower (1976)

Times they are a-changing...

[4/10 · 26 December 2022]

This movie is all about rape and subjugation.

In this day and age, it probably would never ever pass the censors in any civilized country.

Be that as it may, camera work and visual presentation pays fantastic homage to the ancient Japanese rope art known as Shibari.

This movie is no stranger to pain, tears, humiliation and whipping, while avoiding everything untoward like gore, blood and, Heaven forbid, pubic hair.

Well, this is 1976 for you, anyone with a modern feminist mindset will go of her - or his - rockers watching this.

Watch at your own discretion, if you have the stomach for it.

The Same Circles (2017)

Lonely rider and a four way wrench

[7/10 · 19 December 2022]

A very minimalistic piece of work here. Don't be fooled by the classification 'drama' , with horses and revolvers instead of a modern backdrop, this could as well be a western about a lonely rider carrying vengeance.

Don't get mad, get even, they say. Well, our intrepid protagonist sure gets both. Armed with just blind rage and a four way wrench, he steamrolls all of his enemies one by one until reaching the final catharsis.

Not much of a dialogue here, the action speaks for itself.

A little slow at the beginning, but it is like a free fall through a void of madness up to terminal velocity.

A model example of a redeeming film with a low budget.

Wait, Wait, Don't Kill Me (2020)

Not too bad.

[7/10 · 11 December 2022]

Fresh faces and decrepit places instead of a Tinseltown fable.

Sure indeed, the budget in obvious judging by special effects and, or the acting. But then again, this is part of the attraction.

Question between an individual's right to survive against the Government's desire to wipe out undesirables is aptly raised.

Also pointed out is how blasé we are about a fellow man's distress. So what if a zombie eats someone alive in the middle of the street?

The movie gets almost prophetical considering it has been filmed in 2015-17, well before the pandemic in spite of being released first in 2020.

A solid 7/10 is in order, perhaps with a little more action and less talk it would have made 8/10.

No Reasons (2016)

Maggots

[10/10 · 6 December 2022]

There is a sick twist upon a sick twist upon a sick twist in this movie, you really have to pay attention to keep up. Just when you thought this is weird, then it gets even weirder.

A fair warning: this movie could be too thick for some, but against all hope, this is what could be going on in any neighborhood, decent or not.

You are left feeling like having opened a can of maggots and found - maggots, but the shocking experience should be worth watching.

A refreshing aspect with British actors instead of run of the mill Hollywood ones, you can't instantly read out who is a bad guy and who is a good guy, not that there are too many good ones here.

Shock Docs: Ghosts of Flight 401 (2022) Season 3, Episode 6

A decent ghost story

[6/10 · 31 October 2022]

Do you really need to flaunt such oddball technolgy to make contact with the spirits? Wouldn't an Ouija board do?

Average viewer wouldn't know the used apparatus from snake oil or a flying saucer's control panel, neither are they explained in any way.

50th anniversary of the tragedy of flight 401 is near, so maybe this is why the story is revisited.

Or is it just to appease the restless spirits?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the one to contest paranormal phenomena; They are as real as you believe they are. The Everglades crash site at night is creepy enough even without stressing the fact there are alligators and pythons.

References to Bermuda Triangle and Coral Castle seem a bit like added frills, they don't really contribute to the story. Fact is that most flights in and out of Miami have the intended outcome. That said, it is an intriguing thought there are three separate air disasters just miles away from each other.

A decent ghost story, if you are not too familiar with the case from earlier documents.

Robbing Mussolini (2022)

War not gore

[8/10 · 27 October 2022]

A scoundrel story following good neo-noir fashion with leading ladies Isabella Ferrari in black as the falling regime, and Matilda de Angelis in red as the new era, symbolizing the transition of power in 1945 Italy.

The Italian ragtag protagonists, as it were, promote themselves from petty black market affairs to try to get rich quick by grabbing no less than a truckload of Mussolini's gold. Go big or go home, as they say.

The evil Nazis and Fascists in their fancy uniforms are stereotypically mostly represented in a rather unpleasant light lacking only horns, so not much guesswork is required in deciding which party to root for.

Not much in the way of blood and gore, just a few gunfights and one car chase, but a fair story to while away an hour and a half. The opening and closing credits are played together with anachronistic "Paint it Black" (Tutto Nero in Italian, translates as Everything Black) which kind of makes sense in the end remembering the Fascists' black shirts.

In the way of gore, there are more plentiful war films than this with a Netflix TV-MA rating. Anyways, a modern dissolution of Italy's fascist past not sinking to the level of preaching.

The Social Ones (2019)

Plastic People...

[4/10 · 20 October 2022]

How to ridicule a phenomenon that is already ridiculous in itself? Your best shot is probably to appear serious.

The cast of Influencers are so phony you have hard time deciding if the actors are just phony pretending to be phony or are they striving towards a serious effort. Is it a sordid act of a funny thing or a funny act of a sordid thing? A clue is perhaps Dixie Bell's character: Is it Southern accent or is it a New Yorker faking a Southern accent?

The Commentator side of the cast for its part is overly matter of fact, which is good for a laugh or two.

Which brings us to the second clue: How far out from the real world is professor Schpelnick's character?

Not falling short of the mark, the movie manages to raise a philosophical question of the nature of our very existence. Is it physical or merely digital? Maybe everything just takes place in a simulation software? Are we made of bytes or bits of flesh and bone? I think, therefore I am. Or am I?

Mona ja palavan rakkauden aika (1983)

O youth!

[6/10 · 2 October 2022]

A rarely seen little piece by the Grand Master Mikko Niskanen taking place in Lahti, sometimes even credited as Chicago of Finland.

Young Anna-Leena Härkönen radiates as adolescent Mona getting the Buzz of Religion, the Finnish verb "hurahtaa" (=meaning among other things to buzz, to speed by, as well as in a derogatory sense to get the religion, go a little crazy) describing what she goes through just perfectly.

The snake in the Paradise, minor but necessary evils in the film are looming as themes of teenage pregnancy, Mona's father's alcoholism and a reference to a preacher having raped an underage girl, otherwise this film would make Sunday school material.

Contemporary punk rock and on the other side religious hymns aptly symbolize the bargaining between Good and Evil.

Mostly a good natured film of youth, passion, summer and seen today also as a nostalgic blast from the 80's. How innocent we were then!