steveniemi-89906 Reviews

The 24th (2020)

Thomas Haden Church?

[4/10 · 14 December 2023]

While I love Thomas Haden Church's roles, especially in Sideways, he in no way should have ever been cast as a southern Colonel, one who was born and raised in 1900's Virginia. His accent is clearly California surfer, which is fine, that's who he is. Cool as a cuke, laid back, suave.

But a southern officer, in Texas, in the early 1900's? Maybe he could have worked with a voice coach, and developed a southern accent, or, maybe they culd have cast someone already fit for the part. He has the look, but not the voice or inflections. He's surrounded by a mix of mediocre to good actors, and his misfitting accent, really distracts.

Good story, and I'm glad it was told.

The Meg (2018)

Bingbing Li cannot act

[2/10 · 8 December 2023]

She really ruins this movie, with her lackluster, deadpan delivery. She doesn't even try. How do actors this get cast? It has to do with "global appeal", and needing to cast actors with certain connections, to make sure seats are sold in certain parts of the world.

Globalization of Hollywood is what's brought modern movie-making down to this level.

The script is far-fetched, but plays on a fun age-old idea of a killer shark (think Jaws but on a grander scale). We're going to need a bigger boat" never rang more true.

He effects were better than I expected, and there were moments that inspired tension and moments of expectations.

But what really, really ruined was Bingbing Li... she cannot act.

Cut Bank (2014)

Liam Hemsworth RUINED this movie

[3/10 · 7 November 2023]

I'm not sure how Laim keeps getting roles outside of a made-for-TV Hallmark movies where talent isn't required. He's co-cast with some real talent here, a good script and set, yet, he still manages to bring down the entire production with his flat, forced delivery. He might as well hold the script and read it out loud likes he's at the table read.

The story keeps moving and has some clever twists. Despite some evening and dimly lit scenes, the movie never gets lost in the deep dark shadows.

Some of the dialog and lines are oddly written, making for a weird rhythm at times.

And as others have commented, the story takes place in Montana, is filmed in Canada yet the characters tend to take on heavily contrived "southern" accents. If I had to place the twang, they tend towards the Texas accent and not the heavier Alabama accent, for example.

Hollywood - please fire Liam Hemsworth and save us all.

The Lost City of Z (2016)

Charlie Hunnam ruined the movie

[5/10 · 22 August 2023]

Percy Harrison Fawcett was a renowned explorer and a late-in-life decorated military officer. He was dashing, distinguished, debonair, and quite well spoken. These characteristics were what made him a great leader of soldiers and of his men on his innumerable expeditions. At 6' 4" tall (1.93m) tall, he towered over most men in the early 1900's.

Charlie Hunnam, as an actor, can embody none of what made Percy great. The filmmakers didn't even try to trick the eye into making him appear tall, as Tom Cruise and Sylvester Stallone do for all of their movies. His delivery is flat, lifeless, and dull... he's just reading the words which is about as good as his acting gets. There are a few worse choices for the role of Percy Fawcett, but not too many below Charlie.

The movie followed fairly closely to what's know and written about "The Colonel" but even at over 2 hours it skipped over some of his earlier, developmental expeditions, and it also skipped his two years of training at the RGS. Instead, the movie threw in a few unnecessary and irrelevant (and odd) sidelines like an opera at a rubber plantation. Had the film focused more on his travels and experiences in the jungle, the movie might have had a better pace. Did I mention, the movie is slow?

The movie was poorly lit in many scenes, leaving too much in shadows and lost in backgrounds.

If there's another movie about the legend that is Percy Fawcett I hope it sticks to better lit scenes with more appropriate leads.

The Out-Laws (2023)

Who is Adam Devine?

[3/10 · 28 July 2023]

.... and how did he ever get a leading role in anything? Much less a Happy Madison production with some almost-A-level actors?

You know who would have made a better Owen, instead of Adam Devine? Who would have been funnier and less obnoxious, with 10% more depth? Adam Sandler himself, but Adam of 20 years ago.

You know who was funny, someone I had never heard of, even though she was in Orange is the New Black? Lauren Lapkus, as Phoebe King, the bank manager, and Owen's nemesis.

Pierce Brosnan and Ellen Barkin were refreshing and had a workable, believable energy.

Of course Adam Sandler had his wife and daughter in bit roles, but many of the Happy Madison regulars were thankfully absent.

It's a movie not without its charms and moments, and the action and chase scenes are better than I would have expected.

Also absent, thankfully were many of the crude, low-brow, made-for-a12-year-old-boy jokes Adam is so fond of. Its humor was a bit more mature than one's used to seeing from the Sadler entourage.

Boon (2022)

Especially special... and not in a good way

[3/10 · 25 July 2023]

To start, Neal McDonough (Boon) looks eternally uncomfortable in his own body. When he's listening to others in conversations, he has himself posed and stiff like an awkward mannequin. HIs face is completely void of emotion, as is his voice. Does he even blink in this movie?

And that's just the start. Even Tommy Flanagan (Mr. Fitzgerald), who was amazing in Son's of Anarchy as Chibs, puts on an unbelievable tough-guy falsetto.

Christina Ochoa (Emilia Fitzgerald) was in Animal Kingdom with Ellen Barkin, and Ellen played tough boss-lady Smurf. Christina does her best to channel Smurf's persona, but falls short, with mis-timed and misplaced lip pursing, and narrowing of her eyes.

To the plot... and back to Neal McDonough who was in Yellowstone. Well, I think this land-grab plot has been done time and time again, and was a revolving theme the first few seasons of Yellowstone. It might have gone on longer than that, but after S2 of Yellowstone, I could take no more. Just. Like. This. Movie. 93 minutes was too long.

Yellow Bird (2023)

A sitcom dressed up as a (bad) movie

[1/10 · 7 May 2023]

Casting mostly unknown and B- actors the movie trudges slowly along. The acting, lighting, and camera work are cringe-worthy. Even some of the outdoor shots (like when his car is leaving the parking lot early on) are jerky and full of stutters. When Jake's mom is sitting on the bed in the Winnebago the lighting is so harsh and overdone it's absurd.

Jake's "acting" is accentuated by his flailing and unbelievable hand gestures which continue from start to end. He is clearly out of his element as an actor.

Why all the 10/10 ratings and reviews? They are clearly fake. This movie is nothing more than an attempt to a low budget, movie-version of the sitcom Super Store, but far, far worse. Swing and a BIG miss.

Hunger (II) (2023)

The farcical world of "high end" dining

[3/10 · 25 April 2023]

With an angry, mean, unlikeable chef at the helm, the movie does its best to paint the stereotypical image of fine dining. The diners, fawning over the food like It's irreplaceable art; the sous chefs plating dishes with the seriousness and concentration of a surgeon help complete the farce.

This movie doesn't depict much of the reality of the food services industry. It ignores the rampant smoking by staff (which numbs their tastebuds to uselessness), the chronic alcoholism and drug use, the highly transient staff in both the front and back of the house. Not to mention ... the on-average worst pay, long hours, and most repressive lifestyle of any industry.

If you want a movie that fetishizes food and the food services industry, making their jobs look like serious work, this might be for you. If you want something that smacks a bit of reality, start by reading Anthony Boudain's early works, and ease into food movies from there.

Food is not as serious or important as the movie tries to make out.

MH370: The Plane That Disappeared (2023)

Recklessly speculative

[2/10 · 11 March 2023]

Jeff Wise.... Aviation "journalist"? Hardly an accredited journalist of any sort. Conspiracy hack? That's more like it.

His first theory is "the way it had to happen" (plane is piloted and blacked out, south) until he learns more. Ok, he decides there are other theories.

The guy from France who lost his wife and two kids meets an unnamed source (Mr. B). This source is reported to be part of a US Intelligence agency who tells this guy, a random Frenchman who had family on the plane, about the involvement of the US, and implicates the US military and government. Who vets this information? Another part time "journalist", but from Le Monde newspaper which does not have a reputation for high-integrity reporting.

Jeff Wise kept going on TV in the years after the disappearance to sling his whack-job theories that were clearly not supported by the facts as they were know.

This is not a documentary- it's one man's fantasy of what he thinks happened. Highly speculative, driven by anything other than facts.

The Birdcatcher (2019)

Horrible casting

[3/10 · 4 March 2023]

The idea for the story is quite good, albeit not unique. Girl on the run disguises herself as a boy to mask her identify.

But that's where it ends. Just a good idea poorly executed.

Try to forget for a moment that Sarah-Sofie Boussnina (who plays Ester aka Ola) is a female. A real, feminine looking and acting female. Well, you can't. She looks like a girl (even with her short hair in 1942) and she speaks like a girl. All her mannerisms and affectations are feminine. A boy of her age, in 1942 Norway would not have gone into the kitchen to help the wife with kitchen prep. Today? Yes, certainly but not in rural 1940's Scandinavia.

Great scenery, some good period-correct props, and... that's about it.

Oxy-Morons (2010)

Comically bad

[2/10 · 20 February 2023]

Between the dialog and the stunts, this movie was just hard to watch. The list of no-name actors should have been the first tip off, but, having seen other important movies around the prescribed opiate phenomenon we gave this one a shot.

The dialog is blandly delivered. The characters are unlikeable and deadpan. The camera work is jerky, no doubt the directors vague attempt to make the movie feel edgy (which it is not).

Even worse, watch any of the action scenes where there is fighting and you'll see what could have been produced by a high schooler with a mini cam. Blows don't land. Police batons flail in the air, and don't come down and make contact. Throws are more like agreed-upon tumbles.

This movie could have made a decent statement and provided real-world insight into the level of destruction brought on by Oxy and the greedy drug companies. Instead, what made it to print was a laughably bad, poorly directed and acted facade of a film.

Nerve (I) (2016)

Written for teenage girls

[2/10 · 9 February 2023]

Teenagers, living unrealistic lives, taking on unrealistic dares, with can't-be-believed outcomes could also be the films' synopsis. It certainly will appeal to youngsters who will find these fantastical adventures "achievable", as they romanticize what life is really like in the real world.

And this movie, while it tries to dab around the edges of the real world, dipping a toe into the cold water of high school relationships, teenage angst and insecurity, social situations, it sadly misses the mark of taking an interesting concept and and making it feel the tiniest bit credible.

It's capped off with B-level actors (at best) acting off of a C-level script.

Under the Bridge: The Criminalization of Homelessness (2015)

One sided liberal view on homelessness

[4/10 · 3 November 2022]

Let's get it out there. These are not hard working good people down on their luck for the most part. A small percentage of the homeless population will, and does thrive with recovery programs that puts them to work and back into homes. The people who suffer extended homelessness are mostly addicts, junkies and alcoholics.

You'll read that mental health services are needed since so many homeless people have metal issues. While this is true, it's more often than not drug-induced psychosis. Their addictions to drugs and/or alcohol have caused, or are causing their mental illness, so the addiction needs to be treated.

The producer and director of this movie glossed over this issue and didn't delve into who used what drugs or alcohol. They interviewed a lady that exhibited all the signs of methamphetimine abuse but they never asked her if she used. It was easier and more sensational to make them out to be victims of heartless people and an uncaring bureaucracy.

The only thing they are victims to is their addictions, and for that they need help.

This Is 40 (2012)

Crass with commensurate acting

[2/10 · 5 September 2022]

Paul Rudd is without talent. It's why he's not in any serious or highbrow roles. He's in slapstick, rude, and crass rom-coms. While there is an audience for these films, no doubt by their ubiquity, Paul can't do any better than fit the keyhole that's been carved for him.

The child actors fare a bit better, but it's a shame they won't likely see this movie until they are much older. And, even more likely, to be embarrassed by their participation.

The most believe aspect of the film is the dynamic between the two daughters. That relationship rings quite true.

This movie is a waste of time if you care to see a "good" movie.

Topside (2020)

An unrealistic portrayal of homelessness and addiction

[3/10 · 1 September 2022]

To offset all of the fake 10/10 reviews, I offer an honest review, without any spoilers.

The portrayal of addiction throughout the movie is neither accurate nor complete. It falls quite short in an attempt to make the mother care more for her child than her addiction. The portrayal of the homelessness crisis also falls short, not offering a complete look.

Had the story and characters been better developed and fleshed out, the movie might have been compelling.

The frantic camera action, jerking and bobbing, while meant to reflect the characters angst, is just annoying.

Kudos to the lighting direction. Too many movies are shot in the dark (aka the entire last season of GOT). While this had many dark scenes underground, the lighting was done quite strategically, offering enough contrast to follow the scene.

Interceptor (2022)

So much potential

[3/10 · 5 June 2022]

So much potential in this film, only to be taken down by C- actors in a B movie with a D- plot and budget. Chris Hemsworth as Exec producer must have bought his wife's lead role in the film since she, Elsa Pataky, was one of the biggest disappointments. She's truly a C- actor of the bunch. Chris' lame cameo must have been for a stamp on his SAG card?

While this takes place at sea on an interceptor platform, when I say the plot jumped the shark I'm not talking about a shark under the platform. I'm taking Arthur Fonzarelli and his motorcycle shark jumping. Without leaving any spoilers, the twists and turns were pretty hard to believe.

Under the Eiffel Tower (2018)

Sideways 2.0 but not as good

[5/10 · 9 April 2022]

If the producers of Sideways decided on a sequel they might have made this movie. It has a weaker script, actors one step below Paul Giamatti, Thomas Hayden Church and Sandra Oh, but.... They did step up in scenery. The winery and French countryside are stunning. The rest of the movie felts like a cheap knockoff of a classic movie known as Sideways.

Alcatraz Prison Escape: Deathbed Confession (2015)

Good luck hearing the narration

[2/10 · 13 March 2022]

Danny Trejo's narration goes to waste. The dramatic, canned, pulsing background music is overly loud. And it's quite unnecessary. A waste of what would have been a good doc'.

Home Team (2022)

A slightly better than usual Happy Madison movie

[4/10 · 10 February 2022]

There are a couple of things you can count on when it is a Happy Madison (Adam Sandler) production.

1) it will be cast with Adams family and friends, most of whom have an utter lack of talent and are only in their roles because of their relationship with Adam 2) there will be some slapstick physical comedy that will appeal to fifth grade boys

For point number 1, Kevin James was surprisingly good in the role of a coach. As was the movie writer's young son (the young Mr. Blum) playing Kevin's son in the movie. Of course Adam's untalented wife has a lead role. She has had every prerequisite Hollywood plastic surgery and is one procedure away from looking like Mickey Rourke. She, along with Rob Schneider, and especially Taylor Lautner, cannot act. Taylor is downright awful.

As for #2, the script actually is slightly more mature than most of Adam Sandler's other films.

If you like feel good sports films, and the autocracy of the casting this is worth a watch. You might have to shut your eyes or turn your head when Taylor Lautner is on screen.

Zone 414 (2021)

So bad I thought it was another recent Bruce Willis movie

[3/10 · 1 February 2022]

While it had its (brief) moments of intrigue the overall movie was slow, dull and listless. There was little sense or rhythm to the storyline and the actors were shallow and completely devoid of any real character. It was so bad that Bruce Willis could have been easily cast in the lead, or as a random protagonist.

One extra star for a few of the effects. Deduct a few stars for acting and another for the script.

The Lost Daughter (2021)

Two hours and nothing happens

[3/10 · 7 January 2022]

This movie starts by dragging, so slow, so you're waiting for it to build and climax. Nope. Nothing happens. Not one darn thing. Lifeless and soulless - the movie that should not be.

Pedal the World (2015)

World travels are not for insecure, self-absorbed, whiners

[2/10 · 26 December 2021]

About 30 minutes in, the "cyclist" mentions how much he hates to be alone and how lonely he is. For someone who's about to spend a year on a bicycle that's kind of a startling realization once the journey has begun. This theme continues as he has people come in to meet him along the way, after his original partner bails on him.

Yeah he makes little to no effort to meet anybody or introduce anybody he meets it all of these amazing countries. He was doing this for himself, not to actually explore the world but to show everybody what he's done.

Self-indulgent tripe. Like a teenage girl who doesn't want to go to the mall alone, and goes with friends only to spend the whole time taking selfies and posting to social platforms.

Angel Mountain (2021)

Bad acting, disjointed storyline

[2/10 · 10 November 2021]

If you like Hallmark movies but find the acting to be too good, this might be the movie for you. Unbelievable and unlikeable characters are not helped by actors with limited abilities and experience. The scenery is not so bad, and the vintage boys, scattered throughout, help divert one's attention. The lighting is pretty bad, especially indoors. The scene early on in the bar looks like it was lit by a couple of flashlights shone directly on the actor's faces.

Judy Justice (2021– )

Went downhill with this attempt

[2/10 · 2 November 2021]

She had a winning formula on Judge Judy. Now, it's so bland and watered down. She even went so far as to stick her granddaughter on stage as a prop, to giggle at the right times. And no Byrd? Judge Judy did him wrong by tossing him aside. This new iteration of "Judy" misses the mark and not by a little.