neilprivate Reviews

The Estate (II) (2022)

Tough to find a worse film

[2/10 · 8 February 2023]

How did this get made? The dialogue is woeful, did school kids write it? Look at this cast! Since when did they move construction staff to other states? Not even Toni Colette can save this nonsense. The lighting... oh the lighting, I'm pretty sure the cast will be horrified by the way they're lit. Horrendous ADR too, surely a high school trainee's first work. The only positive thing is I didn't go to the cinema for this garbage. Makes you wonder who the is at fault for this. The writer directed, but we all know that doesn't always lay the blame there. The cast were surely attracted by a script that we didn't see here. I gave it two stars, 1 of those are is for the wallpaper, the other for DeWitt, Duchovny and Livingstone.

Sharp Stick (2022)

School Play.

[2/10 · 24 December 2022]

This was made by the kids that were rejected from the high school drama group. I can't think of a category this doesn't stink. 2/10 for being in focus with clear audio.

The non plot meanders aimlessly as we're slowly and without a hint of subtlety directed to watch the protagonist, because she's obviously going through some stuff. We're also given back story using the heaviest tools... come on... show don't tell!

Overacting from most of the cast can only have come from direction... or maybe the whole cast was high?

I loved Girls, but this isn't even worth your time to find out. Fly a kite, write an awful review or take up building... but give this a miss. 2/10.

The Family Tree (2011)

Ruined by ridiculous camera work

[6/10 · 23 February 2022]

Must have been a student cinematographer or director, or both. Focus problems, framing issues and more attention paid to ridiculous shots, scans and other amateur pursuits rather than original dialogue and story. Waste of a great cast. Music turned the whole piece added the feel of early 80s Betamax trash.

Here Today (2021)

5 minutes is enough

[1/10 · 11 February 2022]

I need a shower to remove the cringe. So many clichés and stereotypes, horrendous acting, dialogue and characters, I can't quite believe that Billy thought this would be acceptable on any level. Someone was ever so careful to be ultra inclusive here, to the point of it being so overt it was cartoon like. The ranking sits at 6.7 as I write, that must include some serious industry boosting. Excruciating.

The Invisible Life (2013)

Like a nap with your eyes open

[5/10 · 9 February 2022]

I can think of very little positive to say here. Badly lit, very little said or done, probably shot with a potato to look that way. Couldn't attach any characteristics to anyone. Some scenes are woeful. Even Lisbon looks terrible. Go for a walk instead.

4 Copas (2008)

Why is this rated so low?

[8/10 · 7 February 2022]

Watched this on MUBI. Excellent acting, authentic dialogue and a genuinely attractive romantic drama. The setting helps, and the low-fi film quality that gives the piece an 80s feel. A very watchable slice of life drama that doesn't leave you stressed to the limit like anything shot in 2021.

Camping (2018)

It couldn't be worse.

[1/10 · 1 November 2018]

The only good performance here belongs to the countryside. This is bad television on every single level. No redeeming features at all. The people responsible should be in The Hague explaining themselves from behind thick glass.

Couples Counseling (2016)

Horrendous

[3/10 · 29 August 2018]

The acting is like a high school farce, the direction similarly amateur. Tired relationship cliches, one after another. Like a truly woeful soap. If you can get beyond the opening 20 minutes you must have exhausted all other Netflix options. Don't waste your time.

Lodge 49 (2018–2019)

Not remotely Lebowski.

[3/10 · 28 August 2018]

Slow, cliche, predictable dialogue, tired characters and tiresome relationships. A poor imitation of Flaked. Old school derivative television, but not in a cool way. The Flintstones had more authentic dialogue and believable characters. I did like his car, but even that was cliche, and recently featured on Seinfeld's show. Who signed off on this based on this script? In short, you definitely have something better to do.

White Rabbit (I) (2018)

Amateur Hour

[2/10 · 16 August 2018]

The lead actor clearly has talent, but everything else about this production screams amateur. Constant issues with focus, machine gun repetition of the word like, and woeful casting (are we really meant to believe he's her boyfriend?) places left this unwatchable. The first 5 minutes should really let us know what the protagonist has to overcome, but this fell short of even that. This was a thankfully shorter film that in essence amounted to watching a woman on her phone and go about her daily life. A filmed blog. The lead actor should go far, she has an abundance of talent, the soundtrack was also first rate but misplaced more often than not.

I Melt with You (2011)

Good Film

[8/10 · 12 December 2012]

No idea why people are bitching about the strangest things with this film. It's well written, good original dialogue and a new story. It is a film of two halves, but both are high quality.

It's actually quite fresh. The shooting style is different, I read reports here about them using Canon DSLR cameras. It's a lovely look I think, lots of fresh angles, fresh looks, fresh effects.

Can't complain about the cast, excellent selection of likely suspects.

In summary: a gritty drama, well worth your time. Not the typical Hollywood feast at all. Look forward to seeing what else these guys make.

Carpool Guy (2005)

Do not watch!

[1/10 · 15 August 2006]

This is Hollywood movie-making at it's least inventive, least satisfying and least appealing. It's the worst film I ever downloaded, even for free I feel ripped off.

I can't imagine why anyone would give this anything more than 1/10. The 10s clearly have been written by cast and crew and studio.

Corbin Bernsen makles a dreadful director and I have to say his aacting here is less than pretty too. The rest of the cast overact and over dramatise every line. They look uncomfortable on screen and I really can't believe I am wasting more time writing about it.

Listen, I'm doing you a favour, do not rent buy or watch this through any other medium.

Restless Natives (1985)

If you find this film on sale

[9/10 · 25 August 2004]

Please post if you find this film on sale...or if you can find the rights to it. I'm desperate to sign it up and resell it on DVD.

This is one of my favourite films of all time. I have looked high and low for a copy. I now find myself in the position of head of acquisitions at a film distributor...and I'm really looking for the film owner. If you are the owner or know who it is please let me know. I'd love to get this out on sale again as I love it, but also I think it's an undiscovred treat for the rest of the world that never saw it.

Cheers

Neil

Diner (1982)

Favourite movie of all time

[10/10 · 20 August 2004]

I don't really have to say much more. Wonderful dialogue, wonderful locations, outrageously talented cast.

Each to their own of course, but if you like great dialogue and great acting (improvised at times) you'll kill for this film.

It's an over the shoulder look at a group of young guys at the 20s turning point. Marriage, kids, girlfriends, work, gambling, drinking, affairs...all of it. Cars and girls and burgers...but not your standard 80s cheap flick.

This oozes quality from the opening shot. The cast were almost all in their first film...check the cast list...unreal. Barry Levinson's first film too...it's a little piece of film history and probably to this day most of these actors look back on it as their proudest moment.

Great "making of" pieces out there about this flick too...must sees with Kevin Bacon et al discussing their experience...terrific storybook stuff.

Can't speak highly enough of this...but I will say I think guys will enjoy it more than girls...and even then, it's only for film fans...not for the blockbuster guzzler or the action Jacksons among us.

If you read, or love classic film this really, really is a must own, let alone must see. This is film art but can equally be viewed over a TV dinner.

Lodged someplace between Woody Allen and Made.

Spread the word :-)