robojames Reviews

The Guilty (2018)

Watch This One Before The Netflix Remake

[9/10 · 6 October 2021]

I only found out this brilliant film existed because of the Netflix remake and when I did I made the wise choice to watch this one first. I haven't seen the remake yet but I know from bitter experience it won't be as good.

I can only imagine how annoyed I would have been to see the newer version, have the ending revealed to me and only THEN go watch the Danish original, already knowing how it would all resolve.

This is a riveting, taut, intelligent, atmospheric thriller with believable characters, a tight script, and strong emotional impact. The direction, lighting, camerawork, music (minimal) and so forth are all on point from start to finish.

Watch this 85-minute emotional rollercoaster now!

Life (I) (2017)

Totally Serviceable Time Killer

[7/10 · 8 August 2021]

I'm seeing a few negative reviews for this one that I don't understand. Life isn't a cinematic masterpiece exactly, but it's thrilling enough to hold your attention for one hundred minutes.

The story is simple: something horrible gets on a space ship and wants to waste the crew. We don't know much about it or how it thinks except that it's extremely hostile and needs oxygen. After the very well-paced and beautifully-executed set-up the remainder of the film consists of the humans trying to outwit and destroy this thing.

And that's it. It doesn't get boring. It does the job. It has a couple of pointless moments we don't really need amidst the exciting chaos, and then it rumbles to a slightly weak finish.

You don't except a mind-shattering gourmet meal when you order a cheeseburger and shouldn't get bent out of shape when this isn't Alien or 2001. It's a very solid film. Switch brain off and give a go if you like space stuff.

No much else to say.

Guilty of Romance (2011)

Worth About 6.5

[6/10 · 22 July 2021]

I wasn't sure whether to give this 6 or 7 so I went with 6 because 7 feels too high. I watched this film because I enjoyed Shion Sono's Cold Fish a lot. I found that to be a well-directed, tense, beautifully paced orgy of madness so was hyped to get into Guilty Of Romance.

Now, this film isn't without its skill and tension but, unlike Cold Fish, it's too long. About half an hour of confusing, pointless, pretentious fluff could've been axed from the mid-section without damaging the quality of the movie at all. In fact, it would've been better for it.

Another negative is the characters. They all seem to behave in an abrupt, masochistic, demented way without us really understanding their motivations. That the main character was bored with her life doesn't seem a sufficient reason for her descending into a pattern of risky, depressing, frightening behaviour that could get her killed. It just didn't buy it.

On the positive side, though, the film is smartly shot and has some brilliant, haunting atmospheric music that really enhances the set pieces. It's definitely an intriguing, haunting, unique and watchable film that will satisfy anyone looking for something different but I have to be honest and mark it down for sluggish pacing, muddled storytelling, and character behaviour that feels unrealistic and inconsistent with even the most basic common sense.

If the film was meant to be unrealistic and magical on purpose it could've dropped some of the scenes of detective work (along with the tedious sub-plot about Detective Yoshida's irrelevant love life) and leaned into a more cartoonish, caricatured approach consonant with the magic realism with which the film dabbles but does not commit to.

Close to being very good, but just a bit too haphazard and injudiciously silly for my blood.

The Sacrifice (1986)

Didn't Do It For Me

[6/10 · 11 July 2021]

I hate to write this review because I'm a big Tarkovsky fan but, for whatever reason, this one didn't connect with me. So far I've seen all of his films apart from Ivan's Childhood and I thought Andrei Rublev and Stalker had a kind of bold and profound magic about them but I couldn't get into The Sacrifice, despite trying hard.

Tarkovsky is good at mixing contemplative dialogue with incredibly beautiful photography but here it felt like the script was turgid and maudlin, and there really wan't that much to be entranced by when it came to the visuals either. There were lots of long, dark interior shoots that came across as boring for some reason and it was only after I finished the movie that I realised it was due to a lack of Tarkovsky's usually rich sound palette - raindrops, wind, and so on.

Apart from the last scene, which is spectacular, The Sacrifice comes across as quiet, dull, and self-indulgent. I really wanted to like it and have been able to watch all the other Tarkovsky creations without pausing them, but with this one I kept having to take breaks. I just found it to be a slog.

Perhaps the subject matter didn't resonate with me. Maybe this was an older man's film, dealing with themes I can't yet relate to. Or there's a chance I am missing or misinterpreting something in the movie's themes or story. At any rate, and with reluctance, I have to give this a middling mark.

Sanjuro (1962)

Fresh Even Today

[10/10 · 17 April 2021]

This is one of Kurosawa's more polished, fast-paced movies and a lot of fun. It's amazingly fresh and funny, even after all these years. It really doesn't feel like a film from 1962.

The movie brings back Sanjuro, the charismatic and resourceful main character in Yojimbo, Kurosawa's masterpiece from the previous year. Except this time the film is funnier, more fleet-footed, and generally more imaginative in its plot, execution, and nimble shifts of tone.

Many say that Yojimbo is the better film and they may be correct for erudite reasons I cannot comprehend, reasons to do with cinematography or interplay of themes or something, but I prefer Sanjuro by a slim margin. I just enjoyed it more, and found the main character even more compelling and intricately drawn.

I thought the supporting cast of minor characters was better too, this time around. The chamberlain's wife, for example, is the one person over the course of the two films who seems to have Sanjuro's number, and who offers an interesting breakdown of what motivates him and brings him down.

I suggest watching Yojimbo as soon as possible, if you haven't seen it, and then moving right on to this masterpiece.

Yakuza Apocalypse (2015)

Utter Trash Form A Talented Director

[1/10 · 1 April 2021]

It's a source of profound confusion and befuddlement to me that the same person who directed Audition and 13 Assassins made this shiny, smelly turd of a movie.

Where to start on what's wrong with it? After a solid first half an hour of relatively decent genre fun, it nosedives. Almost every shot and scene is too long, the dialogue is stilted, every joke falls flat, the logic of the film is incoherent in an alienating way, the pace is turgid, the ideas are stupid, the fights are rubbish, and nothing that happens seems consequential in any way whatsoever.

By the end of this film (and the end is piss poor), I was utterly unconcerned with the fate of any of the characters. I just wanted it to end, which it did. Very suddenly, Which was the best thing about it.

The story is that there's a young yakuza and his boss gets wasted. The boss wants to pass on some vampire powers to the young guy before he dies so he bites him and then the young guy bites someone else and the whole town become vampire yakuzas. This sounds good, and it IS a good idea, but then the film degenerates into a bunch of slow, lingering shots of people squaring up before incredibly disappointing fights.

Do not watch this unless you are extremely buzzed on gak.

One Missed Call (2003)

Miike Fans, Be Honest

[4/10 · 31 March 2021]

Even fans of Takashi Miike (I'm one) should be honest. He's made some bravura masterpieces like Audition and 13 Assassins but he's also churned out a lot of overlong, incoherent stinkers, of which this is one.

The premise - that people receive cell phone messages from their future selves recorded just before the moment of their deaths - had a lot of potential but Miike spaffs all that up the wall by drowning the film in slow, boring exposition and skimping on the many inventive and creepy deaths this film should have contained.

The biggest problem here is that the backstory behind why all this is happening is uninteresting and revealed in tedious chunks throughout. Instead of making the main events in the present scarier they actually make them seem more mundane. There's also a lack of clarity around how and why these events can be stopped.

Another thing that bugged me was characters behaving irrationally. The victims heard their own words recorded at the moments of their future deaths but didn't appear to make any concerted effort not to robotically repeat those same words when the time came. You'd think that it might occur to them that to be in a hotel room or a cop shop at the predicted instant of their death while definitely not uttering the words on the premonitory recording might keep them safe. But no. No one tries this and they all shamble into the jaws of doom like the pathetic, suicidal sheep they are.

This could have been a great film but it was an opportunity badly missed. Still there's plenty of other Miike to check out. It's not like the man hasn't given us anything else to choose from.

Shame (2011)

Bleak Portrait Of Addiction And Trauma

[9/10 · 27 March 2021]

Text: This film really is a stunning and brutal window into the life of a man who has become his own worst enemy, living a life and indulging an addiction to sex and pornography that drains all joy out his existence. He's unable to achieve real intimacy and closeness with women, including his own sister, and spirals into a robotic routine of compulsive self-indulence and risk.

Shame is shot in a way that makes a voyeur of the viewer. There are long takes that feel like naturally captured chunks of reality, people wandering in front of the camera, scenes that show the protagonist through windows or silently reeling in his own internal torture.

As it goes on you are asked to question how he ended up this way, what kind of abusive or dysfunctional childhood he experienced to wire his mind in such a destructive manner, and so forth. He can't connect with lovers, dates, or even with his own flesh and blood, his sister, perhaps because she reminds him of a time he'd rather forget or scares him with the thought of genuine closeness to another human being.

This isn't for everyone, but it's well-made and inspires feelings of deep empathy for others in that you wouldn't want anyone to go through this kind of horrible life. A great film in that it makes you ask questions about what makes us the way we are and how trauma is inflicted and transmitted. Great performances all round, too, especially from Michael Fassbender, who gives his all. Highly recommended if you have a tolerance or taste for disturbing and challenging subject matter.

Backtrace (2018)

Turgid Dross

[1/10 · 23 March 2021]

Everyone involved in the making of this film should be arrested except Sly Stallone, who ought to get clemency for making Rocky. The middle section of this film, maybe its longest part, consists of an old guy wandering around the countryside looking for some duffel bags of robbery loot. Functionally, how is that any different from watching grandpa walk around a care facility for 45 minutes in search of his wallet?

The plot, such as it is, and such as my traumatised brain allows me to recall, is that there was a robbery or a heist and someone double-crossed someone else and made off with some of the cash. Now it's hidden and the one guy who should know where doesn't because he has amnesia. Ironically, I cannot remember why he is in this state.

Anyhow, Sly Stallone is a detective who is tasked with catching this guy who lost his memory... or maybe he isn't. This is the trouble with this film. It singularly fails on every level to make you care about any of the characters or what's happening. I had no idea what the stakes were and didn't rewind it to find out. Stallone completely drunk dials this one in, slurring his way through the few scenes he has before shooting everyone then standing awkwardly for a final, parting shot.

I won't ruin the ending as it pertains to the memory loss robber. You'll just have to watch for yourself! Have fun out there ;)

The Proposition (2005)

Very Solid, Poetic Western

[8/10 · 20 March 2021]

A police captain played by Ray Winstone is outraged after the murder of a local family, a crime so heinous he'll do what he can to get justice. The crime was committed by the Burns gang, three brothers of varying heinous villainy - Mikey, the youngest and simplest, Charlie, the middle one of a sort regular criminality, and Arthur, the oldest and most viciously ruthless and psychopathic.

Anyway, Captain Stanley (Winstone) captures the youngest two. The one he really wants is Arthur so he makes the titular proposition to Charlie: go kill your older brother or your younger one hangs from the noose.

Thus unfolds a tale of violent pursuit and conflict over an Australian outback populated by bounty hunters, criminals, colonialists and oppressed Aboriginal tribespeople, stoic victims themselves of the savagery of the white settlers.

This film is extremely beautiful and atmospheric, heightened by great music by Nick Cave and violinist Warren Ellis. Cave also wrote the screenplay, which is the real star here. Every scene unfolds like a miniature play, developing the characters and their trauma in new and interesting ways. These are not two-dimensional characters at all, but complex, fleshed-out portraits. The cast all bring the heat, too, especially Winstone and Emma Watson. John Hurt makes a limited appearance that chews the scenery up too.

I like Guy Pearce a lot, but he's kind of the weak link here, playing his part with a kind of tired and monotone blankness that doesn't really lend any insight into how he feels about having to hunt down his own flesh and blood.

Aside from the that, the film also suffers from an uneven build-up to the climax. You don't quite get the sense of a fully structured and consistent climb to the conclusion of the story and the narrative can be a little over-episodic at times.

I debated whether to give this a 7 instead of an 8 but it just felt very unfair to do that with a screenplay and performances this good, and with such beautiful music and cinematography. I'm a long-time fan of Nick Cave, too, so the tone of this endeared itself to me. If you like the feel of a good Western and a poetic, thoughtful script, this is one of the better recent contributions to the genre and certainly worth your time.

Kilo Two Bravo (2014)

Completely Absorbing True Story

[9/10 · 19 March 2021]

I was totally absorbed for the entirety of this film's 108 minutes. It starts off a little slow, thankfully, to get you acquainted with its group of protagonists. This is a true story, so you really need to know who is who, and who they are as people, to get the full effect.

Back in 2006 a group of British soldiers in Helmand Province, Afghanistan wound up in a landmine in a dry river bed, tending to the hideous wounds of one of their own. Attempts to leave resulted in further detonations and various other complications, which leads to some extremely hard viewing in the retelling here.

I won't give away any more of the 'plot' than that as it would dilute the effect of this brilliantly-made film but I will take the chance here to praise the cinematography, editing, and a script that's funny, tragic, tense and various combinations of those things at different times.

The very best war films do a few things. They make you understand and empathise with the differing motivations of a plurality of characters. They make you understand how people do extreme things in a combat situation or zone. And they make show you the violence and horror of war without glamourising it. This film knocks it out of the park on all those points.

Highly recommended.

The Chaser (2008)

Rock Solid Thriller

[7/10 · 16 March 2021]

A pimp and ex-cop with a couple of girls missing sends a prostitute with flu who just wants a day off to a very unpopular customer's house. The other girls complain this guy is a freak and the cop starts to think he's the one kidnapping his girls, presumably to sell them. In fact, this john has been straight up wasting them because he's a serial killer. So when the pimp ex-cop tells the prostitute with the flu to memorise the guy's address and text it to him from the shower when she gets there the plan goes belly up and we end up with a something of an unpleasant situation.

This film looks like it's going to be all action and brawling and it does start out that way, but the mid-section is mostly procedural drama. That sounds boring but it's so smoothly handled, whilst remaining dramatic and unpredictable, that you won't get bored.

There is plenty of violence, lots of twists and turns and funny moments. The fact that the serial killer was based on a real-life one adds a creepy vibe to the whole thing. Definitely recommend this one.

Okja (2017)

Tearjerking Attack On Corporate Greed

[8/10 · 14 March 2021]

It's kind of impossible to tell who Okja was aimed at. Ostensibly it looks like a kids' film but it's way too dark and sophisticated for that. The tone and even genre of the film are all over the place too, but with these Netflix releases that show in very few theatres I suppose it doesn't matter... they're part of a composite sales pitch to pull in those subscriptions.

Okja is a giant 'superpig' that has been bred to provide delicious meat at a low environmental cost by a company called Mirando, a thinly veiled fictional equivalent to Monsanto, I guess. This corporation is the villain of the piece, a vile, inhumane, money-grabbing, capitalist horror show of an entity. Mirando strikes you as a burlesque caricature until it hits you, later in the film, that what these people are doing to the movie's beautifully-rendered CGI creatures is probably happening in even worse versions to the animal species we eat in real life.

Some of the other reviews are critical of this film and I understand why. It's wild, difficult to process, unpredictable and absurd in places, but if you go with it it's a moving and effective tale that makes you think about ethics, the value of life and the impact of your own existence on other earthlings.

If I have to nitpick at it, I'll say that some of the humour involving the Animal Liberation Front characters is awkward and doesn't really land. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to view them, as goofy and harmless, as the type of person we should respect and encourage, as hopelessly naive, or as intrepid heroes to emulate? They sort of existed as gears in the narrative rather than well-drawn characters and some of the scenes they were in made me cringe slightly.

All told, though, this is an emotionally effective, exciting, peculiar and very different movie and I recommend it to adults and as a great bedtime tale for any children you want to traumatise into vegetarianism.

Total Recall (1990)

OPEN YOURRR MIIIIIINDD... to mutant t*tties

[9/10 · 14 March 2021]

Between 1987 and 1997 Paul Verhoeven made three sci-fi classics: Robocop, Total Recall and Starship Troopers. What a total legend!

When this one came out it was one of the most expensive movies in cinema history and, while it certainly does look costly, you have to wonder why they couldn't afford some more realistic t*tties for the the three-breasted woman. Come to think of it, although most of the film is flash and some of the practical effects are amazing, the computer-generated parts have aged badly but that just seems to add to the movie's cheesy, sleazy appeal.

Total Recall has that sort of grotty, nasty late-eighties/early-nineties action film flavour that's only enhanced by Swarzenegger's wooden, ham-headed 'acting'. In a lot of ways it's very stereotypical for its time but where it rises about the crowd is the story, an interesting tale of brain manipulation and vacations to Mars, as well as a light satiric touch from the Robocop director.

While I love this film to death, I can't quite say it's perfect. I feel like although the plot is more interesting than in other action films, they made it slightly more complicated that it is compelling. Also, there aren't quite enough sympathetic characters to make you really, truly care about the ending, which I've always thought sort of lacks resolution in a slightly frustrating way.

Anyhow, minor quibbles! Great film!

Kickboxer (1989)

Decent Time Killer

[6/10 · 13 March 2021]

Kickboxer is a very cheesy, hokey, weirdly earnest B-movie-esque romp that isn't all that bad. I recall seeing parts of it when I was an impressionable kid and being intimidated by the oppressive martial arts culture Kurt Sloane faces in Bangkok. It also felt really brutal how the guy's brother got paralysed.

Anyway, I had a chance to see it again a few months back and it has aged like an unrepentant meth head. It always was a cheap and cheesy affair but time has left it tame too. The tension I remembered wasn't really there, but that's maybe because I've seen more films since the eighties and have a greater awareness of how these stories tend to tie themselves up.

I always thought of Kickboxer as Rocky's dimwitted, weak-eyed cousin because the script is a hundred times worse and the direction so heavy-handed but the narratives, except for the fact that both contain fighting, are actually very different. Rocky is a tale of redemption, and Kickboxer one of revenge.

This film, for all its faults, is a fun, unchallenging watch you can relax to while you enjoy the various action scenes. The one in the bar is a particular fave. And the bad guy is suitably menacing and cold-hearted, which is important because a hero is only as strong as the villain he or she defeats.

This is one of those films that's worth a watch for the trip down memory lane if you see it for free on a streaming service but a masterpiece it surely is not.

Attack the Block (2011)

Almost Good

[6/10 · 13 March 2021]

This is one of those films that comes so close to being good you just want to blow on it and push it over the line. It isn't bad, though. It's just sort of upper-middling in a particularly frustrating way.

The monsters are good and the premise and characters pretty compelling, especially at the beginning, but the film sort of misfires in several ways at once after that. The comedy isn't quite funny enough, the action isn't quite meaty and substantial enough, and you don't get enough explanation about the aliens to really put your mind in gear.

Where are they from? Don't know. What do their ships look like? No idea. Do they have an advanced language? Not clear. Why were they in the vicinity of Earth? anyone's guess.

There's mystery and then there's black blobs with glowing teeth that have been implanted into a setting just for people to fight so that we can see fighting. Fighting that isn't all that great.

The film does start well, though, building up suspense and interest. The characters are decent, even if there are too many long scenes of them talking to each other, and the ending has a kind of redemptive quality that I appreciated. Attack The Block is watchable, light viewing that doesn't outstay its welcome but doesn't excel at anything either.

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

French Cheese

[5/10 · 13 March 2021]

After the ending of Alien 3 there seemed no way to continue this franchise. That film wasn't the best way to finish it, but at least we had a sense of closure and a pretty decent trilogy, all told. But films execs needed more money so here we are.

In 1997 I went to the cinema to see this and even though my teenaged brain was thrilled to see the slimy black aliens again even I sensed that something was off. This wasn't an Alien film... not really. They brought in a fancy French director to make it look like they were taking things seriously but this was a cash grab, pure and simple.

The idea of cloning Ripley from some of her blood and now she's half alien because some of the alien DNA got in her DNA and something something something is just titanically lame. If there was a glue factory for screenplays Alien Resurrection should've been taken there and euthanised before production. This lameness isn't really writer Joss Whedon's fault, to be fair, because there weren't many ways of shoehorning Ripley/Signourney Weaver into this film and apparently they mangled his vision a fair bit when they made this, but anyway... the story is stupid and the movie full of clumsy humour that achieves nothing except for making you wish Hudson was back. They should've cloned him too.

There ARE positives, however. The underwater scene is beautiful and the Ripley 2.0 alien can be intriguing at times. The direction is energetic and the movie bounces along in a way that precludes boredom at the expense of being occasionally ridiculous and that is kind of a plus. I'm struggling to think of why I'm giving this 5 when it feels like a 4 but it does possess a certain charm that's difficult to dismiss.

At the end of the day, though, this is one of those films where the rating doesn't matter much. Most film fans will watch the Alien series and that means seeing this, eventually, for the sake of completion. It could've been two hours of an alien cleaning the bathtub and playing the spoons on its arse and millions would've watched it. It wasn't going to lose money no matter what so I guess we should be grateful they made the effort they did. Thanks for the scraps of enjoyment, 20th Century Fox!

Alien 3 (1992)

8 For Assembly Cut, 5 For The Theatrical Release

[7/10 · 13 March 2021]

The theatrical release of this film was horrible, whole character arcs dismantled. It just felt like it made no sense from a dramatic, structural standpoint and when that flaw came on top of the dingy, depressing tone it made for an unrewarding and messy viewing experience.

If you watch this in the reconstructed 'Assembly' cut, though, you get to see roughly what the movie would have turned out like if Fincher had had his druthers. Without the studio butchery, it transpires, Alien 3 would have been a good, if still polarising, addition to the franchise.

The points I knocked off are for things that Fincher, who directed this as well as a young debut director could have under the circumstances, couldn't have done much about. Firstly, there's the senseless deletion of two beloved characters from the second film, right at the start. I can't believe they couldn't think of ANY way to work Newt and Hicks into a compelling new story. Killing them off felt like senseless nihilism, which I could have forgiven, I suppose, if it hadn't rendered Ripley's struggles in the previous installment something of a waste of time. Then there's the climax where they're goading the alien through tunnels. I won't spoil the end, but this just bored me and went on too long. It wasn't terrible and I know they had no guns but, again, surely there was a better and more dramatically satisfying option...

On the positive side, I have to give points for a slate of brilliant performances, a well-realised atmosphere of monolithic dread, an imaginative new direction that was actually an interesting idea, and everything about Golic's relationship with the dragon.

Hating Alien 3 has become almost a hobby for cinephiles (and, believe me, I despise the butchered theatrical release) but if you can put aside your pre-conceptions and resentment at certain narrative choices, throw on the Assembly Cut and give it another go, there's more artistry here than first met the eye.

Crank (2006)

Childish Fun... My Favourite

[8/10 · 13 March 2021]

The stupid, unrealistic, paper-thin premise of this film is that our 'hero' has been injected with a synthetic poison that kills you if you don't keep your adrenalin levels up. He wants to get the people that injected him before he dies, but in order not to buy the farm he needs to stay pumped by fighting people, stealing cars and ingesting energy drinks and cocaine.

And that's it. The whole point of this film is to give Jason Statham an excuse to be surreal and inconsiderate to a slew of sleazy gangster types for an hour an a half... and that's exactly what he does!

Is it good? Yes. Crank does precisely what it sets out to do: show as much darkly funny carnage and destruction as it can before imploding in a hail of bullets. I'd have put a spoiler warning here but anyone who can't surmise the denouement from the synopsis and presence of this particular leading gentleman has a discarded bathroom sponge for a brain and therefore must have bigger problems in their everyday life than getting the end of Crank spoiled for them.

This is not art. This is not a profound cogitation on the nature of man's existence. It's barely a film, to be honest. What is it, though, is funny and silly and pointless and sort of gobsmackingly shameless. One my favourite 'guilty pleasure' movies. A real braindead blast to enjoy with friends and pizza.

Alien (1979)

Still Fresh Classic

[10/10 · 13 March 2021]

I find it almost impossible to talk about older films like Alien without griping about CGI and the current state of mainstream cinema. This review is no different. Alien is so much better than the pap we get from present-day Hollywood.

Watch this movie and be shocked by how it a) takes some time to build up its cast, who aren't wisecracking, superhuman hunks and lingerie model types, b) uses practical effects (out of necessity) that actually look and move like solid objects that could exist, and c) doesn't revel in pointless gore or rattle the screen with a ton of frenetically cut action scenes that do nothing to further the plot.

In short, ladies and gentleman, this is a film that takes some time and care with its story. It may be a simple story. It may be basically a haunted house thriller or Jaws in space, but it wrings every last drop of tension from the script, setting and monster, making for a classic that will watched for decades after the likes of Transformers or World War Z are mostly forgotten.

One final note about Alien and this type of thriller in general: it heightens the audience experience to wonder how they'd react in the same situation, whether they'd have the guts to face down a snarling monster like the xenomorph or if they'd cr*p their pants in the corner and wait to be eaten. Because Alien features characters that actually talk, panic, squabble and make decisions like some plausible representation of actual human beings, this is a possibility. The film is called Alien, but it's also very much about the humans.

Parasite (2019)

A Film With Real Characters And Human Interest

[10/10 · 12 March 2021]

After hearing everyone go on about this film for almost a year I finally caught it last night and was blown away by the craft. Parasite was clearly made by someone who loves cinema and puts a lot of thought into shaping characters and plot. The first half of this film is as close to perfection as anything I've ever seen.

We are introduced to the very human, relatable Kim family, forced to hustle due to their extremely limited means. The steal wifi and fold pizza boxes for money. And then they get a foot in the door to gain various types of employment from a wealthy family who need an English tutor. I won't spoil the plot any more than that, but this film buzzes along from one exciting and interesting event to the next in a way that's logical, humurous, compelling and occasionally dark.

The first hour or so is the set up, and the second half of the film is a murky thriller that borders on horror. Some people find fault with the second half of the film and I will say it has some very minor issues with shifts in pacing and some slightly abrupt exposition (EDIT: just watched it a second time and the pacing in the second half is fine - I just didn't take it all in well the first time around) but these are minor quibbles and not enough for me to deduct a point. The film had such a likable, warm centre that I simply don't want to take away from it.

In terms of meaning, I saw Parasite as being about the extreme difficulty of upward social mobility. The son of the family is shown climbing stairs to a higher social station, only to descend them again later on in the rain. The Kims stare up at the world from the window of their semi-basement abode and enjoy better surroundings on a higher level later on but seem destined to return whence they came. It also deals very explicitly with the lack of solidarity between members of the working class during conflict.

You get the sense, too, that the movie is saying that being good or bad has little to do with where you land in society. The Kims do bad things but you completely understand why they do them. The rich family they land jobs with, the Parks, actually seem like nice enough people, although they've allowed themselves to become detached, snobby and insulated against the feelings of others.

The Parks don't have to hustle and lie because they're already well-shod and well-fed, and the director makes sure you realise this: that people hustle and scheme at times when they're desperate, not because they're terrible. And that if you're lucky enough to be doing well you can afford not to get your hands dirty (it's implied there is an element of luck in the Park family's success because they are depicted as pretty naive and gullible, and not as wildly talented geniuses - the father is apparently doing well in a good company but on the whole they come across as fairly ordinary or even doltish).

Anyway, I rambled on about this movie but I enjoyed it so much I want to encourage anyone who hasn't seen it to check it out. One final word: the acting, sets and music are all fantastic and the movie is great to look at.

Predator (1987)

Simple And Refreshing

[10/10 · 11 March 2021]

I rewatched this the other day and was blown away by how good it is compared with the hyperactive, CGI-driven cr*pfests they pump out these days. Predator starts by introducing some awesome, funny, memorable characters and throws them into a brilliant action sequence. Then, as the invisible beast closes in, you get to watch them slowly sink out of their depth while reacting to the situation in different and believable ways.

The concept of this film is so simple. Something the group can't see is coming out of the jungle and murdering them in gruesome and terrifying ways. The monster is mysterious and invisible and you want to find out more about it, which is the genius of this film. It keeps the adrenalin pumping while making you use your imagination.

Then there's the final showdown, which I won't spoil just in case you're one of the rare freaks who haven't seen this rightfully-vaunted masterpiece, a tense, intriguing, spectacular and horrifying battle of wits between a technologically advanced alien and a mere man who is, on paper, severely outmatched.

Predator really underscores how hollow, shallow, mechanistic and uninteresting big budget action films have got in the era of CGI and digital cameras.

The Room (2003)

Must Watch Train Crash

[1/10 · 10 March 2021]

If anything, a lot of the reviews here understate what woefully piss-poor trashola this film is. It is an abject and aggressive failure on every conceivable level: costumes, score, acting, script, editing. And yet you must see it! Tommy Wiseau, the director, is a finger-painter who thought he was creating the Mona Lisa and accidentally drew the world's funniest and most wildly popular picture of a willy.

At the end of the day, you have to rate any creative endeavour based on how well it achieves its intended goals and that's why, with a very heavy heart, I must award The Room one solitary star. This star is awarded for the act of existing, and I present it out of sheer charity. If enjoyment could only be derived from an appraisal of technical skill, the only thing worse than this train crash of a film would be watching it on a crashing train.

But if you were to rate the experience of this movie it would get ten stars. Easy. The Room is unintentionally one hundred of the most riotously fun minutes out there and will propel you full-force into a state of hilarious insanity.

The Platform (2019)

Incredibly Frustrating Waste

[7/10 · 9 March 2021]

The premise of this film is great: people live on different levels of a tall building with a hole in the floor of each level. A stone platform with food on it descends through the building from top to bottom each day, stopping at each level and giving its two occupants a few minutes to eat what they can or want to before it moves on. By the time it reaches the bottom there's nothing left and everyone down there is starving. Every thirty days people are shuffled randomly so they end up somewhere better or worse.

The way The Platform starts is great, full of intrigue and crackling dialogue. It remains great for a long time and then, like a vibrant and speeding runner floored by a sudden bout of Ebola, goes down straight on its face.

The end of this film is unsatisfying, as you have probably gathered from the other reviews. Unlike the rest of the film, it's poorly paced, turgid, badly scripted, boring and kind of confused in its message. The preceding events seem to clearly tell us that a class-based society is cruelly arbitrary and does not incentivise the compassionate sharing of resources. The building and its food platform are a somewhat imperfect vehicle for that commentary but it works well enough. Maybe it was because I was drunk with boredom, but I don't know what the 'climax' was saying at all.

Anyway, this one is still worth watch because the premise is so good and it's well executed for the most part. Just hope you have a power cut fifteen minutes from the end so you aren't disappointed.

Parker (2013)

Get To The Point

[6/10 · 9 March 2021]

If you're going to have a wafer-thin plot you should keep it brief and action-packed, but this film doesn't do that. It's just too long and spends too much of its runtime developing characters that, predictably, only exist to facilitate Statham's violent outbursts.

I'll definitely give a Jason Statham film high marks if it keeps me engaged but this one didn't quite do it for me. Statham's the same as he is in everything so the problem isn't with him, nor with Jennifer Lopez. It's more that Parker doesn't succeed in doing what it sets out to do: be consistently exciting.

That said, the start of the film and set-up is very well done and some of the action sequences and one-liners are satisfying and it definitely wasn't bad enough that I wanted to turn it off. If you're only going to watch a couple of Statham vehicles, of the ones I've seen I'd go for Crank or maybe Safe over this. If you're a fan of his, this will have enough to keep you happy.