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Reviews
Wolf Hound (2022)
Good for a few laughs and some beautiful arial photography
The movie is basically WWII cosplay with fan fiction acting and script quality. Even if you go into it with low expectations I'm not sure anyone would think it's worth it from start to finish. Poor shot selection, editing, and casting make a number of sequences through the film confusing unneccessarily.
Unhinged (2020)
A direct to video quality movie. Crowe makes it watchable
The movie is about a psychotic man who is about to fully go on a rampage after committing a heinous crime in the beginning. For whatever reason, the writer and director decided to dumb it down as a road rage formula and made every other part of this boring story brain dead except the parts with Crowe. The parts with him are still very dumb but, show signs of actual talent and life.
The actual lead in the movie, Caren Pistorius, is the primary reason the movie is a bad. She plays a passive woman whose lack of backbone is causing her life to spin out of control. Then, conveniently Crowe's character enters her life for the full Murphy's law effect.
The writer and director could have played this dynamic in different ways for a much better movie. Her pathetic nature could've turned this into a dark comedy or a redemption story snapping her out of her streak. Her scenes (well, all scenes) in the movie without Crowe are effectively rest stops, the calm before the storm and seeing this in the theater I was always aware of this. The filmmakers don't hide this, or make the scenes interesting. It's like they knew they were making a B-movie at the outset but, didn't know how to either make a better movie with the mother scenes or make a movie of all Russell Crow chaos. When I found out the movie cost 40 million to make I was speechless. Even with the meaningless intensity of the opening montage about societal repression and rage culled from fair use sources to burn some time this movie cost that much? One of the producers must have died of a stroke during production.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Totally boring amateur horror movie was very financially successful
This movie may have been the highest theatrical grossing film in Artisan Entertainment history. It is said to have set off the found footage horror genre that Blumhouse have become known for.
Nothing of note happens in the movie. The concept is that video footage was found of college amateur documentarians making a film about the local legend the Blair Witch, hence the name. This was the beginnings of the movie not what it ends up being. They interview townies to hear the stories and see the sights however, the actual house where she resided is deep into the woods and most of the movie is the journey to find the place if it still exists in the woods.
This is the majority of the movie and -SPOILER- they get lost after one member of the crew throws the map into the creek. They begin to get harassed in strange ways overnight which is suspenseless until the final moments of the movie. A decrepit house is found and a chase within it ensues which leads to a vague ending in a basement suggesting they are ritualistically killed. We never see anyone else to know that another perpetrator exists, whether it's the cameraman, etc. Too little too late to save the movie.
This is a bizarre example of an unremarkable microbudget movie getting a huge theatrical push and making good money. I saw it in the theater and didn't care for it. The movie simply doesn't deliver any of the goods of a horror or even thriller/suspense movie and the fact neither of the two directors has made anything of note since is telling.
Mary Jane's Not a Virgin Anymore (1996)
A inferior feminist indie coming of age film
Sarah Jacobsen seems to be revered in feminist punk circles. It's completely undeserved adulation if this and I Was A Teenage Serial Killer are any indication. While she does capture some natural performances from the amateurs she casts, the film lacks any narrative or visual energy despite being made for a budget almost twice that of the pre-Miramax Clerks, a film that shares a number of themes. The soundtrack also can't bring anything to this piece that feels like a subpar student film. It's at least watchably bad.
Arabella l'angelo nero (1989)
Trashy italian exploitation film in the 80's has decent style
The plot to this is very fever dreamish so just know what you're watching before hitting play. It begins with a woman driving to an underground orgy being tailed by someone who only gets more and more creepy. Basically, the film is about a book being written by the main character's invalid husband and you're never sure what's the novel and what's real however, every story element of the movie has raunch, or something lurid going on. The production design, costumes, and camera work are impressive for a movie with this budget and subject matter while maintaining a consistent pace scene to scene. It's sexy and somewhat tasteful exploitation that you never take too seriously.
Crystal (2017)
This movie is in the worst films of all time category.
It's not one of the entertaining worst films, it's the worst that you wish you'd never seen. I stumbled across this while doing a bit of a rabbit hole on streaming for London brothers films and this is one Jason's. I've always thought Jason was the more sturdy actor of the two and it's still true. His talent is wasted in this movie as the crooked cop who haunts a drug house.
The movie is aimless from an audiences perspective almost like if the creative force behind it were writing and producing it while on tranquilizers. It's harmless but, there are so many things that are at least a little bit more entertaining as in having at least a minor amount of artistic intent behind them. This reads like a generic idea with a series of dramatic scenarios having no scripted dialogue and virtually none of the cast should do improv. If there was a script...they should've gotten a better one. 99 percent of the people who start this movie won't finish the first 5 minutes and I don't blame them because the movie is aimless and it only becomes moreso as it moves on.
Scream Queens (2008)
Best viewed as a horror film workshop for actresses
I've only seen the first season and I have to say the show doesn't really work as a competition. Most of the competitors come across as models who want to try something else. It would work on those terms if that was every contestant on the show but there are some who have prior experience looking for a plum job in Saw. The show kinda makes me lose faith in the industry when the best actress is obvious from the first episode, is never challeged and is sent away because they know she's a solid working actress they just don't think she's a scream queen. That this is stated by Shawnee Smith is insult to injury. Scream Queens aren't a pinnacle of acting excellence, it's a niche genre staple, a stepping stone, and possibly a well to return to if you have a long career like Jamie Lee Curtis. Smith is a run of the mill talent who has good representation and a little luck. I only watched the show for the James Gunn episodes. All else was filler.