silentmallrat Reviews

No Country for Old Men (2007)

Overrated, Irritating, and a shame..

[1/10 · 20 September 2008]

I love the works of the Coen's body of work. I love that in their careers they have managed to create films that are almost polar opposites from their previous works. They always craft fantastic stories with great characters..

Which is why No Country is disappointing as hell.

The story is all over the place, the Tommy Lee Jone's sheriff is basically useless, and the build to what seemed to be the eventual showdown between Bardem and Brolin's character is turned sideways and thrown out the window for some pseudo philosophical BS..

This movie is in the same vein of Burn After Reading, a movie that's really about nothing.. Except Burn After Reading was far better at being a movie about nothing.

In the end, this movie did nothing but anger me to no end. It built up so well, only to drop out about 3/4 in.

Speed Racer (2008)

The Best Movie NO ONE SAW!

[10/10 · 20 September 2008]

I've been a fan of Speed Racer since I was a kid. Not a massive fan mind you, but I enjoyed the show. When I sat down opening night in the sadly half empty theater, it felt like I was 9 years old again! Speed Racer is a wonderful, WONDERFUL film. Its a heartfelt family story with a bit of cartoon sensibility. I'd even go as far to compare it with a Pixar Flick. I think the problem with no one seeing this is that, well, many people forget what its like to be a kid. The sense of WOW apparently dies out after the age of 15 and if its not a a tear jerking fest or something that a certain director does, its gets poo poo'd on big time.

I would recommend this film to both children and adults, as, besides Pixar, there aren't many films that a child and parent can sit down and enjoy together.. Speed Racer is one of those films that one can.

Ultraviolet (2006)

All over the place

[5/10 · 4 March 2006]

I had hopes for this film...

But after watching it, I was more disappointed than anything.

This goes to show that Marketing can make a film... As the trailers completely sold me...

But upon viewing, the truth is that this movie is all over the place...

The dialog goes from norm to awful, the action is good in parts then kinda lame in other parts...

What this movie needed was a dialog rewrite (or voice overs cut in other places) About an additional 5 mil for the "BIG" action sequences as the FX looked a little "EH" and it needed to be R rated, as this PG13 bloodless action doesn't cut it.

ITs not a BAD movie, its a weak movie....

It looks like it was cut to hell and that there's a lot more to this movie than was edited for this cut...

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Good movie, but not everyone will get it.

[17 September 2004]

The thing with Nepoleon Dynamite, is its subtleness in its comedy. It reminds me a lot of Wes Anderson's work (but lacking the camera work) I liked it. Lots of people liked it. Those who "didnt" understand it and thought it was retarded, well that's there opinion. But its kinda like a British comedy, or better example King of the Hill. King of the Hill is funny, but to those people i know who came from Texas, they get every joke, and they laugh twice as much. Its just all a matter on what you find comedy.

And another thing to those posters who put stuff like "im sorry, but it ain't..." I cant stand these posts. Sure your all entitled to your opinion (hence this site) but to give off an attitude that just because you don't like it, means everyone else wont, as your opinion is the WORD of the land.

So, in the end, just see the movie if you want, and make up your own mind.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Walks a fine line between Cool and Retarded

[17 September 2004]

You know, for once, i would like a movie based on something i hold near and dear to my heart to be made with some dignity and respect.

Yet, this still hasn't come true.

I went into Resident Evil 2 with low expectations. After seeing the first one, and it being HUGE LET DOWN (im a fan of the games, hold em near and dear) Cinematicly, i didn't have huge expectations for this one. But, man, i never knew something could fall so hard, so fast.

Resident Evil 2 ( i not even bothing with the lame subname) Is at some times a cool movie. But those cool scenes are few and VERY FAR. The problem with the cool scenes is that it quickly becomes INCREDIBLY STUPID and LAME.

EXAMPLE (this might be a spoiler to some)

the characters are in a Graveyard. Zombies start coming out of the graves, there every were. The characters start pumping bullets into the zombies. When they start running out, Alice starts going Kung Fu on the zombies and Some how kills all of them by kicking and breaking their necks (which not only is stupid, but inconsistent, as it was laid out early on that the zombies can only be killed by a Wound I.E. a shot to the brain. You can snap their necks, but by all means, they should still be going)

Basically, its a poorly made film. Its not a Horror film by any means as there are little scares (the only one is a cheap SOUND scare when a tanker hits a car and it makes a loud "BOOM" in the theater) but it also is a very poor action film.

How so.

1. The make up effects are just god awful. Nemisis, who is suppose to be this UBER BAD ASS MONSTER, looks like a cheap holloween costume. When he first shows up, the make up looked fine, but towards the end of the film, it looks like the makeup artist simply gave up and just made a big mask for the actor to wear. That, and that Nemisis is suppose to be almost 8 foot tall, but in some scenes, he's barely over 6 and a half feet. The zombies are just plain crap. The "NEW" zombies, or just recently dead zombies, look like actors with powder sugar on their face. The old ones are OK.

2.The shotty editing. To much quick cutting in the wrong places, and its very over used.

3. The SCRIPT. This movie PROVES that Paul Anderson should NOT BE MAKING FILMS (or at least writing them) I mean, the man made Mortal Kombat 1, and he managed to get that right, so why cant he do it with this game, it should be so simple. Like every thing else of his after mortal kombat, it reeks of Horrible dialoge, Lame, halfed ass character who don't know what the hell their doing half the time except going around and trying to do something BAD ASS in EVERY SINGLE SCEEN that they are in. ALICE ( and i profess a love for Milla) is the WORST action star out there. She was good in 5th element, but the thing that made her good in that was she was hot and she said almost NO lines, especially in English. Jill and Carlos, after playing resident Evil 3 the game, its like shooting an arrow through my chest. Nothing good about them at all. All of the Dialoge is corny as hell (the one good line out the film that actually put a smile on my face was said by the token black guy who refers to another popular game)

So where to place the blame for his heap of a mess, PAUL ANDERSON. Man cant write, (watch Alien vs. Predator and tell me he can) the poor director of this garbage must cry at night for having to do this junk. Yet, the American Populace ATE IT RIGHT UP. So what dose that say, well it says America Loves Crap for Movies (how do you explain Fast and the Furious, or..You go Served *shudders* making $$$$) so of course, we'll see more of tripe like this.

Movies are dead. After seeing this, i have lost a lot of faith in movies, and mankind it self. Please, don't bother seeing this, save your 90 minutes and do something useful with it, like take a walk, or pet a puppy.

Fudoh: The New Generation (1996)

GOOD GOD!

[3 October 2003]

Im a fan of violent cinema. I like shocking things. I love Japanese Cinema. I've seen all kinds of stuff. Then i heard about Takashi Miike Ive heard about his movies. I couldnt find any of his stuff except for bootlegs on DVD, and im iffy about buying things. Then i found a video store that rented some of his stuff. I rented FUDO first. MY GOD, it was UNLIKE ANYTHING I HAD EVER SEEN. The blood, the SEX, my god the sex. The killings. Dear god. Since then i have taken up my lifes work to watch everything this man puts his filthy hads on. If you love Japanese Cinema, YOU MUST SEE THIS FILM.

Down to Hell (1997)

VERSUS 0.1

[6/10 · 15 May 2003]

This is basicly Versus with out the great kung fu. That dosn't mean it isnt a good film. Spoiler if you can consider it. The basic plot of the film is four guys who play a little game. Find a random person on the street, kidnap them, take them out to the middle of a forest and hunt down and kill the poor soul for fun. Little do they know that this time out, there's something in the forest that is not pleased and brings back the people they've killed for a little vengance. The movie is very low budget, but thats what makes it work. Like Versus, you can see the influence of EVIL DEAD and a hell of a lot of kung fu movies mixed, though on a limited budget. Also, like Versus, non of the charecters have any names, so you have to go off of calling with what their weapon was like KNIFE GUY and CHAIN WHIP GUY and so on. All in all not a bad film, and only running just under an hour, is a great little gem for fans of indie horror.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

DISSAPOINTING.

[5/10 · 15 May 2003]

Never in my life did i want a movie to kick my ass so hard. Never did want a movie to be so good. I prayed to god for a movie to end all movies. Sadly, my prayers where not answerd. The sequel for the Matrix, while not a bad movie, is far from a great movie. The fight sceens where ok at best. The only ones that caught my eye was the 100 Smith vs. Neo and the freeway chase. Thats it. This has to be the biggest hyped letdown since GODZILLA. The fights were poor, if you want to see better fights, trackdown VERSUS. But hey, make your own decision for your self.

Daredevil (2003)

EVERY THING BATMAN SHOULD BE

[16 February 2003]

I saw Daredevil, and i must say it was excellent. Ben Affleck was a surprise, though im not a person who hates Affleck, I like just about everything hes done, but I did question him being Matt Murdock. But he pulled though. He made more of an impression on me as the charecter than anyone who played batman. EVER! The fight scenes where superb. Yeah, of course some of the CG incerts are obviously fake, but so are those of SPIDERMAN and BLADE 2. Over all, possibly the closet comic book movie ive seen to nail the mateial so well. HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Signs (2002)

THE BEST EVER

[8/10 · 2 August 2002]

GOOD GOD! I have never seen such a work of art like this in my life. The concept is outstanding. Think of War of the Worlds, then think about all of the normal people, the ones who just sat back in fear, watching on tv as aliens invaded. This is what this movie is about. The average persons perspective and what they go through. M. Night is a true genius, a person with a grasp of storytelling so advanced that it hits in the levels of Shakespear, or the guy who wrote Catcher in the Rye. He turns out great movies every time he tries something new, and hits everytime. The man can do no wrong. If you have a pallet for fine cinema, is a great dish to feast upon.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (2000)

OLD SCHOOL!!!!!!

[9/10 · 12 July 2002]

A godzilla movie harking back to the glory days of the 60's. The whole movie is one glorious work of art. You have the military trying to get rid of Godzilla by blasting him with a BLACK HOLE weapon, which unleashes giant dragonflies. Part of tokyo is flooded by these creatures as they spwan Megagirus, the big motha dragonfly. The ending fight of the two is just classic, espically when godzilla BODY SLAM'S Megagirus. JUST GREAT!. Hopefully Sony releases this thing localy so that everyone can see how a godzilla movie should be done.

Planet of the Apes (2001)

It' GRREEAAAATTTT

[9/10 · 1 August 2001]

I went in seeing the Tim Burton Planet of the Apes, with my hopes aimed low. I loved the first Planet of the Ape, though i have yet to see the entier series, I was wondering how they were going to pull this off. I was very suprised. The angel that they took was better than i expected. They didn't go for a "Remake" of the original, but took some elements of the first one, and gave a Buton-esq spin on things. WARNING< SPOLIERS: The direction of not making the planet Earth was much better. Knowing that nothing could live up to the orginal, they basicly said "Screw it" and gave a whole new origin to the Apes. Mark Walburge's charecter is very belivable. Unlike Chuck Heston's charecter, Walburge's Leo excepts that apes are in control. He could care less. All he wants to do is get out, get this monkey, and go home. The ape in the movie are also presented more human like than that of the original one. They are more reminisant of people in the mid to late 1800's as where people were into slavery, those who flet it was wrong, began making their voices heard. Same as with the Apes. They felt that Humans where inferior, and thus should be slaves, but then there where those who felt that humans should be free and equal. Tim Burton was an excelent choice for director. Though Planet of the Apes was an odd movie for him to make (unlike the genius Sleepy Hollow, which he was born to make) Burton really makes what he has to work with, work. The dark theme of the movie is not the usuall "Gothic" dark that Burton has in most of his movies (Edward Sisccor hands, Batman 1 and 2, Bettle juice, Sleepy Hollow) he gives a dark theme that is some what moody and evil. My only small problem is that they used the great Chuck Heston on liners, only the Apes said them. But it was Chuck Heston himself that redeliverd his great "Damn them, Damn them all to hell" line, but as an APE!! I recomend it highly.

Reptile 2001 (1999)

Eh, it's ok

[5/10 · 29 July 2001]

I saw the original Yonggary when i was 8, and i thought it was cool. I recently picked up a copy of Yonggary 2001, having heard about it on the net, and thought it would be cool. Well, it was Ok. The acting is up there with tv show style acting, and the movie is filled with GOD AWFUL one liners. The Effects were on par with that of what you would see on XENA and such. But as a monster movie, it works out to good fun. Recomend it.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Ahead of it's time.

[8/10 · 25 July 2001]

When John Carpenter made Big Trouble in LIttle China, he was ahead of his time. Sure, back when this was made the popularity of Bruce Lee's stuff was still out there, but not to the extent of the popularity of the Jackie Chan, Jet Li movement that's sweeping this country right now. What was so good about BTILC is that it's not all kung-fu, it has a little mixture of everything. Action, horror, sci-fi, little romance, and a big dumb trucker guy for the hero, now how much cooler can that get. Kurt Russle is at his best here, as the feel right, what the hell am I doing here, Jack Burton. The character is thrown out of his normal life and thrust into this world he know nothing about, and just goes with it and that's what makes it great. If you like Carpenter's work, you'll love this. I highly recommend it.

Battle Royale (2000)

Best of the Best. That ain't no lie

[10/10 · 24 July 2001]

When i first heard about Battle Royal, i was facinated by the concept; 42 kids on an island having to kill each other in order to go home. Though the movie is some what violent (ie, necks being blown out, guy getting stabed in a place that all men cherish, ect) it's not focused on the violence like many american and eruopean horror and trash flicks are. Insted the violence is very real. They show things that really can happen. If you have a bomb around your neck, and it explodes, it's going to do some damage there. The violence in this film strengthens it. The actions are real. Think to your self, if you were a teenager thrown into a situation were you were forced to kill your friends for 1) The prize of returning home, 2) saving your own life, 3) Punishment for a over conservitive goverment who is trying to teach kids a lesson in behavior, what would you do? This movie is destined to be a classic. I recommend that if you ever get the chance to see this, do it. A very powerful, ever emotional movie.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Great Goggoly moogoly

[8/10 · 23 July 2001]

Jurassic Park 3 is hands down what part 2 should have been.

While the first one will remain a classic, The lost world, in my opinion, could have been much better. But, the series picks it self up and shows that there can still be great dinosaur flicks made. Director Joe Johnston makes a great effort, and comes away with greatness. Almost everything that the last two were missing is in this movie. Dino Fighting, perandons, and lots of raptors.

Bringing back Grant was great too. An already established charecter means no jacking around with the human charecter development and getting right to the Dinos. Also, moving away from the t-rex as the main big dino and getting the Spinosaur in there was a great choice too. The Spinosaur is one freakin bad ass. Although the film is awkwardly paced in some parts, as theres action, action, action, then stops to talk about something for ten minutes kinda throws you off in this movie. My only main complaint besides the awkward pacing is the time and ending.

While i'm not going to tell you the ending, it just seems to come in too abrupt. And the run time, just an hour and a half, it's just too short for a movie of this kind. It needs to be longer, more dino action. But other than that, it's definatly worth seeing.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

the horror. BURN!!!!!

[19 July 2001]

Now i'm a fan of chezzy movies. I love toho movie, i like some direct to video stuff. heck i loved Dude where's my car. But when you take a great game like mortal kombat (even though it is mindless violence, buts that's what makes it so cool) and make a hard blown, fatal attempt, crashed before if even took off POS like MKA, well, theres only so much one can stand. I remember going to the theaters when this came out, when i was younger and craved the mindless action and violence of mortal kombat, and loving the first one, only to sit in a dark room for an hour and a half, watching this debacal before me in a sold out crowd (half who were on the train of thought as me as thinking that this SUCKS!) I was ashamed that i paid to see this. This was the first movie i ever thought truly sucked. Even in my younger age, when i would watch anything and like it, i walked out of that theater that day, with just a little less respect for mortal Kombat, and a very disappointed kid. I hope that new line does the right thing and burns and crucifes all remaining copies of this movie. Burn MKA. BURN!!!!!

Mallrats (1995)

Should have a religion formed around it.

[9/10 · 19 July 2001]

Where do i begin. Ah, Mallrats. Words do not express how much i love this movie. It may have bombed at the box office (Hey, so did the original Austin Powers, now look where it's at), but it found a following on video. When i first watched this movie, a whole new world opened up to me. The world of Kevin Smith. My God it was Glorious. I cannot stop laughing at this movie. Jason Lee as Brodie, my god, its art. This guy is a natural actor, seeing that this was his first movie, and that he was a former skateboader before, he should have won an oscar by now. Then Jay and Silent Bob, who are worshipped as gods in many of homes, are at their best.

Kevin Smith is hands down the greatest dialog writer ever. I bow to you Kevin Smith. If you have never seen this movie, go out and rent it or buy it, do what ever, but it is one of those movies that you must see before you die, to say you've lived a complete life.

Evil Dead II (1987)

LOOOOVVVVEEEE this movie

[10/10 · 19 July 2001]

i cannot get enough of this movie. It has the right mixture of Horror and screwed up humor to keep you going all night. Bruce Cambell is truly an acting god. Groovey. And Sam Raimi, this is his best movie of all time. The evil force pov shot, genius. Amazing. makes me want to have a chain saw arm. And there's enough multi colored blood to fill a swimming pool. This is truly a classic among classics. Godbless you Sam Raimi.

Kekkô Kamen 2 (1992 Video)

Naked fun for all.

[8/10 · 18 July 2001]

What can be said about the "Live action" version of Kekko Kamen, well, if you like Go Nagai, or just plain bazzar or down right shocking behavior, well then, this is the movie for you. The movie is a lot like the anime and manga of the same name, and follows very closely to the details. Though there is a naked woman running around for about half the movie, there is nothing pornographic about it. It's a darn shame that this series will never see the light of day in the US except through your local comic book dealer or movie importer, because this movie so damn funny. One of the great things is that it features an appearance from on of Go Nagai's other creations, Violence Jack, who is quickly dispacted by Kekko. If you like odd cinema or are a fan of Go Nagai, this movie is well worth the hunt to see.

Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris (1998)

Best of the Best

[5 July 2001]

Gamera 3 is the best of the whole Gamera trilogy. While the fist two where genius, Gamera 3 just blows them all out of the water. This movie raised the bar for japanese giant monster movies. The seamless blend of CGI and Suitmation ups the monsters sceens, and the cast gives the most beliveable performence of any japanese movie. If you ever get the chance to see this I highly recomend it.