salsamivida Reviews

Madea Goes to Jail (2009)

Not brilliant, but not bad either!

[6/10 · 25 June 2009]

Possible spoilers: Like everyone else, I would have liked to have seen more Madea, too.

What I liked about the film: Madea, of course - the Dr. Phil scenes were pretty funny.

Keshia Knight Pulliam - she's come a long way from little Rudy! Overall, I enjoyed the warmth of the film. I know the plot wasn't necessarily realistic (ADA suddenly realizes he's in love with friend who is a very newly reformed prostitute; everyone finds God; etc.) but personally I like a happy ending. Honestly, how realistic is any romantic comedy being put out these days, anyway? How much realism do we get in the movies? Don't we have enough realism in our day to day lives???

What I disliked: - Why is the wealthy, gorgeous girl also a heartless and evil stereotype? I wasn't sure where Perry was going with this.

• The only white people in the film were also shrill/evil stereotypes (the lecherous potential boss, the nasty housewife/shopper). If you want to make a film focused on one group, race, area, etc., fine, there's nothing wrong with that. But why were the only two white characters so bad? (There was also Dr. Phil, of course; he's just annoying, but that's my opinion.) - Perry tends to overreach a bit in his plots. This is a pattern with all his films, and it takes away from the overall movie because there's too much to follow (this was particularly true with "Madea's Family Reunion." After a while I lost track because there was so much going on!).

Overall, I did like this movie, but I think it could have been better. I'll always love Madea!

Mobsters (1991)

This ain't no "Godfather", people.

[1/10 · 17 November 2008]

Poor Christian Slater! He tries hard, but the script sucks and he's got a supporting cast that ranges from insufferably dull (Richard Grieco) to manic scenechomper (Michael Gambon & Anthony Quinn, frantically vying with each other to see who can eat the most scenery in the least amount of time).

The good: The cast, particularly Costas Mandylor, looks damned fine in the period suits. Also, Patrick Dempsey would eventually grow into his voice, face, and body and join the cast of "Grey's Anatomy." Unfortunately, this movie took place many years before that would happen. Christian Slater is not awful in this film.

The bad: Lara Flynn Boyle, the general dialogue, the editing, Richard Grieco (in his "Booker" days, I was a fan!), the script, the story.

The hilarious: Occasionally, Anthony Quinn. In addition to eating scenery, he was rarely in a scene in which he wasn't eating a meal, having a snack, gnawing on a table leg ... at one point I thought he'd start gnawing on Slater's shoulder, just to have something to chew on.

Rent "The Godfather" if you want to see a great film. This is what a film SHOULDN'T be.

The Marine (2006)

Dios mio.

[1/10 · 7 November 2006]

I am a huge John Cena fan, so I'm not writing this just to pick on him. But "The Marine" is the worst film I've ever seen, and I've made a habit of seeing bad films.

*May contain SPOILERS* The short version: See John shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot. See John run. BOOM! Run, John, run. See John drive. See John swim. Swim, swim, Boom! Run, swim, hit, BOOM, hit, hit, kiss - The end.

The long version: I'll skip the cheesy opening credits and the bizarre soundtrack (which at more than one point seems to be channeling Celine Dion). The movie was supposedly directed by one John Bonito; I wouldn't say that the movie was directed so much as it wandered along aimlessly, occasionally bumping into scenery. Even the scenery refused to "act" (Queensland, Australia is NOT South Carolina, Mr. Bonito). Mr. Cena ambles along through the famous jungles of "South Carolina," occasionally stopping to glance around, never conveying the slightest hint that he might actually be thinking something. Five minutes into the movie, I apologized to the friend I dragged along with me to see it. Ten minutes into it, I officially began imagining a completely different movie. By the end, I no longer cared who lived. I wouldn't have minded if the characters had simply begun shooting themselves, just so that we'd all be put out of our misery.

I wanted this to be a fun movie - I like a fun, cheesy action film as much as the next person - but this movie didn't even try. I was so disappointed ... Mr. Cena, you owe me $9.50!