zedex Reviews

Long Time Dead (2002)

Avoid At All Costs!

[25 December 2003]

This is a fine example of everything that is wrong with modern horror films. The premise is flimsy: a bunch of students summon a demon from a ouiji board, it starts killing them off one by one; nothing you haven't seen a thousand times before.

The characters are completely undefined - we never see them for more than a few seconds, I went through most of the film trying to work out who was who. No background is given, none of them are very really shown expressing emotion (a little bit of fake crying and yelling here or there to show how REALLY FREAKED OUT they all are by the mysterious deaths of their friends) which means you don't particulary give a damn when they are slaughtered.

And the deaths themselves are quite boring; considering the film is selling itself as a gorefest, it is remarkably blood-free and there are no wincingly painful deaths (contrast with something like "Final Destination" which makes you feel sympathy for the characters simply for their painful, painful deaths)

The film is horribly unrealistic. One perfect example is when, after the first death, one of the group who is into ouiji tries to convince the others that it is a demon who killed their friend. She tells them it's a demon. They yell a bit, then calmly accept it, so that the film can move on quickly. In reality, if someone told you that your friend had been murdered by a demon, would you believe it? Unlikely. And later on, characters who have by now accepted that a fire demon is trying to kill them split up in an abandoned house. Have these trendy students never watched a horror movie in their lives?

Lon Time Dead is boring and annoying. Spend 90 minutes doing something remotely interesting instead.

Smallville (2001–2017)

Grows on you.

[20 December 2002]

To be honest, I expected Smallville to be yet another average action show that gets cancelled after the first season or two. When I saw them taking the "mutation-of-the-week" approach, I was sure of it. This generally happens to shows when they run out of ideas (ie, Dark Angel) and is a surefire way to get them cancelled. However, watching the first season progress, it really began to grow on me.

The acting is amazing. I can quite honestly say there isn't a weak actor among the main 8 or so characters, and those on guest spots are normally quite good too. My favourite by far is Allison Mack as Chloe. She is one of the more experienced of the young actors on the show, and is truly excellent. The plots are quite good, now that they have moved past Kryptonite and more onto the characters themselves. One of the most enjoyable things about this show for me is the many humourous references to the future and little in-jokes (For example, Clark's line "I don't know what I want to do, as long as it doesn't involve wearing a suit and flying a lot").

This is a very entertaining show, and one that might survive until the 100 episode mark if the quality of writing and acting is kept up. I look forward to season 2 being shown in the UK. 8/10

Sliding Doors (1998)

Interesting...

[9/10 · 8 December 2002]

After being fired, Helen (Gwynneth Paltrow) runs to catch a train that, unknown to her, her future hinges on. If she catches it, she'll get home in time to catch her boyfriend Gerry with another woman. If she doesn't, she'll go on not knowing about his infidelity.

This has to be one of the most intriuging plots I've ever seen. Most films would take just one or other of these plots and churn out a typical rom-com, but Sliding Doors turns them into one excellent film. The acting is great (even if Paltrow's accent is at times a little too British and forced) and the plot twists every few seconds. It could have become very confusing, but the direction is good enough that you can easily follow the two stories at once.

There are two things that stop this film being a 10. The first is that the two Helens sometimes seem a little too different from each other to be the same person. Even if they have gone through to different experiences, they don't act the same at all. The second is that the message of the film seems that we don't control our own future-after all, it isnt Helen who decides if she makes it to the train, it all depends on if a little girl is pulled out of the way by her mother in time.

Still, this is a very entertaining film, and definately worth watching. 8/10.

Silent Hill (1999 Video Game)

Terrifying

[20 September 2002]

I first played this game in 1998, on a demo disc, in daylight, with 5 other people around me. Even then it was the scariest game I had ever played. I've played Resident Evil & Eternal Darkness without being scared, I watch horror movies alone in the dark without the slightest qualm, but this game scared the s**t out of me. The opening scene, where you wander through mist after a vague figure that may or may not be your daughter, with the sky rapidly darkening, and trails of blood and mutilated corpses leading the way is just a taster of the horrors that await. It isn't in the shocking moments, but in the atmosphere of the entire game that the fear lies. There are no words to properly describe just how scary this game is. Buy it now, and see for yourself what fear is. 10/10

Aliens (1986)

One of the best action movies ever!

[10/10 · 30 August 2002]

-Spoilers- Aliens is the rarest type of film: A sequel that surpasses the original. Set 57 years after the original, Ripley's escape pod has been found, and she is returned to earth. Once she gets there, however, her story is discounted and The Company fire her for detonating her old ship. A few weeks later Burke, an employee of The Company, asks her to go with a group of marines to LV-426 (the planet where she found the first alien), where contact has been lost with a colony of terraformers... Aliens is a fantastic movie. It is quite different from 1 & 3 in the series, in that there is a huge nest of Aliens instead of one, and Ripley actually has some decent firepower. Yet it doesn't descend into the usual action cliches of firefight after firefight: the few marines left after the initial alien attack are stranded, and try to barricade themselves in, leading to some tense and genuinely frightening moments as the aliens grow ever closer. The characters are also well-developed, which is a change, you really feel something as they die, which adds to the overall effect. The acting is extremely high quality; some characters aren't hugely likeable, but they're still enjoyable to watch. It helps to have seen Alien- it explains all the references to the previous battle with the aliens, and Ripley's antipathy towards Bishop, a synthetic. This is undoubtedly the best film in the series: while it doesn't having the shocking ending of 3, the almost-happy ending rings true, which makes the start of 3 even more tragic (but that's another spoiler). Overall this film is interesting, exciting and genuinely scary: 10/10.

Cherry Falls (1999)

Best slasher film in a long while.

[8/10 · 30 July 2002]

Contains Spoilers! Cherry Falls is a decent enough slasher flick about a killer targeting virgins. While Jody (Brittany Murphy) tries to find out what dark secret her parents are hiding, the rest of the towns teens organise a wild sex party to eliminate themselves as targets. This is basically an excuse for nudity and gore, but it's funny, engaging and a little scary (in a "Killer jumping out from behind the bushes" way instead of a "Gosh, thats scary when you think about it" way.) It totally breaks the slasher rules (virgins die while sluts & drug users live to the end), which is refreshing to see that not every film thinks it has to copy scream. The killer's costume in this isn't great (a wig & a dress, but you can tell the first time you see him that its a man in drag, the shoulders are way to wide to be a woman), but it hides the face, which means its not too easy to guess the killer. The final twist (killer being the heroine's brother) was also done in Scream 3, but I don't know who's ripping off who there. The acting is good (Brittany Murphy & Michael Biehn especially) and Jay Mohr does a good job of going from quiet teacher to drag queen running through a house party killing randomly in about 2 minutes without seeming too unbelievable. As well as this the killer's motive is understandable and rings true unlike some other films. The split second view of a similar looking woman to the killer at the end leaves the way open for a sequel, with Loralee herself dishing out Mrs Voorhies-style parental revenge. All, this is definately one of the best slasher films in recent times, and while you won't remember it as the best film you'll ever see, you'll enjoy it while it lasts. 8/10

Dying to Belong (1997 TV Movie)

Pretty good, but not the best movie ever.

[7/10 · 20 July 2002]

Spoilers Dying to Belong is about a girl in her freshman year of college whose best friend is killed during hazing. She investigates whether it was really an accident or if there is something more sinister going on. This is an OK film, not as good as some of the comment on here say ("Best TV movie ever" is a gross exaggeration), but decent all the same. The acting is good, for the most part, the girl playing Kim over acted her way through every scene, making her part in the ending too obvious. Speaking of the ending, it was a little too predictable, not because of the writing but because of the direction. The way we see it, a girl is on the roof of a church or something being told that she'll win "Best Pledge" if she hangs a banner. We then see her friend on the ground realising she's disappeared, then the girl falling. This means the audience already knows she was forced onto the roof, which means the next 45 minutes of what's supposed to be tense is actually less exciting than the start of the film. Still, its worth watching, 7/10

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Not all its cracked up to be.

[3 June 2002]

CONTAINS SPOILERS This is an ok film, but not as good as the hype suggests. The action scenes at the beginning and end are excellent, pure Star Wars, and Obi-Wan's sub-plot is engaging and well-acted. However, the bulk of the film (the love story between Padme and Anakin) just doesnt ring true and drags on for far too long. While it sets the seen for the next 4 episodes, I still think this could have been far better done. The film is still worth seeing though, if only for Yoda's fight scene. 6/10

From Hell (2001)

Chilling

[8/10 · 9 February 2002]

_CONTAINS SPOILERS_ From Hell is based on (but not fully faithful to) the murders of Jack the Ripper, a serial killer who lived in 19th century London. Johnny Depp and Heather Graham are the leads (as Inspector Abbeline, the man in charge of solving the case, and Mary Kelly, the tart with a heart). This is one thing that always annoys me about American movies set outside of America: they always feel the need to cast someone American in the lead role, no matter how appalling their accent is. After seeing plenty of good films spoiled by accents (Ordinary Decent Criminal comes to mind) i was worried about this one, and my fears were half justified. While the accents aren't bad, they still have a hint of fakeness about them. This is almost made worse by the decision to cast decent British actors too, such as Robbie Coltraine as Depp's sarcastic helper. I suppose I should just be thankful they didn't try to get Heather Graham to put on a traditional Irish accent. However, despite this fault, it is a brilliant movie. The leads aren't too bad when they're not speaking, and the rest of the cast are excellent. The directing and camera work is stylish, for example a blood-red sunset is shown between two of the scenes, and Depp's visions are suitably hazy and unclear. The film is gory in the extreme, but not for the sake of it. It is showing the horror of the Ripper's crimes, and the brutality within it all. The picture of 19th century London is very realistic (the poor treatment of the whores, the old boy attitude of the chief of police claiming "it couldn't be an educated man, it must have been a butcher, a foreigner or a Jew" & the general dirt, grime and seediness of it all). The plot is dotted with holes and the ending is a bit hard to swallow (the concept that there is an entirely separate line to the English crown living somewhere in Ireland is possible, but very unlikely). However, the film achieves its goal, creating a real sense of fear as Jack lures his victims in, then viciously kills them. I would recommend it to anyone with a strong stomach, tell them to ignore the plot holes and enjoy an atmospheric horror film. Score: 8/10

Get Over It (2001)

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

[4/10 · 13 January 2002]

OK, if anybody has seen the trailer and any other teen movie, they will know exactly how this movie goes. Berke Landers (Ben Foster) is dumped by his girlfriend Allison (Mellisa Sagemiller), who soon starts dating a new guy called Stryker (Shane West). Berke acts in the school play to win back but falls for Kelly (Kirsten Dunst), the little sister of his best friend Felix (Colin Hanks). The plot is boring and the writing apalling for the most part, but there are a few good jokes (the accident prone Dora-Lynn, Felix and Kelly's hormonally imbalanced dog, some great visual humour and Martin Short as the over the top high school drama teacher) and the acting is decent in some parts (Colin Hanks, Kirsten Dunst & Martin Short), but bad in others (Shane West in particular, his accent was appalling). Finally, one thing that makes the movie passable, Berke's parents, who applaud his curiosity when he is arrested in a strip joint and get annoyed when he throws a party when they're out of town, but only because they think he should have told them & let them paid for a DJ. I would give it 4/10 as a film in general, but worth watching if you have nothing else to do.

Mutant X (2001–2004)

OK, but not great

[22 December 2001]

The basic premise of Mutant X is simple: a team of young mutants working for a guy called Adam use their powers to battle a secret government organisation who created them and are now trying to hunt them down. Sound familiar? Mutant X is a complete rip-off of X-Men and, to a lesser extent, Dark Angel. But that isn't its problem. The fight scenes are brutal, completely unrealistic. Other shows like Buffy and Angel manage plausible, decent-looking fights but Mutant X can't seem to. The punches are even more obviously faked than WWF, and the mutants' powers seem to have no limit, allowing them to dispatch a roomful of enemies with seemingly no effort. Mason Eckhart, the leader of the bad guys, is cliched and unconvincing. However, the show does have some good points. The writing is OK, well acted and convincing enough. The special effects, such as Brennans electricity bolts, are decent too. All in all, Mutant X is worth watching if there's nothing better on, but really nothing special.

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Less jokes. Less movie. Less fun

[15 September 2001]

Scary Movie 2 is like the majority of sequels: alright movies, but pale in comparison to the original. There are several things wrong with this movie. First, its way too short, less than 1 hour and a quarter. Also, there are less jokes than the original. Second, some of the jokes are very badly worked (most notably, the rip off of the Nike basketball ad: all that build-up and a bad joke at the end. Third, even if it is a spoof and not a horror movie, there really should be a larger death toll. Finally, the plot really lets it down. Weren't Ray and Brenda killed in the first movie? Just who are Theo and that one played by Tori Spelling? They're not introduced to the audience, they just walk up to Cindy and start talking to her a few scenes into the film. I know a spoof doesnt really need a great plot, but when IMDBs two line summary would do for a full, in-depth review of the movie's plot, you start to worry. Dont get me wrong, there are some excellent jokes and the actors are alright, which makes the movie worth going to see, just don't expect to enjoy it as much as Scary Movie 1. 6/10

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Surprisingly funny romantic comedy

[18 June 2001]

When I went to see 10 Things I Hate About You, I expected the usual boring, pointless romantic comedy, where the romance is unbelievable and the comedy part seriously lacking. Instead I got an excellent plot and funny jokes with actual chemistry between the leads. As it is a modern remake of Shakespeare's The Taming Of The Shrew, you might think you need to know all about the play, but in reality the plot of the film is different and only the occasional bit of name-dropping has any connection to the play. Julia Stiles as Kat is undoubtedly the best actress, with Larisa Oleynik as her sister Bianca (an airhead eerily similar to Clueless' Cher) is also funny and believable. Heath Ledger and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are also good as their eventual boyfriends. The dialogue is hilarious and while the romantic plot is corny, it is entertaining (although the happily ever after ending is a bit too routine). The soundtrack and in particular the main title song (by Letters to Cleo) are catchy and the outakes at the end are good, although including outakes of scene that were taken out of the end movie is kind of confusing. I would recommend 10 Things I Hate About You to absolutely anyone as it is hilarious and without doubt the best romantic comedy I have ever seen.

RATING: 4/5

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000 Video)

A decent alternative to Scary Movie

[17 June 2001]

Scary Movie, while hilarious, relied too heavily on gross-out gags and crudeness. While Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday 13th has these too, they are fewer and farther between. It's quite a funny movie, although some of the jokes take too long building up, however they are almost always worth the wait. Like any other parodies, it requires you to have a fairly extensive knowledge of horror movies, especially Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer. There are loads of visual jokes to make it worth watching again and again. The acting is decent enough, though none of the stars stand out that much. I would recommend it to anyone who liked Scary Movie (its more of the same) and to those who didn't (its a lot less vulgar) Score: 8/10