johnc-20076 Reviews

Naked Attraction (2016– )

a warning to the curious

[1/10 · 26 March 2024]

I don't have TV myself but a friend flicked through a couple of episodes to show me how low things have sunk... This show stands as proof that society is now morally bankrupt, debased and deviant... its pretending to be all jolly and quirky and fun when in reality its just an excuse to show some naked flesh in close up... i know the producers and Davina wannabe host won't have any shame as they are getting paid and probably think they are all edgy and pushing boundaries but ultimately the truth is to 'know thyself'... if you want porn just be honest with yourself, its only a click away online... there really is no need to fall for this monumental bucket of steaming puss (no pun intended) and as for the so called contestants... what sort of a moron would want to go on that show... quite a few apparently... i bet their friends and families are really proud!

Downton Abbey (2010–2015)

was the script written on a blue rizla...

[4/10 · 25 April 2023]

Paper thin rizla blue scripts...

Having chanced upon a 1 - 5 series blu ray box set for £5 and being a fan of remains of the day, Gosford park, the BBCs version of P&P i thought I'd give this series a really fair chance as i know it was well received and had many good reviews... Downton clearly has a very sizable budget and has been very well made, the script however really lets its down... as others have mentioned it's little more then a period soap opera with convoluted story lines, its one dimensional shallow characters, and other characters come and go... many story lines and plots are left either hanging, go nowhere or are totally forgotten about... also i really struggled with the lady Mary actress and her monotone talking voice as though she's reading the script for the first and only time, not to mention how any single man seems to fall in love with her after only 2 or 3 brief meetings..... i stuck with the shows until series 4 where i bailed... the off screen rape of the maid Anna was the final straw, it was totally unesseccary and total unbelievable in the way it was supposedly hushed up.. perhaps the storyline plays out later on but i won't be watching to find out... enough no more, its not so sweet now as it was before...

The Midwich Cuckoos (2022)

damned if you do, damned if you don't

[5/10 · 23 July 2022]

First thing people on here need to remember is all mainstream shows and movies have a promotions team and advertising budget etc so that explains some of the gushing 10' star reviews, you also have some right miserable people out there who just like to be critical and moan that nothings as good as it used to be so that explains the 1' star reviews.. the reality and truth is somewhere in the middle... the original story is a sound gold very solid sci-fi tale, this execution however was a bit disappointing, the show suffered from being dragged out too long, just as it was getting going it would slow down, there seemed to be just enough in the first 2 episodes to come back for but then the rest just played out as cliched predictable tedium never really getting out of second gear where in the end the viewer was glad its all over... as for the wokeness i am surprised the writers didn't shoehorn in a gay couple (mixed race obviously) or a couple of ru paul type drag queens... after all men can give birth these days apparently..

Melancholia (2011)

classic emperors new clothes

[4/10 · 7 September 2021]

The emperors new clothes for guardian ready luvvie types... good cast, some interesting although not always successful filming technique's and a decent budget but oh dear... scientifically the film makes no sense, huge planet closing in would affect the tides, the weather etc and they live by the water but no worries there... not to mention people all seem to take it so stoically, the wedding staff and taxi drivers etc aren't bothered about being close to their families or pets even, they just carry on working at the somewhat remote country house as the hours tick down to what could be global annihilation.. i suppose for the 'art' lovers you do get to see Kirsten Dunst naked but its really not worth the tedium.. i'm sure the guardian types will say its a film that's deeply moving and of immense beauty showing the fragility of life on earth and the internal struggles we all face but ultimately anyone who watches with an open critical mind will know its complete twadlle... classic emperors new clothes.a generous 4/10.

Behind Her Eyes (2021)

behind her tired old seen it all before eyes

[6/10 · 8 April 2021]

I think the enjoyment level for this series depends on how many movies / shows a person has seen over the years as it's far from original... it Starts well and is something of a slow burner, the acting is good, the story for the first 4 or so episodes as a conventional thriller is fine, the problems begin with the 'body swapping' element of the story... it would have been better as a basic bi polar nut job woman controlling her husband and framing him /manipulating him over the death of the Rob character but it just ends up as a mishmash of everything from old hammer film plots / supernatural thrillers / body snatcher type films... things we've all seen many times before.. that said its genuinely ok for a modern low expectations TV series and is certainly very well made but does cop out at the end... it falls/fails at the last few hurdles leaving the viewer somewhat bemused and disappointed... 6/10.

Strayed (2003)

lets play house...

[4/10 · 30 January 2021]

Oh my goodness who writes this rubbish... what starts out as a fairly plausible WW2 family drama of a woman and her 2 children as refugees on the road trying to escape the big cities as the Germans advance who find themselves being helped by a teenage boy who's not all he seems to be... the story manages to hold its own for 60 mins or so after which it just becomes contrived nonsense designed to predictably get Miss Beart naked which is hardly anything new is it... the boy, miss Beart and her 2 children begin to play house for a while at the deserted manor house they conveniently stumble upon, the one where the sheets are white and fresh, the power still works and the water is running, he hunts and fishes and she washes the clothes and cleans the windows.. its total nonsense.. then 2 retreating French soldiers arrive and this could have been a turning point in the film to restore some sort of sanity but alas they leave the next morning and Beart and the troubled teenage boy get it on' so to speak... then a day or 2 later 2 policemen arrive.. like they do in wartime.. you know German planes are machine gunning civilians, there are dead soldiers bodies strewn around the countryside yet the police are still out and about picking up troubled teenage boys and the film draws to a hurried conclusion... its total implausible baloney.. absolute mind numbing rubbish. All be it nicely filmed with some lovely locations.. 4/10

The Story of Marie and Julien (2003)

clocking off...

[6/10 · 3 January 2021]

You can't help but admire the intellectual twaddle people come up when reviewing this film, yes its fairly interesting all be it a little slow for some viewers but it seems that because its French then it has to be a deep meaningful masterpiece that will stay with you forever and mature like a fine wine etc etc.. in reality its an interesting all be it not that original idea, Beart, pouts her plastic lips and shows her fine (plastic?) breasts as usual, Radziwilowicz drifts and meanders through the film in an unconvincing manner, Anne Brochet does ok and the cat after a shaky start grows into its role and does very well indeed... that's about it... its your standard older man, troubled younger mysterious woman flick with some very wooden unconvincing sex scenes, some long silences, a bit of blackmail and a cat... done French style... its alright but nothing special... 6/10

And if you ever have a clock that needs mending don't give this guy a ring as he spends what seems like months messing about with the same 2 or 3 pieces of mainspring and gear getting nowhere.. a bit like many viewers will with this film..

Foyle's War (2002–2015)

too little is better then too much...

[5/10 · 14 October 2020]

I started watching Foyles war right from the first episode and was initially taken in by both the quality of the acting and the settings, the stories were interesting and believable without being too far fetched or silly, even though it was all a bit contrived, convoluted and dare I say predictable where even the odd little plot twists were telegraphed but it was watchable although there did seem to be a pattern set right from the first episode of 4 or 5 interconnecting sub plots that eventually all come together... I could even forgive the shoehorning of Foyles son into as many episodes as possible but by series 3 or 4 i'd seen enough.. it was all becoming very tedious indeed... I can understand some people lapping this show up, it's safe gentle paced Sunday afternoon viewing, no sex or bad language and Foyle always gets his man in his gentle understated way.. but that's the problem, it becomes as dull as dishwater, you really don't need 30 odd episodes of it... 2 or 3 helpings is enough as it just starts to repeat on you so to speak.. a bit like the storylines...

The Sweeney (1975–1978)

Carry on Regan & Carter

[5/10 · 11 September 2020]

I recently chanced upon a Sweeney season 1 dvd box set at a car boot sale for a pound so I thought i'd give Regan & Carter a revist after some 40 years or so... I know memories can play tricks but I seemed to remember some tough, gritty hard hitting 1970s TV that would be both nostalgic but also entertaining and quality.. all the things TV supposedly isn't these days... what a let down... my goodness time hasn't been kind.. I don't mean the politically incorrect dialog or the flares, kipper ties and the constant swilling of double scotches and nicotine stained fingers.. I mean the stories / plotlines and the constant stream of laughable incompetent bad guys... hard hitting? Some episodes are like a B grade comedy, 'thin ice' the one with Brian Glover & Alfred marks in is just plain embarrassing... 'night out' is illogical and very badly written... many of the others are poorly written with cardboard cut out characters and predictable telegraphed outcomes...

As a piece of 70s nostalgia the Sweeney is fine, it's interesting to see many familiar 1970s TV faces cropping up in the episodes with bit parts here and there and Thaw and Waterman play their parts well but lets be honest the actual scripts they have to work with are strictly amateur..

5/10

Permissive (1970)

Who's fantasy was this?

[5/10 · 10 September 2020]

A cautionary tale of Young women following a decidedly average rock band and giving themselves away whenever they can.. I mean lets start with the rock band, these guys are no Jim Morrison or Marc Bolan types, there are more Worzel Gummage lookers with their nicotine stained fingers, who probably smell like a mixture of sweaty socks and rotting sprouts.. they were incredibly plain dull and nauseating, off stage all they seemed to do was walk around in slow motion or sit staring into space and occasionally get it on with one of the young waifs who are strangely queuing up to be with them, goodness knows how they manage to get it up so to speak as they all seem so lifeless and dreary...

The girls don't really seem to know what they want, clearly the band are not that successful in terms of the films story, hence there is no glamour for them to ride on, just a life of long dark motorways, rusty transit vans, being groped by dirty nicotine stained hands and being used then cast aside... as for the busker/preacher character who was shoe horned into the story, the one who lives 'under the stars maaaaan' god that guy was terrible but luckily the segment with him in is only 15 mins or so and of course it goes without saying for a film about groupie girls there is also a very brief lesbian scene tacked into the film before its downbeat climax... I

I wouldn't say this film was truly abysmal, it was after all made in that late 60s / early 70s period with its styles, fashions and morals so was maybe quite shocking and meant to be a gritty piece of realism but now some 50 years on it all seems rather contrived and an opportunity wasted and traded just to show some skin... here we are now in 2020 so I dare say any of the surviving band members are probably sat in some old peoples home, bald and covered head to toe in nicotine patches staring into space as usual... whilst any of the girls are probably all about size 20 with 4 or 5 broken marriages behind them and lecturing their grand daughters about the perils of sleeping around...

Also bearing in mind its 2020, Netflix, amazon prime, even you tube have pretty much killed off home video / dvd... meaning your choices with this film are to try and track it down online or pay £14.99 or whatever the price is for a BFI blu-ray edition... is it worth it? Probably not, the extras might sway it for some people out there but this isn't worth wasting your money on.. that said if you see it cheap somewhere on your travels there are worse things you could buy!

5/10

The Warriors (1979)

An Ed Wood gang movie

[2/10 · 25 August 2020]

I know of people who think this is one of the greatest films ever made, i've even seen people with warriors tattoos yet it really is embarrassingly bad, truly terrible, it's lame, cliched & weak with its carboard characters and their silly matching outfits and laughable cheesy dialogue, which maybe for 1979 is just about excusable as it was probably hip and cutting edge but believe me this film has not aged well at all... even the young 16 year old me in 1979 remembers being disappointed with this film when I saw it at the cinema back then and believe me I used to go to the cinema 2 or 3 times a week in the pre home video days and I saw some real rubbish but I recently watched it again just to see if it was as bad as I remember and it isn't... its actually far worse...its truly laughable, I really don't see what other people see in this film other then a bit of nostalgia maybe for being 16 again...

The warriors, you'd be better off watching the wombles!

2/10

Quadrophenia (1979)

one for the midlife crisis 50+ year old men who ride their scooters on bank holidays

[7/10 · 25 August 2020]

A decent attempt at capturing a moment in time, I wasn't there in the mid 1960s myself but do remember the mods from 78 - 82 time in the days of two tone, the chords, the purple hearts etc and the characters seem fairly believable and true to real life... the film itself is a pretty predictable effort with a cast of familiar British faces many of whom are still making a living from acting today.. of course its all a bit contrived with its one dimensional cardboard cut out characters and the rebel without a cause/brain mr self destruct lead man but to be fair its an enjoyable bit of nostalgia and I can understand why many people have a soft spot for the film

7/10

Chloe (2009)

know thy self

[3/10 · 13 August 2020]

Know thy self... if you want porn there really is no need to bother with these sort of films, 90 mins of predicable tedium for 2 mins of nudity... you can flip that statistic on its head online as long as you are prepared to just be honest with yourself and what your looking for... As to how bad this movie is depends on whether you have seen the French original which it's self isn't that's great but at least it has Emmanuelle Béart pouting her way through it and she is certainly much more believable then Amanda Seyfried in this nonsense... Julianne Moore does a reasonable job as the brittle, vulnerable on the edge wife, Liam Neeson is his usual cardboard self, incredibly wooden like a modern day Charlton Heston and the son and his minor subplot is almost irrelevant... the whole film plays out like a single white female / early 90s red shoes diary sky movies soft core effort, all that's missing is lots of saxophone music and some muscleman with a mullet and a sports car...

7/10 for the original

3/10 for this stinker

Westworld: Crisis Theory (2020) Season 3, Episode 8

death is not the end...

[2/10 · 29 July 2020]

Its only when you read some of the gushing glowing reviews for this series on imdb that you realize how meaningless the reviews for any large budget films or tv shows are as clearly many of the said glowing reviews are fake and must be written by people who work for the makers of the series... i'm sure it will be the same for other big budget big productions but at the end of the day we all know can't carve rotten wood.. this show has become a joke, all that made it essential deep and interesting is long gone, yes season 2 was a bit of a disappointment after season 1 but the whole of season 3 has been cliched, confusing illogical tripe... it could have been so different as the bones of the decent cast and a healthy budget are still there but the writing / plot line if such a thing exists is truly amateur, almost laughable... for those who will bother I guess there's always the hope that season 4 can't be as bad.. surely!

Tell No One (2006)

carry on doctor

[4/10 · 21 July 2020]

Well what can one say without giving a review full of spoilers... the basic premise is an interesting idea for sure in that a mans wife is murdered or at least he believes she was and yet many years later he receives an email possibly from her... and so begins a web of intrigue and a search for the truth.. the only problem is that along the way there are so many plots twists, cliche's, coincidences and double plot twists which leave the viewer bewildered and confused and asking themselves why didn't certain characters just do this or that instead, it would have been much simpler and less convoluted ... that said without all the twists this film would be about 10 minutes long and its not alone in that respect but believe me at 120+ mins it takes some unraveling and much of it is simply unrealistic or believable... 4. / 10

Westworld: The Winter Line (2020) Season 3, Episode 2

sinking fast

[3/10 · 11 July 2020]

Cliched nonsense going rapidly down the pan... the problem with this series as well as countless other series and films is that whenever the main characters seem to be in danger they miraculously escape or get repaired and rebooted and off they go again video game style which is all well and good but it makes all the action and shooting / danger scenes pointless really... you've got tired old Maeve still looking for her daughter.. why doesn't she just make herself a new daughter as she seems to be able to constantly resurrect herself and control other hosts and pretty much everyone else... you have Bernard still Bumbling about trying to sort the mess out as well as working out who he is.. as well as others being dragged back from series 2 who may or may not now be hosts / replicants / robots.. who actually cares at this point as its all become confusing illogical rubbish.. total baloney, clearly its a cash cow for everyone involved and you can't blame the actors, the viewers on the other hand should know when to quit, it's like being in an abusive relationship, just get out while you can and never go back.. as for the gushing 10/10 reviews on here I guess they are paid for out of the advertising budget for this series... 3/10

A Short Film About Love (1988)

decidedly average...

[5/10 · 27 June 2020]

Oh my oh my... shy lonely guy watches an older troubled woman with low self esteem and falls in love... he works for the post office so he tampers with her mailbox and gets a job as milkman so he can get closer to her where hopefully she will notice him... yes I know it sounds like the script for a low budget porno or slasher type film but this is Kieslowski so it must be all deep and meaningful and on obsessive study of love and longing etc... well it isn't its dull, badly written, totally unbelievable, it's not even that well filmed and it is certainly hard to feel any sort of sympathy for either of the main characters

Any lonely single guys out there try spying one of your neighbours night after night, make anonymous phone calls, then pluck up the courage to go and talk to her, tell her to her face you've been watching her for a year, been tampering with her mail, making phone calls, having the odd Arthur J Rank over her and see what happens... I doubt you'll be treat with understanding or made as welcome as in this piece of nonsense...

5/10 and that's being very generous!

Three Colors: Blue (1993)

is there another 3 colours trilogy?

[7/10 · 27 June 2020]

So here we June 2020, a time of virus lock downs and catching up watching or re watching dvds... I always remember the 3 colours trilogy being lauded by guardian reader types at the time and I remember watching eagerly back in the day having purchased my vastly over priced artificial eye VHS releases... quality always cost a little extra so it seemed but to be fair that was usually the case with artificial eye releases in those days, they were a name you could trust for arthouse / European cinema... that said I do remember being somewhat underwhelmed at the time, Blue was decent but nothing special, white was poor and red was alright.. that was my original mid 1990's verdict..

so a quarter of a century later My june 2020 verdict is no different, is there another 3 colours trilogy? as all these gushing reviews one here can't be for the same films... watch the films for yourself but lower your expectations as some of the reviewers on here must be smoking something... yes each film does have a lovely female lead probably in her physical peak, yes Kieslowski makes good use of colours and shadows uses his trademark sunlight reflecting off a window or through trees or the back of a spoon etc all the arty touches you come to expect... but that's about it... the actual stories as such are not that great, blue is easily the best, white is especially poor and red pulls it back a bit but only just...

7 / 5 / 6 would be my scores...

Caché (2005)

disappointingly average..

[5/10 · 27 May 2020]

If you like a good steady linear story with a beginning, a middle an end and a conclusion then this story won't be for you, if on the other hand you like some vague pseudo intellectual pretend deep and meaningful twaddle then this might possibly be for you... sadly the story as far as one can make out doesn't really deliver to either of those camps.. it fails to deliver on many levels.. it lacks logic but isn't style over substance either, it's just disappointing.. that's the word... disappointing.. a waste of a good cast, major plot holes, Georges doesn't even bother to look where the camera was positioned or set up his own camera to see who's leaving the tapes at his door not to mention the ridiculous suicide of a man who has a seemingly well balanced son to live for.. yes I know he's haunted by the past and his terrible treatment but come on...

It's not a terribly dire film its quite simply disappointingly average..

5/10