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derekthayer
Reviews
Departure (2015)
Beautifully shot, incredibly dull
I don't expect a lightning pace from an indie arthouse film, but this movie crawls at an agonizing plod. About 20 minutes in, the 1.5x speed became necessary to slog through this monster.
The characters are depressing and hollow. There is no growth. The entire movie is an excercise in futility.
The only redeeming quality is the beautifully shot locations. Take a hard pass on this one.
A Wedding Most Strange (2011)
Terrible
The premise is ludicrous. A man has a marriage deadline to inherit his father's estate, so he narrows down his prospective spouse to three men. All 3 are ok with competing for the chance to chosen. Add two women (one his ex-wife) who also want to be in the running. Bring in some family to witness who "wins."
The audience is definitely not the winner in this case. What could be an over-the-top comedy is lackluster, plodding, and dull. The protagonist is a bore. His "friends" don't seem to like him at all. Even the revelation that his primary motivation is the inheritance is met with indifference to the potential husbands.
He ends up choosing, though his motivation is not addressed even superficially. The audience is shown next to nothing of the characters' personalities or desires that drive their actions.
We're not given a reason to root for or like any of the characters on screen and the movie ends with a huge feeling of 'who cares?'
Devil's Path (2018)
Turn off the dialogue
About halfway in, I turned the settings on my surround sound speakers off for the dialogue. Without the weird and disjointed plot and script, the cinematography and music were atmospheric and tense. There were a number of scenes that were intense and claustrophobic, and coveyed a very real sense of unease, fear and suspicion.
Then I looked up the actual plot. And it was terrible. It really was a shame this movie's story brought the film down. The photography and lighting were pretty good, as was the accompanying soundtrack.
Bite Marks (2011)
Awful, but entertaining
This campy vampire flick is a train wreck, but is very self-aware of its own ridiculousness. There's plenty of blood, cheesey one-liners, and gratuitous nudity to land this film firmly among other (terrible) slashers from previous decades. Award-winning it is not, but it definitely made me laugh.
Regarding Billy (2005)
A (gay) Hallmark Channel movie
Bland acting and a dull script make this 80 minute film feel like it shambles on for decades. The characters are one-note cardboard cutouts lacking any depth of emotion or personality. It has the over-sentimentality of a Hallmark movie without any of the heart.
Happy Endings Sleepover (2019)
Interesting, but far from earth-shattering
A cute, unassuming film that is the movie equivalent of a 'beach read' book. The actors portray their characters with earnesty, if somewhat lacking in talent.
The premise of the twenty-something 'American' CIA agent is laughably ludicrous, but fortunately little more than a flimsy framing device for what is ultimately a romance.
A decent flick if you're looking for something of a lighter fare that's easy to watch, and easy to forget.
Private Romeo (2011)
Surprisingly well-done
I was hesitant to view (yet ANOTHER) adaptation of Romeo & Juliet, but this movie delivered remarkably. The use of the original Shakespeare dialogue was believably spoken. The actors (for the most part) played the language with understandable realism.
The deviation from the original work (SPOILER) removed the tragic end, which was both disappointing but sweetly romantic.
Lastly, for all the negative reviews criticizing the use of Juliet in reference to a man rather than gender-sliding it to something similar yet masculine:
'What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.'
Martesa (2017)
Heartache and love
A heartbreaking, yet realistic exploration of fear, supression, and love. The characters are intriguing, with realistic motivations and emotional baggage that determines their decisions and ultimately their futures.
The Lost Coast (2008)
The Lost Potential...
A slow, plodding film that takes forever to get to a disappointing climax (pun intended, if you bother to watch this film).
The cinematography is pretty decent for a low-budget film, and the storyline has potential, but ultimately fails to deliver.
Everything Is Free (2017)
Toxic relationships
Christian and Ivan are best friends. Ivan is gay; Christian, straight. Christian travels with his younger brother, Cole, to visit Ivan. Ivan falls in love (read infatuation) with Cole. The 'why' and 'how' of this love is never shown; the audience is simply told Ivan is in love and the two begin an affair that has no affection, only sex. During their sexual encounters, Cole repeatedly tells Ivan he "is a straight guy." Cue Christian's never-before-mentioned homophobic rage as he first sexually, then physically assaults his "best friend." Christian threatens Ivan's life and the brothers go back to L.A. Ivan, still obsessed, follows. Cole rebuffs him again, repeating the tired protestation of heterosexuality. Again, Christian assaults Ivan, who heads back to Colombia. Ivan wallows in self-pity, depression and rage. Years pass and Cole shows up declaring his feelings for Ivan. Ivan initially shows actual growth as a person, at first refusing Cole's advances. However, a handful passionless kisses later, Ivan's infatuation comes back to the forefront and the movie ends.
Christian had no (apparent) problem with Ivan's sexual orientation until suddenly he did. He goes from loving his best friend to threatening murder within just a few minutes of film time.
Cole allows himself to be manipulated by his older brother while gaslighting Ivan.
Ivan puts himself in harm's way for a perceived relationship which is anything but mutual or reciprocal.
The friendship is toxic. Ivan is codependent. The elder brother is controlling. And Cole is sociopathic with regard to the consequences of his actions.
Hunter (2013)
Pointless
This "movie" was plodding and dull. Nothing happens. Interesting plot points are (randomly) introduced to ultimately go nowhere.
Gavin (his character described as "picky" and a "nice guy" by others in the film--traits we don't really see exemplified on-screen) and his friend, Amy (her only character trait being recently broken up with her boyfriend) find a stranger, Carter, passed out in front of Gavin's apartment.
Amy wants him gone, but Gavin invites him to stay through the weekend (as his flight home is Sunday).
Carter lies about losing his cellphone because "reasons," but is discovered since he left said phone turned on, vibration on, and IN HIS BAG.
Amy definitely wants him gone now, but Carter tells Gavin he was supposed to meet his father (who lives in NYC) but he was nervous because he'd never met him before, only talking a few times on the phone.
Gavin let's Carter stay. They end up sleeping in the same bed because it's hot and only Gavin's room has AC.
Gavin's roommate, Farrah, shows up (having been out for a few days with a guy she was dating). She's leaving to hookup with another guy.
Gavin throws a birthday party. A rent check has disappeared, and he accuses Carter. Carter leaves and sleeps on the doorstep to the building his father lives in, but never goes inside. Amy, drunk, goes to the apartment shared with her ex and falls asleep on the couch. Derek, a guy interested in Gavin, stays the night. He wakes up in Gavin's bed and leaves, taking the mix CD he made for Gavin's birthday gift.
The end.
This movie had the feel of a student short film (despite being a mind-numbing 90 minutes). The script was poorly written, the acting mediocre, and the character motivation virtually nonexistent.