Cyber256702000 Reviews

The Crazies (2010)

The Romero Classic Gets a Worthy Remake.

[25 February 2010]

When a government airplane carrying a biological weapon crashes into a small Iowa town, the virus infects many of the towns population causing them to become psychotic. Now a small handful of uninfected must work to survive and make it out of the town before they become the next victims.

The Crazies is a remake of the 1973 George Romero classic "The Crazies." Luckily, George Romero was producer on this film as well and it shows. Fans of the original will find much to enjoy in this one as well. The basic plot is the same, but also different enough that it is worth seeing. The acting is very well done. The pace and feel of the film is just perfect for setting up a tense and thrilling ride. Also, the film is more about creating tense and frightening scenes without shoving tons of gore in your face. For fans of horror this is definitely worth a watch.

*** out of ****

The Black Dahlia (2006)

What Could Have Been an Interesting Film Noir ends up Nothing but a Mess

[23 November 2009]

This film is a fictional account of the murder of Elizabeth Short in 1947. Two detectives are drawn into the gritty murder of Elizabeth Short an aspiring actress and party girl who is found slaughtered and cut in half in L.A. While one cop wants to drop the case, his partner starts a downward spiral into obsession with finding the murderer.

What could have been a gritty film noir quickly becomes a dull mess. This film has less to do with the Black Dahlia murder and more to do with the two detectives and their own sub-plots. Throughout the movie I kept wondering when they were going to get to the point instead of dwelling on unnecessary sub-plots and when the film finally raps up I found the film completely unsatisfying.

Unfortunately, the acting was a mixed bag. Aaron Eckhart and Mia Kirshner were both fine in their roles, but Josh Hartnett was such a dull and robotic lead. Scarlett Johansson was also fairly dull and Fiona Shaw was a joke.

The directing was also a bit of a mixed bag. There are some scenes that were very well shot, but other scenes, like a dinner scene between Josh Hartnett and Hilary Swank's family are so clumsy and goofy that you can't understand why it wasn't re-shot.

I wanted to like this, I think Brian De Palma does have talent, but ultimately, this was not a good movie. To much meandering with boring sub-plots instead of actually dealing with the Black Dahlia murder case will have most people snoozing before the end credits roll.

* out of ****

House II: The Second Story (1987)

A House for the Kids

[30 July 2009]

Jesse and his girlfriend move into an old mansion that his parent died in 25 years ago. He starts to learn about his past through old books in the basement and learns of his great grandfather who was an adventure and found a crystal skull. Jesse decides that he is going to find the crystal skull with the help of his friend Charles, but he soon finds more than he bargained for.

House was a quirky horror comedy in the vain of Evil Dead, House 2 drops all the horror and bumps up the comedy and becomes more of a goofy kids movie in the vain of The Goonies. The monsters in this one are for the most part non-threatening cute puppets and such and the comedy is mostly bizarre (why does Charles have an uzi?, Why is the electrician an adventurer?) Nothing really makes sense, but the random nature makes it funny.

This film is also more of an adventure film in which the house opens up portals into other time periods which gives the film an overall episodic feel and keeps things a bit fresh and interesting.

The acting isn't very good, but in a film like this it doesn't need to be. The special effects are fairly good and I loved the cute monster puppets and stop motion effects.

House 2 is a stupid movie, I can't see fans of the first movie liking the second one to well. It has almost nothing in common with the first one, there are no returning characters and even the house is different. But I still kind of liked it, maybe even better than the first. This one is more for kids than adults, but if you like bizarre random humor, you might get a kick out of this.

** out of ****

House (1985)

A Quirky Horror Comedy

[30 July 2009]

Novalist Roger Cobb is in a slump. His son has disappeared, his wife has left him and he just can't seem to get a new book out. To top it all off his aunt has just committed suicide. Roger decides a change of pace is possibly what he needs and decides to move into his aunt's old mansion, but if his annoying neighbors don't get to him, them maybe something else in the house will.

House is a horror comedy that seems just quirky enough to work. The story itself is nothing new, it is a bit dull and predictable. It seems like a mish-mash of ideas from the likes of poltergeist, the shining, and evil dead, but some of the quirky characters keep it together.

The acting isn't really all that good for the most part, but I got a kick out of George Wendt as the nosy, but good natured neighbor. Richard Moll was quite fun too, but he isn't in the film much. I did enjoy the rather cartoony look of the monsters in the film.

Overall, the film is neither all that good or bad it is just OK. Worth a watch for fans of 80's horror movies, but others might want to skip.

** out of ****

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

The First True Punisher Film is not for People with Weak Stomachs, but Extreme Action Lovers Will have a Hell of a Good Time!

[10/10 · 5 December 2008]

The Punisher has been portrayed twice on film so far. First in the 80's flick with Dolph Lundgren and more recently in the 2004 flick with Thomas Jane. While both were OK in parts the movies as a whole just weren't that good. Being a huge fan of the comic series I have always felt that they had never pushed the violence far enough for a Punisher film. He was always to restrained. So how did the third attempt at a Punisher film work? Lets see...

Punisher: War Zone starts a few years after the death of Frank Castle's family. Since than he has been killing mobsters at a steady rate and the police see him more as a help than a hindrance..although they won't admit it. When the Punisher fails to kill an up and coming mobster named Billy Russoti, Billy decides to start a war against the Punisher and he won't quit until the Punisher is dead.

While the story may seem fairly basic it serves its purpose perfectly. This is the ultimate Punisher movie. There are more bullets and blood in this movie the most action movies and the action never lets up.

Acting is well done by everyone. While I like Thomas Jane as an actor I think Ray Stevenson is a better Punisher. Dominic West is good as Jigsaw, but I felt he might have hammed it up a bit in a few scenes.

Lexi Alexander has made the quintessential Punisher film that dares to show you the gritty world of the Punisher without shying away from all the gore. I can only hope that a sequel will be on the way soon.

Fans of the Punisher comics and extreme action lovers will eat this up, but know that this is not a movie for kids or people who can't take a ton of gore.

*** out of ****

Tomie (1998)

Tomie Will Not Die!

[4 May 2007]

Tomie is a teenager who has the power to corrupt any man with her looks, she has complete control over any man and makes total use of her control. When she is done, she tosses them aside and moves onto another man. The heartbroken man will generally kill her, but that is exactly what she wants. Tomie is based on a manga series from the late 80's and what sounds like a great idea on paper just doesn't really translate well onto the big screen.

This first film in the successful Tomie franchise is rather weak and confusing. First off, it seems like the director automatically assumes you are familiar with the characters and the manga and doesn't really explain what is going on until maybe thirty minutes in. It also doesn't help that many of the scenes don't particularly flow well or make much sense adding to an even more confusing experience.

The acting is fine, but Miho Kanno who plays Tomie never really comes off as seductive and instead just seems creepy all the time. No real thrills or suspense either unfortunately. The film does win points on it's creepy soundtrack though.

* & 1/2 out of ****

The Grissom Gang (1971)

One of the Dullest Gangster Movies I Have Ever Seen!

[1 February 2007]

The Grissom Gang is the story of a criminal hillbilly family during the 1920's that kidnap the daughter of a millionaire and hold her for ransom. Unfortunately, what follows is one of the dullest gangster movies I have ever seen. It seems that Robert Aldrich tried to add some humor to the story which is also unfunny. None of the actors stand out as particularly good with the exception of Aldrich favorite Wesley Addy who I thought was quite good. The story is uninteresting and there is next to no action until the end at which point I was mostly just waiting to see the credits and be done. Aldrich is a fine director, but this is just not one worth watching. * out of ****

Sky High (II) (2002)

A Must See!

[25 April 2006]

Kanzaki is a detective searching for a serial killer who is killing young women and keeping their hearts. On his wedding day his wife becomes the killer's next victim sending Kanzaki on a quest for revenge to murder the person who killed his wife. But there is so much more! What starts as a grizzly murder mystery/revenge film opens up to become a truly epic masterpiece. Part love story/supernatural ghost story/action movie. Sky High has it all. Superb cast and terrific acting. Cinematography is amazing, and I love the special effects. Sets are great and the soundtrack really gets you into the action scenes. My only complaint is that the movie does get a little long near the end. If you are looking for something different see this movie. You won't regret it. *** out of ****

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)

Extremely Dull Horror Movie

[25 April 2006]

Memorial Valley Campground is opening for business, even though they are having a rough start and not quite ready to open. The roads aren't quite ready and no running water are a few of the problems, but the biggest problem is a maniac caveman running around the campground killing off the campers. Extremely dull horror fare is neither gory nor horrifying. Memorial Valley Massacre takes forever to get started and by the time it does you don't even care. The acting is fairly terrible with the caveman being the worst. Who came up with this idea? Even if you are a fan of 80's serial killer movies this is one that is just not worth the bother. BOMB! Zero out of ****

Death Rage (1976)

Low-Budget Italian Revenge Flick That is Actually Pretty Decent

[21 April 2006]

Peter Marciani's brother was killed by the mafia. Now Marciani is traveling to Italy to kill his brother's murderer and he is going to take out his mob one man at a time. Low-budget revenge flick similar to The Punisher movies as far as plot. Slow paced, but peppered with some nice shoot-outs and car chases. I thought it was a fun little movie. Yul Brenner playing Marciani really makes the movie. Martin Balsam was good as the police inspector. The only problem was that their wasn't much characterization on the female lead Anny. Worth a look at if you like movies like The Punisher, other people might want to stay away. ** out of ****

The Criminal (1999)

Comes off Kind of Like a Made for Cable Movie

[21 April 2006]

The Criminal is a suspense/thriller that unfortunately lacks much of either. It starts out well enough, with a guy named Jasper picking up a girl in a bar and bringing her home. A man bursts into his house and murders the girl. Jasper is on the run from the police as he tries to prove his innocence and find who the real killer is. The problem is that this has been so many times and this time it is only so-so. Acting is OK, except from the American girl who is just awful. Good opening, but everything just goes down from there and it gets to the point where it just isn't that engaging. Everything is just average. Not embarrassing, but not really worth watching. ** out of ****

AD Police Files (1990)

Very Dark Prequel to Bubblegum Crisis

[5/10 · 9 February 2006]

(This is the prequel to the anime Bubblegum Crisis which I am not familiar with so I can't compare the shows, but simply review it as a stand alone product.) Set in MegaTokyo in the year 2046, the police force has been broken into two groups, Normal police (who deal with your everyday crimes), and AD Police (who deal with the Boomers.) Boomers are robots or people who have cybernetically enhanced their bodies by 70% and are committing criminal acts.

The extremely short series (only three episodes) deals with Normal Police officer Leon becoming an AD Police officer and what it is like to be a member of AD police.

AD Police is a very dark and grim look into the future. A feel of Blade Runner meets Robocop runs through this story, but with such a dark feeling that I couldn't really enjoy it. Plenty of blood and guts and creepy imagery to really visually impress, but just a little too nasty for my tastes.

** Out of ****

Sorority House Massacre (1986)

Low Budget, Low Quality Horror Flick

[13 August 2004]

Beth moves into a sorority house where a family was once killed. Soon the killer returns to continue his bloody rampage and murder a bunch of screaming sorority girls and their boyfriends.

The killer is a lot like Micheal Myers without the mask. He has a big knife, he is a heavy breather who doesn't say much, and he likes to stand in shadows a lot. He does, however, have a much faster pace. Extremely low budget, acting is nothing special, cinematography looks like something a kid could do, but with a running time of 1 hour and 15 minutes not a total waste of time for slasher fans.

* out of ****

Elephant (2003)

An Interesting Film, but Not Great

[11 June 2004]

The events of a regular high school day through the eyes of various students until their lives are shattered by a school shooting.

Obviously inspired by the Columbine school shooting, Gus Van Sant shows a pretty realistic depiction of high school life. It seems that none of the students really say anything important to each other. Girls talk about how cute certain guys are, guys talk about parties that they can't wait to go to. Suddenly the school is under attack by two kids with guns. You really don't see much into the minds of the two kids, what makes them decide to do what they are doing, besides the fact that they aren't the most popular kids and they decide that shooting up a school could be fun. I kind of wished that they would of fleshed some of the characters out a bit more. The camera work was great, the dialogue was nothing special, but realistic of a teen in high school, and the acting was pretty good. The school shooting is pretty chilling, knowing that this stuff happens in really frightning. Recommended, I just wish there was a bit more to it. ** out of ****

Island of Death (1976)

Not Scary, But Totally Disgusting.

[11 June 2004]

A British Couple go to the island of Mykonos to murder all perverts and keep the island safe for the innocent. This is an old Greek horror movie that is not scary, but totally disgusting like most horror exploitation flicks of the 70's. It is loaded with nudity and blood. The acting is terrible, the music is terrible, the story itself isn't very good. This movie just screams low budget trash. Unless you are into this kind of movie I wouldn't recommend watching. Warning: This movie features almost every kind of perverted act including beastality so consider yourself warned. BOMB

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

The Gore of Braveheart, without the great story.

[10 May 2004]

The story of the final hours of Christ.

I thought this movie was terrible. I will admit that Gibson effectively did what he set out to do, but I just don't feel that it was necessary.

I was really interested in seeing this, Gibson is a great director and all the controversy peaked my interest. When it start I was into it. The first 30 mins are very good. There is story there and you get to know some of the characters like the Roman leader who must choose Jesus's fate. That was my favorite part of the movie.

Than the movie falls flat.

We get to the whipping. Non-stop whippings, with no real talking. You watch horrified for about 10 minutes and than when you think it is over, they turn Jesus around and whip his other side. As effective as it is at first, a 20 min. whipping scene had me shocked and disgusted, but than it tended to get a little boring. My mind numbed up to the violence and it just seemed to go on and on.

After the first 30 mins. Mel ran out of any real plot. I know that it IS supposed to be the last 24 hours of Christ's life, but not enough happened to warrant 2 hours worth of film.

When he is carrying the cross to his final resting place it seemed like every three steps Christ took he fell (and he always fell in slow motion) and than got gang beat by the guards, just so you could watch him fall (in slow motion) once again three steps later and get beat again.

It seemed like it was all just Gibson making more and more gore scenes because he didn't have two hours worth of story.

I would of liked to of seen some of the good things Jesus did, but they didn't show really anything except the torture.

Was this movie powerful, yes it was. Was it a good movie, no and I don't think I am ever going to see it again.

Van Helsing (2004)

One of the Worst Movies I Have Seen in Awhile.

[9 May 2004]

Van Helsing, the famous vampire hunter is sent on an assignment to rid the country of Transylvania of the evil vampire, Count Dracula, and his brides, and werewolfs, and everything else... right after he finishes going after Mr. Hyde.

Quite honestly, this is one of the most poorly written films I have seen in a long time. There are too many villians for Van Helsing to go after leaving no room for any real plot development. If he went after Dracula in this one, and maybe Wolfman in a sequel, than there would be room for some plot to keep the movie interesting. Instead of any plot, director Stephen Sommers decides to try and impress us with an over amount of CGI. (It didn't work for Hulk and it doesn't work for this!) Why does Mr. Hyde look like the incredible Hulk anyway? The acting isn't anything special, but since there is no one to act against since almost everything is CGI, that can be expected. The sets are well done, but beside that stay away from this movie! Stephen Sommers you destroyed every classic Universal movie monster. You should be ashamed. BOMB

Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003)

Has Its Moments, But Not Really Worth The Time

[26 March 2004]

Everyone knows Looney Tunes, they have been around forever. Growing up watching them I thought they were a lot of fun, and when I found out that they were making a new Looney Tunes movie directed by Joe Dante, I was pretty excited. Unfortunately, the movie isn't all that good. It isn't Joe Dante's fault, it is the screenwriter's fault. Instead of writing a good script it seems like he was more worried about trying to work in every single Looney Tune character. It got to the point where I just got so bored with the movie and didn't care about it anymore, and if they would of came up with a better story I am sure I would of liked it. The humor in it is more fir kids as well, but that is expected. Joe Dante does add quite a few funny movie references in there, Gremlins and Psycho to name a few, but it just isn't enough to get me to recommend it. Jenna Elfman and Brendan Fraser are adequate, but nothing exceptional. Steve Martin was terribly annoying, but Timothy Dalton playing Damien Drake (James Bond) was a lot of fun. There is also quite a lot of celebs in cameos. Good for the kids, but the adults will be bored. * out of ****

Junkers Come Here (1995)

Worth a Look

[3 March 2004]

Hiromi is a young 6th grade girl who has parents who are devoted to their work and plan on getting a divorce. She doesn't know how to cope with the fact that she might be losing her parents and she seeks help from her dog Junkers. A well made anime dealing with real life issues that many kids must face, may be a bit to serious for some kids, but the talking dog should keep their attention. The acting in the English dubbed version was surprisingly good. Hiromi and Junkers are two very cute innocent characters that are fun to watch. It is a film that the whole family will enjoy, so feel free to pull up a chair and watch with your kids. You won't be disappointed. ** out of ****

The Hole (2001)

A Below Average Film

[3 March 2004]

A girl who has been missing for days is found and she must explain to the police what happened to her and her three friends after they got locked into an old underground war bunker. This movie starts off looking like a horror movie, but ends up being a dull, predictable thriller. Nothing really exciting ever happens as the movie drags along at its slow pace. The acting isn't anything special, even with talent such as Thora Birch and Keira Knightley. Cool music that fits the movie nicely, but that is about it. Might of made a decent 30 min. short, but there just isn't enough to make a decent movie here. * out of ****

Equilibrium (2002)

Better Than The Matrix

[3 March 2004]

After world war three a dictator takes over the world and ensures that there will never be another war by taking away peoples feelings. People are forced to take a drug that complete stops feeling and anything that can cause a feeling(books, paintings)are destroyed. Christian Bale is a Cleric(cop)who must go out and find people who commit sense offence by not taking their drugs and kill them. When Bale accidently breaks his vial of drugs he begins to feel, and he sees that maybe he is fighting for the wrong side. A well made action sci-fi that has everything going for it. The sets are so cold, gray and without feeling, the camera work is fine, and the acting is great. The action sets in this movie are truly amazing and rival anything that The Matrix has. A must see for action fans. *** out of ****

28 Days Later (2002)

First half is Great, but than it Kind of Falls Apart

[28 October 2003]

Animal Rights Activists break into a research lab to free some monkeys. They don't know that the monkeys are infected with a deadly virus and one of them is bitten. 28 Days later a man wakes up in a hospital and finds that London is almost completely deserted. The man and a few other survivors must try to survive in a world filled with he infected. Zombie flick starts off with a bang. Hugely entertaining first half, but the second half falls flat. Still, good acting and direction might make this worth seeing for zombie fans. *1/2 out of ****

Shaft in Africa (1973)

The Best in the Original Series

[27 October 2003]

Shaft is hired to go into Africa undercover and be taken in as an African slave by the Europeans. Once he is a slave he can find the man behind the slavery ring and shut the ring down. Far more interesting story than the last two, takes Shaft out of his element and puts him in a few new countries. More action packed and with a better director makes this the best Shaft flick of the original three. ** out of ****

Shaft's Big Score! (1972)

Slightly Better than the Original, but Still Not Very Good.

[27 October 2003]

When Shaft's girlfriend's brother is murdered, Shaft decides to go to the streets and find out who did it and why. Same writer and director from the original and some of the main characters are back, like Bumpy and Willy. The story is a bit better this time with a few action sequences that are quite good, but the movie is still to dull and just not that good.

*1/2 out of ****

Basic (2003)

mediocre flick by McTiernan

[22 October 2003]

When a tough Army drill sergeant is murdered on a training mission and all, but two of his entire squad is missing and assumed dead, the Army brings in a interrogator to find out what happened. Unfortunately, the truth is going to be hard to get to because both survivors are telling completely different stories. Decent script that has good pacing and keeps you going with the story trying to uncover the truth, but the end is a let down. The acting is great, but you can never go wrong with powerhouse actors like Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta. Connie Nielson isn't that great, her southern accent is there one moment and gone the next. Well directed, John McTiernan is usually hit or miss and with this one he does a decent job, although why he felt the need to change the original ending to what it is on film is beyond me. ** out of ****