Swan-nyc Reviews

Saltburn (2023)

Shock value, grotesque content, weak - lame plot

[5 March 2024]

Trash. Truly it's Garbage. Grotesque. Just for shock value.

There are scenes that frankly only appeal to a depraved audience......

Weak plot. Lame characters. Poor acting. (Dancing with one's flaccid male genitalia is not skill it's just trash)

This is Just a collection of trash and smut and shock thrown together to entertain the low IQ members of society.

Hollywood is failing a lot lately... this just made me puke, made people leave the room, and left no one feeling entertained.

I encourage you to find something else to watch.

I wish I could just leave one word reviews: trash. It's just trash.

Fool Me Once (2024)

Major plot holes but it's watchable if you turn your brain off

[5 March 2024]

Really, It's still watchable if you turn your brain off. Problem is I can't turn my brain off. The twists were wildly unbelievable, and seem to be added at random as they are not congruent with the plot. All of the reviews criticizing the plot holes are correct.

If I had handed this screenplay in to my college screenplay professor I would have failed, yet somehow this makes it to Netflix. How?!?

Riddle me this: how did the wife think her husband, who she shot and killed, was actually alive? Why was her SIL telling her she had a message from Joe, and why was she concerned as she knew he was dead? This was sloppy at best. And the fool is really the loyal audience who waits with foolish anticipation and hope that this story won't end in a dumpster fire.

Here's what should have been: Joe really doesn't die. He fakes his death because he's secretly revealing his sister in laws real killer: his brother who doesn't want the family pharmaceutical secrets leaked is the real killer. Joe and his SIL were working together to reveal the truth about the drugs when she was murdered, but now that his SIL is dead he turns to his wife for help. His wife is in on the fake death to trick his family into incriminating themselves on livestream. Leave out the wife's war crimes, leave out the nanny cam deepfake bs. Keep the hacker in the script but in "my version" he's working with joe to hack the family company and access the trial studies - something only Joe's brother has access to.

Bottom line: this could have been better. And it should have been better.

Bird on a Wire (1990)

Fun, entertaining movie. Want else do you want?!

[27 February 2024]

This movie came out in 1990. It's not gory, not overtly sexual. This movie gives us chemistry between two characters, non stop action, an entertaining plot, and a warm ending.

Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn in their prime, A bygone era and soundtrack to match.

The plot may be predictable, but so what?!? It might be a little silly at times, but it's meant to be a comedy and it comes through as such.

I suggest you get some popcorn, pop a soda, and settle in for a movie that is pure fun, pure entertainment. We are missing movies like this in Hollywood now, so cherish this movie from an era I fear we will never see again.

Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011)

Trash.

[22 February 2024]

Why is it trash? Let me tell You: 1) a wife's infidelity is blamed solely on her husband (he's a unfashionable dad so therefore he caused her to cheat).

2) the wife never apologizes for her affair, she kicks her husband out of the house (and like a emasculated wuss he complies).

3) what bar in any city would a father and adult daughter both hang out in? Seriously?

4) a teenager taking nudes of herself for a adult man.... this was gross and clearly pedo -centric.

5) Her parents call her an adult in one scene then freak out that she's a child when they find the nudes - and her mother gives the nudes to her father (what mother would that?!?) and he slowly sorts through each photo (creepy) until he unleashes rage against the man she took the photos for, who has no idea the teen has a crush on him much less has taken the pornographic photos?

6) the teen gives her nudes to a younger boy she babysits for to "get him through high school". Wtf?!

7) the boy is found by the babysitter pleasuring himself. He then runs after her and says he doesn't while thinking of her "with no shame".

8) even if the entire film had not been cringy the ending was epically horrendous. The teen boy gives his 8th grade graduation speech about how love doesn't exist (how incredibly stupid), his father interrupts him to give his own speech about love and use the inappropriate platform to profess his love and desire to earn his wife's love again. Just dumb.

The child porn is enough to make this grade A Hollywood pedo material. How does anyone like this movie?

I'll tell you: the dirty dancing scene and the relationship between Emma stone and Ryan Gosling is perhaps the one and only positive thing in this movie. This movie could have been all about their relationship and it would have been perfect. But nooooo instead we have to have masterbating teens, child porn produced by a child, and all the disturbing ways infidelity is portrayed (and how the Cheater holds no responsibility whatsoever).

Burn this film To the ground.

American Nightmare (2024)

WOW

[20 January 2024]

I was already familiar with this story thanks to Dateline, but when I saw the story was a 3 part series on Netflix I decided to support the Denise and Aaron, and I sincerely hope they got paid substantially for telling their story again, a story they told once again in so much detail.

I was surprised how good this series was, three episodes was perfect. New information flowed in every episode, it wasn't slow, it was informative, and organized. Better than most true crime series on Netflix.

I am left incredibly frustrated though by how Denise heard people show up and have a heated argument, yet lazy and careless LE didn't investigate the fact Muller could have escalated to being in a "crime operation". Especially since, historically, his deviance escalated from peeping Tom, to break in's and assault, to break in and sexual assault, and then kidnapping.

They (LE) fail to find out why the original target was a target in the first place (if I were her I'd be in hiding forever).

The FBI - I'm left appalled. I had little to hope left in the FBI before this series, now I truly think this country needs a lobotomy.

And Mustard. What a trash human, lacking in any masculinity to serve and protect. He calls rape a "thrill" that survivors want to repeat. Is it wrong to hope he experiences such a "thrill" himself while he's on earth?

I love his this series blows up local LE and the FBI - proving their bias, incompetence, and malevolence.

And the cursing - yeah, they drop some f bombs. Here's the facts: dateline can't air the curse words, but Netflix can. Cursing as one tells their trauma story is not just Normal, but common. Trauma will make a person who has never cursed begin cursing. So the fact this series allows the survivors to express themselves authentically - I appreciate and I understand. This isn't a story or series for children, so if you're an adult you should be able to understand why a f bomb is dropped as someone details their trauma and sexual assault.

God Bless Carausu for being a real life Olivia Benson. Without her skill and deep care for helping survivors, I hate to think of how this would have ended poorly for Denise and Aaron. Carausu is indeed a hero, and proof there are brilliant people in LE that we need.

New Girl (2011–2018)

One of the best sitcom comedies

[16 January 2024]

I've watched this entire series several times over the years, including when it originally aired (before binge streaming). It never gets old.

The characters are quirky, but each unique, and they complement each other so well. The show is not about nothing - it is a story of all of their journey to find a significant other, their friendship (however unlikely it would be in real life) which is supportive and encouraging and hilarious.

The weddings could have been better, if you must critique anything - why were all the weddings "flawed"?

Ultimately this show leaves one wishing that it could be real - that a roommate situation in your 30's could result in life long friendships and wildly supportive roommate friendships. Or is that just me? Haha

I personally would love a reboot - we get a glimpse of the future where all the couples and their children are playing the loft drinking game "True American" (with soda), and I want to see more.

Because I Said So (2007)

One of the best rom coms ever made. Seriously.

[22 December 2023]

It's funny. It's charming. It's endearing. It's family. It's mothers. It's daughters. It's relationships. It's relatable. It's cute. It's classic...You'd have to be made of stone to not love this movie, or to, at the very least, be mildly entertained.

The cast is perfect. Mandy Moore, Diane Keaton, Lauren Graham. The dynamic between the siblings and mother were on point. This was made before people were declaring themselves estranged from family for political differences. A different era; a better era.

Note: this movie was made before Stephen Collins was accused of any SA crimes. This movie loses no value knowing what we know now about Stephen Collins.

Hollywood hasn't made a movie like this in YEARS and I for one think we need more movies like this!

Saint X (2023)

Not a ripped from the headlines plot

[1 June 2023]

First of all, to those who find the flashbacks confusing or even claim they ruin the show - this is pure ignorance. The flashbacks were obvious by they were filmed (so not confusing at all), and they were relevant to the story. To those who think the show was slow - you're just impatient.

Anyone with a average IQ + common sense can follow this plot and understand how the flashbacks are necessary to the series.

The acting wasn't Oscar worthy, but it wasn't bad - it was on par with a Hulu series. PTSD was well portrayed (bravo!). And in the final episode we learn exactly what happened to Alison. No, there was no eye witness in the series to what happened to her, but her sister came to a reasonable conclusion after compiling the facts of that night she knew to be true.

The ending was, I think, unexpected, a relief (by how it differed compared to the expectation that was set throughout the entire series), and sad. I'd be happy to watch a season 2... I'd love to understand why Claire moved to the west coast to a family that has yet to heal from the trauma they all experienced, and why she left s boyfriend who loved her. So, please give us a season two and continue to develop these characters!

Sex/Life (2021–2023)

I once have this show 1 star... but now it gets 10. Here's why:

[1 June 2023]

Season two changed my entire opinion of this series, perhaps because there was character development and more context in the second season.

Season one made the main character, Billie, seem selfish, hedonistic, and frankly a sex addict. However, in season two we see that Billie's desires for Adam weren't just hedonistic lust, but she actually loves him (and he loves her). Life is complicated. Sex is complicated. Trying to have it all is impossible. This brings me to Sasha. I love that they showed both sides: a woman seeking independence and success, and the same woman wanting and needing a partner in life. We are currently being sold a lie in western society that a woman shouldn't seek marriage, women shouldn't want family, and women should live their life for themselves by building their career, doing whatever they want when they want. We're being told that total freedom brings happiness, but it doesn't. I love Cam's line that goes something like, "It's great standing on Mount Kilimanjaro until you realize you're standing alone and have no one to share it with". I love that they showed the value of marriage, relationships, and even sacrifice within a relationship (and the necessary sacrifices of motherhood and how that leads to fulfillment). This show provides steamy sex scenes along with some impressive values. (What a odd sentence to write!) but it's true. I am So glad I watched the second season. I'd love to see a third!!

Fleishman Is in Trouble (2022–2023)

Mostly insufferable characters and if you related to them you're likely insufferable, too.

[13 January 2023]

First off, no guy like this is getting that much action on Tinder (or any dating app). No one is swiping right on a crappy selfie.

Second, Most of the characters (except Claire Diane and Adam Body's characters) are insufferable, and if you related to them, you too are likely insufferable, too. The story is on point with society's disdain for family structure, motherhood, and marriage. Every mother in this show has a poor connection with their kids, resentment, and one regrets her choice to be a mother over living a single independent woman's life in the city. Glorified selfishness and narcissistic behavior presented to us as entertainment. The characters are also SO boring - if they were real humans who would befriend a doctor who has no interests or hobbies outside his work? And a suburban mom who has no depth, no interests, and sees herself not only as better than her community peers, but also lives in the past of her youth and let's the what if's take her down. Who's inviting them to their dinner party to cry and complain about how awful their financially stable, healthy lives are? "I have it all, but life is so tragic"

Claire Danes did a phenomenal job in her role; what a beautiful and tragic example of a women who's trauma was never properly treated, and how that impacted her relationship with her children and her role as a mother. That was real af. She knew she her connection to her kids was damaged, so she took on a masculine role to provide and help the family thrive. Was it the right choice? Perhaps not, but I felt her character had more substance, more depth than any other. Depression, and even a psychological breakdown was so incredibly portrayed. The importance of marrying With mutual cares and support is a good lesson to take from this series, as none of the characters are in mutually supportive, caring relationships and that's why they are all miserable. Friendship was represented beautifully amongst the entire cast though, and the importance of maintaining friendships as everyone's lives evolve is a good lesson portrayed in the series.

Get married, have children, keep working if you want to, stay home if you want to, don't lose your hobbies or interests, be involved in your community, nurture friendships (the good ones!) communicate with your significant other, mutually support and encourage one another (and your children) = recipe to not become the miserable souls we see in this series.

And lastly - shame on the entire series for shaming doctors for their profession. A broadway agent is superior to doctor? Eh, maybe he's more popular in a social scene for his connections to shows, but in Real life NYC the doctor isn't being mocked at parties for his career choice.

Also no trash Anywhere on the nyc streets/ sidewalks ? Hahaha I wish.

How I Met Your Father (2022–2023)

It could be better, it could be worse

[19 January 2022]

I watched Hillary Duff in "Younger" and loved it, so I had high hopes for HIMYF. She is the reason I gave the show a chance to entertain me. Hillary is great in the series and we'll cast, but the other characters - wtf. Most over act. So much is exaggerated to the point it's silly, cheesy nonsense. It's not laugh out loud funny (except I did laugh at the city bike joke because I have been nearly hit by many a city bike, so I could relate) YET there's a laugh track to attempt to make us think it's funny.

I know exactly what the problem is with this show: the original How I Met your Mother - the characters were quirky, Barney was quirky and ridiculous, but it wasn't cheesy and none of the actors over acted.

I think How I Met your Father has great potential to take a older show and add a modern twist, but they need to reduce the PC (maybe recast a couple people), add some quirk and less cheese to the acting and voila it would be a show that is both nostalgic (the apartment & show theme) and modern! Nyc is a quirky place full of quirky people AND diversity. But. It's not often you find a lesbian Asian who is sisters to a white hetero male, Hispanics and blacks and brits and white girls all at a club TOGETHER. Nope. People can have eclectic groups of friends, but that much diversity in one group of friends is RARE. And there's nothing Wrong with that! People find their tribe in NYC and while you might be inclined to a eclectic, diverse summer park picnic those picnic friends aren't your club friends. So, for one set of friends to be bar, park, club, and apartment Jenga friends less PC and more realism, please. And - just STOP overacting.

I'll keep watching - with hopes it gets better.

Our Souls at Night (2017)

A Poignant Depiction of Grief, Intimacy, Forgiveness, and Love

[12 January 2022]

In a world with a deteriorating society where relationships are often empty, hookup culture is more common than courtship or intimacy, this film is a absolute delight.

Both characters brought unresolved baggage into their relationship; each person carried shame, grief, and guilt for things that occurred decades ago. It is such a realistic representation of life! Both characters needed emotional support, encouragement, and healing, and the way these characters provided each of these things for one another is beautiful to watch.

This film highlights simple things "we" can so easily forget in our own lives; the importance of honest communication/talking, community (dinner with someone), the beauty of true intimacy, and the undeniable importance of quality time (be it with a lover, friend, or child).

I found the plot very believable, and those saying this isn't believable haven't been in the dating world - especially post pandemic. More people are now realizing the need for human connection and for someone to simply lie next to them at night. I'm a 35 year old female who can honestly attest to the reality of this plot; I've been asked to "spend the night" "just to cuddle" more times than I can count in the last 2 years. And men have meant it. I've slept next to men just for closeness prior to watching this film; s e x not involved. The need for closeness is real. Very real. If only we could pair courting with this, well, then society would be on the path towards mending it's brokenness.

The ending, while it wasn't wrapped with a bow on top, was perfect in its own right. The characters showed that the need for intimacy, love, and closeness persists. You can't ignore it; you shouldn't suppress it. Both of them realized they were thriving with one another, life was better, and that they needed one another - even if only to talk on the phone about the weather. How REAL and BEAUTIFUL!

As the credits rolled I imagined that He too sells his house, they pull their finances together to buy a house across the street from her son, and they help raise the grandson, she mends her relationship with her son, and they live their retirement years in bliss together in the house they share. (Perfect ending, right?)

Younger: Older (2021) Season 7, Episode 12

Did they know they were being cancelled?

[10 July 2021]

The finale episode is written as though they didn't know they were being canceled, but then they had a sneaky suspicion, and tried in the 11th hour to cram a new storyline into the series.

Liza belonged with Josh, so I am glad that's how it ended. Ending with a similar meet cute as the pilot episode was, well, cute. But! We not only needed more Liza and josh on screen relationship storylines, we deserved this.

Instead, what we got was so much Charles and Liza relationship drama that I was settled, for a minute, in the idea of them ending up together.

Also, PSA: this is not how one seeks investors. Do not create a PDF containing your idea and mass email it to VC's. In real life, Kelsey's app would have been stolen. Also, referrals for investor connections, last I checked, cannot he 20%. This misinformation greatly perturbed me.

I'm going to hold out some hope for a spin off, or a continual of the series - because - we need to see Liza and josh working out their relationship and her integrating with his ex and his baby. Sloppy, rushed ending.

Still, the worst series finale award goes to Seinfeld, so, bravo, "younger" writers, there's still a level of awful to aspire to.

Sweet Magnolias (2020– )

2020 needs a dose of corny and Sweet Magnolias is the medicine

[10 July 2020]

Corny? Heck yeah. But just corny enough to be the right kind of corny. Cute? Heck yeah. Great southern accents that make you believe these women are in SC? Heck No. Unpredictable plot? Heck no Good acting (besides the accents)? Mostly so. There's a actor or two that could do better, but it's not bad enough to bash the show. The other actors carry it well enough to make up for the lessor performances. Do people in the south use the words and phrases they've coined and overused in the show (such as "bushel") ? Heck NO. At least not the south I'm from / have been to.

But is it fun? Heck yes Is it entertaining? Heck yes Is it like Gilmore girls? Heck heck NoOOOO and shame on people trying to put this show Gilmore Girls level. It is not on the same level. Is it ok that it's not like Gilmore Girls? Heck yes!!

Should you watch it? Heck yes. That is, if you want a light show, easy watching, something clean enough to watch with the family, and something to distract you from the hell that is 2020. This is the ticket. Watch it. Relax. It'll entertain you, it'll warm you, it will make you smile, and maybe, just maybe, it'll inspire you to accept change In your own life and embark on new adventures and seasons of life with courage. Or it'll just make you smile. Either way, you win by watching. sweet Magnolias.

The High Note (2020)

Pure unadulterated old school Hollywood vibes - pure fun! Perfection!

[29 June 2020]

This movie is pure fun!!!

The Music is great, the plot has some unique original elements, yet the movie gives pure unadulterated older Hollywood vibes. What I mean by "pure unadulterated old school Hollywood vibes" is the movie is fun, filled with actual talent, not pushing a political agenda down our throats, and lets us just escape in the pure joy of a good film... something we haven't seen in a long, long time from Hollywood.

Bill Pullman was a wonderful surprise on the film! Those who were 90's rom com fans will remember him with genuine fondness. He's classic, and contributes to "the High Note" as only Bill Pullman can; He was a "high note" in "the high note" for me and my friends! Perfection!

Dakota Johnson was perfectly cast. She's subtle but not dull. Very well suited the roll well. She needs more rolls like this!

Tracee and Kelvin - wow. Just wow! Their performance was outstanding. Keep singing! Make more music... please!!!

Hollywood - make more movies like this! This is the fun we need! This is the escape we need! My friends and I greatly appreciate this film And the soundtrack!!

Shameless: Found (2019) Season 9, Episode 14

The best episode of the entire season

[26 January 2020]

In this episode, we say goodbye to Fiona. Fiona's character spent her entire teen-early adult life in a role as a parent, breadwinner, crisis solver, etc., that was unfair, and unjust; a responsibility that not many people would have succeeded at in real life. Her circumstances put her at a severe disadvantage emotionally, socially, and economically. However, her ambition to not only climb out of poverty, but to climb out with her siblings on her shoulders, was what makes this show endearing; it gives it heart, it gives our protagonist empathy. Her mistakes, occasional selfishness, and self destructive / sabotaging behavior spoke truth to her childhood trauma, and how it bled into her choices as an adult. She couldn't allow herself happiness or success, despite desiring it or needing it, thus she sabotaged far too many opportunities.

Her alcoholism was a brilliant addition to her story and I'll explain why: this character, like so many people, had to reach rock bottom to make a radical change. What better way for Fiona to reach rock bottom but to find herself becoming the parent she's spent her life despising and trying not to be? To find that she shares similarities with Frank, for her to have a closer relationship with him via their shared vice, inevitably leads Fiona to recognize that the toxicity of her family is making her toxic. When you are tethered to a toxic person, you have to escape or you'll be sucked down the toxic rabbit hole. You have to break that tether - and that's what Fiona does. She finally recognizes a good opportunity ( to get out of a bad investment ) and sees it as a catapult to freedom. She makes the right, healthy choice to leave and refuses to sabotage this grand opportunity. Finally!

Fiona's generous decision to leave half her earnings for her siblings only amplified the truth of this character's empathy, love, sacrifice, and goal to not only get herself out of poverty, but also her siblings.

My absolute favorite part, albeit it is heartbreaking, is her goodbye scene with Frank. That scene is not a father struggling to show his love; that scene is a father who is a abusive narcissist refusing to give his daughter the appreciation and love she deserves. It's cruel. It's heartbreaking. It's authentic to a narcissistic personality. It shows us Frank's heart and it's as dark as night. Sure, frank tears up, but that could also be him recognizing his rock is leaving; the one person who saved the house, buys the food, raises his kids and absolves him of any responsibility. He's on his own now.

Tears flowed as I watched this episode. What excellent writing for Fiona's exit, what brilliant character development (packed into the last few episodes), and how authentic was her performance. Thank you, Emmy! Brilliant! Brilliant!