phanes-94831 Reviews

Expend4bles (2023)

What a waste of money and time.

[2/10 · 22 October 2023]

It was only a matter of time before the real hero's of old Stallone, Willis, Streatham and even a Norris were in fact too old to be action hero's any more. Streatham does a great job as usual, he still has what it takes but Lundgren, wow, wooden would be an insult to wood. He was always bad but a poor script combined with his awful acting really emphasises he lack of talent. Now that have hit the diversity road, with a 50kg women able to throw and take down full on hard core soldier, it is time to wrap it up on a low. A great shame as I really enjoyed the first 3 films but as with everything directors are erring on the side of pleasing all the genders. One blessing, Lundgren wasn't in drag.

Star Trek: Picard (2020–2023)

I loved this

[10/10 · 25 March 2023]

I feel that as a kid born in the mid 60s whose father was an orginal lover of Star Trek I can relate to this series more than the younger generations. I would rush home from school to watch Star Trek Generations, Picard being the type of person I would deeply respect as my boss. The relationship between Will and Jean Luc is deep, if you have seen all of Generations you will know this. So comes Picard the series in the picture. I have watched all seasons with tears in my eyes. I grew up with these guys, i even copied Wills beard, which I say I still have and looks good on me, not quite as grey as Will's beard but close 🙂 The jokes, the relationships between the characters all stem from knowing these figures inside out and having watched and grown up with them. I feel so so sad feeling that this era, my era is coming to an end. If you want to see this series, watch everything from the 80s first, you will then understand.

Animal Kingdom (2016–2022)

Great until all the flashbacks in time.

[8/10 · 9 January 2023]

I real enjoyed this series, the way the brothers worked together but still had their issues. Also some of the capers were well thought out and we're at times really exciting. On a personal level, too much gay stuff for my liking which added pretty much nothing to the storyline. What kinda ruined it for me in the last few series was all the pointless flashbacks, it says to me that they were running out of a good story line but wanted to keep the series going. Overall a good watch and I would recommend it, not everyone has the same preferences as me and might not but so irritated by the small stuff.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Wow what a disappointment

[3/10 · 3 September 2022]

Went to see this film today to kill some time and I have to say, what a pile of drivel. Thus film is all over the place, it has no idea what sort of film it wants to be. I guess due to all the wokeness in the film industry right now that they have tried to please all the people but failed miserably. Christian Bale plays a blinding role, too good and serious for this film. Thor looks like something from a fancy dress parade, more colours than a pride flag, or perhaps that was the idea. I usually love the Marvel films but lately, they have started destroying everything, hope they get back on track soon..

Ms. Marvel (2022)

Good for kids

[4/10 · 19 June 2022]

Fine that the series is aimed at kids as it is pretty cringe worthy in places. However, lately they never seem to slip in some cultural issues trying to educate us on race and religion. It's programs like this that keep emphasising race, colour and religion that are making the division greater. Drop all the woke BS and racial finger pointing and maybe people will just treat people for who they are.

The Outfit (2022)

A refreshing change

[9/10 · 29 May 2022]

I thoroughly enjoyed this film and had no idea where the storyline was going, so many twists and turns. With all the drivel that we have been served up these past few years this was so refreshing with a very limited cast, all filmed in one shop and no doubt a low budget. Other than the big blockbusters this is one of the best I have seen this year...when you think it is all over.....

Vendetta (I) (2022)

It's a Bruce Willis film

[1/10 · 22 May 2022]

Watched this for a laugh, just to see if it was as bad as all the other Brucie films over the past couple of years and I wasn't disappointed.

The oldest and thinnest of revenge plot films, with a script that was written over a weekend by some 12 year old gangster wanna be kiddies. Some many inconsistences to list, acting, well enough said, Big Mike Tyson is absolutely not the worst actor here.

Great if you need some background noise but it will seriously lower your IQ if you listen to the script or wonder why a guy hell bent on getting revenge for his brother's death is such a limp d...

The Northman (2022)

Seen better, several times in fact.

[5/10 · 13 May 2022]

Sorry to put a downer on this one but I have seen many better Viking films and series, not including anything recently released by Netflix which I cannot watch. The whole film seemed broken, lack of continuity. Feels like it was filmed in sections and put together later to make a film. Too many noisy weird scenes which are probably classed as artistic but not sure whether any Viking would have acted like that. Love the leading two characters but sadly Kidman does seem to be struggling lately, IMHO of course. I am wondering if those that have this an 8 or even 10 have seen a Viking film before. Regards from Tønsberg, home of the real Vikings 🙂

S.W.A.T. (2017– )

Wow this has gone downhill

[2/10 · 14 October 2021]

Even though I am a Brit, I love all the SWAT programs and SEAL team stuff. But season 4 has gone so woke with constant references to black suppression that I have had enough. Every episode is now a lecture on some moral story, normally making the white male the guilty party. Sorry guys but you go woke, you go broke, good luck preaching to the world and let me know when you want to focus more on entertainment than politics.

To Be Someone (2020)

Sorry, only lasted 15 min

[1/10 · 10 August 2021]

This is a lame attempt to imitate Quadrophenia, a great movie. When we got to Leslie Ash, a face pumped with botox and the same with the once love of my life Toyah, combined with men with man buns and blokes dancing around wearing lipstick, I lost all interest. The UK 60's, one of the greatest periods ever, taken the p out of, sorry, null points from me.

Nobody (I) (2021)

I loved it

[10/10 · 17 April 2021]

What can you say to summarise this film, I would say Saul doesn't need John Wicks .The dialogue, the quips, the shoot ups, brilliant, to top it off, the music was fantastic.

Best film of the genre I have seen since John Wick.

400 Bullets (2021)

Another waste of time

[1/10 · 7 March 2021]

Thought i would give this a chance as it had a whole bunch of British actors, boy was I disappointed. Scipt was acted out and written as if it were an end of term production at junior school. The first shoot out I saw consisted of a one sided battle. After that each line was of script was individually read out, mandatory pause, then a response, no feelings or attempt at making it feel real. Total waste of time like many of the other C class movies being tossed out there right now.

Cosmic Sin (2021)

Pretty much as bad as it gets

[1/10 · 6 March 2021]

I have no idea what Bruce Willis is up to but this movie is awful. He manages to mumble his way through a script written by a prepubescent school boy. The year 2500ish and they use equipment that is old by today's standards: but they do have a faked tanned duck lip actress playing a role: giving hope to all of today's influencers that there is a future for you.Sadly I am not going to make it to the end of the film to see the outcome, my hair needs washing. An awful script and I really mean awful plus some seriously poor acting by some of the actors especially Brandon Thomas and the duck lipped CJ Perry. Avoid this one, it is bad.

Soulmates (II) (2020)

Had to stop watching

[1/10 · 15 February 2021]

This is probably the wokest TV series I have seen, ever. Watched 4 episodes to give it a chance as the concept sounded like next gen Tinder. It is so PC correct that I could not imagine it getting any better and after 4 episodes of ticking all the pc boxes, I gave up.

The Gentlemen (2019)

A classic

[10/10 · 25 March 2020]

What can be said about this classic film other than "bloody marvelous". We have been waiting for this, something to follow on from Lock Stock and two smoking barrels and snatch. Sharp witty humour and some brilliant one liners I will desperately try to remember. Brilliant performances by the entire cast, Farrell as usual stands out. Even Huge Grant of whom I am not a fan, played brilliantly. I saw that people had mentioned negative reviews, I haven't seen them but if it is the same people that praised the last Tarantino movie, then enough said. By the way Tarantino, move over Richie is back. Best film I have seen for ages, mind you, I am a middle aged Londoner :-)

Birds of Prey (2020)

Major disappointment

[3/10 · 10 March 2020]

I saw the trailers for this one and thought "well surely it cannot be as bad as it looks", I was wrong. This was dull, unimaginative and even tedious at times. The plot was thin with a totally predicable script. If you could imagine making a Batman and Robin film but without Batman then campb up Robin and you have something on par with this film. Poor movie and surprised that they released it.

Last Christmas (2019)

Sadly disappointing

[3/10 · 3 February 2020]

I love sloppy Christmas films, Love Actually, White Christmas and Wonderful Life are compulsory watching every year. I was hoping that this film would be number 4, mostly due to me being a George Michael fan. Sadly Clarke's character is totally unlikable and her role was only semi-saved by the guy she met. But could this film have been anymore 2019 politically correct? Everything was thrown into this one, a whole years supply of different genders, sexuality, mixed race relationships etc. There was more diversity in this film than I have experienced in my lifetime. Give it a rest people. I cried at Frozen II, yeah middle aged man bawling at a cartoon, Last Christmas did not do this for me..

Uncut Gems (2019)

Keep the sound down.

[2/10 · 31 January 2020]

I don't get this one at all. I guess if you are are a Sandler fan, a sports betting fan, basketball fan or just love pure irritating stress then this is the film for you. I resisted the urge to turn it off after 10 min but the constant screaming and awful soundtrack still did not put me off. I just turned the volume down. Defo not everyone's cup of tea and a weird ending to boot.

V-Wars (2019)

Writers need help

[5/10 · 1 January 2020]

Whilst the plot is not 100% original, it makes a pleasant change to zombie films. The acting in places is amateur at best and some of the lines and character reactions were also at times pretty lame. Hopefully season 2 will get a little more help with the script and the actors more refined. Worth watching as we are not all so fussy as me I reckon 😊

The Wave (2015)

Average disaster movie

[5/10 · 28 December 2019]

The plot was good, based upon what I believe is still a possible scenario on the west coast of Norway. Opening scenes are beautiful, showing how lovely Norway is the build up was great. After the event was disappointing, bearing in mind a tsunami of million tonnes of water has washed through the town, there were fires everywhere, how did they start.? An OK film, few irritations at how they get people to react, such as "here take my daughter I will save your wife for you"... Yeah right. Worth a watch though.

The Krays: Dead Man Walking (2018)

Why did they bother?

[2/10 · 30 November 2019]

An awful film about two of Londons biggest gangsters, portrayed by two actors with clearly no attempt to find lookalikes and one of them has a London accent that constantly slips back into a country Plymouth accent. What really makes me laugh, and the film industry needs to clamp down on this, is using a plastic actress such as Nerissa whose face is so pumped full of botox, it don't move, in a film supposedly from the 60's. Two stars for Linda Lusardi 😊