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Reviews
Z.P.G. (1972)
Holes Everywhere
I wanted to like this film, but there were so many gross leaps of logic that I just kind of gave up. At the end we see our two lead characters wander into a radiation zone where a bunch of nuclear missiles are buried. Okay, fair enough. So, we are led to believe there was a nuclear war, right? Well, how do you wind up with a population problem -after- a nuclear war? In addition, most of the plants and animals on the planet are extinct, right? Again, if so many of the plants and animals are gone, what is this huge population eating? It doesn't make any damn sense. At least "Soylent Green" explained what people ate. Finally, there's pollution everywhere. Well, if there's this pollution, and it's so bad you have to wear a face mask when you go outside, don't you think it would accelerate the deaths of thousands of people? Hello? This script didn't give any explanation to a lot of things. It just expected you to come along, regardless if it made any sense.
Machete (2010)
Racist.
I so wanted to love this film, but it annoyed me to no end. It's one of the more racist movies I've seen in a long time. Whites stupidly tolerated this film and didn't acknowledge the overt racism directed toward them most likely out of fear of being branded racists themselves. The film culminates in a battle scene BETWEEN two racial groups. It wasn't a battle between nations that happen to be of different ethnicities, this was a race-battle. Whites on one side and Latinos on the other. This is not what people need. Michelle Rodriguez talks about "your people" to Jessica Alba, and yet if you have two white people saying the same thing, they might as well be wearing Klan hoods. Does ANYBODY notice this? I know this film was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. I get it. I also understand a lot more what Robert Rodriguez thinks about white people as a whole.
I'll be sure to miss his next film.
Barry Munday (2010)
Bad.
I am tired of seeing movies featuring men incessantly abused by women with the expectation that people are to accept it as somehow humorous. There was nothing funny about how Barry was constantly insulted and humiliated by just about everyone in the film. What's worse is that Ginger tells her entire family he drugged and raped her. Is that supposed to be funny? Here's a guy walking around with people thinking he's a rapist and he actually becomes enmeshed with a woman that would lie about that kind of thing to obscure the fact that SHE didn't want to take responsibility for having sex with him. Where is the humor here? It denigrates the horror of rape and dilutes a woman's chances of being taken seriously when it does happen.
All this movie did is annoy me. There was nothing insightful or interesting or funny about this film. It's unfortunate such a good cast got tangled up in such a bad film.
The Net 2.0 (2006)
What were they thinking?
I've seen better movies on Lifetime. You'd think that shooting in a location like Turkey would add a great deal to the production value, but it seems that the director really didn't embrace the setting at all. There are so many opportunities with a country such as Turkey to shoot in. This is a place that doesn't show up very often on the intellectual radar of most Americans. Why not add to the mystique of the film? This could have been shot in Los Angeles with the same effect. Huge waste.
Oh, the dialogue was bad, the acting was mediocre, the characters were flat, the story was predictable and the cinematography was pedestrian. This is the kind of thing you leave on for your dog when he's at home alone, so he doesn't feel lonely.
Or if you want to torture the cat with bad filmmaking.
Centurion (2010)
Missed Opportunities
This movie could have been spectacular, but the script fell very short. There was obviously a lot of money there, but not much else. It was beautifully shot, with impressive costumes, makeup and some not-bad acting. It's a pity this seemed like a really expensive low budget hack and slash film (if that makes any sense). The characters didn't really develop, and to be blunt, there wasn't a lot of heart in them to begin with. I never thought I was looking at real people. I could tell the actors were doing the best with what they had, but that never appeared to be too much. I'll also say if I saw one more helicopter shot or any more sequences of them running, I was going to throw something.
Script. Script. Script. Script.
Please.
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
Hated It.
I could barely get through this film. To this day I'm kicking myself for sitting through to the credits. I don't understand how films this bad get made while other, more witty scripts languish on shelves for years. I know movies like this aren't supposed to move at breakneck speed, but in this case, even reverse gear would have been nice. Most of the acting is flat, the jokes are silly at best and the direction is...kind of direction-less. I'm at a complete loss as to why some people find this film humorous at all. Save yourself two hours and do something more interesting. Maybe watch C-SPAN or a Sam Peckinpah film. Ugh.
Fellowship of the Dice (2005)
Funnyass movie!
I laughed my ass of at this movie! It's a really funny film that pokes honest fun at role playing gamers and RPG in general. During the course of the film, the filmmakers oscillate between actors playing games in a scene and actual gamers at a convention. What's so funny is that you can't really tell them apart. It's a testament to the acting and a very clever device that is not overused. Aimee Graham is likable as the novice game player brought to the gamer's den by a player. She quickly finds out this is no ordinary game by any stretch of the imagination. This is a great film to watch on a Saturday night with friends, especially if they are into fantasy games or fantasy at all. I saw it at a convention, but I think it's available on Netflix or at Blockbuster. See it!