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timeryderandthechronoteens
Reviews
Vanilla Sky (2001)
Confusing, crappy, and with a lame ending.
I won't spoil the ending, so I don't have to click yes on the spoilers thing while submitting this, because people NEED to see this. The movie sucks, the acting is terrible, the plot is terrible, the only "fantasy" element shows up at the end, and even that managed to be lame. Confusing and lame timeline, which is eventually explained, but still, doesn't make it any less lame.
DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME, PLEASE.
Bullets (2021)
There is a reason behind the trivia.
It is because this show is an absolute and total colossal piece of crap. Script is absolute garbage and acting is painfully rubber. IMDB NEEDS to add the ability to rate something zero stars, because that's what this deserves. But if I leave no rating, it won't counteract the 10 star ratings left by cast and crew members responsible for this steaming crap nugget. (yes, I know that you jerks are rating your own show, for shame!). This took seven years because it's so horrible, I can't imagine the actors wouldn't have complained constantly about the stupidity of their scripts.
Listy do M. 4 (2021)
Ugh another crappy hallmark-esque movie.
Pushes christmas in freaking february. It is a crappy drama, done in the same plastic personality-less style as a hallmark christmas drama. User eamichniewski was right, this is a huge disappointment, and you should NOT waste your time. Please don't, I beg of you. I deeply regret not listening to that person.
Steven Kan's Sharks of the Corn (2021)
Worst. Shark. Movie. Ever.
This is even worse than all the sharknado movies (yes even the final one) combined! This is the worst shark movie imaginable. I expected some comedy-horror spoof on something or another. I was wrong, so very very wrong. This movie actually tries to take itself seriously! (I'm not kidding).
And it's not one of those "so bad it's good" movies, no, it's just trash. It's not comedically bad, it's just bad. What's so horrifying about this? The fact a piece of garbage like this got released.
DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS MOVIE, or if you do, torrent it for free, because it is NOT worth money.
Magical Land of Oz (2019)
Misleading.
Misleading title for one thing, misleading about how great Australia is, and this just seems mediocre at best.
Please don't waste your time on this, unless you plan to mute it and enjoy the visuals of the animals.
Zoey (2020)
"TAGLINE TO GO HERE"
This is literally in the movie poster, and honestly it should have been an indicator of what a turd I was about to watch, but I'm an idiot. This movie was awful, script, acting, timing, etc, all horrible.
Do not waste your time with this! Movie is as incomplete as its poster.
Vaioretto evâgâden gaiden: Eien to jidô shuki ningyô (2019)
Boring and disappointing and lame.
I'm sorry for putting spoilers in the title of my review like that, but it's all true. This story completely fell flat of 9 out of 10 of my expectations. The SINGLE STAR I gave it is because the animation was decent as expected.
It drags on and on and on TBH.
Don't waste your time with this! Seriously!
Straight Forward (2019)
It's like The Asylum made a show or something.
There's literally nothing I can add that hasn't been added by the other negative reviews, all of which are perfectly accurate. The two good reviews are clearly either some troll copypasting or work for the show in some fashion. This is not worth watching, please don't waste your time!
Dead Dicks (2019)
WORST SCI-FI MOVIE EVER.
So basically, this suicidal loser (not a dig at suicidal people, this guy is genuinely also a loser) somehow has what appears to be a mix of that hyperdimensional thing from the twilight zone behind his bed.
I find many things wrong with this.
But worse, it turns out his sister accidentally drank one of his death potions and came back to life herself through the hellgina. Okay, so it works for anyone that dies in that apartment.
It also turns out that it goes all resident evil on you if someone dies and is brought back to life while it is birthing a new clone. seriously, the landlord just goes full on murder zombie until he just dies. like...wtf? you would think if there was someone or something at the other end of that hole in the wall, they'd have safeguards against that.
And finally, the movie ends with the most disappointing BS ending possible: the sister crawls into the hellgina, and finds herself surrounded by something that has her in stunned silence, but if you ever want to know what it is, no, because that would have been the movie's saving grace.
Oh and when she discovered you can't leave the apartment after being cloned, why did she not do the obvious thing and just call the cops? at least the landlord tried to before they stopped him.
Oh and he's not "surrounded" by dead copies of himself, he's got like four or five or so dead dupes of himself. And not for long since they hack the bodies up and toss them in a dumpster, which is the stupidest possible thing to do.
Vampire Dad (2020)
Excellent. Simply excellent.
Absolutely great use of satire, comedy, b-movie tactics for the comedy, and more. This ranks right up there with the teenage wereskunk movie.