cycomiko_1 Reviews

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Waste of money...

[2/10 · 7 August 2007]

and I borrowed it off someone. Trite dialogue, appalling special effects and terrible action scenes, this film was only held together by some decent acting from Ewan McGregor et Al, but to hear them spout the utter rubbish that George Lucas writes as a script is embarrassing.

You'd think in this day and age that he could make it look more realistic than the original star wars but no the CGI looks ropey, CGI should only be used when absolutely necessary not as Lucas does which is in every scene so there not special anymore just effects. He's even admitted to design the scenery and then fitting the script around that, surely it makes more sense to write the script and then fit the scenery around that.

Unlike the original I only watched it once and as with the other prequels will probably never watch it again. George Lucas should rot hang his head in shame for what he did to the childhood memories I had of the other three movies, which are vastly superior to the three prequels. Let's hope that if they make any more Star wars movies George decides not to direct them.

Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005 Video)

So bad..........................It's good!

[1/10 · 1 September 2005]

Was this at the Frightfest 2005 in London and it was everything that I expected it to be, so bad, it's good. It has terrible special effects, dialogue that is just hilarious, although I am sure that was not the writer's original intention and some terrible acting in places.

The film starts with a Russian pilot explaining about how he is giving something back to the states after defecting from USSR, all hell breaks loose and the army come in and shoot everybody apart from one man who took a test tube of something and then put it in a thermos flask. He is then shot and drops the flask it to the undergrowth. Cut to modern times and a group of patients from a mental hospital are doing work clearing up a ravine, one of them finds the flask which has laid hidden for nearly forty years and apart from a couple of dents is in remarkably good shape.

One of the group predicts that opening the flask will be a bad thing and what do you know when one of them opens it, it is a bad thing. It releases some sort of dust that infects them all. The infected patients then start to peel like a sun burn victim and they discover that they can feel what all the others in the group can.

A doctor who sleeps in the same quarters as the patients uses the internet to look up the test tube in the flask and it turns out to be an alien artefact from a crashed Russian spy plane.

Zombies turn up after this but it is not that important as there are numerous plot holes and inconsistencies that are over looked. As I said it is truly appalling in places but if you watch it thinking it is going to be a serious zombie film then you will be disappointed.

Best way to watch (a) get a load of alcohol and (b) get a load of mates and watch as everyone pisses themselves laughing.

The Descent (2005)

Finally a horror film that scares.

[8/10 · 12 July 2005]

So many recent horror films have been of the post-ironic comic type that they have not been scary, to the extent that even rubbish like Jeepers Creepers is apparently the most scary film to come out of America in th last decade.

This film however delivers, it has everything you could want from a horror film, good scares and some scenes of gore that even had an old gorehound like me squirming.

I recommend that all horror fans go and see this film, even those of you who are not horror fans go and see it, and support the English film industry.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

Harry Potter and His Predictable Storyline.

[2/10 · 28 May 2003]

There is only one surprise in this otherwise predictable story, I will not reveal it so as not to spoil it for all the other people who will want to watch the movie.

If this is a true example of what the books are like, then the adults who read the book on the train in the morning are sadder than I first thought.

Utter tripe and overrated for what it is, oh and think J K Rowling might try and make her anti-catholicism a bit more obvious.

Nine Lives (2002 Video)

The return of British horror?

[8/10 · 27 August 2002]

Ten friends travel to a remote Scottish stately home and then an evil spirit is released that starts to kill them one by one. This film may not be original but it packs some good scares and shows that the director has great potential.

A good film and well worth going to see.

Battle Royale (2000)

The Ultimate Big Brother.

[8/10 · 3 June 2002]

Watched this movie at the Frightfest in London, great movie and really makes you think. What would happen if you were put in this situation?

It is interesting to see how the various characters collaborate and back stab each other and how some of them try to maintain their usual routines.

Maybe if big brother or survivor was really like this I might consider watching it, at least this way none of the people would become jumped up, fame seeking wannabes.

Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)

Scripted in Sixty Words.

[2/10 · 31 January 2002]

This film has everything we have come to expect from Hollywood these days, poor script, bad characterisation, big name stars and stunts. As with most Hollywood movies the script was written on the back of postage stamp in very big letters, in fact Vinny Jones' character has the best dialogue and he only has one paragraph.

On the whole the suspense in this film was none existent, the car chase scenes where unexciting and you did not care enough about any of the characters to care if they lived or died.

If you like stupid films, then watch this one, they do not get much stupider.

Dust (II) (2001)

Good idea, poor execution.

[1/10 · 17 January 2002]

Saw this film at the frightfest 2001, have not seen such an exodus since it was announced that Margaret Thatcher was going to do a striptease. I could see what Adam Mason tried to achieve by letting the cinema goer see what it was like to be on an angeldust trip. Unfortunately the cast could not carry it off and the editing and direction left a lot to be desired, to be honest this is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen.

The Nostril Picker (1993)

Gross

[7/10 · 8 February 2001]

Gross and outrageous movie about a loner who is taught how to turn himself into a girl, by doing this he gets closer to the girls in the local school and gradually kills them one by one. There is the plot, pure and simple, acting is of a fairly low standard and the sound quality is variable, but it never seems to take itself seriously and therefore its a laugh, if not intentional.

Watch if you like low budget rubbish rather than the high budget rubbish pedalled by Hollywood as entertainment for the masses.