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Alfred Hitchcock Presents: The Door Without a Key (1962)
Heartwarming? Try trite, unbelievable, and out of place.
Am I watching the right show?
Is this Alfred Hitchcock Presents or Insight?
Unwanted boy and sad old wealthy man are united by circumstances for a happy ending. It is very difficult to believe that his impromptu and informal adoption at a police station would ever actually be allowed. "Run along, we'll take care of the legal formalities, no problem."
Sure thing. It helps a bit that the amnesiac is apparently correctly identified as a well known local prominent and affluent citizen of good character and the setting is a small town not the big city.
The missing twist here seems to be that when the juvenile services officer arrives it doesn't turn out that the helpful sergeant has just turned the unfortunate lad over to a known sex offender or serial killer. Boys Town suddenly becomes M.
That it is a nice spot for the great Claude Rains is some compensation for the contrived slop I suppose, as was the comic gambling priest a few episodes before. But we do have Rains in And So Died Riabouchinska in season one to restore the balance in Rains' favor.
Steambath (1984)
Excellent, Dark, Funny, Devastating and mostly all here.
This is a story about shredding illusions and self-deceit about life. The characters are all dead in a waiting room for eternity that is a steam bath with a Hispanic attendant who is more than he appears. One by one they understand the actual situation and all but the main character come to acceptance of the life he or she had and that it is time to move on. The main character is more deeply enmeshed in the self-deceptions of his life than the others. This fact provides the central thread and conclusion of the play. In the meantime the audience gets many pungent and humorous reflections from the characters.
There have been negative reviews of this TV production mostly because of some editing for language from the stage version. This is more a criticism of the TV establishment of the time than of the play or its production here. I have the stage version and have read it. In my opinion all the important aspects and meaning of this play are preserved in this video production and it is well worth watching. The removed language is not critical to the work. Much of what was changed then would be allowed now even on network TV. (Of course, on cable it could be produced exactly to the book, unless A&E got a hold of it in which case it would be scarcely recognizable.)
This play is not a life affirming upbeat work for people who think everything has a purpose and all things work out for the best. But it is one of my favorites.
The Kallikaks (1977)
Perhaps the worst TV comedy ever
Before this show was shown on television, my parents and I (still at home at the time) had the opportunity to be part of a home test audience for it. It was one of the worst, if not THE worst, show I had ever seen, even allowing for the trial version being something of a rough cut. We so advised the testing organization making it very clear that we thought it was an awful program that should not be released for sheer lack of quality and expressed clearly our opinion that it was not just a bad episode but essentially a stillborn project to the root. One might also consider the hick stereotypes as offensive as well, but that was not our point, our point was that it was simply bad. We took into account that this is a country that bestowed success upon the likes of The Beverly Hillbillies, Petticoat Junction, and Green Acres.
It went on to be shown in prime time. The show that went on was not substantially different from the test version. Our estimate was completely vindicated by its very short run. Very gratifying I suppose, but I would have not have been surprised it it had run for years like other bits of garbage have.
The show has competition for the top (that is, bottom) spot but will remain on my short list of most terrible attempts at entertainment forever.
The Twilight Zone: The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms (1963)
A Big Chunk on the TZ slag heap.
The Twilight Zone is at the top of my short list of favorite TV or short films of any kind. When it is great there has been nothing better. But this is not to say that every episode is a gem. I am not alone in thinking that some are quite regrettable outcomes of multi-season burn-out (understandable to say the least), budget constraints, deadline pressure or a plain dud. The fourth season produced quite a few duds due to the effort of going to a full hour(*), while the fifth is a desert with a few oases of the quality of the first three seasons. Given the number of episodes per season in those days and the enormous challenge of coming up with fresh and distinct story ideas in this genre the achievement overall is unsurpassed.
This episode is one of the exceptionally weak episodes along with the one hour "Thirty Fathom Grave", "The Fear", "A Short Drink from a Certain Fountain", "Probe 7 Over and Out" and a few others. Aside from suffering from a bare and obvious gimmick arrived at tediously it also lacks the moral insight that illuminates so much of Serling's best work(**). It is a sign of writing fatigue after five years of outstanding work that Serling, who so cleanly and brilliantly dissected the Nazi "Final Solution" in "Deathshead Revisted", totalitarianism in "The Obsolete Man") and war in "The Purple Testament", should now evince enthusiasm for some slack weekend warriors joining the most famous failure in the very successful campaign to colonize North America by swindle when possible and force when necessary that came very close to outright genocide. It is a poor recycle of material from far better prior episodes, such as the time overlaps of "A Hundred Yards Over The Rim". This episode's only virtue is that it got a barely presentable show on the air on time.
Several reviewers wonder about "why not bring the tank (and a few grenades)"? Having the names on the memorial is one thing, explaining the presence of the hulk of a large technological weapon not even invented (or even invent-able) for another 50 years in a form not invented for another 20+ years would rupture the already strained suspension of disbelief inherent in time travel stories. In real life, Col. Custer had the option of packing Gatling guns but rejected them as too cumbersome, but if a tank should just show up, what the hell! I have always thought of Little Big Horn as simply the odds catching up with the recklessness of the most famous of all West Point goats to the great misfortune of his men.
One wonders what might have been done with the idea in the hands of a fresher Serling earlier in the run. Good point. I would like to think the Indians would get a better shake in the writing in keeping with Serling's other work, and it would have an ending up to the standard of "The Purple Testament".
I am glad so many others really enjoy this unfortunate leaving of the great Serling in burnout. It is a dirty job and someone has to do it!
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(*) you may have noticed that most good one hour fantasy shows like the Star Trek franchise usually employ two stories (i.e. material for two half hour episodes) interwoven to make the hour.
(**) Little Big Horn buff or not, I will note one fact that IS documented, that one big reason Serling took the Twilight Zone assignment was that in a fantasy context he could unload both barrels of the human insight and moral outrage that he could no longer get produced as straight contemporary drama. That point of view, so well expressed so many other times, seems lost or at least distorted beyond recognition in this episode.
The Twilight Zone: A Short Drink from a Certain Fountain (1963)
Weak, tired and ends badly
I have to wonder if the source material has as many problems as the episode. Serling wrote a teleplay from a story by Lou Holtz.
The biggest problem here is the ending. What sort of monster would leave this poor defenseless baby that used to be Harmon Gordon(Patrick O'Neal) in the care of Flora Gordon (Ruta Lee)? Good Serling scripts leave off with plausible and satisfying results depending only on the basic suspension of disbelief required to get there, for example, the fate of Captain Lutze in "Deathshead Revisited". This ending takes a huge final leap after all that came before on grounds that are far too real. Even with the hammer of losing the benefit of Harmon's money unless she takes proper care of the baby would not be enough to transform this selfish woman into a fit mother. It's out of the frying pan into the fire for poor Harmon, I fear, a fool for love from end to start.
The Twilight Zone: The After Hours/Lost and Found/The World Next Door (1986)
Prime example of why remakes are a bad idea in new TZ
It is hard to critique this episode without something of a spoiler but the Twilight Zone is so well known now that there can't be much left to spoil. That is except the qualities that made the episode worthwhile in the first place. I don't think any of the remake episodes in this series were a good idea with the exception of A Game of Pool which restored the writer's original ending that was changed in the original production. This one is a prime example of when it was a bad idea.
The original script focuses on the main character a young woman who can only remember one month of her life who goes to a department store where she eventually discovers that she is a mannequin who was given her turn to have a real life in our world and must return so that another can take a turn. She struggles but in the end she remembers and comes to terms with her destiny. There were virtually no special effects and the writing was about her character and gradual realization of who she really is and her relationship to the other mannequins.
This version cheapens all that to turn it into a short B-horror movie. The mannequins come after her in literal reality, hands without fingers and such details. She breaks a window and they chase her through the mall (an acceptable update from the multi-floor department store of the original although the non-existent 13th floor where mannequins are stored was a nice touch) looking evil and threatening. As they close in she begins to turn back into a mannequin one body part at a time. Leg turns to plastic, then an arm etc. The subtleties of character and acting of the original are gone in favor of special effects and makeup tricks. It is as if the episode had been moved from Twilight Zone to Night Gallery. It also went from a foot deep to an inch.
The Twilight Zone: A Game of Pool (1989)
A worthy remake
In this first revival of the Twilight Zone since Rod Serling's original series there were a few episodes that were redone from the first series. Not one came up to its predecessor in any non-technical respect in my opinion and should have been omitted in favor of fresh material. This one is different in that it has a reason to be. The original show had a different ending than the script the author (George Clayton Johnson) had written. This production delivers the original script with the original ending. It would be hard to match let alone surpass the strong performances of Jack Klugman and Jonathan Winters in the original but this episode does succeed in presenting the story as the author wrote it.
The Quiet Earth (1985)
Less than meets the eye.
<**SPOILERS**> As there is really not much to spoil.
What is worse? A sci-fi movie that let's you know that it is junk early on (so it can be turned off) or one that starts out well, meanders for an hour or so, then finally comes to nothing (luring its victim into watching the whole thing)? This movie is the the latter category. It looks good. It's not major big budget effects but the modest effects it does have are not tacky. Good not great. The story concerns three characters (Old Smart Guy, Young Woman, Hunky Young Ethnic) that are the only three left in the world. The first, OSG, wakes up (in that cinema rarity, full frontal male nudity) to find that he seems to be the only person on a undamaged earth (except where planes crash etc). I mean the ONLY person, living or dead, as there are very few bodies or little piles of white dust or anything. There also appears to be no living things other than humans either, the earth is indeed quiet. OSG does the usual last man on earth things, looks for survivors, gets on the radio (sure to reach everyone who scans the police bands all day), gathers up useful and delicious things, gets drunk, makes speeches to cut-outs of famous people, tries on women's clothes, the usual. So far so good. Then YM turns up. OK. Not much happens as OSG investigates what happened, and YM investigates the empty stores. There is a little (very little, and that's good) sex segment with OSG in bed (another full frontal), and YM going bottomless behind her maid/nurse/whatever outfit (crotch gag goes here, comic relief?). Next, enter HYE, as he cunningly traps OSG at machine gun point but turns out to be OK after he sees YM soon after. (Good news: no automatic sex, no violence, no rape etc) Now we are on "Five" and "World, Flesh and the Devil" territory but not much develops. OSG turns out to have been a scientist involved in the program that did all this and he determines that the device involved will make it happen again soon. Perhaps you are wondering why these lucky people are still here? Turns out that being near death at the critical instant is the key. I am not impressed but at least it does go easy on the well-worn "long tunnel into the light" stuff. Action with trucks to get explosives to blow up the machine fills up the next few minutes. OSG goes forward to suicide bomb the building where the device is. So what else? (I guess the tension is just too much...) HYE and YM (finally) rip off their draperies for a little perfunctory leg-over (perfunctory apart from the interracial angle perhaps, another edgy element to complement the nudity?)just in case the world ends (as if Jay in "Dogma" HAD gotten his wish). OSG blows the thing up, lights flash, OSG is on a beach (is he On The Beach?) on a dark earth with a Saturn-like object in the sky looking much bigger than the moon. THE END. What happened? Where did HYE and YM go? Is the earth out by Saturn now? (If so shouldn't OSG be flash frozen along with the waves offshore?) Is Saturn near the earth? (The gravitational issues here boggle the mind) Is there any prospect at all of a future humanity? Your guess is as good as mine. In short we have another one of those "leave it up to the viewer", BS, cop-out, non-ending with what is supposed to be an impressive visual.
This movie is a major disappointment as it starts out looking like the real thing, meanders becoming neither really interesting, nor steamy, nor real trash to finally peter out into mush. No message, no moral, no point and nowhere near enough "oh, Wow!" to compensate with mindless entertainment for what is lacking as literature. It is mercifully brief at 90 minutes. It would have been REALLY annoying have sat through a "Solaris" sized epic for what this delivers.
The movie is based on a novel. I wonder if the novel is really much better but, as so often happens, not much more than its title got into the movie. (This was the case with the sorry movie "Freejack" "based on" the fine novel "Immortality Inc". In that case it was a spectacular car crash not a title that was only thing that made it into the movie.) I recommend that you flip it once on Netflix if you must, but it is definitely no masterpiece and, for me at least, a long way from a keeper. Three for the movie, one more for looking good.
The Outer Limits: Cold Hands, Warm Heart (1964)
One example of the second season decay of this series
One of the weakest episodes in this outstanding series both in terms of a slight and tedious story line, poor science fiction premise and production values. The chintzy rag doll Venusian is a bit of an embarrassment even by low budget TV series standards of the day, and compared to other episodes in this series. This is William Shatner's only episode in this series but he bears no blame for its defects.
There are a few even weaker ones, all in the second season. All the same, the hit to miss ratio for the Outer Limits in the 60's is far better than in its successor in the 90's despite the technical advancement on display of the latter. For a direct comparison examine the The Inheritors or Nightmare, where I think you will find that the better look and snarky attitude pale against the superior writing, direction and acting of the original. However, the I, Robot revision was a worthy effort, and I recall Feasibility Study as being about even.) And the original series NEVER blew off an episode by recycling other episodes with a flimsy story line as the later series did at least once per season, reaching a peak in a two-part recycle episode (Final Appeal).
The Happening (2008)
The one-hit wonder thuds out another one.
The Sixth Sense was a fine movie, a truly great addition to the horror/supernatural genre that has so few really good movies (at least in proportion to the garbage). This movie is a waste of very expensive celluloid and I was amazed that Ebert cut it so much slack.
1. The underlying message is a simple minded, heavy handed green preachment. I am a person who regards humanity as the metastasized cancer of the biosphere so I am not reacting to that message as some sort of knee-jerk dominionist corporate booster. If only the environment could defend itself so purposefully. In any case it is not a good enough pay-off to justify sitting through 80 minutes or so of contrived "suspense", mediocre, at best, writing, and all the over-acting.
2. The so-called suspense strikes me as so much padding to a thin short story that might merit an appearance in a magazine or anthology. In essence it is a greened-up knock off of du Maurier's "The Birds" with plants instead of birds, padded out with horror sequences reminiscent of one of the bad Stephen King movies (e.g. Maximum Overdrive).
3. I felt sorry for the actors straining to emote out the frail gossamer of this story line. All criticism of the performances should be laid at the door of the director. If any of these actors are favorites of yours, I recommend self-induced amnesia.
4. It is a wonder that anyone interested in either art or commerce still funds this director's so-called projects after Lady in the Water, and more so after this turkey.
5. I am grateful that the offense was not compounded by a heavy dose of quirky "artistic" camera work as well. It is a perfectly good looking movie, what a decent budget and hiring the right people will get you nearly every time.
M. Night Shyamalan remains, in my opinion, a confirmed one-hit wonder. If audiences and his backers are fortunate, he might someday become a two-hit wonder. Time is running out for him to move up to legend from mere cult in danger of becoming camp.
The Outer Limits: Relativity Theory (1998)
It was OK anyway.
Problems with the New Outer Limits. Many.
First was that at most half the scripts were really worth doing at all which is inexcusable given the vast resources of untapped stories in decades of science fiction and fantasy magazines and books.
Another was the dubious choice to remake a few of the best original series stories producing episodes that were manifestly inferior to the old black and white version in every way but looks. Exceptions might be "Feasibility Study" that was not far off the original as I recall, and "I,Robot" when we must choose between the good simple Adam Link of old, or the new dark, brooding, punky one. In the original the good people were the cynics, now the robot is a cynic too! At least both were good episodes. Definitely no exception for the "Inheritors" chopped down to a cold, sickly one hour.
The worst problem was that at least once each season the producers grossly compounded their deficiencies by turning out an episode made out of recycled scenes from earlier ones with the lamest script of all (no exceptions). A budget saver for sure but an insult to any serious and knowledgeable viewer. This was bad enough when it was one episode but the producers topped themselves with a two part regurgitation, "Final Appeal", that wasted an astounding battery of well known major actors and actresses headed by no less than Charleton Heston.
About as bad as that was, was the addition of superfluous text (was this a legal thing?) to the signature control voice speech that starts every show, and the pretentious and usually non sequitur comments of the control voice for the start and end of specific episodes. This was not a problem on the old show but an embarrassing excrescence on the new one.
Another problem, one that applies here, is that there seemed to be a definite mission to deconstruct the 50's sci-fi tradition, still well in evidence in the original series, that one way or another, no matter how out-brained, out tech-ed, or even out-numbered, humanity always emerged triumphant(1). It would not be a problem, in fact it is long overdue on TV, except that it usually resulted in rather facile, contrived episodes that were merely snarky, or dreary and obvious preaching rather than good sci-fi with a message. Thus the reviewer that complains of the baldly preachy episodes found in this series has a point.
(SPOILER) But I liked this one anyway if only for the pleasure of seeing the consternation of the swaggering corporate mercenaries (compare to the real life example of Blackwater contractors in the field today) among the crew when they finally realized that they had affirmed their manhood and species superiority by boldly wiping out a scout troop on a camp-out, the parents had arrived, and they were going to get their final lesson in survival of the fittest in short order after their files were uploaded, and resistance was indeed futile. It is a nice enough twist for a respectable short story in a magazine or a one hour TV show. One of most successful of these deconstruction episodes. (End of SPOILER)
Still I was glad someone was giving this a try and getting on the air. The best of these episodes are better than a typical "sci-fi channel original" movie and nearly all are better than the rest of the trash passed off as original sci-fi on cable. I would forgive them almost everything if it weren't for those awful and insulting recycle episodes.
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(1) Is this merely pandering? Or is it a significant expression of the arrogant assumptions of the place of humanity in the cosmos that pervade most the world's cultures and religions?
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)
Big problem when the butt of the joke is better than the joke
The big problem is that this cascade of lame and contrived snarkiness only works (to the extent it does actually work) when aimed at a genuinely malodorous cinematic turd. THIS ISLAND EARTH is a good if not great science fiction movie that brings to cinematic life the style of an above average science fiction magazine tale of the era. The special effects are at least par for the era and there are no big problems with the acting, script or overall production values. It is too good for this treatment. With trash like THE QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE, JOURNEY TO THE SEVENTH PLANET, REPTILICUS, SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS and sooo many others out there (without even going down to Ed Wood) why trash a real movie? There may be no Bevis but there was definitely a Butthead in charge of this project.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Duet (1993)
Brilliant knock off of "The Man in the Glass Booth"
This is one of the finest episodes in the entire Star Trek franchise.
For the benefit of those unfamiliar with the movie and play "The Man in the Glass Booth", this would appear to be the source material for this episode. It is one of my favorites of the series and comes off better than the movie of the source work as well. The play is about a Jewish man who assumes the identity of a concentration camp commandant and presents himself to be tried for crimes against humanity. In the play it turns out that the man is not the commandant but a former prisoner who worked for him in return for favorable treatment, hence his guilt. This is very similar to the character in this episode even if he is not Bajoran (to complete the analogy to a Jew in a Nazi camp) but a weak "good Cardassian" who compliantly assists the actual war criminal who, like Gul Dukat, never harbored any sincere remorse (for Dukat this is settled in the episode "Waltz") over his acts against the Bajorans. This weakens it a bit since there is no element of guilty betrayal of one's own kind involved. In fact, the idea of a Cardassian with such qualms seems quite improbable based on every other Cardassian in the series and the apparent structure of the their society. The episode was good enough that I can suspend disbelief that far. It was also a pivotal moment for Kira Nerys who begins to turn from the one-sided viewpoint of a pure and embittered resistance fighter to a broader view necessary for her development on DS9.
Unlike one other post I did like the series most of the time. There was a singular challenge in writing DS9 because it had to develop mainly on a single location and opportunities to credibly just bump into the next neat story and fresh characters were more limited than with the other series, as there was little actual trekking involved. DS9 is also the favorite of D.C. Fontana among the four Star Trek series she worked on. That should lend some respectability to the enjoyment of DS9. I will concede there are many dud episodes. In all the Star Trek series I look askance at the improbable and very anthropic inter-species mating that goes on. It was most pronounced in DS9 where it was not confined to curious single episode encounters (like Riker's ludicrous attempt to preserve the universal right to passionate boinking for the misfit of a voluntarily de-sexualized alien world in STNG (thin cover for a vague take on GLBT issues, and so much for the prime directive, again) or Dr. Crusher's close brush with inter-species lesbianism, boldly almost going where the original series could never have gone, even if Kirk did almost kiss Uhura, under telekinetic duress). In the case of DS9 the main purpose seems to be blatant pandering to a hoped for female audience by creating female-friendly relationship based story threads (i.e. soap opera). It is also used to create dubious parallels between Cardassia/Bajor and Japan/Korea during their respective occupations as in the episode "Wrongs Darker than Death or Night" exploiting a burst of publicity at the time of Japan's institutionalized rape of Korean "comfort women" to develop another, granted interesting, collaborator theme way too close for comfort for Major Kira. (Straight from today's headlines, holy Law and Order!, or yesterday's as in Dukat's turn as a cynical ersatz Jim Jones in cosmic Jonestown in the episode "Covenant") From that we move on to the ultimate nonsense that the lizard-like Cardassians can actually make babies with Bajorans! But at least we now know, thanks to Dr. Bashir and Ezri, that a Trill's spots go all the way down. But it was fun right down to the semi-apocalyptic conclusion where Sisko faces the the anti-Chr..er.. Dukat in the final conflict. Did anybody else notice a little bump in the canon from opening episode where the wormhole aliens say "He is corporeal, He is linear, let's kill him" to the final season when his mother IS a wormhole alien (sort of) and they had it planned all along?
The Power (1968)
Decent sci-fi on good premise but cops out at end as many do.
This is a decent science fiction movie based on a solid story idea that stays on target. It is a well executed basic movie without big budget effects. To its credit it does not go off on silly tangents such as overdone love stories (perfunctory graphic sex was still rare in this era), connecting the power to aliens or the supernatural, over the top spectacle when the power is used (like the quickening in Highlander) or any other superfluous nonsense. A good clean science fiction story realized cleanly and effectively. Except ...
Spoiler warning.
My main quibble is that the writers did a Hollywood ending on the original story. The movie is quite faithful to the story until the very end. The power corrupted bad guy (who views ordinary humans as mere animals for him to use as he pleases) has spent the most of the movie trying to smoke out the other person who has the power but does not realize it. (In a scene early in the movie, one of the normal scientists, who fearfully knows that someone with the power is in the group, asks the entire group to attempt telekinesis on a spinner. He is counting on the hubris of the bad guy who will show off and thus help him convince the others that he is not delusional, that the power actually exists. The spinner moves, and vigorously, to the great surprise and alarm of the bad guy. He knows he is not doing it so someone else must have the power and is a thus a threat to him that must be eliminated.)
The bad guy succeeds, by a rather blunt process of elimination as he kills off most of the others, in narrowing the hunt down to our hero. The bad guy tries repeatedly to kill the hero and comes close but he just can't finish him off since he cannot overcome the latent power within. In a final showdown the hero, forced to the brink of oblivion by the bad guy in a battle of power and will, finally realizes that he also has the power. To the chagrin of the bad guy it is a greater gift than his own just as he had feared. The hero is then able to return from the brink and easily stop the bad guy's heart to end the struggle.
Here comes the big cop-out.
Movie Ending: The hero walks off with his girl friend full of good intentions to be sure his power is not used further since power corrupts etc. The world is now safe from the bad guy, all will be well.
Real Ending: The triumphant hero, his power now awakened, his ordinary humanity sheared away in the struggle, looks at the cringing animal by his side (formerly his cherished love interest) and thinks "it is going to be fun to be a god." This uncompromising ending takes the power theme to its inexorable conclusion that it is not a matter of morals or free will, a human being with such power will be corrupted. The power corrupts by its mere presence, it does not ask permission.
Anastasia (1997)
Utter trash - well made, well acted wrapper around garbage
Animated children's movies should really stick to real fairy tales rather than manufacturing them out of grim novels and grimmer history. Making a fairy tale out of one of the grimmest of twentieth century events and completely destroy any resemblance to well documented history is a crime against history, its victims and the children it grossly misinforms. Rasputin was not a supernatural evil wizard/demon. He was killed before the revolution. He had no part in the murder/assassination of the Romanov's or Anastasia's fate. Where is the Leninist terror? Where is the truth about what happened to Anastasia's family, even if even now no one can be completely sure about Anastasia herself? This movie is being made in an era when the Anastasia/Anna Andersen hoax on which the Bergman movie was based has been exposed via genetic testing. There is no excuse for cluttering children's minds with such nonsense given the cruel brutal facts of history.
This is not a classic fairy tale, nor a bible epic, it is just a really contemptible idea for an entertainment vehicle. There is also no reason it could not be translated to a fiction time and place without connection to actual events and then be a successful movie without the baggage.
What's next?
The happy holocaust survivor a la "Life is Beautiful" complete with singing, dancing camp inmates, and humorous bumbling guards? And perhaps big smiling ovens!
How about the adventures of a sweet young thing with a big princess attitude that barely got out of the World Trade Center with her hunky young hero just before a giant flying demon Bin Laden reduces the buildings to rubble with blast of his powerful satanic breath?
Rating of 2 is for the unquestionably good looking product and the work of the voice actors that was wasted on it, leaving some room at the bottom for totally unredeemable works.
The movies should stick to established fairy tales, and leave making up modern ones to politicians and their spin doctors, for example: We come as liberators, that's why we are building a dozen or two permanent bases in your country!
Mary Poppins (1964)
Does not age well, save it for children who like the songs
When I was 11 and this movie was in its first run I had only a modest background in music and in its use in theatrical settings, and an even weaker appreciation for social history. At that time I enjoyed this movie and even saw it a second time in a theater despite my parents' objections to certain Disney business practices. When I was closer to middle age I saw it again and I was appalled. Contrary to one poster here who insists on making a useless comparison to Andrews' other big musical, Sound of Music, to trash this movie for having songs she likes much less, I find that compared to movie musicals in general especially those aimed at a younger audience, the songs hold up well even not quite in the immortal class of Rodgers and Hammerstein. (Who are better served in other musicals. Sound of Music is too much straight syrup for me, although Rodgers' contribution has no problems. But what do I know? Both stage and screen versions made big buckets of cash, inspiring MAD magazine to satirize it as the Sound of Money with a "Dough", Re, Mi song). The look of it creaks now, even if it arguably broke new ground in the integration live and animated action at the time. The thing that got me as a adult was the awful sugar coated apologia for the real dark Dickensian world of England, especially in the light of current developments in America. The happy homeless woman whose life is rich because she feeds the birds. The happy chimney sweeps who no doubt happily hack into their bleak later life of poverty and black lung. To its (small) credit it does not lionize the well heeled characters but makes them ridiculous. But I can no longer enjoy the movie as a whole having walked too many times in the big cities of California in the post-Reagan(as Governor, massively cutting the mental health infrastructure) era of mainstreaming the mentally ill onto the streets. 8 when I didn't know better, 5 now that I do.
The Phantom of the Opera (2004)
Its all here! the wonders and the warts
There are few, if any, truer translations of a stage musical to the screen as genuine cinema. (As opposed to a filmed stage performance. e.g. Sweeny Todd, Into the Woods, Sunday in the Park with George, and In these instances I am grateful no movie version was attempted after the travesties of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and A Little Night Music, and that a faithful record of the original staging and casts has been preserved. This should be done far more often for the history alone.) No significant song cuts. (Unlike Chicago which, despite its virtues and awards, sacrifices considerable stage music in the name of its overdone movie concept of the "Roxie-eye view", the latest in a long and sorry list of past casualties, perhaps capped by "Irma La Douce" that used no music at all from the stage.) The musical numbers are all well done both musically and visually. Having seen it on stage in London I can say that they really got Phantom into cinema without qualification.
Whatever problems this movie has are strictly problems that also existed in the stage version. And since the general public is not composed of musical drama scholars, I am surprised the movie did not fare better at the box office since it preserves the essence and the music of the show quite well. The problem must be that the screen presents the weaknesses of its stage production far better than the strengths.
Perhaps the uncomfortable conglomeration of a classic horror story with lush romantic spectacle doesn't sell on the screen even if thousands bought it, and continue to buy it for far higher than movie ticket prices, at the theater.
At the theater, the visual aspects like the chandelier at the heart of Hal Prince's stage concept, are highly effective being live and physically present. Compared to pure movie special effects of today, these things are comparatively tame on screen, leaving everything else more exposed for better or worse. (No one says "Wow, did they really do that!" at the movies anymore.) At the theater I noticed many (mostly women) crying at the end apparently in sympathy for the Phantom letting Christine go (and not hanging Raoul for his third on stage murder). This amazed me since the audience had witnessed this same Phantom murder at least two innocent people in front of their very eyes. So who cares if he gets the girl or not? Lucky girl to escape! Given the content of some hugely successful chick flicks gone by this should not be an obstacle to success for this movie.
The score is probably at least Lloyd-Webber's second or third best with no shortage of potential hit songs. (If you want to see a Lloyd-Webber mega-hit with a genuinely weak score propping up one hit song, try "Cats"!)
My favorite technical quibble is the number "Think of Me". Phantom, like Sondheim's "Follies", invites a clear distinction of musical style between its book/character numbers and (opera) pastiche numbers. Sondheim utilizes this consistently and brilliantly. Webber has less integrity and will insert anything he thinks might sell anywhere at the expense of any dramatic or musical principle, pandering to the audience. "Think of Me" is a perfect example of a straight Webber pop song (like "I Don't Know How to Love Him" in JC Superstar), appropriate here, if at all, as a book number in the plot or character development. Instead it is used as an opera audition song which should be in an operatic style like the other opera segments. He lamely attempts to fix this with a short cadenza tacked on at the end that only highlights the flaw. If Lord Lloyd-Webber is still wondering why he does not get the respect that Sondheim gets (especially that he can no longer use the "I am younger that Sondheim was when "Company" premiered" defense) this is one of many reasons why.
I also puzzled over "All I Ask of You" a bit. One lifetime is all anyone gets, thus all that is asked for is everything(!) in a phrase that suggests a mere trifle is requested. It can be a big problem trying to be Rodgers without a Hart, Hammerstein or even a Tim Rice.
Rose Red (2002)
Derivative clichéd junk, ho-hum., re-title "The Dimming" ?
Deriviative crap. Over-long and under-good. Nothing Shining here. I think I have seen everything here at least 10 times and written more convincingly at least 5 of them. A disappointing collection of well worn clichés wrapped in an well done production. But gloss and graphics are not enough.
King is just punching the clock, and cashing his check on this one.
Strictly for the bored, the inexperienced, and the die-hard King fans (such as might even admire Maximum Overdrive). I am glad it was just what happened to be on when I was stuck in a motel during a road assignment. I expect better from an established pro like King. There is no excuse. One would think that King has surely accumulated enough fame and treasure that he can afford to put forward only his worthy efforts, and the wisdom to know the difference. Perhaps he feels a duty to those that enjoy anything he puts one of his names on. Or was this intended to a homage to lame haunted house movies as Creepshow was a homage to a comic book genre?
The rating here is much to generous. I take some comfort in seeing that a few other contributors were also not so easily fooled by mere technology smeared over a barely serviceable script.
Beetlejuice (1988)
Original and Entertaining.
A remarkable work of entertainment. Just the idea of a "bio-exorcist" to remove annoying and pretentious people from one's former home is a great idea, taking the ghost's side of argument. Michael Keaton is perfect in what, I think, is his most indispensable, if not greatest, screen performance to date. This is probably the most entertaining 92 minutes with nothing to say I have ever watched. I mean it as a compliment. One absurd turn after another without any hidden message, sappy preachment, drippy love stories, horror clichés or trite moral-of-the-story at the end. Well balanced use of both verbal wit, broad humor (e.g. the run up to "Nice f---- model"), really off the wall segments ("Day-O" into the dinner and they LIKE it) and the refreshing absence of gratuitous shots to the crotch, body functions etc that pollute so much current comedy. And at the end, Lydia can drop her goth act (sort of silly when you know real dead people) and everybody just gets along, except maybe Otho even after he's burnt and buried the polyester and decontaminated himself from the exposure.
Hidalgo (2004)
Not a true story - So it must stand on its own merit.
It seems there is no such race across Arabian desert "run annually for thousands of years".
Hopkins role at the Bill Cody Wild West shows was strictly in his imagination (which was considerable).
The entire tale and the feats of the man behind it are a fabrication.
So this is just a movie.
As a movie it is entertaining but no milestone in cinema even the western. The exotic theme and locale at least save it from being just another mere technical enhancement to a familiar tale better told by John Ford and his contemporaries, or another quirky deconstruction of the western genre.
6/10 and a good time was had by most.
Chicago (2002)
One of the all time great stage musicals on screen.
I can scarcely imagine a better translation of this stage musical to a real movie (not a filmed stage performance). It ranks at the top with West Side Story and My Fair Lady in this regard. It is completely faithful to its theatrical source while being a movie in every sense, a rare accomplishment on film. And with no major cuts or revisions to the music (even the famous Rodgers and Hammerstein based movies have significant cuts such as A Lonely Room in Oklahoma. Then there are the ones where none of the stage score survives, Why bother? one might ask.) The Fosse dance numbers were perserved and appropriately magnified as he might have done (as in Cabaret). The acting was first rate, and the singing and dancing was never worse than acceptable. The problem with many here is that Chicago is not a "feel good" musical, nor a charming (or even tragic) love story. It is a hard cynical tale of seriously flawed people in a shallow materialistic society. In short in highly resembles tabloid America in the year 2002. If you want great sugar, drag out Sound of Music. If you want harmless feel good, albeit with top quality performances, drag out your Fred Astaire videos. If you want a light drama with music video inserts masquerading as a "musical" drag out Saturday Night Fever. But if you want a great example of Broadway in movie form, then you will find it in Chicago. Ranks with the very best of this genre and one of the few to capture a close equivalent to the stage work for perpetuity.
I think it inaccurate to regard the music sequences as "dream" (with the exception of the short Roxie insert in All That Jazz). Rather they are visual/musical subtext to the straight story running in parallel. We see the literal events as flat action, and their true flavor in the flamboyant musical numbers. This worked brilliantly.
And for what its worth I have no use whatever for the flashy, derivative music sampling exercise known as Moulin Rouge. It is not even in the same country. It is sheer coincidence these two have come out with a year or so of each other. But it does have a love story doesn't it?
Pearl Harbor (2001)
The Robin Hood Bomb as raison d'etre
The real star wore fins.
You got the main reason for making this movie right in the trailer. A long excuse to use the Robin Hood arrow gimmick with a bomb dropped from a Japanese plane.
The rest, sappy romance, bad history and all, is just chick bait and filler.
And we are not threatened by Ben and Josh, just repelled by the utter lack of respect for the facts and the event.
All in all this is just another movie where you saw the best part in the trailer and could have saved your money.