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Reviews
Under the Dome (2013)
Stephen and Steven make Sci-Fi Soap
This Stephen King - Steven Spielberg collaboration is a sci-fi soap opera. I like a good end of the world or end of the status quo story. Of all the stories of that type this is definitely one of them. The first two seasons (especially the first) keep things moving along nicely and I found I was looking forward to each subsequent installment to see what will happen next. There were places where it would have been nice to have a bit more science in the fiction and there were times that I had to engage by ability to suspend disbelief but it didn't take away from the story telling very much.
I'm a get-to-the-point kind of guy. Which means following a series like this can get a bit tedious as the story winds its way around to the inevitable conclusion: it's aliens. Well, of course it is but this series isn't about the conclusion it's about the journey. I sometimes have a hard time with that especially if the characters get too preachy or if the series gets too involved in relationships. Fortunately, there was enough action and movement toward resolution that the series held my attention.
There are some issues that I just had to go with in order to continue watching. For instance, the continued emergence of new characters. It's amazing how many new characters arrive from inside a sealed dome. My wife kept asking, "where did that person come from?" It was explained but blink and you will miss it. Furthermore, the word "protect" was so overused in the dialog it became a drinking game for me. One would think that with that much talent in the numerous Executive Producer credits that one of them would have a thesaurus. Finally, the series demanded the attention of the viewer. This is not the type of program you leave on while doing other things. You will miss something. However, at times it doesn't move fast enough to deserve such undivided attention and that makes it a bit tedious.
I often rate TV and movies not by number of stars but by how many fast forwards I need to get through the viewing. This series definitely had some fast forwards for me like the sex scenes and pillow talk as well as about 30% of entire episodes in season three.
Ah, season three: what can I say about season three? It's aliens. Townspeople choose sides and do battle. Alliances are formed then are changed, there are battles, tricks, changes of fate and fortune, and at the end they are still with us but now we're smarter and better prepared. It's classic Stephen King.
I've watched other series like this and eventually bailed because it was clear the writers were vamping to fill time. This one is better. Don't get me wrong. There are times that watching is so oppressive that it feels like I'm in the dome, but that might be OK. Bottom line if you've got the time and like a decent meandering story this might be worth a watch. My wife would disagree.
The Other Guys (2010)
Ricky Bobby is a NYPD cop
I'm not a big fan of Will Farrell movies generally (I did enjoy Elf). They seem to have weak writing that starts with a great idea but then misses the mark and relys on degenerate humor to carry things through. This film is no exception. I was hoping that Mark Wahlberg would help but there's only so much that one can do with a weak script. I'm sure that the outline for the film is hilarious on paper. The potential for a great tight comedy with epic running jokes and sketches is there but the writers took a great idea with lots of potential and Farrellized it. Instead of being wry and clever they went for cheap, tawdry, and crude. I'm sure my opinion differs greatly from those who like Will Ferrell's fare. I wanted to like this one but now I just want 107 minutes of my life back.
The Commando (2022)
Who's The Commando?
I knew I was in trouble in at the first scene when the DEA sniper took a shot with the protective caps still on the scope. It was all downhill from there. Rourke is grotesque and does not make a convincing redneck criminal war veteran: street person, maybe.
The writing is terrible in the this gangster B grade remake of Taken. I would comment on the acting but there isn't any. The story is lame and poorly developed. I would say that it could have been edited better but that would mean that most of this film would end up on the cutting room floor. Someone also needed to tell writters that PTSD is not the same as Schizophrenia.
It's movies like these that need a different rating system than number of stars. I suggest number of fast forwards instead. Better yet skip this one completely. There is no reason to wear out the forward button on a perfectly good remote.
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
Enough Already
It's clear that the JW franchise is at an end and just like it's main character needs to be put down. I liked the first two offerings and even the third was OK but this video game of a movie tried to send off the protagonist with a bang but tried too hard. It ran way to long. Its like the producers solicited every action idea from anyone and put it in the film but at the cost of things like dialog and plot.
The video game crowd will undoubtedly love this film and it does have some beautiful cinematography and effects. It was fun seeing Donnie Yen playing the anti-hero as well. But it all fell flat after a promising start. After a while I felt like I was watching my kid play video games and I hate watching my kid play video games.
The movie made poor cinematic quotes of other movies. The DJ and Plymouth Cuda - Vanishing Point. The DJ and assassins - Warriors. There was a nod to the Matrix as well. You get the idea. But they were poorly conceived and some so vague that they added nothing to the film. At one point I'm pretty sure the movie started quoting itself.
John Wick was a cartoon of his former self. The Marquis said it best when he said that the entire idea of John Wick must be eliminated as well as everything he touched. Well, congratulations movie. You've done just that. I hung in to see how it ended. It could have been great and a fitting end to a great franchise but instead we got a beautiful video game. Don't press reset. This one is dead. Enough Already.
No Blade of Grass (1970)
British retelling of...
...Panic in Year Zero. A realistic examination of how quickly civilization can devolve and asks if one can preserve morality and civility in a world turned savage. The situations feel gritty and genuine. The way different personalities react and try to cope feels very authentic. However, it does get a bit long winded and quirky. It almost has a touch of Dr Who of the same era including the sound track. Panic in Year Zero is a bit tighter of a film and fits into it's decade (1950s) quite well with the backdrop of nuclear war. This film is set more in it's present day but in the future sort of. It's a decent B movie and has its moments. Just don't expect high budget effects or zombies.
Roadworthy Rescues (2022)
The Red Green of Car Shows
If a guy was looking for a car show that doesn't feature expensive builds that a guy could never afford, featured many of the same techniques a guy used himself under the shade of a tree back in the day, and presented it all in a style Red Green would find humorous and entertaining then Derek (of Vice Grip Garage fame) and Roadworthy Rescues is a guy's choice.
Spending an hour with Derek is like spending quality time with a guy's friends turning wrenches on the latest project with hopes of gettin' 'er going in time to head to town for an evening. The good natured humor of the host adds to the charm of the program which never loses sight of the idea that a feller, or fellette, doesn't have unlimited time and money and must work with what he has. And when it's all done maybe, just maybe, a guy might just have a decent going to town rig.
Roadworthy Rescues is an instant classic and a breath of fresh air in the endless conga line of car and reality shows. If you can only watch one car show this it.
The Polar Express (2004)
If you are easily dazzled by CGI then this is your film
Polar Express is a study in the philosophical question, "just because you can make something in CGI should you?" There is no doubt that the animation is incredible for its time and allows the movie to go places and do things that conventional techniques would not allow. It's too bad that is the main feature of the film. And in spite of all that it misses the mark. The characters look dead and mimic life but have no spark. It's like watching animated corpses trying to act out a holiday play.
I can only attribute the affection for this eerie Christmas techno-fog to audience fascination with the animation although lately I've seen better on my satellite TV screen saver. That's not enough for me. The story is weak and poorly developed. The characters are at best shallow and the plot moves like a series of disjointed studies in animation. Over half the film is nothing more than the characters going from crisis to crisis for no reason. More time should have been spent on explaining the reason for the Polar Express and who the characters are and why they are invited rather than jumping from crisis climax to crisis climax akin to bad Disney movies. I kept hoping that a script would arrive at the animator's studio but alas it never happened.
Santa is finally revealed and is going to give out the gifts to the children. What will he give? Who will he choose to get the first one? It must be something wonderful. - Nope. The movie falls into a Wizard of Oz retread, "You've had the greatest gift all along," nonsense.
In conclusion, this film makes Christmas With The Kranks look like a profound heartwarming holiday film with a message we all need to hear. Yes, it might have a place in your holiday collection. Right next to a Nightmare Before Christmas.
We Still Kill the Old Way (2014)
A decent retelling of Harry Brown
We Kill is a decent retelling of Harry Brown. However, it lacks the sheer personality and grit that Michael Cain brought to the story in Harry Brown (think British Charles Bronson/Death Wish). It's still a decent East Ender revenge/vigilante film. The plot is, as I said, almost identical to Harry Brown with a few minor changes. It's still very entertaining and I enjoyed seeing the old guys getting their gangster on.
In my opinion the film built tension and action nicely but reached its peak to soon and then petered out with an almost anticlimactic end. It would have been nice to see some of the subplots developed a bit more as well. It left the characters coming off as a bit 2 dimensional at times.
Overall, not a waste of time like some more recent old guy films made by action stars approaching the end of their careers and willing to act in anything. If you want a decent British vigilante film this one will do the job. But, if you want the best of the old guy films watch Harry Brown instead. Michael Cain does not disappoint.
War of the Worlds (2019)
War of the Worthless
An EMP knocks out electronics and people (but not animals)? I demand more science in my science fiction! If you want a slow moving alien invasion sci-fi movie without aliens, science or special effects with mind numbing human interaction served at a snails pace then this is your program. Otherwise move along. There is nothing to see here.
I kept waiting for the aliens to show up but only saw robot dogs that were noisy and yet could sneak up on a person. After enduring a cast of characters that had no qualities that endeared them to me and their constant ignorance I found myself cheering for the aliens if they would just show up.
This program is a war on something but it's not worlds.
Deadlock (2021)
Bruce Willis follows the Steven Seagal retirement plan
Of all the movies Bruce Willis has made this is definitely one of them. What a fall Bruce had made from his A-list days. He is clearly following the Steven Seagal retirement plan taking anything that comes his way as long as he gets paid.
The movie is trite and completely predictable with big plot holes. The film is also absent of the knowledge of details like the military bearing of a Special Forces operator, the unlimited ammo supply of the characters, and there is a lack of explanation of the the motivation of the character's actions at times. If you want something to watch in the background while you are doing something else this will suffice. If you are looking for an action thriller for a dim the lights and pop the popcorn evening look elsewhere. You should be able to find something in the 99¢ DVD rack at the gas station.
Operation Seawolf (2022)
A Submarine Movie Ignorant of All Things Naval
This film is almost unbearable because of its lack attention to basic Naval details. The worst offender is the constant sonar pinging while underway. Any sub operating that way giving away its would be sunk in no time. There would not have been a black American bridge crew in WWII. The uniforms are poor and incorrect. The commands to steer one direction but move the rudder in the opposite is just nonsense. The Submariners might not have been clean clean shaven but the line officers would be. It makes the American Commander look like a LARP'r. During the depth charge scene there is no disruption inside the U boat even after a hit. Other reviews point out even more issues so I will not take the time here.
Added to all the flawed Naval presentation is poor character development and missed opportunities for good plot development. Overall the effects see fair, the acting is average, the plot is average to bpoor, the details are messed up, and the story telling is 100% B movie. I like U boat movies. I'm a sucker for them and usually give them some latitude. They usually at least show some good Naval combat and underwater scenes. This movie fails to deliver. Don't waste your time.
13 Minutes (2021)
Go Tornado! Go, Go, Go!
All it took was 13 minutes and I was rooting for the tornado. None of the characters are interesting or endearing. Add to that the woke PC stuff and I am praying that the tornado will come soon and end this cinematic stinkburger. Don't waste your time with this unless your fast forward works.
Trading Paint (2019)
Discount Days of Thunder
Take the plot of Days of Thunder then remove all the action and intriguing characters. Add some mediocre cinematography, direction, and editing and you have this waste of time. Travolta can act but what he is doing in such a film is a mystery. I hope his debt is now payed to whoever convinced him to participate in such a piece of... The rest of the cast is wooden and two dimensional as they whisper and growl through their lines. Don't waste your time.
Behind Enemy Lines II: Axis of Evil (2006)
I want 90 minutes of my life back!
What a cinematic stinkburger! Bad writing, acting, cinematography, and direction. The action is filmed with too many tight shots and enough shaky camera to necessitate the viewer to take a Dramamine or two, probably to cover up the lack of a set or maybe to allow for more flaskbacks and hand holding of the cast. B roll is recycled so often that one wonders if the editing crew lost their will to live while trying to figure out what footage is wroth using. The frequent female vocalization is a feeble attempt to invoke sentiment but is just redundant and weak. The only real story telling was in the news clips at the beginning and the end of this "film". I would recommend that if one of going to watch this just watch the beginning news footage and the news footage over the credits and skip the rest as it is tedious and irrelevant. This steaming pile does not deserve to share its title with the original.
Shut Eye (2016)
Burn Notice goes LBGT
I am a big fan of Burn Notice and have liked Jeffery Donovan since his appearance on The Pretender. In Shut Eye he is back and just as good as ever, reprising a role as a sympathetic bad guy with a good heart. The writting is good enough to draw you in and care about the characters early on: something some writers have trouble doing these days. The scheming wife is a perfect complement to his character. Does she have to be bi-sexual? OK, maybe that helps sell her character a bit but the lesbian nude love scenes are over the top and add nothing to the story. There is no need to shove the LBGT agenda into everything and then be gratuitous about it. This show could have earned a higher rating but the not so secret agenda is the writter/producers comes with a price.
Robin and Marian (1976)
Never Meet Your Heros
The proposition that this film offers is compelling. An aging disillusioned legend returns home to find status quo. The Sheriff is still the Sheriff. King John is still King John and Marion has moved on. Robin's legend has grown beyond human proportions. Now he just wants to pickup where he left off after following his king for twenty years on the Crusades. What an intriguing premise.
As the movie slogs through 70's plodding story telling and long establishing scenes many interesting subplots are revealed. This piques the interest of the viewer and offers tantalizing possibilities. Alas, the possibility of this intrigue is ignored in favor of a more obvious and formulaic tale in heavy slow 1970s style. The movie tries to redeem itself with a twist ending but it just makes the entire experience hollow yet pointless.
This movie has an excellent cast, director, and cinematography. The acting is good as well. The realistic treatment of what living conditions might have been like in that era is excellent as well. However, that is no replacement for a bad script. This movie missed its mark which is too bad because it had the potential to be great.
Last Stop Garage (2017)
Bob and Doug MacKenzie do Alaskan Bush People
This show is clearly scripted. The people are real but they have help from the production crew. When the old men go scavenging for parts it's amazing how just the right part shows up hiding under a tree or a pile of junk. In season two they found a Crown Victoria front end with new tie rods under some junk at the yard. Possible? - yes. Probable? - no, especially with all the preaching about how scarce things are in Labrador. It's like the Alaskan Bush People preaching about how scarce things are in the bush while they run around with new tools and new clothes. (also a Discovery Channel program...hmm)
At least the characters are characters and quite charming (it's got to be the accents, eh?). This program is not to be taken two seriously. It is somewhere between The Red Green Show and Second City. It's like Bob and Doug MacKenzie had been binge-watching Vegas Rat Rods and reruns of Alaskan Bush People and said, "we can do that, eh". The show is entertaining. Just don't take it too seriously, you hoser.