gfischer Reviews

Gerry (2002)

A really, really stupid movie

[11 March 2004]

This movie is incredibly stupid, and as far as I'm concerned, pointless and utterly without redeeming merit. I don't know who is dumber, the two protagonists for having gotten themselves into that predicament, the people responsible for producing this piece of crap, or me for watching the whole thing (which I was only able to do by running it at 150% speed and playing solitaire on the side). I felt I had to see it all before making this comment, which I hope will discourage others from wasting time watching it. The scenery and photography were fairly nice. Death Valley is very photogenic. How they thought they were going to find their way back by going from a brushy environment into stark desert is an interesting mystery. Those clowns would have washed out of the Cub Scouts.

Loser Love (1999)

This is really, really bad!!

[1/10 · 27 January 2004]

I find it very hard to believe that as of this writing five of the one dozen people who have voted for this abysmal piece of crap gave it a score of 10. Somebody must be stacking the deck. I only suffered through the whole thing so I could justifiably make this comment.

Other Voices (2000)

This one hits an all time low

[1/10 · 14 June 2003]

I've never encountered dialogue before where entire statements, indeed whole conversations, include the "F" word in every single sentence. The only possibly redeeming quality it has is that the sound is so bad you can't deciper a lot of it. For some peculiar reason I watched the whole thing to see if it could get any worse, and it did. If there was any point to any of it, I guess it was in some of the conversations I couldn't understand.

Ghost Ship (2002)

They need a lawyer

[2 May 2003]

Somebody should have run this script by someone who knew a little about marine affairs and law of the sea. Murphy says 'under international maritime law, anything found in international water belongs to the finder.' It ain't so. Laws of salvage apply. In this case they should go to the nearest U.S. District Court, "arrest" the wreck, and file a claim in admiralty. If no owner can be found, and no other claim exists, it is 'finders keepers.' In this case, the owners or insurance company would own the stuff, and the salvors would 'receive a liberal salvage award,' after proving the ship was in peril, and their salvage voluntary and successful. - A Sea Lawyer Who Just Has to Show Off.

Inferno (I) (2002)

Perhaps an all time worst movie

[1/10 · 28 March 2003]

I often watch movies which are poorly rated and severely criticized, and feel many viewers were missing some significant points; satire, fantasy, surrealism, etc., which reviewers mistake as serious elements of the film. Inferno was roundly criticized for a large number of faults, with which I find myself in complete agreement. And I could add a number of others. I'm interested in forest fires, which is why I went ahead and rented it. In another incarnation I was foreman of a U.S. Forest Service tank truck and fire crew. In fact I grew up in the USFS and around fires. From the technical aspect of the film it is utter, complete and unmitigated B.S. I think Janet Gunn reached her professional peak as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, and is sliding down from there. I hope the rest of the cast and crew have other day jobs. This one really, really stinks, and is totally without redeeming merit.

Eye See You (2002)

Might have been OK, but the sound track is so bad I couldn't tell.

[20 March 2003]

I infrequently comment on movies, but feel the critiques of Eye See You (D-Tox) missed a very important point. I didn't have particularly high expectations when I rented this thing, and anticipated a B movie I could watch without experiencing an epiphany. There have been a lot of critical comments which I think missed a significant failing entirely. The sound track sucks! It is about as bad as any film I've ever seen. I had trouble figuring out what was going on because I could barely understand the dialogue. Imbd said it was subtitled. My DVD was not. The CC was hopelessly fouled up, so it was no help. The sound was so bad I kept backing up to try to figure out what was said, and often could not. The film may have been OK, but I can't lip read, so I'll never know. I see why release was limited and delayed.

Rancid Aluminum (2000)

A misunderstood parody

[7/10 · 11 January 2003]

I'm often amused, and sometimes amazed, at the negative reviews given for films which I enjoyed, and where I think the reviewers missed the point of the whole thing. This was roundly criticized by several reviewers who evaluated it entirely as an attempt at serious action/drama, and overlooked the satire and tongue-in-cheek nature of the whole thing. The story was not only unbelievable, but fantastic. The characterization were shallow because they are caricatures; the bumbling son and heir, his avaricious and disloyal "friend" and partner who engages in an absurdly elaborate scheme to gain control of his business; the type cast Russian "Mafioso," their "femme fatale," whose bizarre actions go beyond the absurd. I think the scenario where our hero tries to establish an airtight alibi by producing a condom with DNA material from both him and her (despite the fact he could have produced the real thing a few hours earlier) is one of the funniest sequences I've ever seen in a movie. Lighten up out there! You missed a very funny movie.