antiwolf Reviews

The Core (2003)

Pretty Awful...

[3/10 · 18 June 2003]

It was a hot day, and we just wanted to get some air conditioning. This movie was pretty horrid, but the sad thing was that it was the best movie choice available.

If you took out the cliches there would be no movie left. And why is it that producers assume that science fiction fans don't mind bad science?

Mars Attacks! (1996)

Great movie!

[9/10 · 18 June 2003]

If you seek out old, cheezy sci-fi movies, you'll love this one. If you wouldn't be caught dead watching an Ed Wood movie, you may hate it. This movie does what it sets out to do quite well.

Quark (1977–1978)

Cheesy Fun

[18 June 2003]

I watched the Quark in 1978, and was sorry to see it go. It was fun to get the chance to watch it again. It does a pretty good job of spoofing science fiction movies. It fails a bit when it uses standard (for the time) sitcom gags.

Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe (1940)

A fun serial

[7/10 · 18 June 2003]

It's better than a lot of the dreck produced today. It is best not to watch it all at once, but watch one episode a day. When I consider how low the budget was, and how long ago this was made, it adds to the appreciation of this.

For example, making a cliff face look like a plausible ice wall by opening the iris wide to let in more light. It's full of cliches - sort of. But remember, they weren't cliche at the time.

It is interesting that Ming seems rather reasonable in this - not the over-the-top monster we have come to know and loath - and love!

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

I rally wanted to love this movie.

[8/10 · 18 December 2002]

I really really wanted to love this movie. I loved Fellowship, I found it nearly flawless. I give a 10/10 for the acting and the special effects. If I have never read the books, I would have been absolutely flawed by this movie. Some of the changes detracted from this movie, but not terribly.

But the fundemental changed made to Faramire (compare him in the book to the movie - not merely changed but the opposite) seriously undermined the whole plot of the trilogy.

Still, I have this an 8/10. On its own merits, it is excellent. But changes were made that weakened the story for no good reason...

Capricorn One (1977)

Plot holes you could launch a rocket through.

[5/10 · 8 November 2002]

This movie was made to cash in on the conpiracy buffs who believed the Moon Landing was a fake. I have heard from people who actually thought there was a fake Mars mission, not realizing it was a movie plot! The FOX special questioning the moon landing was a joke.

The first part of the movie drags by, and the last half is implausible. The conspiracy grows to greater and greater size, and the events are not believable. The black helicopters chasing the astronauts actually turn to face each other several times, as if they were people who had to turn to face each other to talk.

There are too many times that things are pulled out of thin air just to advance the plot. Cheesy, but worth seeing once.

Doctor Who: The Five Doctors (1983) Season 20, Episode 23

Fun seeing the Doctors all together.

[8/10 · 23 October 2002]

It would have been more fun if they could have gotten Tom Baker instead of just using a couple clips of him, but it was a very fun adventure. It also gave me exposure to some of the other Doctors that I had never seen before.

A Boy and His Dog (1975)

I made the mistake of leaving my brain turned on while watching...

[4/10 · 23 October 2002]

I gave this movie a 4, only because since I am still thinking about it a day after indicates that it must have something going for it. I had difficulty suspending disbelief while watching this movie. Perhaps I just couldn't find the post-apocalyptic world even vaguely plausible.

I also found the main character to be unsympathetic with no redeeming qualities at all. Perhaps it is just "PC" of me (Is anyone else sick of the people who parrot PC! PC! To any objections? That is simply another form of PC itself), but I just couldn't care about the main character, a nomadic rapist.

The underground society strikes me as the Morlocks and the Eloi rolled into one. The movie tries to deliver a critique of how repressive society can be, but since the main character is at least as despicable as the leaders of the underground society, the impact is lost. The main character's life as a nomadic rapist is hardly any better then the socially and sexually repressed underground society.

I also could not buy the idea that the relationship between the boy and the dog was a friendly one. "Albert" is rather cruel to the dog throughout the movie. I probably would have liked the movie, except for the final scene which ruined it for me.

I suppose someone might like this movie if they like sex with women, but don't happen to actually like women at all.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

At least it is better than The Fandom Menace.

[6/10 · 26 May 2002]

It's better than The Fandom Menace, but that doesn't say much, just about everything is better than that.

It doesn't hold a candle to Episode IV, A New Hope (The REAL Star Wars). I do have to say it gets better towards the end, when it relies on action. One problem is the movie tries to explain to much, and the explanations just don't make sense.

Also, the love story just doesn't work. Anakin's seems rather psychopathic in his confessions of lust.

Xiao lao hu (1973)

Rather slow, and doesn't really star Jackie Chan.

[3/10 · 26 May 2002]

Jackie Chan is credited as the star of this movie, but he really is not. He is a major supporting actor, but not the star. It's just been packaged to highlight his name. I found the movie slow and rather boring. I enjoy watching Jackie Chan movies, but this one just did not hold my interest. Possibly because the movies he starred in were a lot better than ones where he merely appeared in.

The Creature Wasn't Nice (1981)

I can feel my mind slipping away...

[1/10 · 21 May 2002]

I came into this expecting it to be bad. I had no idea how bad it was. The title suggested it might be in the Naked Gun/Airplane style of humor, which when it works is good, when it doesn't can be mildly amusing. I don't know what it was.

It makes me wonder if the director had actually even seen a movie in his life. Perhaps it was an experiment to see what would happen if you took someone who had lived his whole life in a dark mildewy closet with only half a moldy, mildewy rat for a playmate, and set him loose behind a movie camera.

Actually, 90 minutes of watching someone sitting in a dark mildewy closet, playing with a dismembered moldy mildewy rat would be more entertaining than this piece of garbage.

Titus (1999)

The director has no clothes.

[9 May 2002]

The movie looks as if they took every set ever made, threw them into a cuisinart, and randomly threw splotches on the screen. It's all static that gets in the way of the story. Forget historically accurate, this movie isn't even vaguely internally consistent.

The Return of the King (1980 TV Movie)

Butchered.

[4/10 · 25 April 2002]

This movie butchers The Return of the King, and doesn't stand well on its own. The transitions between Gondor and Mordor are sloppy. At one point, the scenes in Mordor get so far ahead of those in Gondor that they had to add narration at Mount Doom saying "Sam searched for Frodo for days..." when the subsequent events took place only seconds later.

The narration could have been far more effective. In this movie, there is a lot of narration, but it is usually pointless. They cut a lot of the book out, yet fill in few of the gaps with explanations.

And the songs..."where there's a whip, there's a way" has to be a low point in cinema.

The Lord of the Rings (1978)

A bit underrated.

[7/10 · 27 March 2002]

This movie is not fantastic, but is pretty good. It won't stand up well with the new LotR movies, but that doesn't take anything away from this movie. The movie is pretty true to the book, although it is VERY rushed. Many of the visual effects are rather hokey.

This movie would have been better recieved if the second part would have been finished.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

The granddaddy of fantasy stories.

[10/10 · 20 March 2002]

If elements of Lord of the Rings seem familiar to you, it is because other books and movies have borrowed heavily from LotR. To have covered every scrap of material from Fellowship of the Ring would have made it not 3 but probably about 9 hours long all by itself.

Lord of the Rings is, without question, the book of the 20th century. If any novel of the 20th century is still read 500 years from now, it will be LotR.

This was an excellent movie. It's a shame that when something comes along with actual depth it goes over some people's heads. It definately isn't "kid stuff".

The Majestic (2001)

A muddle

[5/10 · 13 March 2002]

I liked the first half of this movie, but from then on, I wondered, where are you going with this? And why? The movie began to get less and less plausible as it went along. He tells of the House Unamerican Activities Committee, and gets away with it. He pays no price, indeed getting applause by those in attendance, and gets a hero's welcome at the small town he decided to make his home.

In reality, he would have had his career ended, and maybe gone to prison. Those who agreed with him would not have dared applaud for fear of coming under suspicion themselves.

But more than the implausibility is the rather jaring mixed messages. The price that those who died or were injured in the war was made clear, however, the hero of the story pays no price - he continues with his career, and only walks away by his own choice. It's easy to take a stand when there is no price to pay. The movie would have been far better if he had paid a price, been blackballed or gone to jail for his convictions.

The Wild World of Batwoman (1966)

Terrible... but fun!

[1/10 · 1 March 2002]

This movie was awful, rivalling Troll II. But I had lots of fun and laughs. In this movie, Batwoman runs a cult-like organization which allegedly fights crime. Actually, it seems more like they simply witness crime, but don't lift a finger to help! They might break a nail after all...

The "batgirls", as her minions are known, even have a formality for dispensing with formalities. When one of them is kidnapped, does Batwoman rush into action? No, she calls a meeting a few hours later, and they go through all the formal rituals, etc.

It's a terrible movie, but it is a lot of fun. The girls dancing is probably the best part of it.

Pleasantville (1998)

Warning: This movie contains ideas! ;-)

[10/10 · 16 February 2002]

I love this movie. It's a good companion piece to "The Truman Show": Both movies have similar themes that complement each other well. I can see that some people who thought they were just getting a simple, mindless comedic romp might not like it.

The movie is a fairy tale, and as such you have to let some of the implausibilities slide. However, "fairy tale" does not mean "kid stuff" - not until Disney came along were the two so closely equated.

Many people are nostalgic for a perfect past, but this perfect past never really existed. The point of the movie isn't "have sex and you'll become enlightened." The point is that having real experiences and engaging with life will open up your mind. In the movie, what really opens people's minds is art and the Library.

The movie isn't "preachy" it just contains ideas. You are free to accept, reject or ignore them, but I do not think that an expectation of an idea-free zone is reasonable.

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)

Worst Film ever made? Hardly!

[3/10 · 16 February 2002]

I've seen hundreds of films that make Ed Wood look like a cinematic genius. Plan 9 is wonderfully bad, but there are so many worse films. It's not even Ed Wood's worst film - that might be "Glen or Glenda."

The worst thing about this film is the special effects - the spaceships flop about wildly on strings, and the cardboard tombstones wobble and flop over. The film does a poor job of simulating night scenes in daytime.

The premise is a bit screwy - aliens want out attention, and apparently, Plans 1 through 8 didn't work, so they raise the dead to get our attention. Maybe Plan 42 involves landing in Times Square and actually saying "hi." The film does go off on a long speech near the end when the alien explains what he wants - you get the point LONG before he finishes.

But it is fun, I can forgive the special effects - how can you not forgive something that gives you such a good laugh? If you want the real worst, check out the bottom 100 films list - it will make you appreciate just how good a director Ed Wood was... scary, isn't it?

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Makes Plan 9 look like Citizen Kane.

[1/10 · 13 February 2002]

Think on this: Had Ed Wood directed this movie, it would have been 1000 times better. Scary, huh? This movie is a true stinker on all levels. Even Joel and his Robot Pals didn't have a lot to work with, this movie is so bad.

A very thin plot, terrible music, interminable scenes of cars driving along just to stretch this out to movie length. To let the audience know that the evil minion is actually evil, they give him deformed legs. Well, that's bad enough, but they apparently do this by stuffing the knees of his pants with cloth.

The movie has a rather long scene of women wresting in the sand in white robes. It may be the high point of the movie, but it still is a low point in moviemaking. The women wresting isn't titilating at all, just in case this might have enticed you to watch.

The shots are poorly framed, with characters often only halfway on the screen. In scenes where there is a fire, the smoke keeps getting in the way. In one scene, shot at night, moths are everywhere.

The "cinematography" looks like a grade school project, shot on 8mm - and I mean 8mm movie film, not an 8mm camcorder!

It's not even spectacularly bad, or so bad it is funny - just awful. For something spectacularly bad, look for Troll II.

Troll 2 (1990)

Vegan cannibals?

[1/10 · 4 November 2001]

Let me get this straight. Goblins are semi-vegans eating only rotted milk and plants, are horrified by bacon and eggs AND go around eating people?

Does not compute.

Stop Dave.

I can feel it.

I can feel my mind slipping away.

Troll 2 (1990)

Wonderfully Awful...

[1/10 · 4 November 2001]

This movie stunk, it really stunk. I got a lot of laughs out of it. The movie began to parody itself towards the end. I think that they began to realize what a stinker it was, and decided to have fun with it. Better comedy than most comedies.

It's not gruesome, unless you find copious amounts of green-colored corn syrup gruesome. It won't disgust your friends who dislike graphic horror movies.

Ed Wood would be proud.

Spy Hard (1996)

Oh, why didn't I see a Pauly Shore film instead?

[3/10 · 2 November 2001]

Weird Al was funny as usual in the intro, but that was where the laughs ended. This movie tries to recapture the humor of Airplane and The Naked Gun, but fails miserably. It seems clear that the people who put this movie together did not even understand this type of humor.

In Airplane, the humor lies in taking logical steps from peculiar interpretations of events. "Surely your joking" "I'm serious, and don't call me Shirley." Now that's funny.

This movie, however, merely has gags without context.

Animal Farm (1999 TV Movie)

Orwell is spinning in his grave.

[1/10 · 11 September 2001]

If I had looked at the back of the video box, and seen that it was from Hallmark, I would have put it back on the fence. Thankfully, I checked it out from the library, so I didn't pay to watch this.

The grievances of the animals were valid. Orwell never repudiates Old Major's message, as does this movie. In the book, no animal wants the humans back. The movie shows that all the animals need is the right master, and everything will be happy.

This ain't Animal Farm. Read the book instead.

The Great Dictator (1940)

A Masterpiece

[10/10 · 22 August 2001]

It is a very funny movie, but it is by no means just light entertainment. The comedy got people to pay attention to a message that they might have ignored otherwise.

A the time, many people though that he treatment of Jews in Germany couldn't be as bad as was depicted in the film, but if anything, this movie is mild compared to the real thing.

It's important to remember that this movie was made when the US was fairly anti-semitic.

The movie was also contreversial because it didn't just take on Naziism, but oppression wherever it occurred. The final speech is about more than Naziism.