Meat_Trademark Reviews

Amélie (2001)

You have to see it. You have to see it.

[10/10 · 13 June 2002]

Oh my! I have yet to see a more beautiful love letter to film lovers and/or a city (Paris). After seeing this in the theater, I walked out with the biggest and most satisfying grin I've worn in a very, very long time. A few weeks later, I got my eager hands on a widescreen bootleg copy (don't worry, I'm buying a copy just as soon as the DVD is released here in U.S.) and was amazed at how many sequences I had forgotten. The film is stuffed with so many great scenes, it's no wonder. Nearly every second of this movie is beautifully photographed, very funny or touching, or just so amazing and inventive that you lose yourself to the progression of events. Usually, it is all of these things.

I am not someone who gives good reviews to all movies. Far from it. Sometimes I think I should refer to myself as a film-hater, as there are so many more movies I hate than love. Then something like Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain comes along and I love it so much I momentarily forget about crap like Snow Dogs or Princess Diaries or even - gasp - Glitter. This movie makes every bad piece of wasted celluloid almost worthwhile if it that's how the course of events has to be to produce something as awe-inspiring as the character and life of Amelie. (Yes, I realize that the above named movies were all from Hollywood, but France has its share of stinkers too.)

I love this movie and even the fact that it's kind-of a Romantic Comedy cannot dissuade my enjoyment or the big smile I wear (when I'm not laughing out loud) every time I watch it.

You have to see it. Double plus good!

Glitter (2001)

Are you sure there's no way to vote ZERO?

[1/10 · 13 June 2002]

Okay, without swear words...

This movies bites everything bad really hard.

Don't get me wrong. Even if a movie is BAD, I can still often get a kick out of it. Some bad films are so bad they're fun: Roadhouse, Kingdom of the Spiders ("starring" William Shatner), Orgy of the Dead, Cool as Ice, Battlefield Earth... This one's just plain bad. I'm not sure if I can EVER forgive myself for having watched it. I swear, my eyes and ears began bleeding about twenty minutes into it. Still, I waited for something so bad it was funny. It didn't happen. Just plain bad. No, not "just plain bad," but really bad. Really, really bad. I truly can't say how bad it was on this post without resorting to, and making up new, swear words.

That said, I was unfortunate enough to stumble upon some show on MTV about celebrities' homes during a segment about Pariah Careless herself. Let's just say that I used to think she was the Devil. Now I know that there are worse, more pretentious, and just all-around truly more terrible and terrifying things than the Devil. She's straight out of H P Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos. A slimy many-tentacled thing waiting to devour humankind's happiness to further its own demented, sickening Ends.

And if you think I'm being flippant or sarcastic, let me set the record straight: I am not religious, but I fear I may be in mortal danger for having exposed her as the the Evil Lurking Thing that she is. I pray to unknown benevolent gods that I never hear the wet, poison tentacle-claws scratching their way in through my door. I hope my death will be quick and painless when the Mariah-thing comes to reap my soul.

By the way, I really didn't like this movie at all.

Schizopolis (1996)

No quick summary possible...

[10/10 · 27 July 2000]

If big star Hollywood movies are your favorites, this might not be for you. You should give it a chance, though. It's very fun.

Schizopolis is an incredible treatise on communication and perception in a cinematic form. Supposedly, Soderberg made this movie as a way of cleansing his pallet.

(As pallet cleansing or writer's block bypassing projects go, it ranks up with the Coen brothers hitting a writer's block around the third act of Miller's Crossing, putting the project on hold and writing the screenplay for Barton Fink, a movie about an author with writer's block.)

Our concepts and perception of reality, especially about communication, seems to be the main playing ground for this movie. Schizopolis is an experimental project, yet flaunts its three act structure. The movie can give you new ways to think about daily life and reality, without resorting to sci-fi religious hogwash, which the movie also lampoons perfectly.

The movie has no credits, if that says anything. The movie's title is shown on a T-shirt worn by an otherwise naked man being chased. And that's just the start.

THX 1138 (1971)

Definite Top Ten Material

[10/10 · 27 July 2000]

THX 1138 was made to be viewed as not a movie about the future, but a movie from the future. If you lived in the future, it would all make perfect, obvious, boring sense. Viewed here in the past, the movie is a detailed glimpse of a beautifully realized dystopia. If at all possible, watch a widescreen version. There are copies and laserdisks out there. The movie is shot really wide and the pan-n-scan version completely changes the feeling of most of the film. If you've never seen it in theaters or from a widescreen copy, you won't know what you're missing and the movie is still great. It's so good that it's amazing it was ever made. If you've seen it before and are checking on the site just because, hunt down a widescreen version. You will not be disappointed. Don't wait forever for the DVD. If you haven't seen it, you REALLY should. Quite a few of us think it is George's best work.

L'ange (1982)

Required viewing, but hard to find.

[10/10 · 20 July 2000]

Ah, yes... L'Ange...

You probably won't find this one on the shelf at Blockbuster or any of the larger chains, but that's why indy stores are better.

I'd really like to tell you about the film, but I can't. Even though I've seen it many times, the "plot?" escapes me. It's the look and feel of the thing that gives it its guaranteed cult status. Five years in the making, L'Ange is a masterpiece of image editing and manipulation. Especially for being made from 1977-1982. Well worth the search. Of course, you could probably just order a copy at your local privately owned video store for about $30. Beats watching watching Hollywood claptrap by a long chalk!

To talk about the scenes themselves almost feels like a spoiler. They're best experienced without prior knowledge (at least the first time) or expectations. Just know that it's not typical (almost no dialogue) and not passive (crazy violin!) and definitely not marketable (L'Ange action figures!) like a typical project.

Ah, yes. The Angel.