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Reviews
Naked Fame (2004)
Grown men behave like 12-yer-old girls . . . and it's hilarious!
Forget any angst-ridden documentary! This film is really an out and out comedy about a 40-yer-old porn star whose goal in life is to sing junky circuit party songs. The only problem? Colton Ford can't sing! And the film cuts away whenever he appears to be ready to burst into song. Yet Ford and equally vapid boyfriend Blake Harper whine and primp and run around in their tank tops, determined to make dreams come true. Even funnier is "manager" Kyle who appears to have the I.Q. of a turnip and whose collagen-injected lips look like a bee stung him. How can grown men be so self-delusional? Bwa ha ha! As for the documentary, the filmmakers don't appear to have any POV and the film is poorly structured and wildly uneven. Very little background information is provided about the three leads. Such an inclusion might have made the three seem like something other than aging West Hollywood stereotypes.
Contadora Is for Lovers (2006)
The Worst Flick I Ever Rented from Netflix!
This absolutely horrible update of the rotten Daryl Hannah flick Summer Lovers is quite simply the worst film ever made. Yup, it's even worse than The Brown Bunny or The Room. Inept camera-work, lousy sound, grade z "acting" more appropriate for a middle school play--I laughed and laughed at the sheer awfulness. Most everything is photographed in long shot--the budget must have been about $1.50--and yet the camera goes out of focus even when trying to accomplish the simplest zoom. I think I even noticed a thumb down in the lower left hand corner during one of the "scenic" montages! That gaffe reminded me of an old Flintstones episode in which Fred shot a whole roll of film but left his thumb over much of the lens for each snap. But the most unintentionally hilarious moment occurs when moronic Gabe, an eternally grinning tour guide, starts to mash with a sleeping male guest on the beach. In the right upper corner of the frame there are giant crabs ambling about near the performers! You'll be waiting for one of the actors to scream in pain during this scene, not thinking about any erotic charge. Good lord, I couldn't imagine anyone not moving the camera so as to get the giant crabs out of the shot! Please note: I'd bet my entire life savings that the outrageously superlative reviews for this turkey are courtesy of the director.