quahogq Reviews

Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man (1994–1997)

Best show............EVER!!!!!

[24 November 2000]

Oh...My...GOD!!! Is it humanly possible to make a television series greater than Duckman? The answer is simple: No, it is not. Why is this show so great? Well, let's see, the writing, the characters, the storylines, the social commentary, the animation... The list could go on and on. This show has been canceled for quite some time (since 1997) but re-runs currently show on Comedy central at some ungodly hour of the night/morning. It doesn't promise to stay there for very long, though. If you want to see this series, start recording it whenever you get the chance. I am currently lucky enough to have almost the entire series on tape. Be sure to pay special atention to the following episodes, which are the best DM has to offer:

America the Beautiful- One of the most biting social commentaries ever shown on TV! It also has a VERY catchy song at the end of the show...

The Once and Future Duck: The most popular DM episode.

Pig Amok: Hilarity in it's purest form.

Noir Gang: My fav episode.

About Face: Some interesting bits of drama and character development.

Role With it: Some more interesting bits of drama and character development.

Bev Takes a Holiday: another fav of mine.

LOVE! ANGER! KVETCHING!: See for Joe Walsh's special version of "Life's been Good" sung towards the end.

Four Weddings Inconceivable: The final episode.

I,Duckman: The first episode.

Gripes of Wrath: A classic!

Psyche: A rather subtle landmark episode that also happens to be excruciantingly funny.

Joking the Chicken: See for Duckman's brilliant speech at the end.

It's a Thing of the Principal: Funny!

Cock Tales for Four: Why didn't this get an emmy!?

The Girls of Route Canal: Hilarious spoof of "The Bridges of Madison County."

Research and Destroy: Great spoof on the film Brazil and office/corporate life in general.

Papa Oom M.O.W. M.O.W.: Funny!

Hamlet 2: Hilarious spoof on Hamlet.

Exile in Guyville: Funny!

Not so Easy Riders: Funny!

Clip Job: Easily the best clip show ever produced! Very self-aware.

The Amazing Collosal Duckman: Funny!

From Brad to Worse: Funny!

Bonfire of the Panties: Funny!

A Room with a Bellevue: Another popular episode.

Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)

Best movie ever

[10/10 · 24 June 2000]

This movie rocks! It is even better than the original masterpiece, Pumpkinhead. It has great special FX, a great plot, and excellent atmosphere and direction. The monster Pumpkinhead is portrayed brilliantly here. He is still that wonderful and downright scary demon of vengeance that we knew in the first film, but in Pumkinhead 2, Pumpkinhead is a more sympathetic and interesting character. The human characters here are likeable (with the exception of the Teenagers which were never supposed to be likeable). The acting was rather campy and wooden though, but that's OK. I can apreciate cheese in my movies.

Bottom line: Pumpkinhead 2 is the best movie EVER made! It must be seen by everyone! 10/10

P.S.- I wrote a comment for this film before but I don't think it took.

Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)

Best movie ever!

[10/10 · 23 June 2000]

I loved this movie! It had a great plot that was also very suspenseful. The special effects were excellent. Pumpkinhead was portrayed brilliantly here. The film remained faithful to Pumpkinhead's original personality, design, and purpose (revenge), while at the same time making him somewhat sympathetic. The kills in this movie were good and gory (although there may not be enough blood to satisfy extreme or critical gorehounds) as well as fairly creative. The acting was also pretty good. The characters were somewhat dull and pedictable but they were likeable enough to make the viewer care about their fates.

Bottom line- The best movie ever made. Pumpkinhead 2 must be seen by everyone!

Zombie! vs. Mardi Gras (1999 Video)

Yea!

[10/10 · 12 June 2000]

What a movie! What magic! I have never seen anything like this wonderful gem. Zombies. Gore. Nudity. Goofiness. Silliness. Funniness. Baddness. All of these things can be found in the classic B-movie known as Zombie! vs Mardi Gras. The plot is confusing, and I had to watch it twice before I knew exactly what was going on, and even now, the ending still has me a bit lost. The confusing plot is just part of the fun. The whole movie is like a zombie lover on an acid trip. The gore is so fake its funny. The humor is delightfuly bizarre. The zombie rock. This is an instant favorite movie to any guy who likes zombie or B-movies. See it! My rating, 10/10.

Carnosaur (1993)

Great movie!!!!!!

[10/10 · 6 May 2000]

This is one of my all time favorite movies. I believe it is excellent in almost every way. The only reason everyone on this page hates this movie was because the special effects couldn't compete with Jurrasic Park. They may say they disliked it for other reasons, but in reality, they are just kidding themselves and trying to find flaws that aren't there so they look like they aren't effects-hungry morons who can't enjoy a film unless it has at least 10 minutes worth of CGI. Also, this movie asks its audience to suspend its disbelief, due to the fact the plot isn't very realistic, but as usual, the American people aren't willing to do that and just want to be mindlessly entertained. First off, the plot, while unrealistic, is very creative and inteligent. The style is very creepy and depressing. The fact that this movie is filled with black humor and delights in vulgar nastiness makes this a very strange film indeed, but this is very refreshing due to the fact that it's a dinosaur movie (how many other dinosaur movies do you know about that are like this one?) and the style never detracts from the fun-factor. The acting is excellent and the characters are much more interesting than any that were in Jurrasic Park. Also, the special effects are not bad. While not excellent by any standard, they are still, fun, creepy, and convincing. You never see any zippers, strings, holes, or other such flaws, and the dinosaurs never appear to be "floating" or anything like that. And lastly, (A) despite popular belief, a raptor never laughs at any point. There is one scene where one grunts and breathes hard, and it does sound a bit like laughter, but it was obviously not intended to sound that way, and (B) this is not a Jurrasic Park rip-off. Rip-offs steal ideas and stories. Carnosaur doesn't do this. It was definitely made to cash in on the success of Jurrasic Park, but is a very different movie overall. So in conclusion, I think Carnosaur simply RULES!!!!!!!!!! To all you people badmouthing it, I hope a green and mean raptor visits you tonight...

Ghoulies IV (1994 Video)

Great! A favorite

[3 May 2000]

This fourth instalment in the Ghoulies saga keeps the greatness of the series alive. This film is funny (both intentionally and unintentionally), Cheesy, and just plain FUN! It involves a sexy Satan-worshiping babe trying to invoke the evil side of her goody-goody ex-boyfriend in the flesh by killing innocent people in strange black-magic rituals (if that makes sense).

Her ex just happens to be the hero from part 1. During one of her rituals, she accidently raises a pair of Ghoulies (named "Lite" and "Dark"). These two have the same wise-cracking personas of the Ghoulies from part 3, but there is a little twist here. In Ghoulies 4, the Ghoulies are the good guys, and they set out to stop the Satan-Worshiping babe's evil plans.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

One of my all time favorite horror movies (possible spoilers)

[10/10 · 27 April 2000]

So far, I have only seen parts 2 and 4 in this series. Part 4 was OK, but part 2 simply rocked. Since I haven't seen the first one, I could enjoy the constant use of footage from part 1 featured during the first half of the movie (about a half hour of footage from part one is used here). The plot was interesting and more complicated than your average slasher film. The character of Ricky is very well developed. We learn his feelings about his brother's actions first, then we learned more about his life and how he was eventualy driven to murder. He doesn't actually don the Santa suit untill the last 15 minutes or so, and by the time he does, we completely understand what makes him tick. We pity him, hate him, admire him, and fear him all at once. The script is well written and suspensful, and by the time the climax comes around, we are on the edge of our seats. The acting ranges from average to awful, and the dialogue is completely awful, but these don't detract from the film too much since it provides some much needed humor to the grim story, even if it is unintentionaly funny. The directing is pretty simple (point and shoot), but there are a few scary scenes and kills, but most of the mayhem is only good for a cheap thrill, and a very fun cheap thrill at that. Overall, this is one of the best horror movies I have ever seen and a very fun film. SEE IT!!!! I give Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 **** out of ****.

Carnosaur 3: Primal Species (1996)

See the first two instead...

[10/10 · 12 April 2000]

Carnosaur 1 and 2 are two of my all-time favorite movies, but I have to admit that part 3 bites. It lacks the originality and creepiness of part one and the suspense and entertainment factor of part 2. It is just another brainless gore/action flick with no interesting characters or decent acting. The special effects are on the same level of the first two, so you know they aren't going to help. It may be worth seeing if you are a die-hard Carnosaur fan like me, or if you are looking for a good cheese flick but otherwise, just avoid it. I give Carnosaur 3 ** out of ****.

Carnosaur (1993)

Great movie

[10/10 · 12 April 2000]

To all you people who hated this movie, give it a break! It really is not that bad and I personally think it is one of the best movies ever made. The story was highly original for a dinosaur movie. Granted, Women giving birth to dinosaurs is a tad hard to swallow but it is at least partially explained and it is interesting if you are willing to suspend your disbelief for a while. Pretty darned scary as well. The dinosaurs in this movie LOOK good even though their movements are WAY too stiff and awkward, even for a low-budget movie. I do like the way the dinosaurs were portrayed in Carnosaur, though. Most Dino movies try to evoke two things out of the audience with the dinosaurs: fear and wonder. This movie couldn't give a lump of dino-crap for any wonder surrounding the dinos. The slimy, drooling, and grotesque dinosaurs of Carnosaur are very frightening if you can get over the way they stiffly move around. I think people just hate the critters of Carnosaur because they were spoiled by the special effects of Jurrasic Park. The acting in this movie is very good and anyone complaining about it is clutching at straws. The characters were also not nearly as stereotypical as the ones in Jurrasic Park. Oh, and lastly, this is NOT a ripoff of Jurrasic Park. It was undoubtedly made to cash in on the popularity of that film, and both movies do feature dinosaurs, but that is it. Carnosaur and Jurrasic Park are two very different movies. I give Carnosaur **** out of ****.

Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

sexy fun

[12 April 2000]

Invasion of the bee girls is a unique little movie purely because of its premise: Sexy women, er, loving guys to death to take over the world. Sounds great, huh? The fact that these deadly babes are "bee" girls really isn't that important. They could be just about anything and the premise would still sell tickets. Is this premise well used, though? The answer is, not entirely. For a movie that focuses on sex, there is a surprising absence of sex in the movie. In fact there are only 3 "love" scenes in the whole movie. This wouldn't be so bad if they filled in the rest of the movie with something interesting. Instead, the filmmakers filled in the time with a bunch of "officials" just wandering around wondering what killed all the men. There are a few additional nude scenes (not sex scenes though) scattered about that make the more pointless scenes bearable, but the movie would be better if it were played as more of a camp/comedy/action/horror/porn flick rather than a dull mystery yarn. There is a surprising lack of humor in all this as well. The filmmakers even go as far as to put looks of fear and pain on the faces of the bee girls' mates rather than go for the obvious joke of putting smiles on them. This review may sound like I hate this movie but in fact, it is just the opposite. This movie is a real favorite of mine. This is probably due to the premise, which is alone worth the price of admission, the excellent acting, the sex (of course), and the well-done but scarce cheese/humor elements. I give Invasion of the Bee Girls **** out of **** but most viewers would probably rate it a * or ** out of ****.

Carnosaur 2 (1995)

Best dinosaur movie ever made

[10/10 · 11 April 2000]

To all you people badmouthing this movie, I have this to ask: What the heck were you expecting? Another Jurassic Park? An epic dinosaur movie with the most mind-blowing special effects since Aliens? If you were, than I am seriously tempted to smack you on the side of the head and start ranting about how mind-numbingly stupid you are, but I think I will stick to the subject at hand and explain why I love this movie so much. First of all, the special effects were good. Not great by any standard but still good. The dinosaurs LOOKED good but their movements were a bit stiff. Secondly, the acting was good and the characters were well developed and likeable. Next, there was some genuine suspense in this movie. Granted, you can kind of tell who is going to survive from the begining, but the action moves at such a great pace that you soon forget that it is obvious who will live. Just in case you don't forget, there is a nice plot twist towards the end involving the (spoiler ahead! spoiler ahead!) fate of the female lead that will keep you on edge for the rest of the film. True, it is not very original (in fact it is a downright ripoff of ALIENS) but I wouldn't worry about that too much since the film just works so well. This is a must-see. I give Carnosaur 2 **** out of ****.

Night of the Seagulls (1975)

My favorite horror movie of all time

[10/10 · 25 February 2000]

I can not think of anything bad to say about this movie. It has everything- Goth, zombies, gore, virgin sacrifices, good acting, likeable characters, scares, and fun. If you have not seen this movie you are not leading a complete life! See it now!!!!!

Retro Puppet Master (1999 Video)

Fun seventh chapter

[10/10 · 23 February 2000]

It is great to see a new batch of puppets creating havoc in this series. I found this chapter a lot of fun. In fact, it would probably be my second favorite in the series. This movie has very little violence and is only rated PG-13. This is notably different from the other R-rated puppet master movies which were loaded with gore and violent mayhem. The lack of violence does not diminish the fun though. This film also has notably better special effects than the last movie in this series. Good.

Return of the Evil Dead (1973)

Cool sequel

[10/10 · 23 February 2000]

This is a superior sequel to Tombs of the blind dead. The characters are more interesting, the action is more abundant, and the templar zombies get more screen time. While this doesn't even come close to the best instalment in this series (Night of the Seagulls) it is still a good watch. In the end, the only complaint I had about this movie was that the gore level was toned down. Still good, though.

Gamera: Super Monster (1980)

My favorite movie of all time (Warning! Review may contain some minor Spoilers)

[10/10 · 28 January 2000]

Many Kaiju fans hate this film for its constant use of stock footage. In fact, most of the special FX were stock footage and the few new ones were really cheap, but if you can see past these flaws, Super Monster becomes a very charming, appealing, and entertaining movie. The plot revolves around a young boy whose pet turtle turns into Gamera, the Super Monster of the title,(or something like that anyway) in order to rid the world of an army of monsters created by the pirate aliens of Zanon who want to take over the world. Gamera is assisted in his mission by his former boy master and a trio of Space Women. Out to stop the heros is an evil space woman named Giloki. Stock footage battle after stock footage battle then ensues.

Ironicly, though, the stock footage adds to the film rather that detracts from it. This is the last of the classic Gamera series and re-showing all of Gamera's battles is like taking a fun little stroll down memory lane. It is a thrill to remember a great series greatest moments. It kind of plays like a "memories of" special of a famous television series. The few new special effects sequences that were in the film were very well done considering the budget. I personally think that when Gamera arrives for the first time in the movie by flying over the city is the high point of the entire series. The human elements of the story were also very well done and very appealing in a child-like sort of way.

So in conclusion, you will probably hate this movie the first time you see it but if you give it a chance you will learn to like it. I just learned to love it and know it is my favorite movie of all time.