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Como agua para chocolate (1992)
Hollywood ad nauseum
I saw this film dubbed in English. Fortunately, the theatre staff lowered the admission to compensate for this crime against humanity. In this case, the dubbing made it impossible to take the film seriously. But even if we ignore the horrible voice acting and lip synching problems (which were vaguely reminiscent of the old Godzilla movies I used to see at YMCA daycare when I was little), this movie is still sappy. So maudlin and overdone, in fact, that I would disagree with all the comments praising "Like Water for Chocolate" to be a refreshing change from Hollywood. It seemed like the director compressed the 10 soapiest films Hollywood has ever spawned (including a twisted version of Romeo and Juliet, surprise surprise) into the longest 116 minutes I've ever experienced. (1) Vaguely sentimental, shapeless music with no definite theme pervades the entire film, even in funeral scenes, which (2) there are a lot of. The director randomly kills off characters attempting to get our sympathy. It backfires. I was more or less laughing (when I wasn't half asleep) throughout the entire movie. (3) Soapy plot disguised as a 'true love' movie. Just one example: Pedro professes his undying love for Tita and wish to marry approximately 10 minutes after having met her. This happens multiple times with different characters). While this may be forgivable, a contradiction in the plot ruins the whole love aspect. Namely, the director fails to convey exactly why Tita prefers Pedro (the stupid horny moron) over the (obviously more sympathetic) Dr. Brown. This completely screws over his story and makes a mockery of all the emotion in the film, especially when the director essentially forces this Romeo and Juliet-esq love onto the characters. (4) Which are quite one dimensional characters. We have the evil bad hypocritical tyrannical mother, the irrepressibly fun loving servant, the Casanova letch, the calm friendly doctor... all of which are presented with all of and only these character traits (The evil mother never is shown humanely, the good doctor is without blemishes, etc. etc. &c.) How can this movie be a refreshing change from Hollywood when it has all these elements? This emperor has no clothes.
The Patriot (2000)
it's Hollywood
After I left the theatre, I was wondering why I went to see this movie in the first place; I think I was another victim of a movie trailer that seemed interesting. I'm quite happy I was able to secure student admission (5.50) as opposed to the 7.00 regular price because, in a sense, "The Patriot" was worth about 1/2 of every penny. I got the feeling that Gibson extorted the $15 odd million contract from the producer as a sort of insurance against the movie being a failure. In this case, it was a good idea on his part. I'd hate to see a decent actor's reputation get trashed...like the case of John Travolta and "Battelfield Earth".
the Bad about "The Patriot": (1)It's an inferior remake of Braveheart, set in America. 'Nuff said. (2)Dialogue. They paid Mel Gibson millions to spout cheesy one liners. Not just any one liners, we're talking about one liners of the same calibre of Harrison Ford's "Get off my plane" in Air Force One. One liners like you hear emanating from Bruce Campbell in "Evil Dead 3, Army of Darkness" (ie "Gimme some sugar, baby"). Other characters, like the reverend, have the same problem: "A shepherd has to defend his flock *meaningful pause* and sometimes fight off the wolves". (3)Plot: Sappy and unoriginal. The beginning scenes with the boy getting shot, house burning down, for example, were presented with little emotion; their only purpose was to turn Gibson from pacifist farmer to raging Revolutionary Rambo (hence comes the movie poster shot of Gibson loaded down with lots of muskets). (4)Historical Inaccuracy. Ok, I'm pretty anal about history, just read my review of U-571. On the other hand, I can accept artistic license. But when Hollywood starts rewriting history to puff up the good ol' USA image, it becomes a bit more than artistic license. I mean, the Brits are already up in arms about U-571 and the Patriot! If World War III between Europe and the United States is started by Hollywood, I said it first! ok, on to a few of the inaccuracies: -I seriously doubt that Tarleton massacred a village by burning them in a church or was nearly as brutal as he was portrayed in the film.
-In a similar vein, the Brits were portrayed as pretty bad. I guess the directors were scrounging for 'villains' (when in the Revolutionary war there were none) and decided to just vilify the British. Hey, its easy, fast, and cheap. -Until the advent of rifling in barrels, muskets were not very accurate. Revolutionary warfare was basically portrayed accurately in the film; the problem came up in the scene where Gibson and Sons slaughter 20 red coats with their sniper muskets. Not to mention all the guerrilla warfare where the colonials kill a red coat nearly every second with no casualties.
Good things: -the Battle Scenes were incredible. Bloody, epic, and very very cool. -Good acting by most of the cast, including Gibson et le francais. -Neat-O special effects.
Basically it boils down to entertainment that is severely marred by unoriginal directing and writing (ok, this is the same team who made the American "Godzilla", what should I expect?). Don't see it unless it's a matinee.
Mystery Men (1999)
quality satire
Reading many of the previous comments, Mystery Men seems like an excellent litmus test to sift out the humor-impaired from the rest of us who can appreciate quality satire. The former type whine about the cheesy special effects, the comicbookish plot, etc. but completely miss the point that Mystery Men is a very well-wrought parody. Just the tongue in cheek (corporate sponsorship, glasses parody, etc) portrayal of "Captain Amazing" should be enough to tell people HELLO THIS IS A VERY BLACK, VERY COMIC SATIRE. If you just can't appreciate quality humor (eg if you preferred the humor in Austin Powers 2 over the original) you should stay away from this movie. And please refrain from polluting the Mystery Men imdb listing with asinine comments.
Rajio no jikan (1997)
10/10 Japanese Comedy
Being a fan of Juzo Itami, I went to see "Welcome Back Mr. McDonald" (English title) expecting a dark comedy. I was pleasantly surprised. Though Mitani's film is much lighter than Itami's "Marusa no Onna" for example, I still was laughing out loud along with everyone else in the theatre over scenes like the Gameboy(tm)-playing security guard teaching frantic techies how to create the sound of a dam breaking over a mountain village with rice and a styrofoam cup. This is a cleverly filmed, intelligently written, and well-acted movie. I just wish recent films from Japan like "Rajio no Jikan", "Mononoke Hime" and "After Life" were given the credit they deserve in the United States.
U-571 (2000)
"Das Boot Light" at Best
(moot warning: this comment might reveal plot details on a predictable film)
U-571 was a disappointment, especially for a big fan of Wolfgang Petersen's "Das Boot". Basically, the plot is as ludicrous as it was fictional. It should serve as a warning to future directors never to make a one-sided propaganda 'war hero' movie ever again.
Negatives: (1) The plot is entirely in terms of Good and Evil. The 'Nazis' who originally commanded the U-571 are shown in one scene mowing down a boatload of shipwrecked helpless people ONLY to establish that they are Bad and deserve to be massacred later on by the Americans. The Americans, on the other hand, are all heroic patriots who are willing (like Trigger) to die for their country. And like Spielberg's mistake "Saving Private Ryan", the one German who the Americans save is the film's Benedict Arnold figure. "U-571" very much resembles old WWII era propaganda films in that respect.
(2) The plot is risible. In an early scene, the American sub is completely blown out of the water (twice) by one measly torpedo. And then there's the whole idea of 6-8 Americans mastering the control (passive sonar, engine room, etc) of an Unterseeboot, diving, shooting multiple torpedoes at and destroying another submarine without a skipper in a matter of minutes. THEN there's the scene where they pop up in front of the German destroyer and shoot a torpedo at it. Considering the destroyer is charging at the sub guns blazing its incredible that they survived long enough to get a shot off. Not only does the torpedo hit the oncoming frontal-profile destroyer, but it literally vaporizes the entire frickin' ship. The destroyer must have either been an oil tanker carrying liquid hydrogen in disguise or the U571 was equipped with nuclear torpedoes. In either case, I missed an important plot development.
(3) In terms of technical artistry and approprietness, this film is really pathetic. The creaks and groans and pops that are so awesome in "Das Boot" don't start until the U571 goes below 200 meters. The director, who seems to just imitate Petersen's film (Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery aside), just doesn't capture the tense atmosphere and claustrophobia. The omnipresent, bland, vaguely patriotic theme music doesn't even come close to Klaus Doldinger's excellent soundtrack for "Das Boot".
(4) Predictable. This goes along with (1); obviously the Good heroes don't die, they kill all the Bad Guys, and save the world etc.
(5) Dedicating the film to the men who 'risked their lives' to get the Enigma machines is, bluntly, stupid. Most of the Enigma coders were not obtained in ludicrous commando raids (big surprise!), but usually were taken when a U-boot emergency surfaced and was intercepted by a BRITISH destroyer before the skipper destroyed the books and scuttled the ship.
Positives: (1) Decent acting and cast.
(2) Spectacular sfx, which, though not appropriate (ie. destroyer going up like the Hindenburg), are good eye candy. Technical aspect aside though, all the explosions just make the movie cheesy.
In all, a pretty pathetic movie next to "Das Boot". The director shouldn't have even attempted it. For the viewer, only see it if you want to satisfy your curiosity.
Gezora, Ganime, Kameba: Kessen! Nankai no daikaijû (1970)
A hilarious rubber monster movie
"Yog: Monster from Space" (the English title) is sort of like "Plan Nine from Outer Space" in the respect that it is a pretty bad film that is wonderfully entertaining to watch. One great example is found in the beginning. The main character is sitting in a jet reading a newspaper. We can see the headline -- 'Jupiter probe fails' (or something to that effect). At that >exact< moment, the guy looks out the window and happens to see the Jupiter probe parachuting back to earth (and he's in a jet going 200-300 miles per hour). Later, at his destination, he's assigned a photography job on this tropical island (apparently a Japanese tourist company is going to build a resort there). When he sees the location of this island marked with an "x" on the map, he says "gee, thats the EXACT SPOT where I saw the jupiter probe go down". Then there are the rubbery-looking monsters complete with Godzillaesque screeching noises, really bad special effects shots where people look like action figures, big halos around the tentacles that grab people, etc. Essentially, the movie is pretty much the same Godzilla formula: characters discover monster(s), characters meet incompetent tribal villagers, characters try to defeat monster(s). For anyone who likes Godzilla et al., or anyone who wants to laugh hysterically at rubbery stop motion monsters in a bad film, this is a must-see.
Marusa no onna 2 (1988)
hilarious even with subtitles
"A Taxing Woman's Return" seems like a strange title for a movie, but somehow Juzo Itami makes Japanese tax investigation quite entertaining and interesting. The film has a carefully constructed, intricate plot and well-written screenplay; good acting and a *wonderfully* caustic sense of humor make this movie hilariously entertaining. Some of the best moments, though, come from showing how the fraudulent religious cult works (in evicting stubborn tenants, for example), and from Itami's gradual peeling away of plot layers to give us a peek at the never ending corruption in the system. This movie sits comfortably in my favorite 20 films.