Time Tripper Reviews

Minority Report (2002)

So many plot holes, so little time.

[6/10 · 28 June 2002]

MINORITY REPORT is an achievement of directorial brilliance. Speilberg's vision gives this movie a special quality that makes it very enjoyable to watch. Like many science fiction films, the environment is its own character (when done right the environment in films are supporting characters, when done wrong they are the main character). The first two acts of the film move along marvelously, with suspense, intelligence, and energy. Unfortunately the third act is an incoherent mess, filled with cliches and illogical pretenses. I wouldn't want to give away all the third act plot twists, but I'm not sure I could type them all in a way that would make sense...not that they made any sense in the movie. The very nature of this movie invites paradox and contradictions, since it is about people who can see the future and all. Unlike a film like MEMENTO, however, the inconsistencies in the plot cannot be rationalized. The best description of this movie is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE (the movie) meets TIMECOP. Not a bad formula for an action movie fan, except the film is being advertised as a stunning masterpiece of modern science fiction. Perhaps all those critics meant the book that the movie's based on?

Blade Runner (1982)

Slow-paced and Dull, BLADE RUNNER Is All Looks

[5/10 · 1 June 2002]

I trying hard to understand why Ridley Scott's 1982 "classic" BLADE RUNNER has such a lofty reputation. True, the special effects were outstanding for 1982. Okay, I'll admit it, the effects were even good by today's standards. Harrison Ford and the rest of the cast give good performances. There were quite a few things to like. Unfortunately this movie suffers because it basically has 45 minutes of plot stretched out into two hours. There are LONG gaps between dialogue. Quite a bit of screen time is given just looking at the scenery (which, while impressive, gets tiresome after you've seen the same thing 3 or 4 times). The grim future depicted in this film has served as a visual inspiration to many science fiction movies released in the last 20 years (The Fifth Element, A.I., and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones come to mind), but that alone is not enough reason to declare the film a classic.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Lucas has made a Star Wars film for adults...

[7/10 · 16 May 2002]

Star Wars Episode I was made for kids. I firmly believe children will hate Episode II. It is the anti-Phantom Menace, and not a kids' movie at all. It isn't action-heavy. It has a lot of plot and dialogue, foreshadowing, and mystery to it...and romance (I fear more than a lot of people can stand). ATTACK OF THE CLONES is quite a film. From a technical standpoint it is superb (although I'm sure I prefer a puppet-Yoda to a CGI-Yoda). It does have a few magnificent action scenes. Its not what you'd call a "fun" movie, though. The original 1977 STAR WARS ("Episode 4") film was fun, as was RETURN OF THE JEDI and THE PHANTOM MENACE. ATTACK OF THE CLONES fits in better with EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, and is a very dark film. (How this movie didn't get a PG-13 is a mystery up there with the Kennedy Assassination and Jack the Ripper.) It has doses of humor, action, and fun, but those elements are overshadowed by the suspense and mystery of it. If you go into the film with that mindset, you'll enjoy yourself and be quite pleased with ATTACK OF THE CLONES. If you're expecting another Episode 4, you'll be disappointed.

Blade II (2002)

Action packed good time.

[7/10 · 3 April 2002]

Blade II is an excellent film if you are only seeing it for its action sequences. There are many, they are big, and they are loud. Wesley Snipes is again great as Blade, who seems a little more human this time out. He seems more vulnerable this time around thanks in part to Blade's student/mentor relationship with Kris Kristopherson's Whistler.

Blade also has a new partner, "Scud", who provides comic relief and helps move the plot along when it needs it. Blade is also teamed with a team of vampire commandos. The commandos were awesome for the screentime they were given, and I really wish that they'd been developed more. Ron Pearlman really stands out as the vampire with the biggest grudge against Blade. Snipes and Pearlman play well against each other in this movie.

One drag on the movie, unfortunately, is Leonor Varela, playing the beautiful daughter of the vampires' supreme leader (one can assume he took over after the vampire council was destroyed in the first film). She and Blade become a little too attached to each other a little too quickly. Varela's acting ability doesn't add anything to the part. She only sounds believable when delivering the all-important exposition that furthers the plot.

Another problem is that the plot isn't particularly clever beyond its premise. Beyond the idea that Blade would have to team up with vampires to kill even more merciless super-vampires, the movie pretty much writes itself. None of the double crosses that litter the film come as a surprise, and you might find yourself wondering how Blade got himself into several of the dumb situations he finds himself in.

Beyond those flaws, however, you are still left with an incredible non-stop action extravaganza. Blades deadly skills have seemed to increased since his previous film, as have his arsenal of anti-vampire gadgets. The props and design departments for Blade II certainly did an amazing job. Also, thanks to computer effects, Blade moves faster and is more agile than ever before.

Blade II is a very well done action film. Although it does have a few flaws, those flaws DO NOT take away from the non-stop, fast-paced action of this movie. Not as good as the Matrix, but one hell of a good time.

Black Hawk Down (2001)

I watched the whole thing.

[8/10 · 27 January 2002]

I watched the whole thing. Never once did I dissect the camera work. Never once did I count the number of bullets hitting Somalians and compare them to the number of bullets hitting Americans. I sat in my chair for the entire length of the film...and couldn't take my eyes off of it. BLACK HAWK DOWN was not about characters. It was not about the entirety of what happened the entire time the U.S. occupied the country. This movie was about one incident from that conflict. This movie told that story very well. Ridley Scott does an excellent job orchestrating how the story is told, and has made a great film.

Zoolander (2001)

For Stiller fans

[7/10 · 8 October 2001]

This movie is 100% pure Ben Stiller. This is probably the movie he's been waiting his whole career to make. If you're a fan of his previous work then you're going to love "Zoolander." If you hate Stiller, then you'll hate "Zoolander." As for me, I thought it was really funny. Not as funny as "There's Something About Mary," but pretty friggin' funny! And you'll never listen to Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" the same way again.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

A movie for Kevin Smith fans only.

[6/10 · 24 August 2001]

"Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" at best is the humorous conclusion to a series of films written and directed by New Jersey native Kevin Smith. At worst, "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" is a cameo-intensive, self-indulgent film filled ENTIRELY of off-color sexual humor and inside jokes that tie in with Smith's other movies (including "Good Will Hunting" and "Scream 3"). So which is it? Well, it really depends on how big a fan of Smith you are. Now, I've seen all the other films Smith has written/directed, and even regularly buy the excellent comics Smith writes. I also own DVD editions of his previous films. I think that makes me a pretty loyal fan. This film really caters to people like me, who love Smith's work. Unfortunately, that's pretty much all it does. Without the constant cameos (and I do mean CONSTANT) and inside jokes the movie would be about 10 minutes long. Imagine someone who has never seen another Smith movie trying to make sense of this film! Even to me, a fan of everything Smith does, this movie grew tiresome. ("Look, kids! Mark Hamill." Thanks.) This movie was Smith's "Phantom Menace," the film that only the most ultra-hardcore fan could possibly enjoy, and then only out of pure sense of loyalty.

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Rather than making a bad pun, I'll just tell you it stunk.

[5/10 · 28 July 2001]

I hope whoever green-lighted this "Planet of the Apes" remake kept the receipt when he sold his soul to Satan. It might be tax-deductible. I can't possibly imagine why the heck they chose to (1) remake a film that still holds up just fine after three decades, or (2) completely remove all the likeable characters and cool plot twists from it. The only way anyone could possibly like this movie is if they'd never seen the original. Also, this movie had the stupidest ending I've ever seen. But hey, at least the Apes looked better...which I believe was the entire reason they decided to remake this movie in the first place. If you're thinking about shelling out the money to see this movie, save your money and buy the original on video.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

If this was live action, I'd want my $7 back.

[5/10 · 20 July 2001]

"Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" is a typical Japanese sci-fi film: long on imagination, short on story. There's no excitement anywhere in this film. The plot only makes sense if...okay there's no contingency under which this plot would make sense. They're looking for some spirits that'll somehow end the alien invasion. That's all I could figure out. "The Phantom Menace" was "Gone With the Wind" by comparison.

Despite the considerable voice talents in the cast (Donald Sutherland, Alec Baldwin, Steve Buscemi, Ving Rhames, and James Woods), this movie has flat, uninteresting characters. All of the characters are stock action movie/sci-fi characters that we're better represented in movies like "Aliens". (saying this movie was a rip off of "Aliens" wouldn't be fair...to "Aliens.") Buscemi gets the best lines (both of them). Between this movie and "Pearl Harbor", Alec Baldwin is proving to be Hollywood's biggest whore. And yet, this movie had some of the most stunning visuals I've ever seen. The design work for this movie is incredible! If it wasn't for that I demand a refund and an apology.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

Sorry, but I LIKED IT!

[8/10 · 5 July 2001]

This is just my opinion, but I can't think of a single thing that I'd change about this movie. Any of the changes that I've heard suggested would change the movie into "Bicentennial Man" or "D.A.R.R.Y.L." I would also like to point out that I really enjoyed the Kubrick-like visual style that Spielberg decided to use. I've seen this movie twice now, and plan on seeing it at least once more. By the way, about the ending: THEY WERE MECHA, NOT ALIENS!

Pearl Harbor (2001)

Bad Script, Great Action

[5/10 · 24 June 2001]

The script for Pearl Harbor is bad. Really bad. The characters' dialogue barely comes close to believable, speaking mostly in cliche and soundbites. The plot is full of every war movie plot device you've probably seen before (since this movie is about a subject that has been covered many times before, that's almost excusable). The only characters worth caring about were the lame secondary ones, and the love story is totally worthless.

But, as an action movie, "Pearl Harbor" delivers breathtaking sequences that will keep your eyes glued to the screen. The attack on Pearl Harbor itself was quite exciting. Michael Bay's break-neck directing style works better on these scenes than on the rest of the film. Overall, "Pearl Harbor" wasn't a total waste of time (although it could've stood to be an hour shorter). It was no "Tora Tora Tora," but not too bad a movie.

Bamboozled (2000)

Make up your own mind.

[7/10 · 19 May 2001]

"Bamboozled" is a Spike Lee movie, in the tradition of "Summer of Sam" and "He Got Game." You're never sure where the movie's going to go next, and you're never sure what to think of where it goes. But therein lies this film's greatest strength, it does make you think. (Lee's made a number of films in his career, including the masterpiece "Malcolm X", which are notable for being both thought provoking and entertaining.) I also thought Damon Wayans and Jada Pinkett were awesome in this movie. Their performances were powerful, even if at times their characters went in directions that didn't completely make sense.

The movie is a satire of televisions treatment of African-Americans. Should TV and the media try to portray stereotypical African-Americans in stereotypical situations that many people can relate to, or is this stereotype an insult? The films point is that the stereotypical black TV characters are insulting. In the movie, Wayans and Pinkett create a fictional program called the "New Millenium Minstrel Show," which takes stereotypes of African-Americans to their most insulting extreme. (One of the targets of this film seems to be TV shows similar to those made popular by the likes of Wayans' own family.)

This films has some strange plot twist toward the end that I believe hurt it overall. I would not want to spoil anyone's surprise. However, there's a lot of intentional similarity between this movie and the film "Network." This movie is never dull, and whether you like it or not, it'll make you think. See it and make up your own mind.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

You're insane if you don't like this movie.

[10/10 · 16 May 2001]

Two words: Flawless masterpiece. While not the greatest movie ever made, it should certainly rank extremely high. Unless you're completely repulsed by the idea of a prison film, or if you're too immature to appreciate good drama, you're going to absolutely love, love, love this film. This film was largely overlooked at the time because of the mega-popular "Forrest Gump" (an extremely excellent film in its own right), but it holds up because of a timeless quality that very few films possess (I know the film's only 7 years old, but I think that's long enough). If you're uncomfortable with some of the more graphic themes of the movie, it's still worth a look (certain cable networks regularly show an edited for TV version of the movie). This is a must see for anyone who calls themselves a film-buff.

Pay It Forward (2000)

Good, not great movie, with good performances.

[7/10 · 15 May 2001]

I was a little disturbed by some of the comments that I read on the comments board about this film. While I recognize the film has flaws (stretched believability, the tear-jerker ending), it had plenty of strengths (a fascinating premise, a good plot, good actors). I really enjoyed watching this movie. Kevin Spacey and Haley Joel Osmet were excellent.

The Original Kings of Comedy (2000)

Very funny, and nothing else.

[7/10 · 3 May 2001]

I had no idea from watching their bland sitcoms that these performers were capable of some incredibly funny observations. While targeted at African-Americans, the humor can be appreciated by anyone willing to laugh at cultural differences. The theme of the American racial divide runs throughout the film and the four performer's acts. Nothing hateful is said about any group (with the possible exception of some remarks made by Bernie Mac having to do with homosexuals), and a good time can be had by all.

Steve Harvey is a brilliant performer, and he blends standard rehearsed material with jokes he was apparently making up on the spot for the audience. Cedric the Entertainer had some wonderfully inspired material as well. My favorite performance came from D. L. Hugely, who's humor hit really close to home for me. I was less impressed with Bernie Mac, who's style is a bit meaner than the other three performers. Mac is a funny guy, but after the more light-hearted material of the 3 prior comedians it was difficult to shift gears into his sharp, angry style.

Directed by Spike Lee, this film puts its emphasis on the performances of the so-called "Kings" (or as Harvey put it: "Kayngs"). Very little of the film is spent outside of the actual concert. Interview clips are only a few minutes long, and are not so much interviews as extentions of the performances. (Slightly more insightful footage is used as supplemental material on the DVD.) This is not a movie about a concert or a tour, this is a 2 hour comedy special. It's good for some laughs, but don't expect anything else.

Blow (2001)

Two words: "Goodfellas 2"

[6/10 · 21 April 2001]

Imagine the classic gangster film "Goodfellas," except without the colorful characters or memorable dialogue. Then replace all the robbery and drug dealing with just drug dealing and you're left with "Blow." Same premise, same style, and it even has Ray Liota. I've always said, if you're going to rip off a movie, rip off a good one. Johnny Depp is good actor, and his portrayal of George Jung has warmth, depth, and sincerity. Unfortunately, he's forced to carry the movie since no one else is given that much material to work with. Most of the other characters never quite seem like real people. This movie's saving grace is Jung's relationship with his daughter. He wants to go straight for her, but all he knows is drug dealing. Eventually his "profession" costs him even her. It also does a good job recreating the feel of the time periods it visits, although the non-stop soundtrack of older songs does get tiresome. "Blow" isn't a bad movie, but it lacks a lot of elements that would have made it a film on the same level as other crime dramas of recent years.

The Crow: Salvation (2000)

A good, not great, sequel.

[6/10 · 21 April 2001]

I'll admit that "The Crow: Salvation" was not a great film. It lacked originality (come on, it is a sequel after all), and Fred Ward's performance was just odd, but it had a lot going for it too. This Crow is more of a murder-mystery than the other films, and can hold the attention of the average viewer. Eric Mabius is no Brandon Lee, but he does a good job. I really liked Kirsten Dunst...she was definitely the best actor in the film and plays her part very believably. The violence isn't as graffic as "Crow: City of Angels," which I remember saying was the worst film I'd ever paid to watch. "Salvation" lacks the style of the original, but can very easily stand on its own.

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (2000)

Fun but uneven, welcome back Moose and Squirrel.

[6/10 · 21 April 2001]

Not every old TV show or funny bit needs to be a movie (hear that Lorne Michaels?). "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" is an entertaining romp through the Jay Ward universe, complete with odd puns, goofy satire, and slap-stick laughs. Unfortunately, there are also too many spots in the movie where you're just staring blankly at the screen (ironic, considering the comic scheme of Fearless Leader). I laughed a lot through the first half of the movie, but some of it seemed rather boring. When Moose and Squirrel were on TV, they existed in short bursts of incoherent mayhem before shuffling off to make room for Mr.Peabody, Dudly Do-Right, and the other Jay Ward creations. Carrying a 90 minute movie was probably a little too ambitious. Having said that, I'd like to add that I wouldn't trade seeing the good parts of this movie for anything! There was some fun stuff in this movie, well worth sitting through some not some good parts. I'm saying this as an adult of course...I'm sure kids would love this movie just for the two heroes. I just wish Mr.Peabody and Sherman had been along for the ride.

L.A. Confidential (1997)

The finest cast ever assembled for one film.

[8/10 · 15 April 2001]

The strength of a movie like "L.A. Confidential" lies in its characters. I really enjoyed this movie because the actors in this film were able to create totally believable, complex, and interesting characters. Every actor in this film deserved some sort of award for their performance (many of the main actors have received an Academy Award at some point in their career. Kevin Spacey, James Cromwell, Russell Crowe, and Kim Basinger...the film is a who's who of Oscar winners). "L.A. Confidential" is based on the book of the same name, and simplifies the book's plot considerably for the movie. This, however, does not water it down at all since it is still a very riveting and exciting story. The movie has tons of great moments and exciting scenes that will leave any viewer on the edge of his or her seat. No fan of crime dramas or suspense thrillers should go without seeing this one!

Exit Wounds (2001)

Good action, bad writing.

[4/10 · 14 April 2001]

The latest film from action has-been Steven Segal is a mixed bag of both cool stunts and a truly tired story. As usual, the title of this movie has nothing to do with anything actually in the movie. Segal plays the typical action movie hero who's rough around the edges, hated by his superiors, but always gets the job done. Segal's character lacks the coolness of Bullitt, or the eye for justice of Dirty Harry. Segal just wants to do his job the best he knows how.

After saving the life of the Vice President of the U.S. against orders (falling back on the old cliche of how dumb police superiors can be), he's shipped off to the worst post in town. The writers of the film must have thought they were being innovative when they cast the station commander as a 30 year-old, attractive woman, rather than the typical police captain stereotype (this stereotype is reserved for another character). This is the most innovative the movie ever gets.

With his new partner, Segal stumbles across a plot orchestrated by none other than DMX. DMX's casting is obviously intended to draw in a younger audience to this movie. The rap stars acting never rises above a few scornful looks and some tough guy talk, but DMX adequately fills the role. Unfortunately, DMX's character (who might actually be the most interesting character in the film) is never really explored. However, lots of screen time is given to professional sidekicks Anthony Anderson and Tom Arnold.

"Exit Wounds" is littered with both lame jokes and unrealistic action. There are some truly awesome looking car crashes in this movie, and some stunt work. As if to punctuate the unrealism of the movie, Segal is at one point forced to fight a street gang trying to steal his new truck. The street gang is made up of guys who know martial arts (or else how could Segal fight them without it just looking silly?) and this is the only street gang in the world that has each major ethnic group represented equally in its ranks.

The plot manages to be both predictable and unbelievable at the same time. Nothing is this movie happens for any reason except to lead to a cool stunt sequence. The "surprises" and "plot twists" are piled on for the sake of intentional shock value, rather than to serve the story.

The stunts go from breath-taking (the car chases are really good) to unbelievable (Segal's feats of superhuman agility belong more in movies like "Crouching Tiger" or "The Matrix" where people are SUPPOSED to have special abilities). Not to be undone, DMX does something towards the end of the movie with a shotgun that is simply impossible.

There's really nothing wrong with "Exit Wounds" once you realize that this movie is just an excuse for lots of action. It's nothing more than a macho fantasy of guns, martial arts, and car chases. If that's what you want to see, then the dumb story won't bother you. If you see it, I hope you enjoy it more than I did.

Tomcats (2001)

Disgusting, pointless, and stupid.

[4/10 · 6 April 2001]

This movie is just another 100 minute excuse for disgusting site gags. Movies like "There's Something About Mary" and "American Pie" worked really well because beneath the crude humor there was a spark of originality. There were a lot of jokes in those two films that you never saw coming.

"Tomcats" pointlessly pushes the barriers of good taste simply for the sake of being "shocking." Shock comedy/gross out humor really only works when you're genuinely surprised by the comedic conclusion. The humor in "Tomcats" never rises above the comedic cleverness of 10th grade gym class. I have full confidence that virtually any member of the audience could've written the punchlines to the jokes given the set-up.

As for the cast, Jerry O'Connell is a horrible actor. At all times he looks as if he's going to break character and start laughing (the end of the film proves my point by showing outtakes in which he does just that). Jake Busey played his annoying jerk of a character so well that if I ever met him in real life I'd be tempted to hit him. Before you shout: "That's the whole point!" let me say this: If a character in a movie is so annoying that he makes audience members want to walk out, then the filmmakers have gone overboard. The two female co-stars Shannon Elizabeth and Jaime Pressly were underused, as was Horatio Sans. If this movie had ANY scenes that were even remotely funny, one of these three were in them. Overall I have to say that this movie was just plain stupid.

Get Over It (2001)

Funniest PG-13 movie I've seen in a while.

[6/10 · 11 March 2001]

I haven't laughed this much at a PG-13 movie since "Austin Powers 2." There were some pretty funny gags in this movie. This movie was kind of a cleaner version of "American Pie." There's the typical "point A connects to point B" plot, where nothing surprising happens. However, the ride between the two points is pretty enjoyable. None of the jokes are over-used, and it's kind of nice to see Ed Begly and Martin Short again. Kirsten Dunst, as usual, was a doll. There's also a lot of 70's covers (music remakes) in this movie, if you're into that kind of thing.

The Wizard of Speed and Time (1988)

Funny, fun, and amazing.

[7/10 · 28 January 2001]

This movie is a great, fun time. There's nothing serious about it, and there are no great characters or plot twists. What you get instead is an enjoyable "sit back and relax" kind of movie. "The Wizard of Speed and Time" is a monument to the lost art of stop-motion animation. The potential of this medium is fully exploited here, with some truly amazing special effects. It's also a very funny movie.

Batman & Robin (1997)

Horrible in every imaginable way.

[2/10 · 13 January 2001]

This movie is so bad, it is painful to watch! It might have been bad on purpose, but that's no excuse. "Campy" is one thing, but this over-the-top crappiness must come to an end! This movie made a lot of money world-wide only because of the built-in audience that sees movies just out of habit. Everybody in this movie did a horrible job. The only things about this movie I liked was the Smashing Pumpkin's theme song and Mr.Freeze's costume.

Batman was dull. Robin was an idiot. Everything about Batgirl was handled wrong (the 3 "C's": casting, costume, characterization). Why does Barbara Gordon (whoops, I forgot she's not Commisioner Gordon's daughter anymore...they couldn't even get THAT right) even BECOME Batgirl?!?!?! NOTHING IN THIS MOVIE MAKES SENSE!!!!! Mr.Freeze was corny. Poison Ivy was too ridicules. The only descent character in this film, Alfred, is misused as the "I'm dying, please cure me" character.

This very well might be the worst movie ever made. I'm sure Warner Brothers will eventually revive this franchise, but not until long after this turkey has been forgotten.

Batman Forever (1995)

Not the best, not the worst.

[5/10 · 13 January 2001]

I can't hate this movie, because I'm sure everyone was trying their best. We were presented with a pretty cookie-cutter "by the numbers" script that attempted to explore Batman's rationale more, but did so only as an excuse for the romance. The relationship between Batman and Chase Meridian is pretty ridicules. Then again, Batman trying to have a relationship with anyone is pretty ridicules. So why bother, other than an excuse to put an attractive female lead in a movie? Jim Carrey was a corny, Riddler. I just wish they'd gone for homicidal rather than zany. Tommy Lee Jones...did some one forget to tell him that he wasn't playing the Joker? Did he research the part at all? Chris O'Donnell's Robin was just annoying. As you've probably already guessed, my main problem with this movie was bad characterizations (maybe if it had been just Two-Face or the Riddler instead of both it might have had a chance). But this movie tried, and was based on some sound ideas. But, it still wasn't particularly good. Watchable, but not enjoyable.