MrKearns-2 Reviews

The Court Jester (1955)

Phenomenal light comedy

[9/10 · 8 March 2004]

I had recently seen the Secret Life of Walter Mitty for the first time, and I was dismayed. I expected so much more, and found myself struggling to watch the entire film. But I picked up The Court Jester anyway, and am I ever pleased that I did.

Where The Secret Life of Walter Mitty seemed sloppy, this movie takes Danny Kaye and makes the best use of him. The songs don't seem particularly contrived, his jokes are far more rapid and successful, and the supporting cast is superb. John Carradine is pitch perfect in what amounts to a cameo, and Rathbone always had a knack for playing this role, and had been doing so for about twenty years.

There are a few dull moments, and some of the bits run a little too long, but it's certainly worth the time, since the movie breezes by. It is easily the best pure family movie I've seen in some time.

The Omega Man (1971)

Overblown post-apocalyptic mediocrity

[3/10 · 2 March 2004]

I thought The Omega Man could be a truly interesting movie, but I was painfully wrong. While the punch of Planet of the Apes or Soylent Green are reduced largely because everyone already knows the ending, this movie simply isn't very good.

It's poorly assembled, where numerous times, the filmmakers substituted still photographs of Los Angeles to convey how empty the city is, but it fails, because they're obviously still photographs. The costumes for the family are silly, and they are so absurd that they hardly make for credible villains. The acting is wooden, from Heston, Anthony Zerbe, and Rosalind Cash, and the script is just stupid. After about 10 minutes of Heston making jokes about being alone, you'll want to turn it off. You really should.

There's decent post-apocalyptic fare out there, but this isn't it. This is in retrospect, Charlton Heston's 98 minute advertisement for the importance of always carrying machine guns complete with a mixture of odd blaxploitation and lessons that aren't learned.

Mission: Impossible II (2000)

Don't knock it til you've seen it.

[8/10 · 29 May 2000]

While many moviegoers will simply pass over Mission: Impossible 2 simply because it is another classic of the summer blockbuster genre, they will be missing out. Critics won't love this film, but they won't be able to claim that they absolutely hated either. Movie fans, and especially Tom Cruise fans, on the other hand, will find themselves seriously involved in it.

Most of the discussion of this film has been a contrast to the original, Brian De Palma directed Mission: Impossible. In doing so, the point is probably missed. The difference between the films is more than just stylistic directorial difference, it is an entire genre switch. While the first MI might have passed for an action movie occasionally, it was primarily trying to be Sneakers (1992) starring Tom Cruise--a techno-thriller.

When it came to Mission: Impossible 2 on the other hand, director John Woo was made aware that no one really wants to see Tom Cruise hacking at a computer. If anyone has to, it will be a character whom we experience only as a computer hacker--enter the other holdover from the original film-- Ving Rhames.

Generally, there are moments when Mission Impossible 2 falls on its face. Tom Cruise and Thandie Newton seem to fall in love instantaneously, and so deeply that both would sacrifice their lives over a one-night stand. That simply reeks of convenience on the part of screenwriter Bob Towne, though the simplicity probably pays off in the end. The fact is that people who will enjoy Mission Impossible 2 aren't particularly interested in seeing a romance, and that's why this one is such a whirlwind effort.

There are certainly other flaws, such as a repetitive use of the "mask peeling" that we saw overdone in the first film. It is used at every opportunity in this film, to the point that you almost expect everyone to be someone else, but, after all, John Woo made an entire film out of the idea (Face-Off), so should we really be surprised?

The film is carried by a couple dynamic performances, a pounding score, and some Matrix-like action sequences that make everything worthwhile. Though the story is formulaic to the nth degree, in the end, it doesn't matter. Mission: Impossible was never about character depth and biting wit, it was about action and suspense. John Woo has brought these to MI2.

Cruise, as usual, is effective, though probably too likeable to be real. Admittedly, he has taken a step down from some deeper performances in Eyes Wide Shut and Magnolia, but, frankly, it only makes sense. If it weren't for films like Top Gun, Days of Thunder, and the like, Scorsese, Kubrick, and others probably never would have heard of Tom Cruise.

On its own merits, Mission Impossible 2 would get 4.5 stars out of 5 for the action genre. However, if we are basing it on quality of film, it would have to drop to a 3.5.

Not everyone will like it, but if you think you would be interested, odds are, you'll be impressed.

That Touch of Mink (1962)

Poor Cary Grant

[4/10 · 29 May 2000]

Cary Grant is, in my mind, undoubtedly the greatest actor to grace the silver screen. That does not mean that he is unreproachable, however. A classic example is That Touch of Mink.

Perhaps it's teenage sentiment of the 1990s, but this film is dated badly to an era where couples slept on separate beds on TV. While it has some clever moments, generally, it is difficult to see why Cary Grant has any designs on Doris Day, unless he has a thing for big, big helmets of hair.

There are a few moments in this film that almost mask the rest of its mediocrity, including Grant's talks on the patio of the hotel with another frustrated man, the scene with Mickey Mantle, and Gig Young's neurotic performance as Grant's sadistic (and in turn masochistic) assistant.

In general, however, this film is dated by more than just the pastel technicolor. Compared to other Cary Grant classics (even those dating back to the 30s), it simply doesn't stand today. His Girl Friday and Bringing Up Baby had edge. That Touch of Mink has just that-- a soft, fluffy coat.

I rate That Touch of Mink at 3 out of 5 stars, a highly unimpressive mark, considering that Cary Grant's name alone warrants 2 and a half.

American Psycho (2000)

Well, the poster's cool.

[3/10 · 18 April 2000]

The poster for American Psycho is incredible.

The film, on the other hand, is so pointless it's almost difficult to sum up.

There are certainly many people who will enjoy this movie, assuming there are a large number of serial killers in the world. Because, frankly, unless you find brutal murder funny, there's not much redeeming about this movie.

From the opening, we meet Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale). He's well-dressed, has perfect hair, and a penchant for brutally murdering people. This brings us to our first flaw. Director Mary Harron would like you to believe that he's a nice normal guy and then really shock you with that first murder scene. In fact, I was hoping for someone to get killed just so we could get on with her pithy little movie.

Every character in this movie is simply uninteresting. Reese Witherspoon appears at Patrick's girlfriend, and phones in her performance. Chloe Sevigny is superfluous as Patrick's secretary, and Jared Leto is simply in the movie because he sort of looks like Christian Bale.

Bale, on the other hand, does a good job of making me hate his character. Then again, he doesn't do it correctly. I hate this guy not because he kills people, but because he isn't believable. He reeks of phoniness 24/7, and the entire film, we watch as Bale tries to hide his grin, as if he's saying "mommy, I'm naughty".

So, while the audience sits there, Bale kills lots of people, and apparently it's funny. The audience who previewed this with me was roaring, as if this was some masterwork of Groucho Marx (who probably could have done a better chainsaw gag if given the chance).

Perhaps the most awful thing about this movie is that it tries to be so witty, when in fact, it's just stupid. Before he kills his victims, Patrick talks about 80s music, that is simply stuck on the soundtrack to make us think it's the 80s, as if it mattered.

This is a wonderful date movie, if you're dating Ted Bundy, or if your idea of a fun evening is Robert Palmer and Huey Lewis intermixed with brutal murder.

I give this movie 1 star out of 5. A bad screenplay, and a talented, but wasted cast leave this Psycho in solitary.

What Planet Are You From? (2000)

Almost completely without value

[1/10 · 18 March 2000]

When I saw that Mike Nichols was making another picture, I was automatically interested. After making motion pictures like The Graduate and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, he had slipped severely, making only a couple decent films since. So, naively, I went to What Planet Are You From to find out if he could stem the tide of failures.

And, triumphantly, I left the motion picture with an answer: no, no, no.

If What Planet Are You From? succeeds at anything (and that's a big IF), it does succeed at having a surprisingly talented cast and crew, for what otherwise represents a made for USA motion picture. Starring Garry Shandling, Annette Bening, Greg Kinnear, and Ben Kingsley, I expected something decent, at least from the last three. But, they all disappointed me.

The story of What Planet Are You From is a one-gag premise: Garry Shandling plays an alien who has been sent to earth to impregnate a woman, thereby allowing his alien race to reproduce and slowly take over Earth. That ends up being the entire story. Never any twists, never anything clever that the beginning of the film indicated.

The film opens with thousands of the aliens being taught what human women are like, providing the only legitimate laugh of the entire film. Then, Shandling is sent to earth, bumbles around, meeting the sleazy Greg Kinnear, who takes him to AA meetings to meet women. He meets Annette Bening, who seems to be phoning in her performance as a recovering alcoholic/real estate agent. She insists on marrying before having sex, and so the alien marries her. All through this point, every time the alien had tried to reproduce, his mechanical genitals made a whirring noise. Apparently, this passed for humor, because Nichols depended on this noise for about 30 minutes of the film.

Then, they marry, they try to have children, are frustrated, and eventually she gives birth. Then, the baby is kidnaped by Kingsley (the leader of Shandling's planet), and the alien returns to steal it back, setting up a trite ending and giving the audience a merciful stay of execution.

The film is a massive disappointment from everyone involved, and I give it 1/2 out of 5 stars.

Hanging Up (2000)

This movie should count for penance.

[1/10 · 18 March 2000]

Throughout many years of watching movies, you're bound to find a few films that are simply unforgettable. Hanging Up is one of those films.

Before I continue, I ought to mention that I don't mean unforgettable in a positive context. While films like Network or North by Northwest are fantastic, unforgettable films, Hanging Up is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum.

Hanging Up is unforgettable because for some reason, you opted to pay to see it, rent it on video, or sit in front of the TV for two entire hours. You'll never get those back.

The film didn't seem all that bad from the trailers. Obviously not anything as clever or incisive as When Harry Met Sally, but at least capable of eclipsing the very forgettable You've Got Mail. Obviously, that was misleading. With an absence of plot, drama, humor, and action, it simply just plods along like a criminal being led to the electric chair (see The Green Mile).

The story, or what I took to be the story, is simple. 3 sisters, Diane Keaton (also director), Meg Ryan, and Lisa Kudrow aren't close, at least not on the surface. They're all hung up on their own lives, and spend most of their time complaining about each other on their cell phones. They are united by a dying father, Walter Matthau, in an unfortunate performance.

They continue to be vain, self-serving, and bickering the entire way through, making this one that's fun for no members of the family. Diane Keaton is a little too old to be playing the sister of Lisa Kudrow, Meg Ryan is playing the same character we've seen in every movie of hers for the last five years, and Lisa Kudrow is holding her head high, continuing a tradition of ruining movies (see Analyze This or The Opposite of Sex for examples). Walter Matthau does a capable job, but it's painful to watch, just knowing that he was hired to play someone who is about to die. An unflattering role to be cast for, and sadly, it will be one of Matthau's last, and it will linger for quite some time, leaving a bad taste in the mouth of every cinema fan.

The script is wretched, the casting is questionable, and the story exists only in legend. What else is there to be said?

I give this film an unprecedented Zero out of Five stars. Congratulations, Diane Keaton. Your directorial debut did leave a strong impression on me, just like being run over by a steam roller would have.

The Green Mile (1999)

Nice try, but NO.

[2/10 · 11 December 1999]

For anyone interested in seeing The Green Mile, I have a recommendation: stay home and watch The Shawshank Redemption for the umpteenth time.

Frank Darabont had simply amazed me with The Shawshank Redemption, and so I had high expectations from this film, which came from the same author, same director, same screenwriter, and an impressive cast. In fact, it left me nowhere near tears, except possibly those shed for spending three hours wading through excessive (and missed) sentiment.

Let me stress something. If you happened to like The Green Mile, I can understand...to an extent. In fact, if this film had been an hour and a half long, I would have left throwing Academy Awards at it. If such a film had been accomplished within a humane amount of film, I'd have been impressed. But accomplishing this little dramatically when dealing with such a difficult issue as the death penalty over such an immense amount of time is simply inexcusable.

There are some individual performances that stand out, particularly Michael Clarke Duncan and David Morse's. However, they are overshadowed by Tom Hanks playing Forrest Gump a second time (although a little brighter this time) and two altogether too evil to be believable villains (played by Doug Hutchison and Sam Rockwell).

I think this film had great potential after seeing it. Nonetheless, in its overzealous chase for Academy Awards, it ruined its own legitimacy and pounded the viewer with more and more attempts to suspend disbelief.

I, for one, am like a certain character in the movie. I'm more than willing to walk "the green mile" to end all the pain.

2 1/2 (out of 10)

Apt Pupil (1998)

AWFUL!

[1/10 · 2 November 1999]

When I first saw the trailer for this movie, it looked like it could certainly be interesting. It'd been a long time since I read the novella (by Stephen King) which the film is based on, so I thought it'd have a decent chance of being impressive. In reality, it was absolutely wretched and painful to watch.

Ian McKellen gives a decent performance as a Nazi, but at the same time, has way too many conflicting behaviors to make sense. Brad Renfro is quite simply a disappointment after a marvelous performance in Sleepers. In general, the acting in this movie just doesn't ever interest me.David Schwimmer did a decent job, but I'm sorry Mr. Schwimmer, talk to the costume designer. The moustache is so obviously fake that I laughed through his scenes anyway.

Director Bryan Singer succeeded in one thing: the film is creepy. But just because it simply misses on every point it tries to make. And the acting that does work...is the theme of homosexuality (including Renfro's tantrum over seeing McKellen in his Nazi uniform). Most of the film is excessive, and some of it just flat out doesn't make sense.

Days of Thunder (1990)

Say what you will, but this is a great movie for guys.

[8/10 · 2 November 1999]

Regardless of your opinion of NASCAR racing, this is an incredibly fun movie for guys.

Is it creative? No. It's pretty obvious that it's the same thing as Top Gun. The only difference is maturity. Over the years, Tom Cruise had developed into a fine actor, and when coupled with Robert Duvall (in a spectacular performance) and a surprising Randy Quaid, Days of Thunder becomes a film which gets pretty much any guy involved in it.

I personally hate NASCAR, but still I find this film absolutely riveting, and every time I watch it, I suddenly have a desire to go race my car down the highway. In fact, the biggest argument against this movie is that it does get to the testosterone.

The music for Days of Thunder sets it up perfectly. Hans Zimmer does an effective job with his second Cruise film in two years (Rain Man was the other), and The Spencer Davis Group's Gimme Some Lovin' makes some plotless racing scenes worth watching.

The script, penned by Bob Towne, is far more clever than the average action movie and actually creates some serious character depth for Cole and Rowdy, although Cary Elwes' character seems excessively evil.

But, all in all, this is an action movie that works for Cruise fans, even if they don't like action movies. 8.5 out of 10 (On a pure enjoyment basis).

Network (1976)

One of the most superbly made comedy/dramas of all time.

[10/10 · 2 November 1999]

Network is a drama, and yet, it's probably one of the most darkly hilarious films ever made. Written by Paddy Chayefsky and directed by Sidney Lumet, this film could have starred Steve Guttenberg and still been interesting. But with an all-star cast including William Holden, Faye Dunaway, and Robert Duvall, as well as Peter Finch and Beatrice Straight who received Oscars for their performances, the film takes on an incredible value.

The story probably seemed ludicrous in the 1970s, but in the 1990s, well, it still does. Or rather, we want it to. But ignoring our sentiments about television, it's pretty believable. While UBS had the Mao Tse-Tsung hour, Fox is airing When Animals Attack and The World' Scariest Car Chases. They're certainly not too far from Max Schumacher's (William Holden) sarcastic creation "The Death Hour".

This makes Network strike remarkably close to home and quite effective. But the real skill of this film comes from two performances: Peter Finch as Howard Beale and screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky's tour de force.

Finch gives a performance that's absolutely believable, and frankly, it's eerie that he managed to. Beale represents a man so brainwashed by his medium that he actually buys into the fact that life begins and ends on television. Of course, this makes the end all the more funny.

The script, although laden with vulgarity, still maintains an honest quality. Scenes such as Beale's meeting with Ned Beatty and most of Beale's monologues are so real that they scare the viewer, yet make him or her chuckle out of mere terror.

If nothing else, watch the beginning and the end, because as Lumet's tradition dictates (watch Dog Day Afternoon if you enjoyed Network), the beginning is witty, and the end, well, it'll shock you, but still leave you with a disturbingly black comedic ending.

I'd give Network 10 out of 10, although I'd recommend that you see it more than once before passing any major judgments on it.

Ocean's Eleven (1960)

Rat pack's triumph

[7/10 · 2 November 1999]

Ocean's 11 is a surprisingly fun film. It takes its time in developing the plot, but once it's there, it is extremely watchable and interesting, not to mention inspiring (it's hard not to consider knocking off a few casinos after watching Ocean's 11).

Sinatra and Martin don't do anything spectacular to re-invent acting, but that's just fine, because they really don't have to. The storyline is peculiar enough and the script is witty enough to keep a viewer interested.

If nothing else, this film is worth watching just to see Cesar Romero as something besides the Joker. Not that this makes him any less evil, mind you.

If I have one problem with the film, it's buying the fact that these 11 men all managed to be paratroopers. There's not a pound of muscle on anyone besides Dean Martin.

So if you can overlook that, it's well worth your time.

The Black Hole (1979)

Disney gets it right. For once.

[10/10 · 3 September 1999]

The Black Hole is probably the only Disney live-action movie (with the possible exception of Cool Runnings) that is even watchable. So the fact that it's incredibly fun just makes it all the more odd.

Perhaps it's the overabundance of mediocre effects (even by 1979's standards, considering it was preceded by Star Wars (2 years) and 2001: A Space Odyssey (11 years)), or it could be the overall impossibility of the robot VINCENT, but I am hooked on this movie.

Plotwise, there's some new stuff here for science fiction. In general, the black hole had never really been looked into, so combining that with the crazed genius (Maximillian Schell) just creates a story worth watching, despite some obvious speaking errors ("habitable life in outer space") and some scientific errors (the astronauts are exposed to the vacuum of space and nothing happens...).

All in all, the fighting, the story, and the utterly bizarre 1970s sets and costumes make this one of my closet favorites. If you are even vaguely interested, buy the video today, because it took 20 years to see it come out to the mainstream. Don't miss this!