llarian-3 Reviews

Solstice (1993)

If this were a dog you'd take it out and shoot it...even on Christmas Eve!

[1/10 · 12 December 2008]

It says much when the most entertaining part of a DVD is the (single) blooper at the end. Is this possibly the worst movie ever made? Plot less, pointless, with acting that borders on sub-amateur and non-existent production values. It's trying to be 'It's A Wonderful Life' but fails miserably on every level. How this managed to have a cast and crew so vast is mystery as it appears to have been shot on a domestic camcorder with a mobile/cell phone used to record the sound. Of course, it's usually a bad sign when something is "Written, produced and directed by..." but this breaks all the boundaries of awful and self-indulgent. Bad, bad, BAD!

Gold Through the Fire (1987)

Holy garbage, Batman!

[1/10 · 27 February 2005]

With all the production values of some 1970s porno, it's little wonder that most people won't ever have heard of this. Written and directed by Edward T. McDougal, who seems to specialise in BAD movies with a religious message, Gold Through the Fire "stars" teenage eye candy Charles Harlan at Peter Smyslov, a refugee from Soviet oppression who arrives in the US with bible clutched firmly in hand. Unfortunately for Peter, he finds even greater oppression against his Christian faith in America. This movie attempts to show how conviction in one's beliefs can overcome all obstacles, which is a noble enough theme, but Harlan's worse-than-wooden performance and McDougal's dire script makes it feel as though the film is never going to end. Truly awful and this is the only listing you'll ever find for Charles Harlan (no surprise there!). Unfortunately,McDougal continues his holy quest with more equally bad movies. Watch out for Gold Through the Fire on obscure 'inspirational' channels and prepare to be VERY amused and/or bored.

The Pit and the Pendulum (1991)

Absolute rubbish!

[11 October 2001]

Possibly one of the worst films I've ever had the misfortune to see. Edgar Allen Poe never wrote comedy and this is what TP&TP turned into. Lance Henriksen and Jeffrey Coombs should hang their heads in shame. Oliver Reed's brief appearance shows just how low his career had sunk before he died.

AVOID THIS MOVIE AT ALL COST!!!

Plymouth (1991 TV Movie)

Thought this would be a turkey but pleasantly surprised

[1 July 2001]

Plymouth aired today (July 1, 2001) in the UK. Thought the premise sounded pretty dopey, but it wasn't too bad after all. All the way through it, I was thinking "Picket Fences in Space" and that's kind of what it turned into, but it was in no way offensive. I guess it was a pilot for a TV series, but if they ever made one, it never aired in UK. Dale Midkiff is suitably square-jawed as the hero, Gil. Great to see some sci-fi that doesn't have bumpy-headed aliens!