chuckles-18 Reviews

Dragons: A Fantasy Made Real (2004 TV Movie)

A pile of perfectly sculpted crap

[1/10 · 21 June 2005]

I think that most everyone wants to believe that extraordinary things exist and this film shows no restraint in trying to exploit that to the fullest. The presentation is very interesting, well presented and the graphics are state of the art, but from a scientific point of view it just doesn't work. Hydrogen filled flying bladders? They would need to be the size of a Mack truck to be useful. And then there's the ever-present possibility of a catastrophic explosion. I have no problem with fantasy, just don't try to pass it off as fact. Some folks will always misunderstand. All in all the film is entertaining, but I constantly found myself saying "oh brother, what a load of ....". If you want a FAKE documentary, watch This Is Spinal Tap instead. Or at the very least turn the sound off.

Birth (2004)

15 Minutes Drawn Out to 94 ...

[1/10 · 7 June 2005]

This film was painful and pointless to watch. The scenes are needlessly drawn out and at one point Nicole's character actually recounts what has happened up to that point. At the theater we watch her face staring at the stage flinching for an eternity. Instead of watching the film unfold I found myself counting the seconds that each shot lasted. Who thinks that this is entertaining? A monkey could have made a better film than this. There is little character development and no resolution whatsoever. The script must have been no more than 4 pages long. If I would have seen this film at the cinema I would have demanded my money back. Redefines the word "awful".

The Perfect Storm (2000)

The only depth to this film ... is the ocean

[5/10 · 20 November 2000]

Instead of watching this film, have someone throw a bucket of cold water in your face. It would be cheaper than the rental and much more exhilarating. In my opinion this film does a great disservice to the memory of these people who have passed on. The story is simplistic to the point of near nonexistence and character development is marginal at best. Who were these people? Or is this just a film about doing the wrong thing at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Pitch Black (2000)

The theatrical version is great!! - The directors cut sucks

[8/10 · 14 November 2000]

I originally saw the film when it came out in theaters and was very happy I did. Good sci-fi films are few and far between. Naturally when the dvd was released I bought the director's unrated version since it supposedly contains 3 additional minutes. Bad choice. And not the case. For some reason Twohy decided to remove key scenes and portions of scenes in his cut that create a total lack of continuity. There is less gore, less action, less of everything that made the film one of my favorites. In this case, the R rated version delivers much much more.

The Astronaut's Wife (1999)

DVD for sale

[4/10 · 22 February 2000]

A cheesy outerspace oriented rip-off of Rosemary's Baby. The sets on this film must have cost $4 each. The space shuttle scene is done well, but the rest of the film is very lackluster. I didn't expect much from the film. Lo and behold.

Street Trash (1987)

If you don't mind flies crawling on your food you might like this film

[1/10 · 8 September 1999]

How do people get the money to waste making a film like this? The movie is pointlessly sick and poorly acted. There is no story and no character development. This is a movie for people who are a little off and I wouldn't want to meet anyone who liked this film. Looking for gore? Check out "Dead Alive" and Bad Taste" they are infinitely better.

Braindead (1992)

The Bloodiest Horror Film of All Time

[9/10 · 11 August 1999]

If you like gory, campy, movies done in bad taste, then this is will be a treat for you. You need to be a little twisted to watch this. I loved it. Be sure to see the Unrated version. The R-rated version has about 12 minutes missing and is very difficult to follow towards the end. Checkout Peter Jackson's other film "Bad Taste". It has a similar feel and is equally entertaining.

Ape (1976)

If you can't see this film in 3D, don't bother

[9/10 · 27 July 1999]

This film was recently shown on the new C3D satellite channel in 3D. It is so cheesy and poorly acted that without the added 3D effect it would truly be a waste of time. Surprisingly though, it is a near perfect blend of bad acting, bad special effects and moronic story line. Unlike most other 3D films, the extra dimension is captured so well that the film is a lot of fun to watch.