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Vasitor
Reviews
3000 Miles to Graceland (2001)
Two words
Puh thetic
This horrid piece of trash was worse than I anticipated. I went in hoping for lots of shoot outs and cheesy one liners. 20 minutes into the movie, however, that was all over. We were then presented with an hour and a half of forced lines and inconceivable actions of 4 shallow characters. Despite that Costner's character is obviously destined to die, I found myself cheering for him, anything to have this movie end in something other than predictable hollywood crap. At least his character was fun, and didn't have nearly as many horrid lines as the other characters, like, "It's not me you don't trust; it's yourself!" Just one of many lines that had me bursting into laughter at the theater. The best interchange in the film comes when Cox asks Russell's character, "What are we going to do?", Russell responds, "What everyone should do in this situation..." and I stand up and yell, "Get our $8 back!" This movie wouldn't have been half as bad if it were only 1.5 hours long, and Cox's character and her son weren't in the movie. But they are, and the movie is a tortuous 2 hours and 10 minutes of sheer agony. Don't say you weren't warned.
Whipped (2000)
Surprisingly funny
After watching "The Crew" for a boring 20 minutes, I headed out to see "Whipped", which I hoped wouldn't be nearly as bad as The Crew. Turns out this movie is actually funny. I really didn't think American Pie and Something About Mary were anything that people tried to make them out to be, but Whipped is certainly underrated. While some of the humor occasionally slips into the uncalled for section (i.e. the Something About Maryesque bathroom scene), most of the movie was genuinely funny. With movies out this year like "The Cell", "Bless the Child", "The Crew", "What Lies Beneath", "Space Cowboys", and all the other boring, predictable stuff that's been shown this summer, "Whipped" can hardly be called the worst movie of the year. Due to it's lacking plot, I'd say this movie is just slightly above average, which is better than most movies this summer can say.
Final Destination (2000)
Final Destination: Trash bin (some spoilers)
Okay, I'll give this movie one credit. The scene where the girl gets obliterated by the bus was shocking and somewhat original,yet totally unrealistic, much like the rest of the film. Did you know that Vodka can be ignited just like gasoline? or that a coffee cup hold about a gallon of liquid? Perhaps that your computer monitor might blow up should liquid get inside of it...even while off? Or get this--a house blows up, completely engulfed in flames--yet the fbi can get finger prints off a knife in the house, and footprints off the wood floor. Right. I especially love the kindness of people in this film--the bus that smashes the girl doesn't stop...guess he figures he'll clean up after he gets back to the station. But even beyond the unbelievability is the horribly contrived dialogue. The entire scene with the mortician I was just shaking my head, ashamed that i had paid $8 to see this crap. I was actually laughing out loud at the final deaths in the film, they were so pathetically constructed. They might as well have had bags labelled blasting caps lying around the garages in this film. Do yourself a favor, and see Wonder Boys, see Drowning Mona, see The Whole Nine Yards...anything but this!
Gekijôban Poketto Monsutâ: Myûtsû no Gyakushû (1998)
Prepare for trouble
Okay now, be honest. How many of you who rated this movie a '1' actually saw it? Probably none. Pokemon rule; yes, I will admit to being another 20 year old who enjoys pokemon; I went to see it with my 18 year old brother, too. It might be a little sappy with its message, but it's a lot of fun to watch, anyway. The best part of the movie is the final showdown between Mew and Mewtwo; not because of the battle, but because of the conversation: Mewtwo- "Why do you run? Are you afraid to learn who is supreme?!" Mew- "Mew"
If you've rated this movie a one just because you think it's dumb or a bad influence on kids, I've got three words for you.
"Get over yourself"
Bats (1999)
Stupid concept + Stupid Title = Stupid Movie
Come on people, wake up! This was a movie called "Bats" about "Bats" that hurt people. Shouldn't that tell you it's going to be a bad movie from the start? Granted, occasionally you can get some fine acting in a movie with a very bad plot, but not often. Good actors typically don't waste their time with movies that sound so pathetic, unless they owe backtaxes. This movie was almost as bad as Chill Factor !!!!!!. Please people, send hollywood a message by not going to stupid films like these!
Chill Factor (1999)
Honestly the worst movie I have ever seen
Yes, even worse than "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation". This movie just sucked. The plot was old and tired. I knew how the movie was going to end from the beginning 15 minutes. The writing was horrible-- the lines were so lame, so corny, and the flashback seen was so pathetic I was actually laughing out loud(Not since the boom mike was visible in "Playing God" have I laughed out loud at horrible production)!!!! And the acting was just as bad!!! The scientist's death scene was so melodramatic I almost laughed at him dying, too! I tried to convince my friends to leave so I could see the second half of The Sixth Sense for the 4th time, but they were too amused by how bad this film was. I just kept thinking to myself through the whole movie "Please kill the good guys, please kill the good guys..." Ugh, if I could, this movie would be rated -10; The other movies I've rated a one don't deserve to have this among their company.
Stir of Echoes (1999)
LAME!
Okay, I'll admit that Stir of Echoes had a couple parts that made me jump, but that's hardly sufficient for it to be a good movie. The writing for this movie was atrocious! The lines for the little boy were just pathetic, and his baby sitter's character was inconceivable! Obviously the writer's never had a sibling die... In any case, this movie was just complete blah, not coming close to the majesty that is The Sixth Sense.
American Pie (1999)
Grow up!
Even for a teenie bopper movie, this one stunk. The gags were so lame, so predictable as to make them utterly unentertaining. The previews practically tell you the entire movie. Why the hell doesn't anyone in this film have a lock on their door? That's pretty convenient for pathetic, formulaic comedy.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
That was it?
Question: Would anyone ever watch this movie twice? Answer: NO! This is the sort of movie you would walk out on if it wasn't a massive 1:20 long. It has been incredibly over hyped for what it is. It's amazing how many morons go into the theater believing that this actually happened. This movie is just plain annoying, from the lines all the way to the camera work.
Star Wars (1977)
Pathetic
While it did spawn a nifty couple of sequels, the original Star Wars sucked. The rebels, so willing to die for a cause, seemed awful selfish in not wanting to sacrifice themselves to save the others. How many ships did Vader blow up while in the narrow tunnels? He'd pick off groups of three at a time, and each one would sit there and say, "Oh no, he's locking on. I'm being killed!" None of them seemed to be willing to slam on the breaks and smash themselves into Darth's ship, killing the villain and saving the day in one move. Give me a break.