rwduke Reviews

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Pretty Worthless Remake

[7/10 · 21 November 2004]

I saw no need to remake a horror classic like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The original is truly horrifying and I couldn't imagine a need to change it. But the previews of this new version made me think it was worth checking out. Big mistake. The original showed how truly horrific this experience was for the victims. This remake seemed more like an adventure for bored teens. The stupid dialog, especially the Sheriff's was just hysterical. There was nothing scary about him at all. He was ludicrous and funny. So much for horror. Why today's directors want to turn the horror genre into Comedy Central fodder is just a mystery. We go to horror movies to be terrorized, not to laugh. The characters in this movie didn't merit sympathy, they were just annoying know-it-alls that were all expendable.

You want to see a true horror movie, stick to the original. You want to see a pile of garbage put out for no other reason than to profit off of a classic, then this new version is for you.

Shameless money grab. Nothing more.

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Very Good Horror Film

[9/10 · 21 November 2004]

This movie is actually a very good horror film. It is one of those rare films that actually takes horror seriously, rather than try to turn it into a comedy. There are very suspenseful moments and a few really good scares. It actually has a story behind it rather than just hack-n-slash paint by numbers. The characters are likable and believable. The mine was a great environment for a horror movie. It is too bad horror movies like this aren't made anymore. Instead we get garbage like Halloween Resurrection and Shredder. Anyone who is looking for a good horror movie can't really go wrong with this one. I highly recommend it. Unless you like a lot of cheese...in that case go rent Scream or some other ridiculous horror comedy. This one takes the horror genre seriously and is much better for it.

Shredder (2001)

Lame, Irritating and Painful To Watch

[1/10 · 21 November 2004]

This movie is a rival to Halloween Resurrection for worst horror movie I have ever seen. The characters are so irritating that you can't wait for them to die. None of them are likable. This movie is so full of stupid "Arnold" one-liners that you just sit there rolling your eyes in disgust. One bimbo is running around in her underwear, at a freezing cold ski resort, the entire movie. Obviously the director knew the movie was crap and used her to distract the male audience. It didn't work. This movie is garbage. There was not a single moment of suspense and definitely no scares. This was a very poor attempt at horror. I would put this in the comedy section, not horror.

Africa: Blood and Guts (1966)

Kept My Attention But I Was Mortified

[7/10 · 27 September 2004]

This is a very well done documentary. But what it shows will mortify you. I was yelling at the screen.

The atrocities against the animals in this documentary absolutely made me sick. Animals are slaughtered relentlessly, cruelly and for no reason other than the sport of it. I wanted those wild animals to rip their killers to shreds. At least once it would have been nice to see one of the poachers ripped to shreds by the elephants, lions and hippos.

It never ceases to sicken me how a man with a gun thinks he has really accomplished something by shooting an animal. Watching the men stand proudly with their gun over the carcass of an animal for a photo just makes me sick. They should all have been fed to the lions.

This documentary proves one thing and one thing only. Humans are the sickest and cruelest animals on the planet.

Adam & Evil (2004)

Absolutely Horrible, Wretched

[1/10 · 22 September 2004]

There are not enough bad adjectives in the dictionary to describe this movie. The acting is a joke. Not one actor in this entire movie has talent. Not moderate nor slight talent. NO talent. The dialog is so laughable.

"I'm going to slice you like a turkey" says one of the victims to the killer. "I don't scare easy and I'm pi$$ed" says another.

The girls run around like descendants of Rambo, claiming they are going to kick some a$$. Oh yeah, that's real scary, watching chicks act like they have been shot up with a gallon of testosterone. Why do women have to try and act like men?

The only scary in the this movie is the acting, the direction, and the fact that it was ever made. This movie is an embarrassment to the horror genre.

Avoid at all costs!

976-EVIL (1988)

Snore Fest

[2/10 · 18 September 2004]

Being a horror movie buff, I tried really hard to like this movie but it was awful. The characters were cardboard, I didn't care about any of them. There was no suspense, no scares, and nothing to keep your interest. I found myself yawning and looking at the clock.

The one character I did enjoy was the Aunt played by Sandy Dennis. She is so wacky, I loved her dialog. But she can't save this abomination of a movie.

The spiders scene was the only scene that showed potential, but even that was color by numbers. There was absolutely nothing original in this film.

The climax of the movie was as laughable as a soap opera and just as stupid. Even watching with an open mind and checking your brain at the door will not help this clunker.

Don't even bother renting this stinker of a movie.

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)

Moore Loves Our Troops, Bush Is Despicable

[10/10 · 25 June 2004]

Any American that protests this movie without even seeing it is sick in the head. They don't even know how sick and wrong they are. The Bush Administration is the lowest form of scum. They are sending our young citizens to die for nothing but oil and money. It is all business for them. To those protestors who say that Moore hates this country or hates our troops you are pathetic liars. He is standing up for our troops safety. They should not be fighting a war for oil and money and the Republicans want to sweep that under the rug. Anyone that sees this movie and still votes for George W Bush is mentally damaged beyond all hope.

This movie should be required viewing by every citizen of this country. Every single one, including Bush and his lying cronies. This movie proves that Republicans have absolutely no shame and will stop at nothing to better their pocketbooks.

This documentary is absolutely amazing. Kudos to Michael Moore for having the guts to show the truth to America and the rest of the world at a time when Republicans are using terror to scare people into submission.

If Bush gets elected in 2004 then there is no justice and America has lost its mind. We need to get these relentless, lying, oppressive, right-wing freaks out of the white house and keep them out. Bush has to be a one term president or America will fall into the abyss.

Thank you Michael Moore. You are an amazing man!

And Bush, you owe an apology to every family who has lost a loved and every soldier who has been maimed for sending them into this unnecessary war. Bush you are despicable.

10.5 (2004)

Horrible

[1/10 · 3 May 2004]

This movie is bad in so many ways I don't know where to begin. First of all the characters are not believable in any way. Probably because of problem two, the dialog is horrific. I haven't heard such corny lines since Independence Day, and they are used all through the movie. Third this has got to be one of the most "Lifetime-channel-esque" power to the women movies I have ever seen. The women know everything in this movie and the men are all stupid and must grovel to the women. I found it nauseating.

The other major problem with this film is the camera work. It is sometimes worse than watching Blair Witch Project. The camera zooms in then back then in then back then shakes around, and this is before the earthquakes start. Absolutely the worst camera work ever.

This movie managed to be horrible in every possible way. I would never watch this movie again.

Monster (2003)

Truly Outstanding. Can't Get This Movie Out Of My Head

[10/10 · 12 March 2004]

Monster has got to be one of the best movies I have ever seen. And Charlize Theron blew me away as the lead character. She was totally believable throughout the entire movie. This movie is riveting. It will hold your attention from beginning to end.

I left this film feeling very sad that a person's life could be such hell and then to have it end by being put to death. This is a very honest film that such shows the ugly side of humanity in so many ways. This movie will stick in my head for a long time to come. It is truly outstanding.

Charlize Theron deserves every accolade for her wonderful performance in this film. And Christina Ricci was no slouch. I thought they were both so real they popped off the screen. I felt like I was right there experiencing everything with them.

Clownhouse (1989)

Great Horror Flick

[10/10 · 22 December 2003]

This movie is one of the better horror movies I have ever seen. I was lucky enough to get a copy of the DVD that MGM canceled this year. I got if off of Ebay. The video quality is excellent and the audio (for being mono) was very effective. If you can buy the DVD on Ebay, go for it. Turn the lights off, and crank up the volume, I guarantee you will be scared. Also, watch it on the biggest screen possible. I have a projector and an 8 foot by 4 foot screen. That really helped the impact of the movie. All around terrific scary movie. This is what horror movies are all about.

Mystic River (2003)

Outstanding

[10/10 · 2 November 2003]

This has got to be one of the best movies I have seen in years. It is one of those movies that stick in your head and you have to talk about it. Sean Penn should get a best actor award for this movie. His performance is incredible. The best ever. Tim Robbins was also exceptional. This movie is a must see.

Bataan (1943)

Unintentionally Funny

[4/10 · 22 September 2003]

This movie had a few good moments of suspense and a few good war scenes. But for the most part it was extremely dated. I had more than a few belly laughs. The moving trees was just too much. Maybe back in 1943 this was a good movie but now it is so bad it is funny. If you don't laugh at the dialogue in this movie you don't laugh at anything. And man did they ever overact back then. When the sargeant sits down and falls asleep in .5 seconds I was rolling over laughing.

Cabin Fever (2002)

Characters so annoying you'll want them to die

[1/10 · 16 September 2003]

I cannot express how lousy this movie is. I have loved horror movies all my life and I hate to see them being reduced to this crap. There is really only one likeable character in the movie, other than that you can't wait until they are all dead. Are teenagers today really this annoying or were we supposed to enjoy watching them rot? The dialogue is ludicrous even for a horror movie, the boy who bites is stupid beyond belief. It is movies like this that kill the horror genre.

Don't even give this a rental. It sucks as bad as Halloween Resurrection.

Making Love (1982)

Excellent Movie For The Time

[10/10 · 30 July 2003]

This movie was the first "gay themed" movie I had ever seen back in the 80's. I couldn't quit watching it. Being raised in a small conservative town, I was relieved to see a movie that struck a chord with me.

In response to another reviewer, just because a movie has a gay theme that makes it propaganda? So does that mean every other movie I had seen up to that point was hetero propaganda? Jeez, right-wingers never cease to amaze me.

Anyway, it was a very good movie. The fact that the main character was married and announced that he was "gay" seems to have confused the straight community that watched this. It does not mean that he had a bad relationship with a woman so he "turned gay" as a result. That is ludicrous. He had buried his true feelings to fit into a prejudiced and discriminating society. He could just no longer deny who he really was and decided that hiding was not worth it to be accepted by society. That is the message of this movie.

I love this movie and return to it often. I hope it will be released on DVD sometime in the future.

100 Girls (2000)

Feminist Male-Bashing

[1/10 · 9 November 2002]

This movie is completely feminist and male-bashing. Men are terrible human beings and women should rule the world. The director of this movie should try to find the jar that some woman put his testicles in because he certainly lost them somewhere along the way. If you want a total feminist perspective on life then watch this movie, otherwise don't waste your time.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

The Series Never Dies. Snore

[1/10 · 4 August 2002]

This is a very tired series and I barely made it through this entry. The formula has not changed at all and it is worn to shreds. You end up not caring about any of the characters, including Bond. Is is just the same old action sequences you have seen a thousand times. The sound effects on this one were particularly bad. They used they same ear-piercing sound for everything. Did they have only 10 sound effects in their toolbox for this movie? I can't recommend this movie to anyone.

One Eight Seven (1997)

Amazing

[8/10 · 4 August 2002]

I have not been so moved by a movie in a long time. My attention was never drawn away for a second. The characters were totally believable and that was the most heart-wrenching part about it. It is pathetic that a teacher has to suffer this much to do his damn job. And I found the female teacher that befriended him just as reprehensible as the gang bangers. She comes to him for help when she is scared for her life and then condemns him for doing something about it.

Samuel L. Jackson is one of the finest actors around today and this movie has to be one of his finest moments.

I highly recommend this to everyone. The tension never lets up and will keep you glued to your seat.

The Old Man and the Sea (1958)

Laughed So Hard I Cried (2 Out Of 10)

[2/10 · 29 July 2002]

Possible Spoilers I wanted to give this stinker a 1 but the dialogue was so bad that I laughed until I had tears running down face. "I killed you fish, my brother". "They fed the negro rum". "Come on hand, come on hand". Jeez this movie is worth it just to get a few solid belly laughs. I just couldn't take this movie seriously, it was way too cheezy. "He said". "He thought". Yes, even the narration was so bad it was funny.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Total Garbage, Total Sell-Out

[1/10 · 15 July 2002]

I thought 3, 5, and 6 were awful but this is BY FAR the WORST of the series. This one taints the Halloween series beyond repair. I would never watch another sequel after this one.

SPOILERS

First of all, the original Halloween knows that it is a horror movie not an idiotic rapper vehicle like H8. I don't mind a little humor mixed in with a horror movie but we go to get scared. Every line that Busta Rhymes spoke made we want to projectile vomit onto the screen. He was absurd and had no business in this movie. The producers just sold this series out to the teenagers because they know they don't have an original idea left in their puny brains.

Busta Rhymes made an a$$ out of Michael Meyers (and himself). He makes Kung Fu noises when confronted by Michael, he has the worst dialogue of the movie "Trick Or Treat Mother Fu.....", "You fried like a chicken", "Hey Mikey". I did everything I could to keep from throwing up when he spoke. I got a stomach ache every time Busta Rhymes entered a scene. Then Busta Rhymes scolds Michael and Michael cowers down and leaves. Michael Meyers, the psychotic killer, is afraid of a rapper with a big mouth. Yeah, right. This is an obvious sell-out and the producers should be rewarded with bankruptcy. They do not deserve profits from this movie.

Then you have horrible acting by all the "teens" in the movie. And more horrible dialogue. You have a girl attacking Michael Meyers with a chainsaw saying "This is for so and so, and this is for so and so." God, I have never seen anything so lame in my life.

Then you have the horrible Blair Witch ripoff camera work that shows the viewer absolutely nothing. This is space filler, nothing else.

I would rather watch Halloween 3 without Michael Meyers than have to watch Halloween 8 where they made a mockery of him. Busta Rhymes SUCKS for doing this to Halloween, and so do the producers.

Rick Rosenthal and Moustapha Akkad, may you not profit on this bile that you call a movie. This movie shames the series beyond repair and anyone with a functioning brain will just roll their eyes in disgust.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Rotten. This Movie Is A Pre-Teen Sellout.

[1/10 · 13 July 2002]

The original Halloween is quite possibly my favorite movie of all time so I always support the sequels. Well after this fiasco it will be my last.

Do not waste your money on this piece of garbage. The beginning with Jamie Leigh Curtis got the movie off to a promising start but it turned more and more stupid as it went along. It took alot of effort to keep from walking out.

Having a rapper in this film was the biggest sellout. Hey, let's get a rapper in the movie so we can appeal to the teeny boppers. If you like lines like "Trick Or Treat Mother Fu....." Or "You're just a man in baggy ass bibs" or "You're fried like chicken" or referring to the killer as "Mikey". Get my point. This movie is freakin' ridiculous.

Then you have the Blair Witch camera work ripoff that is horrendous. At least in Blair Witch you can still tell what is going on. Alot of Halloween is just horrible video that shows you nothing.

Busta Rhymes ruined this movie. He starts making kung-fu sounds when he is fighting Michael Meyers. If I was John Carpenter I wouldn't even have let them use his music in this pile of crap.

This movie sucks, plain and simple. It is an embarrassment to the Halloween franchise and quite frankly I don't want to see another sequel. Don't even rent this dung heap unless you are drunk off your a$$.

Keeping the Faith (2000)

Runs Too Long, Quite Boring

[4/10 · 13 July 2002]

I really like Edward Norton as an actor. He has much to learn as a director but the movie was not a disaster. I did enjoy the story. There were just far too many lulls in the story and I kept losing interest. With the right editing this could have been a better movie.

Edward Scissorhands (1990)

Very Cool Movie

[7/10 · 10 July 2002]

This was a very cool movie. The colors were really interesting, each house being a different solid color. Each car being a different solid color but not matching the house color of it's owner.

I really cared about Edward. This movie highlights how stupid the average Joe is and how ignorant they are to people that are different. I found myself getting angry at the residents of this town. This is an accurate depiction of the ignorance of people.

A Christmas Carol (1999 TV Movie)

The Best Version I've Ever Seen

[8/10 · 5 July 2002]

Patrick Stewart and the supporting cast were absolutely incredible. I just wish I could view this movie in a widescreen format. It was absolutely gorgeous to look at. The Ghost of Christmas Past was my favorite segment of the movie. It was enchanting. I give this movie a very high recommendation.

The Prince of Egypt (1998)

This Is A Stinker Of A Movie

[1/10 · 5 July 2002]

I really wanted to like this movie. I wanted to say that Disney has finally met their match but this movie was just awful. I was so bored, the singing was lame and the story had too many lulls. This movie could not keep my attention. I am not religious at all but I know the story and it could have been very good. Unfortunately DreamWorks missed the mark. I hope they keep trying though.

The January Man (1989)

Stupid

[5/10 · 4 July 2002]

This movie is really stupid. It is supposed to be about a serial killer but it plays more like a cornball comedy. The dialog in this movie is horrendous. The mayor is actually painful to watch, his lines are so bad and his acting sucks. Everyone in this movie seems ridiculous. This is a stinker of a movie.