Bschorr Reviews

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

If you were a fan of the TV show...

[1/10 · 1 January 2006]

...then you'd better not watch this movie. They've completely ruined the premise of the show. In the movie the Duke boys are idiots, Daisy is trampy, Roscoe is sinister, Boss Hogg is capable, Uncle Jessie is a criminal...only Cooter and Flash are true to the original characters. At least Enos is kinda close.

At one point they open the doors to get into the General Lee -- nuff said.

The original show may not have been great TV, but it was entertaining and the characters made sense. This movie is like Dumb & Dumber meets the Simple Life.

The Grudge (2004)

Apparently I don't know anything about film

[2/10 · 30 August 2005]

Just finished watching "The Grudge" and unfortunately I didn't find it to be particularly engaging. Perhaps it was the slow pace, or the lack of coherent plot. Unfortunately horror films usually do lose me when people starting pursuing the ghost (or spirit) into dark places alone -- I guess I'm too logical.

It was beautifully filmed and the music was a nice addition, but I found myself audibly sighing repeatedly during the movie (luckily I was in my living room). Probably because it seemed like the same scene over and over again.

Obviously there are people with a much bigger appreciation for this type of film than I do. If you are somebody who thought the Ring was fabulous then you'll probably like this. If not, you might find this film a little tedious and repetitive.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Sorry, I liked it....

[10/10 · 24 May 2005]

I realize it's hard not to be nostalgic for Episodes 4-6 but I saw this movie this evening and enjoyed it. It was a lot better than episodes 1 & 2 and dovetails nicely into episode 4. In fact, when my wife and I got home from the theater we popped in Episode 4 and watched it again with Episode 3 fresh in our minds.

The only concept I had a problem with was how Padme could be in love with Anakin -- after all he is mostly just a sulky, pouting teenager thru the second movie. Considering she's a beautiful princess and probably has her pick of any creature in the universe the idea that she'd choose him seems far-fetched to me.

Anyhow, the effects are good, the action non-stop, I liked Christianson (as an actor) a lot better in this film than in the second one (where I really disliked him). Visually it's good and the story seems clearer than in previous episodes.

Much better than the last two films and worth seeing, in my opinion.

-B-

Twisted (I) (2004)

Oh please

[3/10 · 1 January 2005]

This movie is full of people acting inappropriately and then getting indignant about it. Judd sleeps with everybody then gets upset when people mention it. The ex-boyfriend acts like a drunken stalker then gets mad when she kicks him out. The partner is overtly trying to seduce her from the first moment they meet, then acts surprised...

After the third time Judd passes out drunk in her apartment my wife commented "If I were her I'd stop drinking that wine." No kidding. And does anybody believe a homicide detective who is supposed to be tough would scream at the sight of a corpse? The DNA lady can't tell from the DNA sample that the drop of blood was from a female? After two of her lovers show up dead they don't immediately check out her other lovers? None of the cops in this city lock their doors? So many plot holes (big and small) you'll spend half the movie rolling your eyes.

-B-

Columbo: A Trace of Murder (1997) Season 10, Episode 11

The good, the bad and the ugly

[10/10 · 17 November 2004]

Overall this is a pretty good Columbo, in my opinion, though it does have some glaring weaknesses.

Barry Corbin is very good as the loud husband who gets framed by Shera Danese. Danese turns in her usual performance; she's lovely and interesting but seems to play essentially the same character in every episode.

The criminologist "bad guy" does a pretty sloppy job for a supposed expert -- that may be the biggest plot weakness; it's hard to believe he was that dumb. A long way from CSI.

The other weakness is the ending - the twist is good enough, I suppose, but the scene in which he reveals it is contrived and overplayed.

All in all, a good story. If they'd redone the ending and let the villain be a little more clever it would have been a great one. As it is, it's just good.

-B-

Columbo: Troubled Waters (1975) Season 4, Episode 4

My favorite

[10/10 · 17 November 2004]

As a Columbo fan I've seen pretty much every episode and most of them multiple times...this one is still my favorite. The setting on the ship, the clever story line and the supporting cast make this my favorite episode.

The pacing is good and the show is well-filmed.

At this point anytime Robert Vaughn shows up Columbo should just arrest him on sight - as he has been the culprit at least three times and he is good at it.

Also worth noting that this is one of the few episodes I can think of where many of his trademarks are missing: the raincoat, the Peugot, the dog...it's just Columbo being Columbo.

-B-

Pavement (2002 TV Movie)

Forgot to mention...

[3/10 · 22 December 2002]

Pavement also features the most incompetent police SWAT officers captured on film. They're lousy shots, their procedures are comicly flawed and apparently any psycho with a gun can get the drop on them and kill half of them without difficulty.

Unfortunately this adds a very "Mystery Science Theater 3000" flavor to the film; the better parts of the movie tended to get overshadowed by the irresisitible urge to make sarcastic comments.

Pavement (2002 TV Movie)

Left us shaking our heads...

[3/10 · 22 December 2002]

It's an interesting idea and it's well filmed, but there are so many little plot problems that it became almost comical. "Sam" is supposed to be an expert tracker, but just about everybody gets the drop on him. The "FBI" folks are predictably inept and [MINOR SPOILER]my wife and I figured out that the killer was using the handicap buses very early.[END SPOILER]

The police seem to overlook the most basic of procedures (find out the connection between the victims?) until the 11th hour while they're extremely impressed with the most basic capabilities (they zoomed in on a photograph; wow, imagine that.)

A few B-movie cinematic effects don't help matters. At least the acting is decent; I feel sorry for Robert Patrick who probably deserves better.

Broken Arrow (1996)

Misnamed

[3/10 · 3 September 2002]

This film is hardly a masterpiece, though it does have some good moments and plenty of action. Really it should have been named "Broken Helicopter" -- by my rough count they wreck at least 3, maybe 4, helicopters during the course of this film.

Travolta is over-the-top, of course, and Slater is fine in his role. Howie Long does a good job as the henchman.

I wouldn't spend money to see this, but if it's on cable and you're in the mood for a lot of wrecked helicopters, check it out.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Too many toys...

[7/10 · 29 July 2001]

After seeing A.I. and JP3 I'm starting to wonder if Steven Spielberg (only on-board as executive producer this time) hasn't gotten so enamored of the toys of movie-making that he's forgetting to make movies. A.I. was visually spectacular, but none of the characters were very likeable or interesting. JP3 is one cool effects sequence after another -- the characters just marching from set-up to setup.

Other than Sam Neill and maybe the kid none of the other characters in this movie really brought much to the screen. William H. Macy is a terrific actor but he seems sadly out of place. Tea Leoni is a good actress and a lovely lady, but she manages to be as asexual as possible in the role and the script didn't really give her much depth.

That said, the movie is entertaining and aptly short -- it only runs about 90 minutes. The directors thankfully resisted the temptation Spielberg gave into with A.I.; the temptation to keep going and going until the Special Effects guys got tired. There are a few new dinos in this movie, the pterodactyl sequence is especially well done.

The credits, ironically, state that the movie is based upon characters created by Michael Crighton -- but that's not true. Clearly the movie is based upon characters created by evolution. The humans in the movie are merely chum for the real stars to chase and eat.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

I didn't hate it.

[3/10 · 4 June 2001]

On the plus side this film is visually very impressive. Colorful, and wonderfully filmed. On the down side they had a lot more film than story, the musical numbers, while charming, are fairly repetetive and, lovely though Nicole Kidman is, there were far too many extreme closeups of her and McGregor.

It began to feel like a dermatological exam with shot after shot of Kidman's nostrils or McGregor's pained eyes.

Leguizamo puts in the kind of terrific performance we've come to expect from him; in fact, Kidman is the weakest link in the cast and I thought she did fine. You can't fault the performances. Using the modern songs was an interesting touch and part of the fun was figuring out which song they were performing...unfortunately after an hour and a half it was more or less all of the fun.

This is not a film you can ignore; bold, loud and musical; it's clear that there was a vision and this is a powerful embodiment of that vision. Unfortunately the vision was a lot shorter than the film.

It's a bad sign when you're watching a movie and your mind drifts to another, totally unrelated, movie -- but 100 minutes into Moulin Rouge I found myself admiring a scene from Pearl Harbor which I'd seen the week before.

Bravo on the visuals, good performances all around. But not enough story to carry the film and I suspect that most of the audience I saw it with just didn't get it.

Coyote Ugly (2000)

Ah the irony of it all

[5/10 · 7 April 2001]

This is a movie that unintentionally, I think, describes itself. During one of the big "soul searching" scenes, the male lead tells the female lead that she thinks she's pursuing her dream, but all she's really doing is shaking her body on a bar.

Well...the main attraction of this movie seems to be half a dozen beautiful women, in various scanty outfits, getting doused on a bar for a crowd of cheering men. It makes a valiant effort at being about something and the characters are engaging and enthusiastically portrayed, but ultimately there is too much focus on bouncing breasts and bared midsections.

One thing I will definitely give credit for, though...it would have been VERY easy to fill the movie with gratuitous nudity and, as near as I recall, there isn't any at all. I think it's admirable that the filmmakers resisted the urge to go for the cheap thrills and let the film degenerate into "Porkys 7" or "Showgirls". This is a film that tries hard to be more than Tyra Banks' cleavage but ultimately that's what the fans are there to see.

Mission: Impossible II (2000)

The first one was better.

[6/10 · 24 November 2000]

Definitely a John Woo film, lots of good stunts and action. Tom Cruise gets to do even more physical stunts Woo does a good job with that. Too many holes in the plot, though, and too long a film for as little ground as it covers. The acting is adequate, could have used more Ving Rhames.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000 Video)

Cute parody, glad I didn't pay $7 though.

[5/10 · 18 October 2000]

A shameless parody of the Scream series and slasher movies in general. Check your brains at the door for this spoof in the Airplane spirit (but not quite in the same class as Airplane) but you will get some chuckles and laughs.

Black Mask (1996)

I'd have liked it better with real stunts...

[2/10 · 10 October 2000]

Went to see this movie hoping to see some flashes of the Jet Li we were amazed by in Lethal Weapon 4. Unfortunately too many of his fight stunts are so clearly fake that it took even that enjoyment out of it. The flying kicks would be a lot more impressive if you couldn't see the wires holding him up as he flies through the air for 4 seconds and 9 kicks.

Too cartoonish and very disappointing.

Hollow Man (2000)

Great effects - hollow story

[5/10 · 20 August 2000]

The visual effects almost carry this film - unfortunately the rest of the story just doesn't hold up. It seems like one contrived situation after another to see how many different ways you can see an invisible man. Smoke: Check. Heat sensors: Check. Water: Check. Blood: Check. Script:...Script:...

Just enough characters for him to kill each of them off in a fancy way, but you never really get to care much about any of them. Elizabeth Shue is fine, as is Bacon - but unfortunately the effects are the best part of the movie and everything in between starts to feel like filler.

Die Hard 2 (1990)

Entertaining but leave your brain at the door

[3/10 · 6 August 2000]

If you have the choice get Die Hard or Die Hard With a Vengeance (3) instead. If not...

Good action, fun lines, good effects. Don't think too hard about it, though, or you'll wonder why they didn't use any of 100 other ways to call the planes, land the planes or send them to other airports.

Put that stuff out of your head, though, and you'll enjoy the ride.