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hendmik
Reviews
A Little Princess (1995)
Just Like Real Life!
In real life when a father dies, all assets are assumed by the state for no apparent reason. That's just how it is.
In real life when the police are called to arrest a 10 year old girl for theft, the SWAT team arrives and proceeds to rush the building. That's just how it is.
In real life when a child, supposed to be reading aloud a classic book, veers off script and begins to improvise a more interesting plot line, the evil school marm will immediately yank the book out of the girls hand and search it frantically, looking either for her version of the story, or just how the girl is able to recite the book without looking at it. That's just how people act.
In real life you can revive a person from their amnesia just by yelling at them. That's just how it is.
In real life, women who were former school marms, who take advantage of little cute innocent girls, but don't really do anything illegal, get stripped of their wealth (again for no apparent reason) and become chimney sweeps who's boss is a 9 year old boy. That's just how it is.
This film was melodramatic, contrived, trite, hilarious (for all the wrong reasons), poorly acted (the plump assistant in the school gave the most embarrassing performance this side of local puppet theater), and written littered with clichés to support all the plot conveniences required.
The art and set direction however, was top notch; hardly a reason to subject yourself to this monstrosity, but beautiful to see, nonetheless.
Go watch Matilda and forget this cheesy Hallmark train wreck.
101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure (2002)
Not Bad....
Coming from a parent who cringed and groaned all the way through Little Mermaid II, Cinderella II, and just about ever "II" Disney has inflicted on the public, this one wasn't bad. It kept the spirit and fun of the first, didn't get too sticky sweet, and just had a good time with itself.
Although the animation is on par with other direct-to-video releases (read: poor), had Dinsey put a little more into its development, they could've had a nice theater release on their hands. How the potential films like this are ignored, but the embarrassing Jungle Book 2 was release in theaters, I'll never figure out.
My daughter loves this one and, while it's no Toy Story, I can gladly sit through it to keep her attention away from Care Bears: The Movie.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
If I Hear That Twang Sound One More Time . . .
This film falters under it's own idiocy. The obvious pretension of the film maker is made apparent with the 5 minute long voyage into V'Ger and the initial boarding sequence of the Enterprise. Go get a sandwich. This director was proud of his Tyco grade special effects and his Christmas morning delight for his film is hilarious to watch. He really believed he was involved in something great. Saddle that with his decision to have the dialog continuously explain what the audience is supposed to be seeing and feeling (case in point the `I learned something today' epilogue), you could easily watch the movie with your eyes closed and miss nothing but the over used macro photography. The director clearly believed his film was much too complex for the average person to comprehend.
All in all a good two hours of watching the film makers and actors trying to take themselves seriously.
The Last Castle (2001)
Absurd
What this movie needed, more than anything else, was Chuck Norris. If you squint your eyes, when Redford's character rescues the man from the helicopter right before it explodes, you can almost see Eric Estrada doing it. I've come to expect great things from Robert Redford, but this film was akin to walking into a five star restraunt and ordering a Big Mac.
Wan't a decent "prison uprising" film? Try Shawshank or Escape From Alcatraz. A dencent military movie is what you want? Pearl Harbor was less melodramatic than this and Predator more realistic. Need a great Redford film? Try Sneakers (or anything before it). Just steer clear of this manipulative corn fest.
All I ask from film makers is that a movie survives in the universe it creates. This film laid down its own rules, then pretended they weren't there.
She's All That (1999)
Sheesh.
This film is an obvious TV movie with a budget. With no original dialogue anywhere and several misplaced jokes, this movie was a strain to get through. Some jokes even of the screw-ball comedy type that seems grossly out of place and simply fall flat. Freddie Prinze Jr. is completely unlikable in his 'Brandon Walsh wannabe' role. The writer who thought it was a good idea to have him make two bullies eat pubic hair has never spent a minute in a high school. It's empathetically akin to Nancy Regan's Just Say No campaign. It only appeals to adults who have forgotten what it was like to be a teenager. Pure tripe.
Kevin Pollak seems completely out of place in this film. And that's a good thing. He is once again at the top of his game in this film. He injects the only genuine emotion into the picture with his role as the cliché sensitive dad. I found myself wishing the script would follow him and his struggles as a single dad with Ally Sheedy from Breakfast Club and Forrest Gump as children. I just couldn't get myself to care about anyone else.
There are so many better attempts at the teen comedy genre than this effort. If you want to see films like this, just tune into the USA network.
Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000)
Hungry people could've eaten with the money from this film's budget, you know.
I can't believe the Director of this film came from such groundbreaking projects as SCTV and Kids in the Hall. He should be ashamed of himself. The screenplay sounds as if it were written on the back of a Denny's napkin and the actors play it off like a high school melodrama. It's obvious that during its filming, everyone was aware how awful this movie was, as no one really shows any pride in their performances (with the exception of Tom Arnold - I'm convinced he thought this movie would put him on top). Tom delivers his lines with such confidence, he's never been more in his element. . . this is not a compliment.
We can all feel a bit reassured that this film placed an iron nail in the coffins of each participant's career and no one was able to buy a boat or pay for college with their checks.
After watching this film, you may reconsider how harshly you've criticized other films. By comparison, Ghostbusters II was a marvel in screen writing, Yahoo Serious is a comic genius, and Pauly Shore belongs in the Director's chair.
Lost in Space (1998)
Funny, Funny Film
This movie is so bad that it's good. It plays out as a satire in the vein of Frank Oz and Billy Crystal film parodies. The difference is that Lost in Space isn't intentionally funny. The dialogue is melodramatic, the characters are complete stereotypes (which saved the diector from having to do any exposition), and the acting is 'USA Network' bad.
All this combined made for a hilarious way to spend 2 hours. If only Congo could've been this funny.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
Spielberg and Kennedy Should Take This One Off Their Résumés
I was 11 years old when this film came out and loved it. What else was there to do in the summer but anticipate the new blockbuster that everyone was talking about?
But, unfortunately, as the years have passed, Temple of Doom has become unwatchable. While both Raiders and Last Crusade both got by with suspending our beliefs while we immerse ourselves in fantasy, Temple of Doom did it through horrible continuity, sexism, and cheese. Thank god it is not the trend for George Lucas, but it certainly seems to be for Kathleen Kennedy and Steve.
When people approach me and ask, "I'd like to be an annoying film 'nitpicker' like you!" I tell them to start off with Temple of Doom. The jump cut to cut ratio is higher in this film than any other I've ever seen. A great example of poor direction and even worse cinematography. My apologies to veteran, Doug Slocombe. I don't blame him. Kathleen and Steve should have known better.
The audio in this film, however, is stellar. In the non-digital, ambience rooms as big as a GM factory, pre-ProTools age, the ADR is this film is all but invisible and the design would be top of the line even today. The audio production smudged (while still not able to solve) the film's continuity and production errors beautifully. Events not in the primary focus were still audible while not trampling on the foreground. Hats off to Ben Burtt and his crew for salvaging this painful film. Hopefully Ben can regain his talent for Episode 2 . . .
You've Got Mail (1998)
Mommy, Make It Go Away!!!
Like most, I was drawn to the film through the success of "Sleepless," but I can't help but think the film makers missed the point on this one.
Meg Ryan has been endearing and adorable in other films, but was pitiful and "pouty" in this one. She can't bear the cross of the comic relief which I thought was obvious to all in "French Kiss." And poor Tom Hanks is no romantic lead without Rob Reiner or Ross Malinger to play off of. The characters of his father and grandfather were good in their own rights, but they were no awkward sidekicks that the audience could fall in love with.
The supporting cast was all this film had going for it. Greg Kinnear, Dabney, Jean, and John Randolph were the only reasons I looked up from my watch.
Just like a good cookie still has salt in the recipe, You've Got Mail should have tried something else besides sugar for theirs. For cheese of this caliber, I can watch Touched By An Angel for free . . .