Cleon Reviews

The Six Million Dollar Man: The Solid Gold Kidnapping (1973 TV Movie)

Overstuffed episode

[7 March 2004]

Had it been pared down to a single episode of the series, the Solid Gold Kidnapping would be passable, but as a full movie it leaves a lot to be desired. There is a large amount of obvious stock footage from many sources and a plot with no surprises or suspense.

On the plus side, guest star John Vernon makes a very good villain, the evil organization is interesting although a bit glossed over, and they do attempt to discuss the philosophical implications of bionics in a way that isn't quite as silly as you'd expect.

All in all, though, it's missable. If you're a big fan of the Six Million Dollar Man, you still might want to see it after you've seen the rest of the series and it's TV movies but don't set your expectations too high. This is just an average episode with enough extra filler to make it 90 minutes long.

This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Hours of enjoyment!

[7 January 2004]

Spinal Tap isn't a movie for everybody. If you don't know much about rock music, you will probably think it is just a very shallow movie with a few gags here and there. However, if you are a fan of rock music, you can spend hours marveling and laughing at layer upon layer of innuendo, satire, and subtext.

McKean, Guest, and Shearer, all very talented musicians in their own right, knew their rock history and accordingly parodied aspects of just about about every major band from the early 60's to the 80's. It is so packed with jokes that it would be impossible to pick up on all of the jokes the first time around.

Besides the rockers themselves, it also pokes fun at groupies, managers, the record industry, and even spontaneous combustion. If that doesn't make a good natured comedy I don't know what would.

If you have any knowledge of rock and roll, see this movie! If not, find a friend, who has knowledge of rock and roll, then see this movie!

The Last Dragon (1985)

That's Entertainment!

[10/10 · 3 September 2003]

The Last Dragon may be the quintessential example of a movie made purely to entertain. The dialogue is simple enough to appeal to a younger crowd and the plot is very predictable, but only because it aims so squarely to please. In short, what you want to happen happens. Producer Berry Gordy ensured that music was also a large part of the movie. The songs are very fun 80's fare, but the final fight song fairly unique and very good. For the benefit of the kids, there is very little subtlety in the acting, but it is by no means poor.

The story centers on young man Leroy Green, a serious martial artist in the unlikely setting of Harlem. Although ridiculed by his younger brother and almost everyone else for his sinophilia, Leroy has completed all the training his kung-fu teacher can offer. His teacher tells him that to reach the final level and achieve "The Glow" he must first find "The Master." Leroy begins his quest but faces difficulties after he rescues the beautiful Video DJ Laura Charles who is being harassed by the crazed Eddie Arcadian. There's also another very entertaining adversary Sho Nuff, the self proclaimed Shogun of Harlem. They have one of those classic "My Karate is better than your Kung-Fu" things going on.

From there the plot thickens. I wouldn't say there are many surprises, but the movie has more than its share of enjoyable moments. So if you're looking for an action/adventure/martial-arts/comedy that is suitable for all ages, or just a really fun movie, The Last Dragon is it.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

If you're not looking for action, it's good.

[22 August 2003]

This movie has a reputation for being a turkey, but really it's not that bad. The problem was it's not what people expected of Star Trek. The original episodes moved at a quicker pace and the dialogue and the settings usually had more the feeling of a stage play than grand movie. The creators of this movie sought to do something a bit different and they succeeded in that but, by changing the formula, they apparently also succeeded in alienating some of their fans.

That said the movie has interesting visuals, great music, an engaging cast, a touching love story, and one of the most eerie and mysterious adversaries ever. There is very little action so it is certainly not for everyone, but I'd say that if you liked 2001, Blade Runner, or Solaris, none of which were thrill-a-minute movies, you will probably like this movie. If you liked those movies and Star Trek then you're in for a treat. Just be ready for something slow and atmospheric.

Sands of Iwo Jima (1949)

A Great Classic triumphs over age and minor flaws.

[18 August 2003]

Yes, today some of it seems campy and jingoistic, but Sands of Iwo Jima, is such a classic that it can't help being a worthy way to spend 100 minutes.

First of all, there is John Wayne as Sergeant Stryker. Stryker was the model on which virtually every screen portrayal of a tough sergeant is based. The character's angst and intensity also give us a rare glimpse of John Wayne's true acting ability. In most movies he just portrayed himself, but there is no swagger in Stryker, just loneliness, fear, and hope. He is by far the most convincing character in this movie, and one of the top from any war movie, period.

Next: the history. Ok, the actual characters have no basis in fact, but the battles certainly do. The battles for Tarawa and Iwo Jima were very important to the war and tragically costly in lives. They deserve to be remembered. The production mixed a lot of actual footage taken at the actual battles and mixed it in with the regular film. The two look fairly similar since both are black and white, but you can tell what is real and what was shot for the movie. One's first reaction to this might be that the production went cheapskate, but, in a way, the use of real stock battle footage was more moving than an epic legion of extras like in The Longest Day. You just can't beat reality for realism, and seeing the real islands and the real marines is an eerie reminder of how many men died in those horrific battles.

Finally: the supporting cast. Ok, I can't rave about them all, but most were entertaining, especially Wally Cassell. Also, Forrest Tucker puts in a fine performance, the only one remotely close to Wayne's in its depth.

Some of the anachronisms are a bit funny, but my only real complaint in the whole movie was John Agar's character Peter Conway. I don't know who was at fault for it, Agar or the writers, but his character is hard to take. I think we are meant to like him, but for about the first 90 minutes that is pretty much impossible.

Otherwise, it's a great movie. See it!

Tears of the Sun (2003)

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

[1 April 2003]

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

This Edmund Burke quote appears just before the credits and I think it aptly captures the point of the movie. The point of the movie is not that Navy SEALs are very tough hombres and that an aircraft carrier packs a lot of firepower, even though it gives ample evidence of this. The point is also not that the white people are sticking up for black people, even though on a superficial level most of the seals are white and, guess what, all of the Nigerians are black. The point is that if you have to power to stop unspeakable cruelty, you should use it. No diplomatic discourse or high and mighty hand wringing. Just do it. The movie has a SEAL team in just such a position, where they are forced to decide between accepting genocide as an internal affair of a foreign nation or confronting it as universal crime being committed right in front of them. They choose the latter action. Some cynics will say that the movie is preachy. I would counter that it is instead very emotional, and some of the lines that might be confused as sermonizing must be viewed within this context. Also, this is not a fantasy scenario. The wars in Rwanda, Sierra Leone, the Ivory Coast, Congo, Sudan, and Cambodia all provide examples of the kind of atrocities that can happen in the places most of the world doesn't pay attnetion to. 1st world sensibilities do not apply. In addition to making a statement of moral clarity, the film also has fine cinematography, great and believable action, simple but moving dialogue, and the always amiable Bruce Willis surrounded by a fine supporting cast, including the stunning and talented Monica Belluci.

Heaven forbid that Hollywood should make a movie portraying the American military in a positive light, yet that is just what Tears of the Sun has done, and for one I think it is great.

Tears of the Sun (2003)

The only thing that evil needs to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

[31 March 2003]

The only thing that evil needs to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

This is a quote that comes just before the credits and I think it aptly captures the point to the movie. The point of the movie is not that Navy Seals are very tough hombres and that an aircraft carrier packs a lot of firepower, even though it gives ample evidence of this. The point is also not that the white people are sticking up for black people, even though on a superficial level most of the seals are white and, guess what, all of the Nigerians are black. The point is that if you have to power to stop unspeakable cruelty, you should use it. No diplomatic discourse or high and mighty hand wringing. Just do it. The movie has a seal team in just such a position, where they are forced to decide between treating genocide as an internal affair or a universal crime unfolding in front of them. They choose the latter. Some cynics will say that the movie is preachy. I would counter that it is instead very emotional, and some of the lines that might be confused as sermonizing must be viewed within this context. Also, this is not a fantasy scenario. Rwanda, Sierra Leone, the Ivory Coast, Congo, Sudan, and Cambodia are just a few examples of the kinds of wars that go on in these places. 1st world sensibilities do not apply. In addition to making a statement of moral clarity, the film also has fine cinematography, great and believable action, simple but moving dialogue, and the always amiable Bruce Willis surrounded by a fine supporting cast, including the stunning and talented Monica Belluci.

Heaven forbid that Hollywood should make a movie portraying the American military in a positive light, yet that is just what Tears of the Sun has done, and for one I think it is great.

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

Good Action, but raises too many questions.

[15 March 2003]

Warning!!! Warning!!! Warning!!! This may contain spoilers!!! !!! !!!

Star Trek: Nemesis has good production values, a great antagonist, and good action sequences. My problem with the movie was that it left too many unanswered questions. How did Schinzon take the leadership of the Remans? How did he lead them to the position we see in the beginning of the film when the Romulan Senate is considering an alliance? They mention that he was a commander for the Romulans in the Dominion war, but wasn't he cast into the mines to die? How did he then get a high military commission? How was he able, using from what we see to be only one ship, however formidable, to achieve independence from the Romulan Empire, one of the most powerful in the quadrant, when his planet was right in the middle of their system? And speaking of the ship, the Scimitar, how did the Remans, previously confined to mines, where we must assume that their education was not a priority, able to build the largest and most heavily armed ship ever to come out of the alpha quadrant, with the most advanced cloaking system in existence, speed that surpasses the very fast Enterprise E, and a new form of weapon that uses an unknown energy form, all in secret no less? If they didn't suspect he was going to try to wipe out Earth, why did the Romulan Fleet commanders think that he was the right one to lead them into war with the Federation? Why does Schinzon want to destroy the Federation and not the Romulans? What were the powers that the Viceroy used with Schinzon to help his pain, and to probe Diana Troi? Why did Dina Meyer's Romulan character, who apparently knows Schinzon's plan, is able to nonchalantly assasinate the entire Romulan senate and open the door for the invasion of Romulus, yet later gets cold feet? Is it just because Schinzon wouldn't have sex with her? In which case they are taking the whole woman scorned thing a little too far. Where did Schinzon get B4? How did La Forge and Data, miss his new programming? With transporter technology able to replicate things, even Riker in one TNG episode, why can Data bring only one of those mini transporters with him, also why can't Schinzon, who transported Picard, use his signature to create as many Picards as he wants for his procedure? What was his procedure that seemed to need Picard at some times and not need him at others? Also, (***SPOILER***) why couldn't they replicate data and then reload his memory engrams from B4 like they will probably do in a later movie, if there are more? If the Remans are such formidable warriors, then why was the Viceroy's boarding party so easily neutralized? Why did the Viceroy decide to take a stroll in the jeffrey's tube, what did he care about going mano a mano with Riker? Wasn't Worf in love with Troi once, why isn't he even a little bitter about her getting hitched? How did La Forge go from knowing only the slightest bit about the theoretical radiation weapon in one scene, to knowing exactly how is worked and how long it would take to fire in another? Why wasn't Data, who knew about how the Radiation weapon worked, able to use a remote, or timed explosive to stop it? We've seen phasers set to overload before and he obviously had one with him. Why don't they mention quantum torpedoes in the movie? How could Janeway have outranked Picard? I gave up on voyager a while ago so I guess I could have missed something there. And last but not least, why was the Romulan Fleet, eager to go to war one day and then making historic peace overtures a couple days later? Ok, maybe they decided that destroying earth was a bad idea, but that doesn't explain their later friendliness. As you can see this movie leaves you with a lot unanswered. Even Rambo works on some intellectual level, so it's a bit disappointing when a member of the Star Trek Franchise, which is usually more intelligent than most popular sci-fi, does not. I heard that there is a lot of additional footage was that might explain some of these mysteries. If it did shed light, I think they should have left it in the movie since most of the folks who go to see a Trek film would be willing to sit in the theater indefinitely to get their fix of the Trek universe. Hopefully, the footage will later be released on a DVD version.