Change Your Image
Diomed
Reviews
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut, and FLAT!
I admit it, I don't like the TV show. I just don't see the wit that I need to enjoy a comedy. Sorry. "So" you ask, "why would you see the movie?" Most everything I've seen and read said it was good, so I went. I learned something about myself that day, I learned I don't like South Park. I could tell there was an idea (albeit a good, and timely one) evident, but it just boils down to "I don't like South Park." Here are the problems I had: 1) Crappy animation- (hey,I know they make fun of it themselves but it sucks paying money to watch Construction Paper Cut-outs.) 2) Arrrrrggghhhh! EEeeeeee! Blaaaaaah! This is what 60% of the movie sounds like. Pronunciation is the key. 3) Didn't watch the show--didn't get the established jokes. It's a movie-it has to stand on its own. 4) Delivery- I understood the jokes, and I could see how it could be funny. I think I'd probably even like the script, but there is no emotion behind the characters so the jokes come out flat. 5) Wow factor-"Hey look, that cartoon is using profanity! And lots of it too!" Hyuck!-----Nope, I need pasta with my sauce. I did smirk once--the menstruation joke was humorous, but that was it. I know I'm in the minority as everyone was laughing up a storm in the theatre, but hey, I don't like South Park, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Dogma (1999)
MIRAMAX-You are sitting on a goldmine!!!!!!!!!
From reading about how Miramax is scared about releasing this movie, I wasn't sure what to expect. But when I got a chance to see the LA screening, I jumped at the chance. I was hoping the movie wouldn't simply be a "make fun of the establishment" type of flick. Although it was a little touch and go in the beginning, once this movie gets going (when Alan Rikman shows up) it really takes off. This movie is actually a pro-God movie, and it actually confirms the Christian faith. To be offended by this film is to be offended by life. What Kevin Smith creates is one of the smartest comedies ever written. This movie flows so well despite some wooden acting and the usual wooden directing. But that is what is great about Kevin Smith, his ability to write GREAT dialogue totally carries the movie. Affleck, Damon, Rikman, and Rock are fantastic, and Jay totally steals the show. If you aren't religious, you'll greatly enjoy this movie, and if you ever went to either Sunday school or Catholic school, you'll love it. I really hope this movie gets released soon-besides being the only film I've truly recommended to my friends since October Sky, I want to see it again.
Free Enterprise (1998)
I can't say it is the worst movie ever made, but it is the worst movie I have ever seen!
In an age of films with pop-culture references, one film stands out as a recipe of what not to do... that film is Free Enterprise. First, take one part "unlikable characters", add 10 cups of "inappropriate pop-culture references", add two lengthy stories...mix together then serve. This movie failed on every level. Not only was this movie poorly made (count the shots with the boom peeking in), but I have never seen such a cast of unlikable characters. Every character was a carbon copy of each other. Every one was a sci-fi loving, toy collecting, movie quoting, girl getting, too cool for you, stud. I have yet to meet one of them let alone an entire cast! I think Free Enterprise was "trying" to be 'Swingers' meets 'Clerks', but where 'Swingers' were a group of dorky friends pretending to be cool, Free Enterprises cast was portrayed as so cool, everyone else must be dorks for not seeing it. Where as 'Clerks' had an air of a couple of guys hanging out at work talking like friends and for laughs a stranger could chime right on in, Free Enterprise was a place where everyone had the same frame of reference and no one was a stranger. This movie also suffered from being way too long. I admit, I wasn't able to stay for the entire thing. I was fed up after an hour, but waited for another 40 minutes just in case the story veered from the main character dating a girl so fake, she made Cameron Diaz in Something About Mary seem real, to the story I was expecting to see, namely Bill Shatner and his one man rendition of Julius Ceasar.(As Han Solo might say,"No joke is worth this.") Maybe this movie works for the guys who made it and their 3 friends, but unfortunately this movie was released for public consumption. With plot points so full of holes you could drive a tank through it("How sweet, you ditched work so we can have some fun...Now you need to grow up!"), this movie comes across as a home video which should have been erased a long time ago... In closing I just have a quick question to the makers of Free Enterprise; what is it with so much screen time devoted to waitresses (utterly horrible). I leave you now for I have already put more time into this than was put into Free Enterprise.