Sachiel Reviews

Gandahar (1987)

forgotten animation masterpiece

[9/10 · 26 September 1999]

It truly is a shame that no one's ever heard of this breathtakingly beautiful piece of animation. It's also a shame that animation is not usually employed in America as an adult art form. Animation shows us lifeforms and landscapes the likes of which cannot be seen on this Earth. Anyway, this is an amazing film that should be checked out by all anime fans as well as fans of films like Heavy Metal, or master animator Ralph Bakshi's works. Light Years is one of the most enlightening animated works on this planet.

The Naked Man (II) (1999)

Gotta love those bizarre comedies

[25 August 1999]

One half of the Coen Brothers has co-written one of the weirdest and most intelligent comedies I've ever had the pleasure of viewing. Underrated actor, Michael Rappaport excellently portrays the inscrutable chiropractor/wrestler of which the title refers. The Naked Man features wonderfully quirky performances, equally quirky dialogue and a storyline just strange enough to keep anyone interested. Fans of David Lynch or John Waters, don't miss this!

Hell in the Pacific (1968)

A true anthem of American/Japanese relations

[31 July 1999]

I absolutely loved seeing these two soldiers obliterate their animosities to survive, although, I doubt the likelihood of its occurrence, considering Japan, with its warlike ways and America, with our ethnocentricities. Being the admirer of Japanese culture that I am, I felt very uplifted when I saw a (fictional) softer side to Japan's rather nasty reputation during the war; something I'd always done my best to push to the back of my mind. I'd like to think this could've happened, (probably not, but...), and I wish an end to the sporadic, still-existent hatred of one of our most infamous of enemies, Japan.

The production is flawful, but still quite excellent. Mifune and Marvin present golden performances, delivering effectively intense dialogue, (could've used a few subtitles, though). The story lacks a characterized antagonist, which is good, and Mifune's character is thankfully free of stereotype. The film's conspicuous eyesore is a clumsily and oafishly produced climax, and I feel you have to know a little bit about the history of WWII to fully understand it. In closing, I recommend this amazing film to all war buffs, war haters, and Japan lovers. Anime fans should definitely give it an open-minded try as well.

Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)

Uh... no.

[5 May 1999]

Gimme a C! Gimme an R! Gimme an A! Gimme a P! This toilet fodder of a movie seems to have been David Hasselhoff's first. He has a nude scene. I'd really like to drag this out on him someday, and see what he has to say. This film featured nudity, terrible performances, a worthless script, and inane, badly choreographed dance sequences. I think I'd rather watch Barney. Why is it I'm wasting my time reviewing this movie anyway?? Man, I am morbidly bored.

Tromeo and Juliet (1996)

The best of the undisputed gods of b-movies.

[29 April 1999]

I know very little of Shakespeare's personality, so I haven't a clue as to how he would've felt had he seen this masterfully perverse retelling of his work. I don't much care either. I firmly believe he would have liked this one better than the Leo and Claire version. I also firmly believe that Troma will never cease to amaze us all. Every time they make a film they work with a budget smaller than the life-savings of a third-world peasant, and the cast is dominated by more amateur actors than a school play, and yet, the film flows smoother than wine, and the performances are like platinum. Troma will likely never be surpassed in terms of cult following with a feel that is endearingly John Watersesque. If you like Troma, don't pass this up. If you've never seen Troma, let this be your first. If you hate Troma, then s***w ya.

Necronomicon: Book of Dead (1993)

An underrated horror masterpiece

[23 April 1999]

Unfortunately, this movie seems to have been totally forgotten and unnoticed by not only the horror film industry, but the modern horror fan community as well. This film is horror perfection at its finest, in my opinion. More of Master Lovecraft's work needs to be applied to the film medium. Not only did he single-handedly revive the horror genre, but he inspired most of the horror writers and directors working today, and is not often enough given credit for this. Lovecraft is nothing less than the supreme god of the horror medium. Necronomicon is a film that is most painfully under-appreciated and deserves grand-high kudos.

Pink Flamingos (1972)

What's he doing to that chicken!??

[9/10 · 23 April 1999]

I'd say this film is the finest test of how much of a pervert you are known to mankind. The sicker you become, the less perverted you are. I wasn't bothered at all, so where does that leave me? But seriously, though, who else could turn this film's content into an art form but genius smut-master John Waters? No human being (human being??) but him could turn trash into DaVinci and successfully slip through the censors' fingers to turn a mere $30,000 feces-fest into one of the most respected masterpieces of cult filmdom today. Anyone who plans to view this particular piece of raunchy high-art who still has the occasional pure thought might want to wield a barf-bag and avoid sitting too close to anyone. And don't eat beforehand. God help you if you eat beforehand. Unless, of course you're like me.

In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

Second greatest horror film ever

[19 April 1999]

Second only to The Exorcist in terms of fear-factor, this film is an instant horror classic. Its surreal and horrifying visuals are the kind I'd really like to see a lot more often in horror today. I'm really quite sick of all the dull teenage slasher films that have unfortunately dominated the genre. 'Mouth' seems to be inspired by the work of master horrorologist, H. P. Lovecraft, and any horror buff who has never read Lovecraft is seriously missing out. I must give grand recommendations for Lovecraft's "Cthulhu Mythos".

Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

Superb 80's comedy classic

[19 April 1999]

This is one of my favorite movies from the 80's. It's got all the T&A necessities required for its genre as well as genuinely funny lines and situations. A huge thumbs up from me as well as all the other nerds out there. There's also an excellent musical sequence near the climax.

The Exorcist (1973)

All-time greatest horror film

[19 April 1999]

The Exorcist, being without a doubt the most terrifying and most intense film in history still hasn't aged a bit and hopefully never will. There are those who found The Exorcist to be funny and merely nothing more than a ghastly joke. These people have no sence of values or have got their concepts of fear horribly mixed-up. There are still other who say The Exorcist has lost its shock-value with time. Well I am sixteen years old and having seen The Exorcist for the first time not long ago, I can assure you that this is false. The horror of The Exorcist is timeless. And I say this not because I'm a flake or a religious freak.