Horror Fan Reviews

Poketto Monsutâ Midori (1996 Video Game)

This game is the very best...Like no game ever was!

[10/10 · 12 December 1999]

This is actually the blue version in America. This along with the red version is one of the best games in video game history. Ok, You begin your quest to become a pokemon master in Pallet Town. When you leave the town, professor Oak aproaches you and tells you that it's dangerous in tall grass because wild Pokemon live their. Then he brings you inside and lets you choose your Pokemon. I chose a Squirtle (I feel really bad about letting him evolve) my enemy, MattG chose a Bulbasaur. Then we battled and I continued on my quest. I have collected 47 pokemon and earned six bages so far. I reccommend this game to adults and kids alike. It is a must. The real blue version actually never made it the US!

Onibaba (1964)

One truly horrifying movie portrait of cruelty and evil in feudal Japan.

[10/10 · 4 October 1999]

This film is so frightening! A young woman and old woman must literally kill to survive in a war torn Japan! They live by ambushing soldiers who get lost in the jungle of grass that they live, stripping them of their armour, and then tossing the bodies into a pit, and selling the armor for food. When the son and husband fails to return from the war, only his friend returns. The friend and the younger woman start to hit it off everynight. So the old woman retaliates by stealing a scary Kabuki mask from a samurai general and using it to scare the woman every night when she trys to go to the man's hut. Finally...The mask won't come off!! Be prepared for the terrifying shock ending! The B&W photography in this film is incredible. The Blair Witch project uses similar shots in it's B&W portion. It also has a great use of WIDESCREEN and makes the field of grass seem like a horrifying jungle!! Watch this film.

Goke, Body Snatcher from Hell (1968)

Top notch Japanese horror movie.

[10/10 · 3 October 1999]

If your looking for a film which will shock you, frighten you, and will make you shiver, get this!!! It's an incredible Japanese horror movie which is an airplane disaster movie/vampire movie/alien invasion movie/apocolypse movie. You will be amazed. The film begins with a Japanese airliner losing control when they see a blood red sky, evil birds, and a UFO, crashing into a desert. The survivors lose all their food and water and have to cope with Gokemidoro, a blob like alien. The creature enters a man through a wound in his head, in a truly incredible scene. The man becomes a host to Gokemidoro and attacks the survivors, and keeps knocking them of, one by one, in different grotesque ways (most of them get their blood sucked out even though one man explodes and a woman is possesed by Gokemidoro and speaks in his voice and then becomes a horrible rotted corpse). Finally, the last two survivors escape only to find................. Just watch the movie. This is a must for any one who likes Japanese cinema. The dubbing is atrocious though, but this doesn't hurt the film that much.

Red Zone Cuba (1966)

One of the worst films ever made.

[21 September 1999]

When I watched this, I JUST COULDN"T BELIEVE IT!! It's so painful. You know what your in for just from the song over the opening credits! It's about this convict (played by the heavyset Coleman Francis) who escapes from jail and goes to a corrupted Cuba to carry out a bay of pigs operation. If you think Ed Wood is a bad director, he looks like Orson Welles in comparision to Cloeman Francis. See the MST3K episode, or don't, because this film will cause you as much pain as Mike, Crow, Servo, and even Dr. Forrester experienced!

The Bat People (1974)

No film ever has hurt my soul like this did.

[13 August 1999]

God. This film is so vile, so disturbing, and so dumb that I almost died watching it, and that was the MST3K version!!! A scientist and his wife get lost in a cave on their honeymoon. While they are trying to climb out of a termite infested pit, they are attacked by vampire bats (come on, they don't attack people). The husband is bit. He trys to get a rabies vacinaton but he keeps having a horrible allergic reaction. Then he becomes a bat thing and starts killing people. But, we don't even see him. When we do, he looks more like a big bearded guy more than a bat. Do not watch without MST3k, and even then still beware.

The Crawling Hand (1963)

The cheesiest.

[13 August 1999]

MAN!! This movie is the cheese. It's about a astronaut who is taken over by an unknown force and goes mad in space. He begs his friends down on Earth to push the red button and blow him up. So they do so. However, his hand survives the blast and starts killing people. Though, it horrifies his girlfriend, a med student finds it and takes it home. It kills his landlady, and then takes him over. The kid starts acting weird and kills people and attempts to kill the crusty old man who says "No dancing, not allowed!" in his restaurant. The hand is picked clean by cats but then it is attempted to be shipped away and....Well....let's just say never trust the delivery man. This really scared me as kid.

Squirm (1976)

A really great horror movie.

[11 August 1999]

This film gave me vivid nightmares as a kid. It has a scene where worms burrow under a guy's face. It was just on MST3K. It has a creepy song that plays over the opening credits (as Tom Servo puts it, It's evil little kid music). And DON'T, I mean don't eat spaghetti while watching this movie or within a week of viewing this film.

Five the Hard Way (1969)

One disgusting movie!!

[10 July 1999]

"Sidehacking is the thing to do, cause you don't need to have a hi IQ" This film is just a disgusting movie with tons of vile scenes. One rape scene drove the poor people who write MST3K mad. I remember the old MST3K episode as being great. I can't wait till it's released on video. This is similar to Just for the Hell of it.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)

Great entertainment.

[5 June 1999]

Very funny, but still not as good as the show. The FX and sets are much better but unfortunately, kind of hurts it. It was the purposely cheesy sets that makes the show funny. Also, the film they trash, This Island Earth, is a bit too good for MST3K. It was one of the best and most big budgeted Sci-Fi films of the 50s. However, if you can get past those defects, the film is very well done. I saw this in theaters, and it was very exciting to see an MST episode on the big screen. It is also good on tape. They make great jokes, and some of the host segments are hilarous. This serves as great entertainment for anyone. This especially is funny for anyone who has never seen an MST3K episode.

Hour of the Wolf (1968)

A truly haunting and horrifying film.

[5 June 1999]

A painter is haunted by horrific nightmares with ghosts and demons. He and his wife try to leave their home and retreat to an exotic island, but the nightmares are even worse there! This Ingrid Bergman film truly plunges the viewer into a state of suspense. It has a similar effect on you that the Japanese film Kwaidan does, it takes you to a creepy world were demons live and insane apparitions haunt you. Really a beautifully made film.

Destroy All Monsters (1968)

The best Godzilla movie.

[10/10 · 5 June 1999]

This is certanly one of the best Godzilla movies. After years of disappearing of the video shelves and being one of the most obscure Godzilla films, it made appearances on the Sci-Fi channel and was released on video in a nicely dubbed version which was also apparently from some gorgeous Tohoscope letterboxed master. It features most of the monsters (Godzilla, Rodan. Mothra, Ghidrah, Minya, Anguirus, Manda, Baragon, Spigas, and Varan). However, there still are monsters they should of added (the H-men, the Matango, the Gragantuas, King Kong). OK, so the monsters are sent to monster island to live. However, evil alien women get mind control over the monsters (as well as some humans) and send the monsters out on a destruction spree and have the humans do their evil bidding. Eventually, the aliens' evil plan is stopped by clever Japanese scientists. The aliens send Ghidrah to kill Godzilla and friends and is defeated by the the monsters. If you have never seen a Godzilla film or are going to watch only one Godzilla film this year, watch this one.

The Mummy (1999)

Stupid.

[1/10 · 22 May 1999]

For the first thing, this film featured too many special effects! They sure got away with a lot for a PG-13 movie. The characters fire about 1,000,000 bullets in the whole film. Enough. The Mummy looked more like something from a George Romero movie than the classic mummy we all grew up with. It's even worse than Dean Devlin's treatment of poor old Godzilla. Don't see this film. It's a complete waste of two hours and it will just make you feel uncomfortable. The death scenes are also disturbing. The heroine is kinda cute though.

Zaat (1971)

Sarcasm-the weed of deceit!

[22 May 1999]

This noses out Manos, the Hands of Fate, Eegah, and Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy as the worst film ever made. This is basically Manos with underwater photography and a fish man replacing Torgo. There's also an insane scientist and unbelievably bad narration if not horrible abuse scenes. It's enough to make one drop their popcorn and run to the nearest entrance. The recent MST3K episode is one of my favorites.

Lost in Space (1965–1968)

The show ranges from very good to jaw droppingly bad!!

[22 May 1999]

The best episode of this is The War of the Robots, in which Robby the Robot makes a special appearance. I enjoy the episode soo much. The worst episode is certanly The Great Vegetable Rebellion. That show is so horrible it's perfectly worthy of MST3K. Everyone has great childhood memories about this show. I do. Another goody is the unaired pilot No Place to Hide.

PS: I still remember my childhood crush on Penny!

Frosty (1965)

An icy film.

[22 May 1999]

OK, to make this film, take some fairy tales and blend them up with a blender. Cinderella, Goldy Blocks, Snow White, Hansel and Gretel. Then add a pinch of Russian weirdness, a cute little girl, and a douce of bad dubbing. Pour it into a bowl and enjoy. This film is so damn weird. It dosn't have a plot. Great MST3K episode though.

The Three Caballeros (1944)

VERY surreal.

[18 April 1999]

I loved this film when I was little. Donald Duck gets a strange birthday present. At first he watches some films about birds. One of them is about a penguin that can't keep warm while the other is about a flying donkey. Then the film gets so surreal. He opens up a book and is miniaturised to a tiny size and meets a parrot named Joe who gives him a tour of Brazil. Then Donald is horrified to learn he is so small. Joe teaches him a magic chant to make him bigger but he does something wrong and becomes a balloon. Then everything is OK and they open up their last gift which is an odd Mexican rooster. He teaches them about Mexico and then the film gets very odd when Donald is lured by a strange star woman. Suddenly, he's being stomped by cactus monsters. This film is recommended to kids mainly, not to adults. This was my favorite film when I was four.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999)

In the not too distant future...............................................

[17 April 1999]

The greatest show ever created. I love it. Today there was soultaker, the season 10 premiere on and it was great!! The plot concerns a man (first Joel Hodgson, then Mike Nelson) trapped on a mysterious satellite orbiting Earth with his two wisecracking robots, Tom Servo and Crow. The mad scientists Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank (later replaced by Pearl Forrrester (Dr. F's mother), observer, and Prof. Bobo after Frank and Trace left the show) send them bad movie after bad movie. The bots and the guy sit in a theater and make nasty hilarious comments as well as perform skits. In Soultaker, TV's Frank and Joel come back. My three favorite episodes are Godzilla vs. Megalon, Manos, the Hands of Fate, and Wild Wild World of Batwoman. This show is a must see for fans of comedy, Sci-Fi, bad movies, or just anyone who's looking for a laugh to brighten up their evening.

The Last Dinosaur (1977)

A strange mix of America and Japan.

[17 April 1999]

Richard Boone goes to lost world via an expedition to hunt and kill the last dinosaur, a huge Godzillian Japanese T-rex. The people scenes in this film look very American while the special effects sequences look very Japanese. The T-Rex looks exactly like my plush dinosaur puppet.

Killers from Space (1954)

I am soo surprised it hasn't been done by MST3K!

[17 April 1999]

This film is soo jaw droppingly cheesy. The film begins with tons of atomic stock footage. Then the plot gets down to business. Peter Graves is a scientist kidnapped by jaw droppingly awful aliens with unbelievable eyes. They show him a bizzare montage of stock footage. Then everyone thinks he's insane when the aliens return him to civilization. I recommend this to any fans of bad movies, they will love it.

Robot Monster (1953)

To be like the hu-man................

[17 April 1999]

This is even cheesier than Killers from Space. A space gorilla wearing a space helmet with antennea named Ro-Man lives in a cave guarded by a bubble machine. He wipes out the whole human (or in Ro-Man's word's hu-man) race. However, a family of humans still survives. Thus, Ro-Man pursues them. This film is soooo cheesy. It problably cost a buck to make. It must be seen at a B-movie (along with Killers from Space) party to get the full effect. A must see with horrific dialogue, tons of stock footage, a ridiculous monster, and even the gruesome death of the cute little girl!

Popular Science (II) (1946)

Strange group of newsreel shorts.

[17 April 1999]

This is all about new strange sciences. This is like Bill Nye except with pretty weird Mondo Cane type documented science with gorgeous color photography and this narriator racing through his lines. I mannaged to catch some on AMC. One was about a futuristic kitchen so easy to work with housewives won't want to leave the kitchen (sexist or what?), another was about a man who makes pumpkins into scary faces and another was about the invention of TV and the strange programming they will show on it.

Mondo Mod (1967)

This film is a big tour through the world of the 60s.

[21 February 1999]

A teen hippie and surfer explains the world of the sixties with surfing, hippies, LSD, bickers, juvenile delinquents. Man do I wish that I lived in that time, but unfortunately I was born in 1981. This is quite a great colorful film, with long scenes all about the many goings on in the sixties. The party scene at the end was the best scene. Recommended!

It Came from Hollywood (1982)

Funny, a definite inspiration for MST3K.

[21 February 1999]

One of the reasons I liked this film so much was because it actually featured Guilala. Dan Aykroyd and John Candy make comments about the best and worst Sci-Fi movies like Plan 9 from Outer Space and other films by Ed Wood. It also features Attack of the Mushroom People and X from Outer Space. I loved it. Recommended to everybody.

Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)

The worst Godzilla movie ever made.

[1/10 · 21 February 1999]

Scientist builds a robot named Jet Jaguar with a hideous smile on his face. Meanwhile, a lost underwater continent named Seatopia gets ticked off because we keep destroying their world. So they send Megalon, a giant roach/dinosaur with drill arms that look like the Chrysler building and Gigan, the alien parrot with machetes for arms and a buzz saw on it's belly. Meanwhile, Seatopian spies try to steal Jet Jaguar and they manage it, until the scientist builds a device to get Jet Jaguar back in his power. Jet Jaguar then gets Godzilla and they begin one of the most ridiculous battles ever caught on film. The MST3K version was hilarious, one of my favorite episodes. I especially think that their song is funny. See the MST3K version!

Zone Fighter (1973)

Godzilla vs. Megalon the series !?

[21 February 1999]

Plot concerns a bunch of kids called the Zone family who become power ranger like superheroes to battle evil bugmen. One of the teens can become a giant ultraman superhero to take on giant monsters. Every episode of this show is painful to watch. After watching a two hour tape of this I felt so depressed (now I know how Joel, Mike and the bots feel after watching a bad movie). The only thing that saves this show are appearances by some of Toho kaiju often. Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Gigan, and Megalon all make appearaces.