evan-19 Reviews

Below (2002)

Thrilling

[9/10 · 13 October 2002]

Great B-movies are those genre pieces that dare to go thematically where many A-list movies shy away lest they alienate some of their audience. This taught submarine thriller explores the notion that, at war, you can find very bad men among the good guys just as you can find good people among the enemy. Obviously notions that junk like "U-571" wouldn't dare contemplate.

Credit the eerie script by Darren Aronofsky (among others) for creating a tight, claustrophobic scenario and identifiable characters. The witty dialogue offers just the right amount of comedy relief while David Twohy's direction builds suspense slowly until the horrific climax. The last image of this film carries the moral weight of a Greek tragedy; you really feel that justice has been served.

Feardotcom (2002)

Worst movie EVER!

[1/10 · 2 September 2002]

This is not a joke. This movie will make you look fondly upon Showgirls. It will make you reconsider Rollerball. It will make you appreciate Melanie Griffith's acting. This absolute muddled mess of an excuse of a joke of a film feels so recut and re-edited as to make any possibility of coherency moot. The film (shot in Luxembourg, doubling for New York) is laden with rotting European buildings and bizarrely accented supporting actors. The plot (ha!) deals with a serial killer who broadcasts his murders live on the web but can never be tracked down because -- get this -- he changes servers every time. One of his victims' ghosts takes over the internet in an effort to wreak vengeance on her killer. Which begs any number of questions: why doesn't the ghost go after the killer directly, why does the ghost kill cops trying to catch the killer and why doesn't the ghost -- who has the power to communicate over the net -- simply reveal the killer's whereabouts to the police?

Oh, that's right. There wouldn't be any movie if it made sense.

The Dirty Dozen (1967)

Glorifying war crimes

[1/10 · 7 August 2002]

"The Dirty Dozen" is really two movies: the first half is a hilarious, well-acted, thoroughly entertaining romp. That's probably what makes the second half so horrendous. The last half-hour deals with how the "heroes" we've come to like basically burn a bunch of helpless women to death. If this was a German film, circa the forties, we would see it as absolute confirmation of the fundamental evils of Naziism. But because it's an American film and those are "our" boys, not only don't we condemn it, we actually praise it.

Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.

Went the Day Well? (1942)

An unseen gem

[8/10 · 7 August 2002]

This superbly rendered propaganda film must have been seen by a young Jack Higgins as so many elements appear in his novel and subsequent film of the classic "Eagle Has Landed" -- albeit the much more sympathetic presentation of the Germans in the latter.

The really creepy thing about this film is that the Nazis, although unquestionably evil, show more restraint against their civilian prisoners than Bob Kerrey showed in Vietnam or that the "Dirty Dozen" showed against the female Germans they burn alive in the climax of that insanely over-praised flick.

Spy Game (2001)

Bad year for Redford

[1/10 · 16 July 2002]

"Spy Game" was Redford's second bomb in 2001, the first being the completely unwatchable "Last Castle." Judging from Redford's performance in both these films it really might be time for him to concentrate full time on directing. Really, this is an awful, awful film -- the kind that makes you grab anyone who liked it and shake them until they get some sense. The worst, among many, of ludicrous sequences is naturally the ending when the US essentially invade China, kill a bunch of Chinese soldiers and free a guy who -- let's face it -- had no business being there and was totally guilty. And to think some folks on this board call this the "thinking man's action film." Uh-huh.

Von Ryan's Express (1965)

Yawn

[1/10 · 13 March 2002]

Not only dull as dishwater but pretty unpleasant, too. Then again maybe there's an audience out there for guys who like their heroes shooting unarmed women in the back. As it stands, the downbeat ending that distressed so many Sinatra fans is only just.

The Last Witness (1999 TV Movie)

Surprisingly good

[9/10 · 19 February 2002]

The first half of Caracara is really quite terrific, slowly building suspense and carefully establishing character before a thrilling mid-point climax in which Henstridge thwarts the assassin's master plan. What follows is pretty generic stuff: the assassin goes off to silence all witnesses and our game leading lady races against time to catch him.

What absolutely distinguishes this fun rental is Natasha Henstridge. She's not only gorgeous and totally winning but an increasingly capable actress. If only she'd be more discerning when it comes to picking roles. The Whole Nine Yards and Ghosts of Mars are understandable choices as they offered her some exposure, but parts in Second Skin and A Better Way to Die are disastrous.

Henstridge is still quite young and has a good decade of leading roles ahead. Hopefully the films will improve -- she deserves better.

Shining Through (1992)

One of the funniest movies ever made

[1/10 · 31 January 2002]

The only thing funnier that watching this movie is reading the imdb reviews from people who liked it. We have: Melanie Griffith as a New York secretary sent into the heart of Nazi Germany because she bakes a mean struddle, Michael Douglas as the OSS spymaster who fools legions of dumb Nazi troops even though he doesn't speak a word of German -- by tying a bloody scarf around his throat and pretending he has a throat wound, Liam Neeson as a likeable German general with an Irish accent and Joely Richardson gamely acting out a role that calls for her to be a script plot device any time the action needs propelling. The final escape into Switzerland rivals any Naked Gun movie.

Also recommended, "A Stranger Amiong Us" where uber-WASP Melanie goes undercover in a Jewish Hassidic community.

And to the folks who liked this one, I got a masterpiece to recommend to you: it's called "Pearl Harbor." You'll love it.

Supernova (I) (2000)

Watchable escapist nonsense

[14 January 2000]

"Supernova" is no more than a passable big budget B-movie. The lead actors (Spader and Bassett) are really quite good in their roles and some interesting concepts are brought up (i.e. the origins of the alien artifact) but never fully developed. The film really doesn't seem any different from the string of endless "Alien" rip-offs like "Event Horizon" and the other low budget clones. Really, if "Supernova" had been made by Trimark for 4 million bucks it would have been a great effort. But coming from a big studio it's nothing more than a fairly efficient timekiller.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

The future of movies: go read a book.

[4/10 · 6 June 1999]

I have never commented on the IMDb before but after seeing the rating of 8 this... thing... got I really have to put in my two cents. First off, I'm stunned nobody has commented on the ridiculous notion that Anakin Skywalker -- later to become Darth Vader -- built C3P0. You'd think when R2D2 and C3P0 crash on Tatooine at the beginning of the first "Star Wars" they'd remember they had been there before, or at least when Luke Skywalker buys them, C3P0 would recall beeing created by someone with the same last name!!! Worse -- let's talk drama: how can you feel any suspense for your heroes when they outnumber the bad guy? The fight between Neeson, McGregor and Darth Maul is completely stacked in the Jedis favor. First, Maul is just an apprentice; second, we've never seen him fight before so we have no idea how good or powerful he is; third, it's two against one! Worse: Jar Jar. Does anyone understand a word this character says? Does anyone even care? And yes, he's a black stereotype, just as the bumbling Trade Federation duo are asian stereotypes and the fly-creature is an Arab. Ugh. Worse: our big hero, Anakin Skywalker, is nick-named "Annie." Annie! No wonder he turned evil. And he's played by the worse child actor on the planet. Not that the pros are any better. Portman and Neeson must have had a contest on who could be more wooden, McDarmid is a weasel with none of the menace the Emperor should have, McGregor looks really lost and the Darth Maul guy could have been great if he was in the movie for more than 30 seconds. Thinking back, I believe he only has three lines two of which are "Yes, master." What else? Oh, we're trapped in Tatooine for two-thirds of the movie and tortured with an endless space-chariot race ripped out of "Ben-Hur" that has minimal bearing on the rest of the plot. This movie could have been great, should have been great, and it woudn't have taken much. It would have been terrific if it was directed by George Lucas of "Star Wars" and "American Grafitti." Instead it was directed by the Lucas who created "Howard The Duck" and "Radioland Murders".